WALTER & MAY - December, 2008 Wet, Wild, and Wicked ®
I'm sorry.
I am deeply and desperately sorry.
I grieve for all of those who witnessed my obscene and arrhythmic gyrations in the pursuit of a bottle of rum during the toga contest.
If the image of my flapping genitals and glowing white ass has been burnt indelibly onto your retinas, then I offer you my eternal apologies. Try staring directly into the Jamaican sun for a few minutes. Maybe that will help.
Onward to other things!
For those who can't wait until the end of the report, here is a link to May’s picture diary:
http://mayday-world.piczo.com/?g=50112290&cr=4
Now, onward to other things!
Hedo-Buck Whores! That’s what we were called! Can you imagine someone saying a thing like that? How rude! I put it down to jealousy. Jealousy, and an inability to haul your ass off the lounger to compete for plastic gold coins, which, after the acquisition thereof, can be traded for bottles of rum, or t-shirts, or beach bags, of which we collected 5, 2, and 1, respectively.
We ended up giving away two bottles of rum and countless coins to those less fortunate than ourselves, but were we then addressed as Hedo-Buck Benefactors? No! We were still whores, but whores with hearts of gold plastic.
Sometimes the ECs failed to appear for a scheduled game, at which occurrence everyone would stand around complaining about the lack of an EC. I would suggest that we should just play the game ourselves (bocce-ball, volley-ball, whatever). This would be greeted with looks of puzzlement and “If we just do it ourselves we won’t get any coins!”, leading me to wonder just who the Hedo-Buck Whores really are. Anyway, the games were fun and we enjoyed the ECs.
Oh yeah! One more thing!
When you are playing a game at Hedo, it doesn’t frigging matter what the
hell the score is, except as a measure of how much longer the
game is going to last. When I’m lying on my death bed (probably
sometime next year if I keep carrying on like I do), I hardly
think that I’m going to regret not winning that volley-ball game
at Hedo. There are, however, a number of people who will happily
spike the ball down the throat of a sixty-year-old woman just so
they can collect two plastic gold coins instead of one. Just why
are they here, exactly?
We were asked to sign a “no-camera” form when we arrived. So were a lot of people. This was completely ignored on the beach, especially at sunset. I only saw one guy get pissed off when someone took a picture with him in the background. Shouting, bad language, real anger. The two parties (not us) got it sorted out, but I can’t help think that a polite request would have been just as effective but without the hard feelings.
While we’re on the subject, if anyone has any pictures of us, please send us copies to add to our collection. I was not as diligent as I usually am in capturing my lovely wife.
The catamaran cruise was a blast again. We pulled up alongside a textile boat at the snorkel site and I proceeded to verbally harangue them and threaten to come aboard and spank them all with a flipper. I demonstrated my resolve by spanking my own bare ass with said flipper for them, and that of another Hedonist (thanks Chuck!). They laughed in a tormented sort of way and then hit the throttles and powered away.
We also went to the caves on the cruise. I revisited the cave in which I was injured two years ago. Upon examination with the mask and snorkel it is plain to me that I got lucky that day. I could easily have died. Short story, if it’s rough on the water, stay out of the caves.
On the way back to Hedo, May and I rode in the net at the front of the Cat. We had a riot getting doused by the waves as the Cat ploughed through the water. I recommend it!
Single men on the beach were not a problem. One in particular participated in every activity that he could. However, he was on the outside looking in during the penis-painting activity. Quite the look of longing on his face, but this activity required a partner to do the artwork.
We almost won for the skimpiest costumes at the lingerie party, but we were edged out by a veteran. All good fun. I was approached by a professional lady at one point. She wrapped a leg around my back (very limber) and stuck what looked to be a six-inch tongue perilously close to my mouth. “I don’t think my wife would appreciate this,” I said. She left so fast that there was a vacuum in space for a moment that healed itself with an audible “pop!”
There were some extra single men at the lingerie party (not the cool single men with the WWW group. Others. Lurkers.) Man, what a pathetic bunch. If a guy like me can get a beautiful woman to accompany me and dance naked in my arms, I wonder how badly damaged these guys are that they can’t get a date and have to stand around in their track pants and stare at the rest of us having good clean sexy fun. Poor saps.
There was one shark in the hot tub that had targeted May while I was in another section talking with other people. However, some alert folk formed a defensive perimeter and that was that. It has been said before, but Hedo is about the people. However, it always pays to pay attention.
The erotic gift exchange was a lot of fun. It was well-run and snapped along nicely. There was a continuing theme regarding anal penetration which lent a certain tension to the proceedings. What a hoot!
May won the toga contest on the ladies side, and I won on the men’s. Once again, I apologize, but I figured that if I was going to beat STFU John, I would really have to go all out. Thanks to Vixen (EC). I think her help put me over the top.
May wore an outfit for every theme night, and I took great pleasure in promenading her about to show her off. So, yes, if anyone was wondering if that was what I was doing, yes, I was showing off my wife. I am unrepentant. And once again, if anyone has pictures of those perambulations, please forward them to us.
My greatest claim to fame was my home-made T-shirts. I put pictures of naked May on one of them, and the other had a life-size picture of May’s breasts. People would stare at the breasts and I would point to my face and say to them “My eyes are up here!” Gales of laughter. That shirt went missing somehow. If I see replicas of it for sale on the internet, I will be demanding royalties.
May’s new tattoo led to us meeting a lot of new people. Every day we had people stop us and ask us to explain her tattoo to them. Very flattering. I lost count of the number of times I had to explain it during the week, but it was good for breaking the ice with new friends.
PDAs? Yes! On the raft, on inflatables, on the nude bar, in the hot tub, on the beach. Was it too much? Not in the opinion of anyone I saw watching or heard commentating. It was just the Hedo ambience. Ahhhhhhhhhhh…yeah mon.
Swingers? Yes. And that too is ambience. Now, as a digression, I must admit that I am clueless about whether or not we are being “approached”. See, I don’t get signals. The reason I was never any good at baseball is because I could never tell if the coach was signaling me to slide into third or to go down on the shortstop. I just can’t read signals , and that’s assuming that I realize that a signal has been given in the first place. So if a woman is giving her husband some hand action while we discuss dinner reservations, is that a signal, or are they just really comfortable in front of us? If a man tells his wife to give me a quick blowjob, is that a signal or just good clean Hedo fun? I just don’t know. If someone asks “Are you swingers?” then that I can understand. (No.) Plain and simple. And to complicate matters, someone led me to believe that having a picture of my wife naked on my shirt was a signal. What? How do you work that out? To me it’s just Hedo fun to wear my wife’s breasts to dinner, but others seem to think I’m advertising. I am so confused. I just hope that if we were approached and I didn’t realize it, that the nice people weren’t offended by my lack of reaction. I wasn’t ignoring you, I’m just clueless.
We never went hungry and we never went thirsty. We ate at Pastafaris three times, Munasan twice and the buffet the rest of the time. We had lobster tails on the Friday. Mmmmmmmm. The food at the buffet was variable, but we always found something that we really liked. The resort was not that full so the bar service was relatively fast. No complaints about eating and drinking.
The bugs on the beach were bad. May got eaten quite a bit. We brought bug spray, but like idiots we never applied it.
Some people experienced problems with the resort, but as we had no problems ourselves we will let them list their issues in their own trip reports.
I've only related a tiny bit of the madness and fun. We had a great time and made a lot of new friends that we hope to see again soon. May is already bugging me about next year. Soon come!
Again, here is a link to May’s picture diary: