Iggy - 12/04

I'm not sure why, but every year my flight seems to be delayed for one reason or another. This year, the flight out of St Louis was on time, but the connection in Charlotte was an hour late because some poor lady had the wrong birth certificate. Since her luggage was already checked in KC where she was allowed to board with a bad birth certificate, her bags had to be located and taken off the plane. Can you imagine being 3 hours from paradise only to be told you cant get on the plane. I felt so bad! Not really. I dont know what was worse. Her leaving the house with a bad document or the idiots in KC accepting it.

We made up some time in the air and arrived at Sangster's only 30 minutes late. The flight took 2 hours and 20 minutes. Almost the same ammount of time it took me to clear immigration and customs. Actually, that is how long I waited in line. It only took me 2 minutes to clear. Finally, I am at the Hedo desk. I dropped my bags, gave them my name and waited outside in the warm sunlight. Two red stripes later we were ready to roll. It was nice to see Chris and Donna on the bus. Actually, they were on my flight from Charlotte, but I never saw them. After a short stop for more red stripes, the bus pulled up to the most welcome site since last December. I was home.

For the newbies reading this, it's a hard to explain the feeling you get when you see the front desk, the bellman, the palm tree's, the sound of guest's laughing in the dining room and the sun pounding down on you in 85 degree weather. It truly is Heaven. It was also Heaven to get off the bus and see Rayne and Jim at the front desk. Since I am never in a hurry at Hedo, I let everyone else from the bus check in first while I relaxed with another red stripe and enjoyed Rayne and Jim's company.

After everything settled down at the front desk, I checked in and grabbed the keys for room 2274. I snuck the bellman 5 bucks and told him I was going to stop by the bar for a red stripe and then walk to my room, so he could just leave the bags in front of the door. As always, I met so many great people on this trip, but as is the case most years, I met a few rude and obnoxious folks as well. The first did not take long to encounter. As I was making my way down the path toward my room, a nude couple strolled toward me. They stopped to inform me that this was the nude side of the resort and clothed people were not allowed. Just as I was about to say something, I noticed she had a copy of Chris' book on top of the 9 towels she was carrying. I asked her if I might look at it for a second. She handed it to me, I opened it to page 221, handed it back to her and told them to have a nice evening. You see, page 221 has a picture of me sitting naked at the pool smoking a Bob Marley joint. Nice way to start the trip. Being it was already 5:30, I got to my room, flung open the drapes and widow and decided to take a shower and get ready for dinner. I really wanted to see everyone that night, but I was so tired. I was finshed with dinner by 8 o'clock and was asleep by 8:30. Tommorrow my vacation would start.

As most know, I'm usually a pool guy. So I took my usual spot in the corner of the pool by the cave. It was nice to see Ursula and Keith in their normal spot. Just as I settled in for a little sun, Quint and Kris came over to let me know everyone was down on the beach. As we approached the beach, I got goose bumps as I saw all the familiar faces I had not seen in a year, and in some cases, 2 or 3 years. Bob and Franny, Wendy and Kevin, Darren and Amy, Jim and Rayne, my unofficial date for the week Debbie, Chris and Donna, and Scott and Jody. Damn I missed you guys!

I would spend the next week hanging at the beach with the best group of people in the world. Everyday even more laughs and stories than the day before. It doesn't get any better than this. Even Quint's dick tricks never got old. Well, maybe a little old, but the girls seemed to love them. The dick tricks are legendary. Quint did them on the piano one night and 5 girls from the Prude side asked if he was the guy would did the dick tricks? Quint's even a legend on the boring side of the resort.

Everyday was spent lying on the beach, floating, laughing, trying to get the big boob'ed woman from Point Village to join us, drinking Heineken at 3pm, and watching Bob take 1 of his 500 pictures. That camera sure got a workout. The great thing about it was that Bob brought down a printer as well. Bob would go back to his room after breakfast and print some of the more memorable pictures from the night before and hand them out to the group. What a sweetheart. I'll mention this again later in the report, but Bob and Franny are 2 of the most wonderful people I have ever met. We missed them last year, but they are one of the biggest reasons why this was one of my best trips ever.

There were so many highlights to this trip, I guess I better start mentioning them before this turns into a 400 page novel. Fortunatley, I was not one of the 40 or so people who got sick during the trip. But I had my fair share of trips to the nurses station. Day one I tried to clean my own ears with a q-tip. Bad idea. I pushed the wax into my ear drum. I could not hear out of my left ear the entire day. The nurse said she did not have the equipment to clean them and would have to call in a Doctor. 1 hour and $130.00 later, I was good as new. 2 days later I woke up with worst tooth ache ever. After waiting a day to see if it would go away, to no avail, I once again called the nurse. Nothing on property, but she would call the pharmacy for some numbing gel. 2 hours and $18.00 dollars later the gel arrived and the tooth ache was gone. I kind of wish I would have gotten the stomach virus instead. I would have recieved a few free days and saved $148.00. I am sorry for all the people getting sick. I dont believe they ever pinpointed the problem, but I hope everyone is fine.

Something else I would suggest for the newbies is to go off property now and then. 2 of the more enjoyable nights were spent at Xtabi for dinner and Roots Bamboo for reggae on the beach. What a wonderful night at Xtabi. Dinner overlooking the cliff with 20 great friends and the best fritters and lobster thermadore I have ever had. Great food, great conversation and great friends. Thanks guys! It doesn't get any better than that.

A lot has been stated about Mr. Bourke setting guidelines for the resort, but the sex police were no where to be found, and I'm sure the lady from South Africa was happy about that. Now I wasn't around the entire time, so I may be off a few, but we counted 87 times she either blew or banged a guy. On his first day there, my buddy John passed out drunk in a lounge chair up by the pool bar. I found out from a couple later that night that she blew him to try and wake him up. Sometimes it does'nt pay to drink too much. Not only did he get a BJ he'll never remember, but it was his 22nd visit and he missed the repeaters party. 16 trips won. I was walking to my room one afternoon and saw South Africa and her hubby standing in the walkway in front of room 2180. As I walked by and said hello, she stopped me and said, " Sorry, but when I see a dick, I just have to suck it " I'm not one to turn down a good BJ, but there had been way too many dicks in that mouth, so I politely said I was meeting someone for a drink and was late. 5 minutes later while getting ready to take a shower, I hear this moaning sound from under my window. I look outside and there is South Africa banging cockring guy while she blew another guy and hubby watching. It was the 4th time that week she fucked cockring guy. I'm sure if you were there, you noticed cockring guy. He walked around the beach and pool with a constant hard-on. One day I was getting out of the pool as he walked by and the thing almost poked my eye out. He fell asleep in a lounge chair one day with a hard-on, so I borrowed some rings from Ray Ray and we played ring toss until he woke up.

I guess the worst part of the trip was seeing all the people getting sick after Friday's lobster night. I still say it was from eating undercooked lobster tails, but I'm not sure we will ever know the cause. I heard it was not limited to Hedo, and that the other resorts were reporting wide spread stomach virus' also. All except Grand Lido. Many people visited the nurse. Keith even had to be hooked up to 2 IV's. The nurse asked him for a stool sample. He said no problem, give me 30 seconds. I would not want to be the one holding the cup for that sample. My boy Butch also got sick. He'll probably kill me for telling this story, but I still laugh when I think about it. He was so sick he couldn't even get out of bed. One night while lying there, he thought he had to fart. He let out a big one and fell asleep. When he woke up the next morning, his room smelled like crap. Thats because it was crap. Instead of farting, he shit his bed. Try explaining that one to the maid.

Other than a few missing tree's and plants, you would not have known the resort was hit by a hurricane. The grounds were immaculate as usual, and the room renovations are almost complete. The last 7 rooms were being finished as of last week. We snuck into the private hottub outside room 2150 and it was very relaxing. Not sure how those will be accepted, but if you are not into crowds while being romantic, you will love the addition. Mr Bourke and his staff are working hard to upgrade the resort and need to be commended.

There will always be a few of those on every trip. Here are a few tips. When you walk up to the bar and notice 4 other people waiting for drinks, dont shout out " 2 mudslides " when you know you were'nt next. Dont bring attention to yourself by doing things such as, handstands on the swimming pool tables, walking around with a constant hard, laying at pool with shorts on and telling people to mind their own buisness when asked to remove them, wearing propellers on top of your head, wading over from Point Village to the Hedo side and staring at the beach while you jerkoff, and telling South Africa that " you blew him, why wont you blow me"

Bob & Fran. Where do I start. Thank you for being there this year. We missed you so much last year. Thank you for the pictures everday, the 3 o'clock Heineken's, the Maui Babe, the trip to Roots Bamboo, the laughs, and most of all, for being the caring people you both are. I love you guys and I'll see you in April at Killingtons.

Quint & Kris. If all cops and nurses were like you guys, I would get pulled over and taken to the hospital everday. I remember Kris' first trip to Hedo with Q. She was so worried she wouldn't fit into the group. Baby, not only do you fit in, you are one of the main reasons why the group is so much fun. I remember how much I laughed the first time I met Quint, and I have'nt stopped laughing since. You are amazing. In the span of 30 minutes one night in the piano bar, he went from doing dick tricks to a conversation on why the Merlot's of France are better than California Cabernet's. A man of many talents. I'm proud to call you both friends and thank you for the best beach buzz Hedo has ever seen.

Rayne & Jim. I get to know you both a little better with every trip. I loved talking sports with Jim. I love everything about you Rayne. What a sweet couple. I was so touched by the picture frames you gave everyone. Mine is sitting on my desk at work. All the guys walk by and ask who's the hot chick? People say what happens at Hedo stays at Hedo. The time spent with you guys will not only stay at Hedo, it will stay in my memories for ever.

Darren & Amy. I was so happy to see you both this year. It had been 2 years. PJ night was one of the best times in all of my trips to Hedo. My stomach still hurts from all the laughing, mainly do to the both of you. I cant imagine a sweeter couple exists any where in the world. I'm glad the bar is doing well, and if they ever legalize cloning, I'll pay to have you cloned Amy and sent to St Louis.

Kevin & Wendy. After that Friday night, you both made me wish I owned a jewlery store. Thanks for a great time and all the laughs. By the way, there was no flying fish with red hair and sunglasses, but I'm guessing the cake was good. Thanks Kevin for no water baloons this year. My balls are still recovering for last year. I did get a kiss from Wendy out of the deal, so it was worth it.

Sue & Ken. This was the first time meeting you both. All I can say is thank you. What a fun girl. Ken was kind of quiet, but with a wife like Sue, all you can do is sit back and take it all in. The most spontaneous woman I've ever met. Some of the things you said baby really will stay at Hedo. I look forward to seeing you both again next year.

Tom & Wendy. One of the highlights of the trip was Quint pouring a cooler of ice on Wendy's back while she was reading Jenna Jamison's " How to give a better blow job " book. Remember Wendy, dont forget the scrotum. I only got one non sexual boner all week, and that was when Wendy took off her thong at the waterslide one night. I meant what I told you that night sweety. Best I've ever seen!

Scott & Jody. Always good to see my Packer buddies every year. Sorry Jody got sick. Hope she is doing better. It was my pleasure getting your drinks all week. Hey, a bets a bet. Never did decide what I would have gotten if I had won. Well, one can dream. Stay warm and look forward to next year. Thanks for not using all my towels.

Butch & John. As always, it wouldn't be the same without you guys there. I've know you both from day one and I can truly say you guys are friends for life. You make me laugh and keep me company at the pool and at dinner. Hope there was an abundance of hookers after I left, because I think there were only 4 people staying at the resort on my depature. Of course, that still wouldn't have helped John. Thanks boys. You're the best.

Todd & Shelley, Guy & Denise, Double D & Mrs. Double D, Pat & Rupe, Hillary, Boston Mike & Patty, Diane, Keith & Ursula, John & Charlotte, Ian & Angela, Randy & Jean, Bernie & Elaine, Jake & Hazel, Bill & Sandy, Mikey & Julia, Chuck & Lynn, Billy, and anyone else who I forgot. It is always nice to see you guys each year and thanks for making this one of the best trips ever.

Last but not least, Denny P. The man responsible for this monster we call WWW. Thank you for making sure everyone has a great time. Through your hard work and timeless effort, you give us all a place to meet 24/7 365 days a year and relive our memories. Without you none of this would be possible. I dont know how many people have gone to Hedo because of you, but I believe Hedo should make you a partner, because without you, Hedo would be half empty most of the year. Thanks buddy. You are the best.

In closing, I have some Christmas presents to hand out to a few individuals. To Quint, a new book on dick tricks. Kris, an ear cleaning kit for next year. Bob, an unlimited amount of printing paper and 5 cases of Heineken. Darren, 4 cases of red bull and a year's subscription to Pussy Jackal. South Africa, a shot of penicillin. Butch, a roll of toilet paper and new sheets. John, a blow job he will actually remember. And to everyone, a happy and prosperous New Year.

Once again for the newbies, this is what Hedo is all about. Great friends, great times, great stories, laughing while you're there and crying when it's time to go. And having memories that will last you a lifetime. Thanks again to everyone for making this one of the best trips ever. I love all you guys so much. See ya next year.

Iggy

Iggy - December, 2004 Wet, Wild and Wicked