Iggy - December, 2003 Wet, Wild, and Wicked

                                          Decemeber 7th-21st

First off, let me say how great it was to meet so many wonderful people on this trip. It is always a pleasure to see so many familiar faces in December, but there were many new faces this year and it was great meeting most of them. I think most of the praise must go to Denny and the wonderful job he does with this site. Now on to the trip report.

As with most of my trip reports, I wont critique my trip day to day . Instead I will just go over the highlites, and a few lowlites.

I normally take a 7am flight and arrive at MoBay by 11:30. This year however, I traded a travel agent a round trip ticket in exchange for some spots on my golf show. What a mistake. I was booked on Champion Air for a 3:40 flight. The flight left the ground at 7pm. I arrived at MoBay at 11:45. I arrived at Hedo at 2am. Two of my bags arrived with me, my carry on and my golf clubs. The other bag arrived at Breezes Runaway Bay. The bag was deliever to Hedo at 6:45 pm the following night. No biggie since I did not need any clothes until dinner anyway.

Considering it was after 2am, the only thing open was the disco. So I perched myself at the bar for a few scoth and waters to unwind from a hectic day. Much to my surprise, the first people I see are Mr. K and Lady V. It was a surprise because they informed everyone they could not make it to Hedo this year. They will be mentioned quite often in this report because they are very special people. I had 3 dewars, one for every hooker that approached me. What happened to the old days where you saw maybe 2 hookers the entire trip. It really is getting bad and quite annoying. Although, it's the only way for the Vinnies and Wallies to get laid, so I guess it's not a bad thing. Quite a few Vinnie stories to tell from this trip. I'll get to them later. Well, off to bed for about a 4 hour nap.

As many of you know, I like to lay in the same spot every year. I set up 2 chairs in the coner of the pool, between the coldtub and the cave. One chair for me and the other for eveyone to put their stuff on. The community chair if you will. I will occasionaly go to the beach around 4pm to catch the last of the sun, but I am mainly a pool guy. It seemed a lot more www'ers hung at the pool this year compared to last year. Last year I had a few get upset with me for throwing a ball back and forth. No problem this year as there were plenty of beach balls in the pool. Some did get upset at Rick for continuely hitting there balls out of the pool. He told them he just sucked at volleyball, but I think they caught on after a while. Most days were spent at the pool, which was followed by a pot of coffee in the room at around 5:30. I enjoy sitting outside my door with a cup of coffee, enjoying the quiet and watching the hummingbirds get their last bit of nourishment before dark. Then a shower and off to meet Butch for drinks around 7pm. This was pretty much my routine everyday. I did go shopping with MJ and Mark 3 days in a row due to shitty weather, and I did play golf at Cinnamon Hills one day. Other than that, most days were the same. Relax, laugh and enjoy.

                                       Moments to remember

As I stated earlier, Mr K and Lady V are special people and were a big part of this trip. There were days I had to suck on a halls cough drop to sooth my throat from all the laughing I did. Like the night of the pool party when Mr. K was carrying 10 drinks to our table on a tray and spilt them in front of commedian Judy Tunnata's table. The porter came out, mopped up the floor and put a " Caution Wet Floor " sign in front of her table. Mr K took a piece of paper and wrote pussy on it, then proceeded to stick it over the word floor on the sign. He then asked Judy to wave to the camera as he snapped her picture. She had no idea she was posing for a picture in front of a " Caution Wet Pussy " sign. Judy was not a big fan of mine considering she sat at my table one night and I had no idea who she was.

Mr K was also the star of the pool party later that evening. He started by grabbing the mic from Chubby and throwing him in the pool and taking over the mc duties. He proceeded to push no less than 15 people in the pool, all the while, running back to the gazebo and dancing like nothing happened. Everyone was laughing, even the people he pushed in the pool, including Chubby, an EC. That was until Mr K pushed the head EC into the pool. I believe her name is Simone. She went balistic. She left and came back no less than 3 times, screaming at Mr K and Lady V. On one occasion, she took off her wet hat and threw it at Lady V, causing Lady V to break down into tears. Then, a so called boyfriend of Simones, threatened Mr K and said if he came into the disco he would kick his ass. I though the behavior of Simone was appauling. The funniest thing was the ace bandage she wore on her wrist the next 10 days after saying she injured it when she was pushed in the pool. Funny considering she landed on her feet. Chubby, Sheeka, Ashly, Junior, Ray Ray and the rest of the EC'S bust their ass'es to make sure all the guests have a good time. It's a shame their boss has to be such a tight ass incapable of having fun.

Mr K is also known for writing his own lyrics to popular songs and singing them in Veronikas. This year was no exception. As a matter of fact, his Hedo anthem, " We're all horny on the nude side " became so popular, it was sung at the pool on an everyday basis.

Last year, my weapon of choice was a beanbag ball that I targeted at various objects, including Rupe. This year, Randy replaced the beanbag with waterballons, that he filled using the jets in the cold tub. I was surprised he found one not occupied by a female. It was fun until someone tossed one into the bar and knocked over a few bottles. Kevin did get a nice shot at me that hit me square in the side of the face. Good shot considering he was so drunk he could not have hit his own face from 6 inches away. Some people came up to me and thought I should be pissed. Come on now! This Hedo. It's all in fun and almost nothing piss'es me off. With that said, I have to relay 2 stories from this trip that did indeed piss me off. I will be the first to say that Hedo is all about fun. But those that know me realize I always say whats on my mind, and these 2 stories can not go unmentioned.

The single guys on this years trip were the worst bunch of Vinnies I have seen in all my years of going to Hedo. They all stayed on the prude side, came to the nude beach clothed to eat at Roberts and gawk, and pounce on every woman that entered the disco wheather they were alone or with someone. I know they all cant be as nice as Butch, Jake, Louie and the other great single guys at Hedo, but these morons were the worst of all time.
It was the night of the PJ party and some of us were hanging out at the prude pool chatting and getting ready to go down the waterslide. I noticed to Vinnies standing by the steps to the waterslide hoping to see some nekkid people. MJ said she would go get some towels. As she headed to the other side of the pool , she was stopped by the 2 Vinnies. MJ is one of the nicest people you will ever meet and has no idea how to handle idiots like these 2. So I walked over, grabbed her hand and led her away from them and headed to get towels. As we passed by the 2 on our way back to our chairs, one of them said " So you're with this cocksucker " At first I felt sorry for them. These two couldnt get laid in a whore house with a $100.00 in their hand. Then I got pissed off thinking these guys were calling me a cocksucker as they stood by the steps hoping to see nekkid people. I decided to walk away until he called MJ a slut. I'm not the violent type, but as I went to smash this asshole in the mouth, MJ pulled me away and said it was no big deal. We finally got a security guard to escort them away from the waterslide, but it ruined the nice time we were having and pissed me off even more every time I saw Vinnies on the nude beach with all their clothes on just gawking at all the nekkid people.

This is a  more amusing Vinnie story. One night at dinner, I overheard a Vinnie who had just checked in talking to one of the young Jamaican dining room staff workers. He actually asked this girl " where was a good place to meet a single girl, not one of those black jamaican hookers." 4 days later, I see the Vinnie in question, walking hand in hand through the dining room with, you guessed it, one of those " black Jamaican hookers." This guy was truly the definition of a Vinnie. What a jerkoff.

On another occasion, we were in Veronikas and noticed another Vinnie sitting with a hooker. Angie decided to do piece by piece when this hooker decides to join Angie on the piano. Angies husband Eddie walks over to the piano to take some pictures of his lovely wife. This Vinnie walks over to Eddie, grabs his camera, and screams, " Stop taking pictures of my girlfriend. "  How sad is it when these guys consider hookers their girlfriends. The, umm, girlfriend, must have really liked this guy. By the end of the evening, she was seen slapping the guy, throwing a drink on him while she screamed, " Wheres my money "
Are you getting all this Santilli?  Not all of the memorable moments were negative, it just so happens these stuck out above the others.

                                           The Resort

I stayed in room 2275, one of the remodled rooms. No big deal. Personally, i dont care for the gray trim. I would like to see a more tropical color. The shower was nice. Glass doors with 5 shower heads. I would suggest they check some of the tables and dressers. Mine were invested with ants. Every time I banged the table ants came pouring out of the cracks.

I personally enjoy the food at Hedo. Although, not many of the items have changed over the last 5 years. The duckling, chicken, ribeye and crab cakes were my favorites. The absense of lobster tails was very disappointing. They were served for the WWW party in Pastafari, but that was the only night.  Pastafari was excellent on the 3 nights we ate there. Michael, or pumpkin as MJ called him, was coordial and very accomodating to our requests.

                                          Outside the Resort

I ventured off property more this trip than of my previous trips. Times Square is more of a tourist hang out where as Sunshine Plaza is where you will find a lot of locals. I prefer Sunshine Plaza because I enjoy hanging out with the locals and soaking up that atmosphere. Both markets offer a wide variety of goods and souveniors. The trips off property are made more enjoyable if you have a good taxi cab driver. My choice each year is Ragga Ragga, or, as we like to call him, Ragga Muffin. I would suggest you use Ragga when ever he is around. His cell number for your next trip is, 335 4986. He takes you where you want to go, stays with you until you are ready to leave, and tells you to pay him whatever you think is fair. Depending on where we go, we usually pay him about 10 bucks a person.

One day we asked Ragga to take us somewhere for good jerk chicken. He took us to place across from Times Square called Bourbon Beach. I had never been there before, and all I can say is, WOW. If you have never been there, I suggest you stop by on your next trip to Hedo. It is right on the beach. The chicken is cooked over sweet wood and it's the best jerk sauce I have ever tasted. Mark actually talked the guy into selling him 2 bottles. He doesnt sell it per say, so he filled to ting bottles with the sauce and charged Mark $15.00. We then walked down to the beach and bought a few bracelets and necklaces. This place also has rooms for rent. You walk upstairs and they have 7 very clean rooms for $50.00 a night. There is a huge hottub in the middle of this circle, surrounded by a bar and stage where live reggae bands play every weekend. I truly suggest that everyone make it point to check out Bourbon Beach on their next trip. With all due respect to Robert, this was the best jerk chicken I have ever had.

                                                       The staff

As always, the staff at Hedo was outstanding. The dining room staff, maids, EC's, gounds keepers, pool and watersport guys, management and security guards were as friendly and accomodating as could be. Security guard Karan tried to keep the clothed people off the nude beach. It was tough considering that there seemed to be about 50 an hour, but she kept them all at bay, saying that we deserved our privacy from the gawkers.
Anthony always kept the pool and hottub clean while Augustus was his old charming self.
Delroy, Scumba, Alicia and the rest of the bartenders were as prompt as could be and always with a smile.
The dining room staff never changes. Usually the same people, always smiling and ready to help. A special thanks toTeddy, Norman and Marcia.
Thanks to Natalia and Rory at the front desk. Thanks also to Faye for arranging that 4am bus to take me to Half Moon to play golf.
A very special thanks to Mr. Bourke for the nice chat in his office. We have agreed to bring my radio show to Hedo fron April 17th-24th. Hopefully, many of you can come the week of the show. It should be fun.
The staff always make the trip more enjoyable, and this year was no exception. Hats off to the the staff and management at Hedo for a job well done.

                                                 The Entertainment

It's always a pleasure to listen to Dave play the piano and enjoy his special brand of humor. The EC's were outstanding on talent night. The steel drum band on Friday night's is the best I have ever seen. They need to be signed to a long term contract. The art auction needs to go. It is held twice a week now. It is boring and no one ever buys anything. Probably because he is selling $30.00 reprints for $200.00. Eddie had the best line to describe this snoozefest. He said the paintings are so cheap, they fold them into 8th's and mail them to you in a regular envelope with a 37 cent stamp.

                                                     The People

As most of us have said from day one, it's the people you meet at Hedo that make us all come back.
Sorry I missed Quint and Chris by a day. I understand Quints dick tricks were a hit. I guess you added more than just the allien to your arsenal.
It was nice to spend Pam and Kevins last day at the pool together.
I'm glad I got to spend more time this year getting to know Kevin and Wendy a little better. Wendy is a sweetheart and a great water arobics instructor while Kevin is one funny dude. I owe a water baloon in the face next year.
Thanks to Pat and Rupe, Diane, Mr and Mrs Double D, Bernie and Elaine, Chuck and Lynn, Keith and Ursula, Frank and his girlfriend, Jim and Tricia,  John and Charlotte and especially Denny P for making a single guy feel at home and making my trip more enjoyable. You guys are great. To Brian and Deb. I dont know why it happends, but this the 3rd time we were there at the same time and never ran into each other. Maybe next year.

Everyone I meet at Hedo are special people, but I want to single out a few who I consider dear friends the other 51 weeks of the year.
My buddy Butch is a great guy and a great friend. I always enjoy our chats at the pool and at dinner. Thanks buddy. Tell John to dump that hangmans noose he calls a girlfriend and join us next year. He was better off with the hookers. Well, except for the one that told him she was busy watching the circus act. OUCH!!!!
Randy and Jean. I always look forward to seeing you guys. Thanks again for the time we spent together.
Jim and Rayne. It was nice talking sports with Jim and just being next to Rayne is a treat for me. It was moving to see Rayne cry when she said goodbye to everyone. It just shows how special Hedo friends are.
It was nice to see Jeff and Loretta back at Hedo in December after a 3 year hiatus. I met them on my first visit 10 years ago. You guys have meant a lot to me over the years and were the main reason i came back the 2nd time. Thanks for the ornament Loretta. I love you guys.
Steph and Rick and their friends Eddie and Angie. It took Eddie a few days to loosen up, but when he did there was no stopping him. After the 3rd day I asked Rick if this guy ever talked. After day 4 I asked Rick if the guy ever shut up. I'm glad I got to meet you both and look forward to seeingyou again next year. Rick and Steph are a very special couple. I met them 3 years ago and have kept in touch with them for one reason, I love them both. Rick keeps me in stitches and Steph is the most beautiful, down to earth person you will ever meet. Thanks guys. I'm honored to call you friends.
I met MJ and Mark last year and basically spent my entire last week with them this year. We hung out at dinner, went shopping, went down the waterslide, and just had a great time. I hope you guys know how much you mean to me. Just dont tell MJ thats its your birthday. Trust me.
Thanks again guys.
Last but not least, Mr K and Lady V. You guys make me laugh as well as cry. I do things around you I would not normally do. Like dance naked in the disco and drink coconut rum at 2pm, even though I asked for a plain pinapple juice. You make me laugh for 10 days while you are there and make me cry for 10 minutes once you get on the bus. It would take me a week to talk about all the fun times I had with the both of you. My trip would have been half as much fun had you not been there. You are both very special to me and I love you both will all my heart. By the way Mr K, you are co hosting the radio show with me from April 17th-24th. Make your plans accordingly.
There was one couple I left out. They were very rude on 2 occasions in the piano bar. They were especially rude to MJ. They made fun of her singing and screamed during her number. They also said they were leaving to find real entertainment. I will chalk you behavior up to being drunk. Unfortunatly, they are both drunk most of the time. The funny thing is that this guy sings the same song every year in a drunken stooper and no one bothers him. You should really show the same respect to others. I only bring this up because it is not the first year this couple has offended someone. I will not mention their names because most of you know who they are and I'm not going to embarass them the way they embarassed MJ. My only suggestion to you would be to try and stay sober for a day or two. You might acually enjoy yourselves. Like I said, I speak my mind and I just wanted them to know their comments were offensive and in poor taste.

So there you go. Another trip has come and gone. There were a few negative times, but were far outweighed by the good times. I want to thank everyone for making my trip such an enjoyable one. I know the DIF is settling in, but like we say, you have to leave in order to come back. Thanks again to Denny for this website, where we can all relive Hedo 24/7, 365 days a year.
Lets all keep in touch and I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and the best of the Holiday Season.

                                                    Much Love