Day four, 4:30 p.m. cool pool... 

(Quiet ensues ....then )  

(Another moment passes....then)    

(Group stares, Wendy yawns, Val looks at her nails, another extended pause)  

 "Another Cheeseburger  ... Another day in Paradise"  

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... just another cheeseburger , just another day.

Yah, 01w undoubtedly was the best to date, despite the absence of our infamous jerk sauce duo! ... yes Steith, ya'll were truly missed..... Butt new hedo heights were reached -- in personal achievements, pda's, and wanton corruption; all thought not imaginable by this writer.  In the paragraphs, which follow, few names have been changed since the guilty know who they are.

Achievement:  00w’s hot tub's jerk sauce fondue was surpassed by Dennis, hedo's new menace, our FDNY hero, and the ultimate male-in-motion.  Superman's many exploits underwater and above will be remembered, but Dennis took us all to a new level of pain when he eye washed his own corneas with Appleton White Overproof.  Thanks Dennis, because for a brief moment your screams of pain temporarily drowned out the relentless, pounding and incessant Reggae. 

Achievement: www's own little bonita, the lovely Marina made trips (plural) away from the p-side this year, but finally through the soft and gentile coaching of the Danimal, our little bonita finally showed us her charms.  Our little 'honey jar' was finally liberated, and all the bees stiffened to attention. 

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... But, let's start back at day one, cause getting here is always fun.  Most of ya'll fly the Timair balsa-wood wonder.  Your Governor, however, does not.  Just like the election I delivered during 00w, I maintain vigilance and a silent reputation over the local public sector here, as well.  This year again, highway construction fraud, and the associated annual delays, seem appropriate again for comment.   

To wit,  Le-Bus from MoBay-e-Sharif through Taliban land set a new record.  For each of the past 5 years, as more concrete 'got laid' the extended length of the road trip never seemed to change, except this year, the year of 01w.  This year the trip LENGTHENED.   

Here's how it is done, Mon.  As we pour the new link sections, we create rocky, pothole detours down the 70-foot seaward embankments.  Then when it rains, the detours become equally impassible, frustrating both those arriving, impatient guests, and those pathetic limp or frigid ones departing each day.   

Butt privately, the local jamaica-mafia just says 'fuck it'.  'Timair pays us handsomely to drag out the road and bridge construction projects, and will probably do so for 5 more years'.  And we all know who owns Timair, don't we Issa-mon?  When your Governor is at hedo, the only Florida constituents I need answer to are the negril barber and barbarette, and free beer for Billy and back rubs for Annie keep them happy ...  But it's your hedo host who squeezes ya'll the most, going and cumming.  Round trip Timairs just net him more hedobucks.

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and from the creators of Amoxicillin ...

Nevertheless, two and one half hours later, and just west of Jalalabad is our own little Bora Bora, known now as Hedo 2.5.  Many of ya'll are still paying for it, not with next season's rate gouge but with raw throats, sinus cold infections, and a new strain of the H25 jamaica-virus that best manifests in your chests once back on north american soil.   

Yah, the Chr-Issa-tmas present to the 01w group this year was not the normal missing lobster, nor the shortage of Bacardi; but the corners cut in room hygiene.  For forgetting your Lysol this year, ya'll (and your kids) probably have joined your Governor in paying the 'after-hedo2.5' surcharge, for amoxicillin and cipro.  ... Remember how Ross Perot always said on CNN, "Larry, don't worry about me!  I'll be fine!"  Well... 01w travelers, don't you worry your precious buns about Issa-Mon, either.  He's long a yard of Glaxo SmithKline, both common and preferred.

Merry Christmas, Mon! 

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...Back to the fun: 

Crime: Seven water bombs, footballs and water Frisbees went missing.  Here’s why: Bob's play-ball-pal, Val, has a water bomb fetish.  First she incites play with a little pout.  Bombs are gently but carefully arch-lobbed onto her, at her or over her.  Butt, Val returns fire with wimpy too low girl-throws, and off course of course.   As a result, walley 3 takes it in the face, gets pissed, and hides the ball. Result: Ball game over!   Quickly we ran out of balls. 

Corruption: This writer never makes the late night early a.m. hot tub due to Scumba's liberating Libre's and my subsequently induced stupor, however the late afternoon 01w hot tub alone, set new season records with honey raids, chocolate nipples, limb massages and the general harvesting of lumber.  What was truly astonishing, was both the quantity and quality of chickens which were jerked this winter.  On day one alone, 'Levels were reached not even Weyerhaeuser could’, remarked Lady Diane who Makes Wood; who then subsequently stated, 'I for one don't intend to be the topic of a first day trip report'.  ... Sorry, Sweetie, you are.  :)   

Unique personalities:

How about that Zilla ... the ultimate squeeze, and super person.  What a lucky man diver Dave is.  Dave does underwater caverns, caves, and reefs, all morning as we scuba'd negril bay, but when lunch time rolls around, he swims back to the pool bar to the cutest NBH's.   'K', I still can't believe how you got that zilly name. 

And those guys from Wyoming:

The I-man and divefreeek have been scuba buddies for two consecutive w's.  We hook up annually after he performs an exhaustive tree-nut toxin check on the lovely Karla, a delicate flower much too sensitive for this world.  On 01w however, Karla the Lovely, arrived with facial bruises, which the I-man later confessed were a result of rough foreplay during the long red-eye in the mile high club.   ....   On day eight, however, Karla inflicted payback.  I-man's eyes, nose, and lips, took on an eerie black and blue tinge.  He'll tell you it was from a scuba mask squeeze, but we suspect it was really due to face asphyxiation shortly after one infamous night in the piano bar.  

Kris, Joe, Christie, and Brett:

It's not that you belong in one erotic lump together, butt ya'll did own a corner for the week.  I really have not met two more pleasant, gentlemen than Brett and Joe (well, maybe Bruce of DJ and Green Bay) and two more rambunctiously fun women than your wonderful ladies.  Kris (aka Krissy to me) and her partner in crime, Christie, gave every day a new spin of fun in the sun.  Certainly Dennis agrees.   

More Corruption:    01w set new limits on mischief making; butt in each case Margie Mischief was in the center of it. As queen of raft massage and princess of hot tub intrigue, Marg was stroked as carefully and as consistently as Tiger's grand slam eagle putts.  Yet, it was those places which she went and those events which she organized, that 'we on the outside looking in' can only drool of.  An example? Ok?  What is the only thing that walks more tentatively, than our inebriated bonita trying to get back to her room?  Answer: a wobbly Wicked Kitty, struggling to make her way back to the cool pool, after a casting call with Mr. Sybian ... the interview arranged by our Margie Mischief.   

Unique personalities:

Then there is Jim and Leesa, ya'll know them.  They are from some little town up Calgary way.  For such a quiet, discreet,  couple, they certainly raise hell, don't they?  Jim will constantly remind you how much noise you are not permitted to make at Pastafari's, as he proceeds to conjure up his own merry intrigues.   And what an obsession with conch shells.  On the first Cat-trip he repeatedly asked permission to 'blow the conch'.  At first he could not get the concept, but after thinking about his lovely Leesa, those lips of his began to pucker and vibrate like benny goodman's.  ....   Jim's conch blowing immeasurably pleased the shivering Lady Diane, while she recovered from a case of near frostbite which she contracted in the 84-degree water off of Parrot Rock.  Well, ya'll be happy to know that Mr. Conch now hangs from a leather strap in the Blue Ridge Mountains home of Ursula and Keith.  Ursula promises that whenever their black bears cum in the front yard, she will 'blow the conch'. I suspect that by 02w she will be blowing conches in the hot tub.  Please 02w, soon cum. 

Day nine, 10:00 a.m. main pool...

Other, final lasting Impressions:  -- Annie eyeing Brian's head, a dome in desperate need of a shave, an undoubtedly the largest of the spherical objects undertaken by the barbarette of negril.   -- Large spherical sets were also born by Terry and Debbie, Terry for successfully Weismullering little Parrot Rock and Debbie who was in constant need of my aloe sunburn wipes.  Call me anytime, sweetie.  -- To finally meet the HedoDude and to see his lovely Chris-Stinko again were memorable.  These guys are fun and sweet, butt after 43 trips they have truly gone native  -- HedoBob, for his generosity and pure joy and for entertaining us day and night -- Curt, who successfully leaped Big Parrot Rock, while no one seems to have yet successfully dived it (I have the shoulder scars to back that up)-- Scott and Debbie vs. Dave and Laina, in the 'who can drown the quickest contest' during the catamaran keel-haul -- Chris Jekyl knocking our socks off with the his poolside proposal to Elaine, when butt ten days earlier Chris Hide had mercilessly snapped her ulna and radius in jerking, pre-hedo excitement -- Curly and Lynn, who quietly chaperoned us through the days (sorry Chief, but you two did seem like the only adults on the tour) -- and at the end, the lovely and charming Monica who came floating by on her air mattress.  Then,  just before departure time, Diva-Diane and 'Danger-Will' Robinson, divefreeek's best scuba pals arrived for a ten day stay at the now deserted H25.  This duo was truly missed this year since they provided me a valued daily sanity break during 00w.  However, in sport, Will and Diane have threatened to paint another beautiful rock this trip, and place it for discovery in a location where only a dedicated diver may find it.  Anyone up for underwater cavity searching next year? 

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... enough?  yah !

Jeb will not be returning next year.   However, provided the long range sensors indicate no 02w Clingons, the Jamaican-American Secretary of State may be joining ya'll instead. 

... on a final serious note

Unfortunately our new World War continues. Quite possibly we will suffer more tragic events at home and abroad before meeting again.  Let's all pray that we will not.  In the meantime, remember how fortunate we are, and how much we owe to so many, past and present, to have the freedoms we enjoy, and to live in our lands where we enjoy such true liberty.