Preparation
Tracie and I did most of the normal homework (Chris book, Dennys
board, trip reports, etc) which gave us a good base of knowledge. We
then joined the WWW group. We wanted to become divers so we could take
advantage of Hedos wonderful diving opportunities so we both got our PADI
Advanced certifications. Through diving inquiries on the Dennys site
we ultimately made good friends with Herb and Jan who were Hedo vets and ended
up having a few pre-Hedo parties in Houston with them and others. They
were going to be there with their little informal group, The Drunken Fools,
the week prior to the WWW week. We decided we would spend most of
a week with these Drunken Fools and then close out with a week with the WWW
group.
Getting
There
Being parents of three girls, we knew there was no way
in hell we were taking off for Jamaica for almost two weeks without a major
concession (read: extortion) for them. Can
you say Mouseville? I caved
completely and agreed to a fun filled week at Disneyworld with the entire
clan. It was good but the crowds and the ubiquitous youngsters had me longing
for the approach of Hedo days. Ill
never forget the kids giving us suspicious looks as we bid them farewell at
the Orlando airport. They didnt
think we should be grinning quite so widely as we waved farewell at the gate.
Oh well.
Next stop was Miami South Beach where the beauteous
Tracie had her first taste of baring it by going topless for an afternoon.
It was an undress rehearsal.
She did good and I was a doting husband.
At last we made it to MoBay on Jamair without incident or hijack.
Got through customs (without arrest) and on to Timair. We also made the mistake of telling Wiley Post (our pilot)
that we were going to Hedo and he wanted some kind of sleazy demo at 2500.
He landed disappointed and we landed after drinking a couple of Red
Stripes en route. Not a bad way
to fly a Cessna. After tipping
half the Jamaican population we found our virgin asses at the front steps of
Hedo. Ya Mon.
Being There
No matter how much study we had devoted to the resort,
we were not adequately prepared for being there.
Maybe arriving in the middle of Lifestyles week had something to do
with it. But I am getting ahead
of the story. First thing was to
hook up with our fellow Houstonites, Herb, Jan, Dennis and the lovely Donita
in the main dining room. We were
introduced to the rest of the Drunken Fools and made to feel like family.
Since our room was not ready (we arrived about 1:30 PM) we changed in
another room and meandered with the group down to the nude beach.
We had no hesitation of immediately getting butt nekkid and taking in
the scenery. Tracie and I couldnt
help but notice that immediately in front of our nude beach campsite on the
floating platform was an entanglement of about eight souls deeply involved in
Hot Monkey Sex (either that or they were tied in a knot).
Tracie said, would those be the Lifestylers weve heard about?
I must admit that those first few days offered a myriad of visual
treats from those folks. Never a dull moment.
The first day there Tracie, who is normally a one or
two drink max type person, was a bit overloaded with visual stimuli and was
hitting Delroys regularly for the remainder of the afternoon drinking
drinks that tasted like dessert to me. A
LOT of them I recall. She likes
dessert. When it came time to
leave the nude pool area I distinctly remember that she really could not
perform the usually simple task of walking, i.e., putting one foot after the
other (pickin em up and puttin em down).
I managed to get her to our now ready room and when she hit the bed, in
my mind, I had counted her out for the night.
And it was PJ night! I
knew she would be pissed if she woke in the morning only to discover she had
missed it so I somehow got her up and into the shower where I left her to soak
under the water nozzle for a while. When
I came back she was leaning against the wall of the shower sound asleep!
I ended up helping her (the least I could do) take her shower and she
made one of the all time great comebacks in the history of drinking.
We did meet our friends for dinner, Veronicas and the Disco for PJ
night. I am very proud of her.
The days then started falling into some kind of foggy
routine of sorts. Kind of like
Ground Hog Day. Up about 7:30
(sleep was never a priority), breakfast at 8:00, diving at 9:30, nude beach by
11:00, lunch at Roberts, nude pool all afternoon, clean-up about 7:00, dinner
about 8:30, Veronicas at 10:30, the disco at midnight, and the hot tub at
2:00. Not quite that rigid but
pretty close for most days (and sex at least three times a day!). For example, it was not on our rigid schedule that I would
COMPLETELY run out of air (faulty pressure gauge) while I was at 60 feet on my
very FIRST dive in saltwater. Funny
how that occurrence makes one focus primarily on trying to locate another
breath. Not even the thought of
butt chugging surpasses the complete and total desire for air and its
consumption. I made it.
And then there was the nude diving a couple of times among our group.
You may recall that I was the gentleman wearing the penis jewelry.
I was diving and these hungry looking fish were staring at my crotch
(made me self-conscience somewhat, more so than the nude pool anyway) until I
realized that essentially I had a spinner lure dangling from my genitals.
I removed the dick jewelry. Tracie
recalls with affection the naked man on the boat she termed, Mr. Turtle Dick
(everyone gets a nickname of course). She
fondly likes to describe how his penis would go in like a turtle retracting
its head into its shell. Understand
that before Hedo she had not seen hundreds of dicks and was amazed at the
diversity. Thats what she told
me anyway.
Then there were the predators. Not many mind you and not anything we couldnt handle but
there were a few. One Romeo
was especially persistent. He
was married but had deposited his wife on the prude side for his little romp
in the pool. He was making his rounds when he came upon the rapturous
Tracie in the jacuzzi pool. We
had never had the pleasure of meeting the lad before but none the less his
first word to Tracie was, frontal?
Being a virgin and all, she just shrugged and he went to work on a
frontal massage. Being a good
natured guy and hedonist at heart I went along with this for a short time
until I could see that Tracie was not all too comfortable with this stranger
feeling her up. I had no trouble
transferring Tracie away from Don Juan to my other knee and informing him his
meter had expired. Undeterred, he
merely turned his affection to the next closest female.
We got a kick out of watching him work the entire nude pool. But it is noteworthy that it got a lot more funny when it
wasnt your wife that was gaining his affection (and attention).
Eventually our Drunken Fools friends started departing
and we were sad to see them go. We
had enjoyed the good times together but by now the WWW crew was on hand and
the first couple we met was Mike and Beth and they presented us with our fine
new hats. I still wear mine with
unappreciated pride. I was quite
amazed to see Beth do this nifty trick of propelling one breast upward and
outward rather violently and then the other whereupon the cycle then repeated
for several pleasant reps. She
then taught me how to do it and since getting back home I have practiced and
impressed the kids and neighbors. I
cant talk Tracie into doing the same for some reason.
Go figure. And we met
Denny and Diane. Such wonderful
folk. Mucho thanks for all you
both do! I think there should be
an award given for largest insulated cup and I nominate Denny.
His is HUGE. So you see,
size really does matter. Mine
seemed so paltry in comparison (I attributed it to pool shrinkage) but it did
allow more sorties to the swim up bar where something interesting was
generally going on. My most
memorable moment may have been during the infamous wet T-shirt contest.
Naturally I was there primarily to cheer on the WWW womenfolk.
They were so slutty (and I mean that in a most admiring way).
I tried to talk Tracie into it but she got a sudden an uncharacteristic
attack of shyness. I personally
think it was the rare sobriety of
the moment. At any rate, she
shoved my proper ass on down to the ringside seats to act as a cheerleader for
our gals. And boy was I
impressed. All I can say is we
wuz robbed and I voted for Pink although any number of our troopettes were
deserved of victory. Miss Idaho
won. I was flabbergasted and to add insult to injury I was
selected by her to participate in the Aunt Jemima Syrup Licking Event.
Reluctantly I acquiesced. I
did the best job I could in trying to get the syrup off the poor girl.
And I apologize to the gentleman who I kind of bulled out of the upper
left thigh area after I had pretty much cleaned up the left breast and torso
region. Hope the head has healed
up. It was a sticky job but
someone had to do it. I only wish
it could have been off of one of the WWW beauties.
Leaving There
All good things must come to an end and Hedo days did
just that. We both dreaded the
approach of the final day. Looking
back I can honestly say that we would have done some things differently but we
sure didnt lack enthusiasm and effort in having the best damn vacation of
our lives. One downside was that
because we were with our other group in the early part of our stay
(those Drunken Fools) we didnt get to bond with nearly as many of
the WWW group as we wanted to. We
missed out on a lot of activities with the group.
I am not sad I missed the MIM contest though since I am absolutely
certain I would have made a fool out of myself. I would have tried to have been a damn good fool though.
We cant wait to come back and next time we will make a much better
effort to get to know many more from the group.
We are currently in a deep funk and suffering from DIF profoundly.
We would love to hear from any of you and that would help our fight
against the post Hedo doldrums. And
to all our special friends (you know who you are), we miss you guys and cant
wait to hook up again. One last comment here.
I have never felt so much in love and lust with my wife as I was at
Hedo. She just looked so feminine
and sexy all the damn time that I just couldnt get enough of her. Our intimacy since returning has never been better either.
I just feel like the luckiest man on earth and I love you, Baby.