We, the people (Em & Jay), of the Sunshine State, in order to form lots of perfect "unions" (yeah baby!), while insuring domestic tranquility, providing for the general welfare (through public displays of "swimming") and securing many blessings to ourselves and our posterity (we hope not - 2 comes back 2), do ordain and establish this as our trip report.
The Prelude. This is the story about a sneaky husband named Jay. Creating a trip for a memorable anniversary day. Got his wife drunk one debaucherous afternoon, and plotted a trip where we could show our moons. The trip Jay dreamed of came from out of the blue. But one Sunday afternoon, Em was sent out hunting clues. First to the mall, and then a trip to the convenience store. A stop at the pool shop and then on to the airport. Picking up a note and a trip item at stops along the way, Em proceeded on curious and wondering what ahead lay. Jay rushed ahead to arrive at the hunt's end, to present the airline tickets, at the airport he met Em. With the tickets in hand, Em was excited and crying. To find out where they were going, she thought she was dying. "What is this place?" she said with a worried look. Jay presented the tome, Naked Truth, THE instruction book.
The Learning Curve. Acquainting myself with key terms like "Vinnie" and "prude", as I read more and more, I was one nervous dude. I protested this place is too wild, too wild for someone like me. Jay said, "Who you kidding? I know YOU", smiling slyly. More comfortable with crossing expanses that are glacial, to ease my jitters I turned to chatting by e-mail. A friend I found almost fit me to a "T", with similar concerns expressed, the one and only Stacey! Jay had chatted also with WWW leaders Diane and Denny, and soon we had become part of a big Hedo "family."
Still apprehensive with the trip 14 days away, attention was given to attire for the events of post-day. Pajama night, Polynesian night, Black and glow; questions on what to wear, if at all, started to grow. Piece by piece, item by item, our packing came together. In hindsight from what we saw one evening, we should have brought more leather.
In a blur, the wait had passed, it was departure day; and soon we found ourselves arriving in MoBay. Finally, though not "soon mon", after the bus ride from hell, motion sickness gladly left us, we were in Negril. In the lobby it seemed for an hour plus one, we reminded ourselves of the phrase, "Soon come mon!" It was not too long and we were in our room, the next step toward the naked frontier, for Em, now loomed.
To get naked, or not to get naked? That is the question! Eager to see a WWW friendly face, for this hour, we calculated the hot tub was the place. I pondered a cover-up to wear from room to tub; Jay led the way baring all with hardly a shrug. Not a naked body in sight, Em's knees began to quiver, second-guessing her decision even in the warm dusk she shivered. Arriving at the hot tub we saw a fluid naked mass, groups as well as singles all bare to the ass. We settled in and thought we saw friendly faces across the way, our questions were how do we approach them and what do we say? Then our savior arrived, it was none other than Diane. With a big smile "Glad to see you. Did you just get in?" Introductions commenced, so many names to remember. Into the group we recognized before, we suddenly became a member. So elated was I to see my kindred soul Stacey, a hug I gave her; I'm sure she thought I was crazy. (The number one rule for all that go to Hedo, meet as many people beforehand, it will make your trip more neat-O!)
Forming Friendships. Forming a smaller group, there was Wanda and Pete. We knew about Stacey, and we got to meet Keith. There was Ollie and Linda, and Trudy and Les. I was comfortably talking and walking in the buff, remarkably free from stress. A day or two later in our very short stay, Bob and Val and Scott and Debbie were friends of me and Jay. Our number one regret is clear to most; we did not get to know everyone better, including our WWW hosts.
For the rest of the trip report, we shall mention only key events forming the basis for our lasting memories and mental imprints.
What to Expect. Words of caution to visitors, the "Hedo dance" you'll do. Simultaneously scorching and freezing body parts was very, very true. And those tree frogs, yes, they were all night chirping and croaking; and the dudes trying to sell ganga, irritating to those who could/would not be smoking. The "girls of the night" were evident at the disco for sure. I guess for lonely Vinnies with bucks, they may have been the cure. Speaking of the disco, word to the wise, if they play a soft song from the 80s or 90s, it will sure be a surprise. I heard Veronica's karoke piano bar would be a treat; must have been a dead night when we visited, anything but upbeat! The Vinnies are an element of which you need to be aware, staring and glaring, a nuisance to you and your partner so beware. Single and desperate, they are sharks who smell blood; the moment you get frisky with your partner, they're suddenly in your 'hood. Staring and glaring, so rude and being pricks; go away Vinny, we don't want to see any part of you, including your dicks. Please do not misunderstand this author's ranting, there were only a few Vinnies, and most single people were enchanting. I'd like to take an opportunity to mention a few: Roland, Jerry, Wayne and HedoBob, all very cool individuals, true blue.
The Most Memorable. The catamaran trip with the WWW crowd, was the highlight of our trip without a doubt. The brief stop at the reef was simply not time enough, for our guys to swim over to the glass bottom boat to show off their stuff. Our goal the next time is to swim over there sooner; the guys will do the backstroke underneath and the girls will do the moon-er. What strange aquatic life forms could these be, a sight for the glass bottom boat tourist certainly to see. To the cliff we sailed on next and those brave souls who dared, Jay jumped twice, while I was too scared. The rumor has it that if you're a male, you better hold your stuff or you will be impaled. Only one brave female, it was Stacey who made the jump, coaxing her down was easy, yelling "Stacey, the Vinnies are behind you" looking for a hump. After hearing this alert not a moment's hesitation, off the cliff she flew, without any further meditation.
Swimming Takes On A New Meaning. After our return from the boat we all headed for the hot tub, where we resumed our regular activities, sitting, chatting, the usual hubbub. We all talk of lists of things we might do, I had a list of items one or two. Looking around, there were no Vinnies in sight. If I'm gonna' do it, I thought this is my last night. After first securing a blanket of, "No, it will not offend" I set about swimming, or snorkeling on Jay, my husband and best friend. Things got unusually quiet and the chatter went down, I suppose some may have been watching, but I was busy going to town. When I stopped for a breath, looking around I was surprised, five couples were "swimming" all very synchronized. Someone yelled out "switch", I know I was not the one. To me that meant reverse, so I said "Jay, switch positions, hon!" The pool was closing, the lucky having concluded business; the swim team had been borne with promises of future practice. Later on, a note appeared, authored by the "Prude Committee". Much to our chagrin it prohibited any further swimming activity. We knew it was a joke sent by some fellow team member, to give the "Coach" a hard time, yet something to remember.
In Conclusion. Other memorable moments included Wanda water wrestling an inflatable penis; she had a better time on Wally, the alligator, its movements were deminimis. Trudy licking chocolate syrup from Keith's chest was truly a sight. If she hadn't volunteered, he may have laid there half the night. And a nap was customary during our stay, to keep heads clear, "So that's what you're calling it now" our gang would jokingly jeer. We missed plenty because of our short stay; but we enjoy the stories of other events anyway. Most of the things occurring not during our swim meets involve the ill-fated adventures of Stacey's own Keith. To all that plan to visit or re-visit Hedo, jerk sauce applied externally will drastically reduce libido! And for body hair removal it would always be best, to visit a cosmetician, don't use body paint of latex!
We look forward to our next trip with the WWW group.
Jay & Em