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George W (skiitrees@aol.com)
Needing to get really close to the 'people', given the
compassionate conservative that He is, your President Elect opted for the
bus-ride from hell, rather than Stacey and Keith's Cessna dive-bomber.
It's always a hoot for cloth coat Republicans, to mingle with the
crowd, and to dispense HEDO advice to the newbies along the way.
For example, we spotted a very dead, very putrid carcass of what once
was a starving, tick infested cow - one of the many abused, roped bovines, at
roadside. This one was covered with a
blanket of buzzards.
Mary was horrified! Insensitively,
Mike informed her, Well .. buzzards have to eat too, ya'know! (Obviously for
his lack of Respect, Mon, Mike would not be getting an honorary WWW tattoo).
Other local scenes included the usual number of rib-cage
dogs, and the adorable children in either school uniforms or the unfortunate
rags. The there was the proverbial, and
humorous mule team. Perhaps you haven't
seen a Jamaica mule team. We have them
in Texas too, but they were more famous in my Dad's predecessor's movie days.
In Jamaica, a mule team is simply two or three lost
burros, wandering the hillsides and footpaths between the new Montego - Negril
freeway (a 'strategic' project) and the current road from Hell.
Mule teams eventually find pavement, such as the road in front of us.
The driver stops, leans on the horn, but the burros just keep walking
down the middle of the road. And then
were those close encounters with a pack of three cars passing simultaneously
on curves. Ya, Mon, just another day on the way to Shangri-La.
We had arrived in MoBay this time just after five days of
monsoons. Hillsides of sliding mud
still covered the left half of Jamaica, including a double-decker Volvo Tour
Bus, just before Lucea. In this
particular case, the driver had attempted a run-for-it !
Now . I ask you, What has every state trooper or Texas
Ranger ever told you about flash flood rules, especially water rushing through
desert wadis? (Multiple Choice Test
follows)
A. Slow to 5 kph, shift into 1st, proceed carefully, or
B. Back up the hill first, get a running start, accelerate as soon as you 'plane', or
C. Hey, Mon. Turn around, Go Home, Don't Worry Be Happy, or
D. If you have a Volvo Tour Bus, you are just as invincible as the Energizer Bunny's bamboo. .. In other words, select option B, but go FASTER
E.
None of the above
The Volvo Tour Bus driver, with a firm grip on his
bamboo, had selected option D. When the
storm had subsided, the 13 ton Volvo Tour Bus was located 35 meters off the
road, and down stream from the pavement. The
visitors were trucked back to their resorts, including HEDO, for additional,
compensation days of sunshine. One of
them got 'my room'. Glad I left Laura
and the kids with Jeb.
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Now, we are in the reception area.. there are Stacey and
Keith. Stacey later admits she is
scared shitless of being naked in front of her new President Elect.
She had so hoped it would have been the 'big wood' himself, big Al.
Bet those jeans would have been coming off in the lobby had that the
big Al won. It probably explains why
she kept downing those Purple-Rains.
Funny isn't it ? Most
all of you WWW'ers really are closet
libertarians, much preferring to spend your money at HEDO, despite your
liberal leanings. So, during that week
of jerk chicken and vodka slushes, while each of you were humoring me with
your leftish political biases, your President Elect kept plowing you with
election and recount information, including both inaccurate dumps from Irie
Jamaica FM or an occasional accurate update from the CNN-TV room.
That surely was one reason why Diane christened George W as
anal. Thanks Keith for coming
to my defense, but 'brainal', unfortunately didn't stick at HEDO, just as it
had previously failed to stick with the news media.
For trying to save my image, no further comments will be made about
your hot-tub recipes for 'Jerk-Me Fondue'.
Ya'll know that George W is a true voyeur.
But he purposely missed many of the indoor-outdoor sports executed on
the Cat trip and in the late night Hot Tub. Witness his embarrassing, naive
question to EmJay at the Toga Party, Oh, were you guys once competitive
swimmers, too?. While he has much to
learn in the area of social skills, you can't accuse him of being a Clingon.
Clingon, is a new HEDO behavioral category (Christinko, take note),
comparable to Vinnie and Walley. Clingon's
are the land version of sea lice, jellyfish, and butt lint.
Clingon's, however, should not be confused with the
ultimate Klingon, and George's W's new WWW friend, Worf.
Worf was perhaps the most kewl gentleman ever to rule the nude side.
Worf, aka ArrowHead Holmes, is one of those magnanimous citizens of the
sand, who some of you know as Roland the Wise.
Roland the Wise, George W,
Sir Denny and Diane who makes Wood, each and all of us, tried and
tried to convince the sultry Marina, time after time, to grace us with 'all of
her charms' at Delroys. The Klingon had
the most success when he coaxed her over for a 'scumba libre' (Christinko,
take note of the new drink). However,
when George W accompanied the sultry Marina back to the prudes, he noted that
she was a living anecdote: .Men, large
and small, black and white, rich and richer, besieged this lovely woman.
Picture a honey pot in the forest, surrounded by bees, and you can
picture Marina on the prude side. and she didn't even have to take her clothes
off. We shall try again next summer as
well.
Divefreeek has too much DIF to bore ya'll further. Note that I am writing from my Presidential email address, skiitrees@aol, which is in memory of that other great rock'in Republican, Sonny Bono. You can slam me at that address or at divefreeek@aol.com.
George W.