Our biggest fear before our second trip to Hedo was that the novelty of a new experience would be gone and that it wouldn’t have near the fun we did on the first trip.  We’re glad to report that exactly the opposite happened.  I think each year you become more comfortable with yourself and your environment and in turn become more relaxed and have even more fun.  However, if you use the number of days it took for Patty to lose her voice from laughing too much, 4 days this year compared to 3 days last year, then things were a bit slower this year.  However, with fear of sounding trite, because we said the same thing last year. This was the best vacation we’ve ever had. 

 

You can’t imagine what it would be like at Hedo. You must go to find out first hand.  Your mindset changes drastically during the experience.  Before going, you think, “What is it going to be like being in a pool full of naked people.  I’m just not sure I can do that”.  When you are there, that thought doesn’t even cross your mind.  Instead, you think, “I wonder if those little toilet paper balls are stuck to my ass after wiping it.”  You also realize that it is only at Hedo, you find people kind enough to point out those little white balls to you.  No wonder the rooms near the pool cost so much more.  You can go to the bathroom in your room and shower those pesky balls off afterwards.

 

Don’t get the room right next to the pool, though.  You’ll find that it may get invaded by a bunch of lunatic women who can’t resist climbing through your open window and putting on a window show (smearing wet breasts and other body parts against the window) for the rest of the pool. Also, the mud they track into the room smells like sewer water, so you’ll have to call housekeeping.

 

Also, don’t make the mistake of thinking that Hedo can be a romantic getaway.  Mike and Beth made this mistake and thought they could share a tender moment in the pool.  They where focussed on each other, screwing ever so slowly so as not to draw attention.  Mike, being the tender romantic that he is,  whispers in Beth’s ear.  “Oh Beth, you are the only one for me.  You are the only one in this pool right now.  You know that don’t you?”  Well, there are 200 other naked people in the pool including us who are screwing within inches of them (certainly close enough to hear whispers).  Of course, this strikes us funny since Mike had his hands all over another woman’s tits just minutes before.  We are not the compassionate caring people that would let this slide, so we have to repeat these words loud enough for everyone in the pool to hear.  This was extremely “deflating” to Mike.  Of course, Mike and Beth figured that if they can’t play, then no one can.  So they try their best to “deflate” Chip.  Little did they know, Chip knows he’s not on a romantic getaway and that he doesn’t care if someone is talking to him about his church or priest while he’s screwing in the pool.

 

Bill and Debbie were the only ones who managed to make their trip a romantic getaway.  Bill casually mentioned one day that Debbie would only allow him to have sex between 10 and 2.  At first I felt sorry for him.  Soon, I realized that every day they disappeared at 10 and did not re-appear till after 2.  Of course, this happened at 10 am AND 10 pm. What a lucky guy!!!

 

For anyone who knows Patty, she is really a prude in disguise.  She especially doesn’t like people touching her.  If you don’t believe this, just watch her swim like an eel when the dirty dice game comes out.  She also doesn’t like Chip to touch other women which he honors zealously. LOL (please notice that I now know LOL doesn’t mean lots of love). So, to all the women who think that Chip felt them up…it wasn’t him!!!  It was really Denny!!!  Of course, a lot of people thought that Chip and Denny looked alike and continuously got them confused.  So, before you slap one of them for something they did earlier, be sure you know which one you are currently with. It is really easy to tell them apart.  Just grab their dick.  If you can’t tell, then just keep feeling until it becomes obvious.  By the way Denny, how many times did you get slapped for something that Chip did?

 

You’ll learn how to deal with many situations when you’re at Hedo.  For example, you learn how to deal with vinnies.  One vinnie was spotted sticking his toe between the legs of women standing at the bar.  Patty saw him approaching her and politely asked, “Do you want to take your foot home with you.  If so, then you better keep it the fuck away from me while I’m at the bar.”  That approach seems to work.

 

Vinnies are really the worst part of a trip to Hedo.  One was found snapping pictures from under a towel on his lounge chair (what a sleaze).  When he went into the hot tub, some of the women stripped his disposable camera of the film.  Another Vinnie was trying to hit on every woman in the pool. Every woman he encountered grabbed the nearest man and claimed to be married, except one.  She acted like she was interested and managed to get the Vinnie bent over the bar then proceeded to whip him as hard as she could. The worst Vinnie was the one in the hot tub pounding his meat and trying to get anyone (man or woman) to help him.  Fortunately, all of these Vinnies were thrown out by security very promptly to the cheers of everyone. Most of the Vinnies appear to be one-day visitors (or prudes being daring for one day) that come to the nude side and see groups of naked people playing around with each other.  They think they can simply join in the fun, but don’t realize that others have developed their relationships over the period of days and know what is and isn’t acceptable by each person.

 

A word to the wise for those who like the ganja and the like. Check your room thoroughly before buying any.  We bought some from one of the abundant ganja boats.  When we reached the end of the week and was looking for a place to leave the remainder of our stash, we found a bag with at least a quarter pound siting on top of our dresser.  Also, don’t think that the ganja boats won't rip you off.  Friends of ours (we’ll leave them nameless so as not to rub it in – yeah right), bought $250 worth of ecstasy from “Ratcliff the pharmacist” only to find out they got cornmeal.  Ratcliff magically disappeared for the rest of the week.

 

Additional words of caution/wisdom for a trip to Hedo:

 

Monitor your drinking while at Hedo or you might find yourself licking the

windows at Pastafari when you go out for a smoke break.

 

If you want to get Beth dancing naked on a table, all you have to do is play “Proud Mary” by Tina Turner.

 

If it starts raining while you are on the catamaran cruise, don’t run under the cover.  Simply place some towels over your wife and hold her tight.  She may just start giving you a blowjob and not notice when the rain has stopped. Of course, this likely only works if your name is Mike and your wife’s name is Beth.  Bill covered Debbie with 3 or 4 towels and still wasn’t successful in getting that blowjob.

 

If you are going to be sneaky and hide behind a chair while you squirt water in the mouth of a woman sleeping by the side of a pool, make sure Mike isn’t behind you.  Mike likes to shoot women in the pussy as if he’s shooting in a balloon race at a carnival. Mike, next time you need to put a balloon in Debbie’s mouth before you shoot her.

 

Men….be daring and creative with your clothing.  Leave the golf clothes at home and wear something more fun.  The women work hard finding their outfits, so you can too.  But don’t try and wear a g-string to Pastafari, even if it is a tuxedo g-string, because they won’t let you in. Screw ‘em if they can’t take a joke!!!

 

Don’t try a drink if Patty is the one that hands it you.  Several learned this the hard way. Mike actually washed his mouth out with pool water because the Bloody Mary that Patty gave him had so much Tabasco.  What were you thinking…Hedo pool water???

 

Pick your neighbors carefully.  Some people don’t have any rhythm at all while they are screwing and their bed is bouncing against the walls.  By the way, did we tell you Mike and Beth, and Dave and Cora were our neighbors during this trip.

 

If you are going to have 3 women and two men in bed and this is unusual for you, don’t take pictures as it may seem fun(ny) at the time, but then again may not after you sober up. On the other hand, pictures can be beneficial.  For example, if Mike and Beth claim that the stories in this report aren’t true…just remember we do have lots and lots of pictures….of everything!!!!

 

Bring a lot of toys.  Bill/Debbie and Mike/Beth are great examples to follow even though the number of suitcases they brought was a bit excessive.

 

If some women are snorkeling around the pool, don’t worry; just remember that things look bigger under water.

 

Size of tits really doesn’t matter.  Patty proved this theory during the wet t-shirt contest.  She had the biggest ones and didn’t even get into the top three. Some may say it was because her tits were fake. But hey,  so are most of the tits at Hedo.

 

When Debbie is standing above the water fountain getting a water massage, leave her alone.  If you try and whisper something in her ear, you will likely fall on a chair and end up looking like you have 3 tits from the bruised bump on your chest.

 

A lot of things happen at Hedo that will keep you laughing throughout the trip. It is hard to explain a lot of these events, but it is easy to remember some of the more notable quotes of the week (especially when you bring a pen and paper to the pool to take notes):

 

“Mike, you have to pull it further up your ass.”  - Beth trying to teach Mike how to put on a g-string.

 

“I meant to do that” - Mike slipping on the step getting into the hot tub and going head first in the water (diving is NOT allowed).

 

“Photo opportunity”.  - Each time someone thinks of another way to get a blowjob or get the women to sit on the side of the pool for a mass muff dive.

 

“Suck MY Deeiiiiickkkk” – Ron’s interpretation of every roll of 2 (not 3) dirty dice words.

 

“Oh cool, is that a cow?” - Wendy commenting on Chip’s Bull g-string.  Remember a cow…female,  bull…male!!!  How deflating!

 

“But, they cut off the music and there were still 19 guys that I hadn’t stuck my pussy in their face.”  - Beth upset when she was not allocated ample time at the wet t-shirt contest.

 

“I’m so tired. I didn’t get to sleep till 3am” – Jeanie after she left the pool at 3pm with her new fondling friend. Yeah, your hands may have been under water, but we all saw you!!!

 

“Squeeze it under the water till its full”  - Not sure what this really referred to but Mike claims someone was explaining how to get water into a rubber duck.

 

“This bracelet is one of a kind.  My sweetie bought if for me when we were in St. Thomas”.  - Beth describing her ankle bracelet just before Patty ran down to the variety shop at Hedo and bought one exactly like it for $2.

 

Thank you WWW.  You are the best group to be with on a vacation. We had a great time meeting and talking with everyone.  I would love to say something about each of you, but then this would end up being a really long drawn out report (like some others that we won’t mention)!!!  Don’t let that fool you into thinking we don’t love you all. Thank you Denny for providing this outlet to everyone.  Hope to see everyone at Hedo next year.

 

LOL (o.k. it can mean lots of love too),

Chip and Patty

 

p.s. It’s good to be King!!!!  Hedo should be exciting.