One time…on vacation…a motley group of mischievous monkeys stumbled upon paradise in the Yucatan Peninsula and went wild. Even a fierce tropical storm could not dampen these monkey’s enthusiasm for erotic fun in the tropics. The international contingent of Bonzo’s Jacuzzi Monkeys Gone Wild descended upon Desire the first of June, and the U.S. Monkeys joined them as quickly we could scramble across the border in the second week of June.
The Cancun airport is quick and painless, as long as you remember NOT to stop and talk to anybody until you are outside! There are literally hundreds of salespeople trying to sell you their resort’s timeshares. Do yourself a HUGE favor and arrange transport to the resort before you arrive. You can get round trip transfers for as little as fifty dollars a couple. If you book your trip with Travel SDC, your transport to the resort is free.
A painless fifteen minute ride later, your taxi will u-turn at the John Deere dealership, and hang a right down a small black top road. Your first glimpse of the resort tells you that you have arrived some place special. The resort has a wetland habitat for crocodiles with a bridge leading to the lobby directly in front. Make sure you take at least a few moments to walk around here. There are some beautiful birds, crabs, and crocs here. Our taxi driver told us there were also spider monkeys in the area, but we were never fortunate enough to spot them.
Desire’s lobby is open air with a colorful view of one of the pools directly on the other side of the lobby. You are greeted with cool towels and champagne. A welcome respite while the front desk is getting your welcome packet, room and safe key on a lanyard. There is no initial tour of the resort, but it’s not really necessary. With only 110 rooms, the resort is compact and it only takes a couple of minutes to walk from one end to the other.
A short walk around the lobby pool, past the main bar, and up one flight of stairs to the Passion Suite. The first thing you notice is the amazing view of the ocean and the reef just a half mile off shore. There are two tables with chairs on the balcony. It’s a wonderful place for a leisurely breakfast or a romantic afternoon cocktail. Two double doors with windows open to a room that actually looks like the pictures on the site! Same pictures on the walls, white gauze over the bed, and cracked mirror head board. The floors are a creamy white marble, and the couch is covered in white leather. The TV and DVD player are on top of a dresser in the living room. The bathroom is to the left of the living room behind the bed. The floors are a natural stone with a long concrete shelf with two large bowls used for sinks. The shower stall is small, yes; it does flood when you take a shower. The ceiling fan is a welcome addition when you are trying to apply makeup, but it’s true the lighting is AWFUL. To the right of the bathroom and up three marble stairs is the six people Jacuzzi. The walls flanking the Jacuzzi have two large mirrors, several candles, and a tray holding four large beach towels. The marble around the Jacuzzi is beautiful to look at, but dangerous to be around. Get a clue Desire management: wet marble is slippery! The tile around the Jacuzzi really needs to be replaced with some type of natural stone. We did have a serious scare one afternoon when one of our friends took a flying slide down the stairs.
Toss the suitcases in wardrobe, fling the clothes on the couch, a quick monkey nuzzle to check out the mattress, a good coat of sunscreen, and head back outside. Two buildings over is the main pool and outside grill. Here’s a wonderful surprise for carnivorous monkeys…steaks, chicken breasts, pork chops, cactus, and sausage are cooked to order on an open grill. Hint for first timers: Grab a table in the back under the patio. There is a large fan running in the rafters that makes it nice and cool back there. Slip a towel on the seat, and nobody fusses if you would like to eat nekkid. We were fortunate to discover our first fellow monkeys during lunch. Getting to meet everyone in person after so many months was amazing!
After lunch we took a dip in the pool. The pool is big but it’s not built for socializing like the Hedo pools. One half is too shallow, and the other half is at least five feet deep! There are several floats left by previous guests, but if you really want your own then pack a couple to bring with you. There are plenty of chairs around the pool, and we never found it necessary to get up early to “reserve chairs”. There is a great gazebo with a huge bed in it at one end of the pool. Unfortunately they have the speakers flanking it and cranked up during the day; however it is an awesome place to lounge in the evenings.
The beach is soft white sugary sand and clear turquoise water. There are plenty of palapas and chairs placed along the beach. Ocean view rooms have chairs literally steps outside their doors. The dock is a great place to snorkel. You’ll see barracuda, schools of myriad types of tropical fish, and lobster as well. The second largest reef in the world is only a half mile offshore with some of the best snorkeling and diving in the world. We took a short walk in just a foot of water, and we had a school of fish playing around our legs! Two of our monkeys found a beach bag full of huge shells one morning while walking just past the resort.
Dinner in the main restaurant is served buffet style with a different theme every night. The buffet is small, but overall the quality of the food is pretty good. Most people could find something every night. If you don’t like the buffet choices, there is a grill in the back that is open every night with meat and seafood made to order. Be sure to order the flaming coffee for dessert. Watching the preparation at your table is almost as good as consuming it!
After dinner we prefer to take a “power nap” to have the energy for the disco. Ok, we didn’t sleep the entire time, but, hey, even monkeys need a little “alone time”! Try to bring costumes to participate in the theme nights. It helps to make everyone’s night more exciting. Wicked white night is sight to behold! A whole room full of glowing people under the black lights! The disco is AWESOME. Even if you normally don’t go to nightclubs, you have to check this place out! There are not one, not two, but THREE “stripper poles” to live out your erotic fantasies. You don’t have to be self conscious about trying them either. We saw everyone from real strippers to sixty year old men gyrating around the poles. Always carry a few ones…you never know when you will make a new friend! There is plenty of seating in the back on two long rows of couches that are great for socializing and monkey nuzzling on the back row overlooking the resort should not be missed…speaking of monkey nuzzling…don’t forget to check out the infamous playroom on the right of bar. There is actually a sign outside the door that tells you not to enter if you are offended by sexual activity! First timer hint: the playroom is wonderfully cool even if you just need a break from the dancing and music. The porn is a bit much. But the towels are plentiful, and the couches are comfortable for late night monkey nuzzling!
It’s a long trek up to the Jacuzzi lounge, but well worth the climb! To the right are several beds under the stars. Perfect for a late night snuggle or a group party. The Jacuzzi is a nice size with a swim up bar, but the seats are rough. Tile needs to be added this fall when the Jacuzzi is updated along with some type of bar to hold on to at the entrance of the Jacuzzi. Right now it is a dangerous climb getting in or out. Be sure to catch at least one sunset overlooking the resort.
Half way thru our vacation, a tropical storm hit the Yucatan peninsula and refused to go away. It may have ruined some people’s vacations, but Bonzo’s Jacuzzi Monkeys didn’t let a little rain ruin our time in paradise. In fact, we may be one of the only couples who pray for rain on our next vacation! Did you know that two patio tables and couch cushions make a perfect massage table? What happens at Desire stays at Desire…but thanks Monkeys for the indoor activities! We’ll pack a case of oil for next time!
Desire isn’t perfect…rooms flooded in the storm and sewage backed up. Shower stalls flood, lighting is terrible, there are bugs (it’s the tropics…duh!), the beds are firm, the pool is too deep for water volleyball and socializing, and some employees can be surly and expecting tips for bad service. But for the money, yes, it IS paradise! The location and landscaping are gorgeous. Security is visible and professional. Most of the employees will go above and beyond to make your stay memorable. Javier in the main dining room is very sweet, and Abdios will hook you up with anything you need during the day. David, the dining room supervisor, should be promoted to manager. He is attentive and detail oriented. Mario P. is a gracious customer relations manager who will go above and beyond the call of duty to help you. Sajid rocks as the entertainment manager. Sara and JJ are the hardest working EC’s we’ve ever met. Sara standing on a table in the pool to play water volleyball (told ya the water was too deep!) is absolutely hysterical!
Is it Hedo? No…we’ve been to Hedo III, and frankly, we prefer Desire. The atmosphere is more erotic and couple oriented. Travel time is much shorter (wahoo…no more two hour drives after the plane ride!!!). And more importantly, the rates are a lot cheaper.
Many thanks to Travel SDC for sponsoring Bonzo’s Jacuzzi Monkeys Gone Wild. Your support, and gifts to our group were greatly appreciated. We also owe a debt of gratitude to EsssenJay for conceiving our group. Thanks to you, we’ve made many friends for life. And last but not least, our Fellow Monkeys, whose names we’ve left out to protect the guilty, thank you for giving us the trip of a lifetime! We hope to see you again soon for another tale of one time…on vacation…
Nick and Belinda
Hosts of Bonzo's Jacuzzi Monkeys Gone Wild
bjnick0731@yahoo.com