Desire Resort trip (March 5-12, 2004)
Had a great time; recommend Desire highly. Many super-friendly guests, but would likely go again when at least another set of friends were there. Having dear friends there was a lovely guarantee of company at any given time.
Sorry for the following epic, but I seemed to have a lot of time on my hands the night I wrote it….
Air
If you are taking American Airlines from Chicago, bring food. All they serve either way for the nearly 4-hour flight is 1 (not 2) bags of pretzels (maybe a breakfast granola bar) and drinks. They did have a movie each way (headsets, which you can own, are $2 each.) Booze drinks were $5 each.
Tip—if traveling on AA with only carry-on you might not have to stand in the HUGE, LONG line in Cancun on your return trip. An AA rep saw us with our tiny bags and removed us from the 9-mile-long line and moved us directly to an agent who gave us our boarding pass.
A miracle for which we were grateful because I think if we had waited in that huge line, we would’ve missed our flight. If you don’t have carry-on, definitely remember to get to the airport at least 2 hours before your flight. The airport at Cancun is a zoo.
Cabs
When you get through customs you are accosted by a million Mexican man asking you to take their cab. They kept asking us for our voucher…we had none (apparently you get one when you book through some travel agencies).
I had e-mailed a taxi company the day before our trip and was looking for a sign with my name on it. After about 5 minutes of running the exhausting gauntlet, we did see the sign with my name—hallelujah!
Took another 15 minutes or so for the cab to be found by the driver (long enough for a beer) and we were off. Road are good in Cancun but slowing down for all the speed bumps got tiresome. Roundtrip was only $40 total (then add tip) for the two of us (paid when we first arrived at Desire). On the way back, we happened to share our cab with another couple—no price difference.
Here’s who I used and happily recommend:
Carlos de la Mora Alpuche, general manager
De Luxe Transportation Services
Ph. 01-99-88-74-02-56 Y 01-99-88-46-66-81
Email: cdm119@hotmail.com
E-mail him in simple English the day before (with arrival time, flight number and airline, full name, and destination) and you’ll receive a confirmation e-mail in return. Look for your name on a sign at the airport on arrival—keep walking toward the exit door though. Thwart the many men without your name sign.
The price of cabs into Cancun if you want a day or night out runs roughly about the same as Hedo to Negril, $30 for one way (incl. $5 tip) into Cancun (about 20-30 minutes away).
Facilities
The 3-year-old property (1 year as Desire) is not huge and it is tightly organized so walking around never took much time. The curving pavements paths are all smooth concrete so they didn’t hurt bare feet and were not hot. The pool desk was concrete and slip-resistant.
The resort is owned by the family who owns the Blue Bay Resorts (much like the Issa’s have SuperClubs) and Lifestyles (which also runs Lifestyles Tour & Travel) has lent its blessing and the moniker “A Lifestyles Resort” as a marketing effort.
Super clean everywhere, but occasionally you’d smell the sulfur of the water from the tap as you walk around or when you were in your room with it on. The many outdoor beds in the shade were great for naps or hanging out.
The spa and workout room were lovely. Equipment included 1 elliptical trainer, 2 treadmills, and 2 reclining bikes. The weight machines were not extensive and there was one barbell with various weights. Didn’t see any hand weights.
The spa offerings included couple massages and had a lovely private Jacuzzi included for that service too.
Computers
Using one of the two guest computers at Desire was an easy process…just go to front desk and the staff there or the bellman will have you sign a sheet for the ˝ hour for $5 fee. They log you on and you are good to go—just leave when done. No need to log off, just exit from Internet Explorer.
Remember that you will have the Spanish version of Google, etc. and the keyboard is labeled with Spanish words instead of English. You have to pay for the computer time in cash when you check out of the hotel. Other expenses can go on your credit card—if you order a special bottle of wine instead of drinking the house wine by the glass, for example.
Supposedly you can plug in your laptop in your room, but friends had a 50-50 success rate doing that daily. Electrical outlets take U.S.-style plugs.
Drinking water
Bring a water bottle to fill at the water dispenser for poolside use if you need lots of water during the day.
We polished off about 3-4 bottles of water off daily—maids routinely give you two for your mini-fridge, but we scammed more. You can find water easily by asking at the front desk, a bar, or pulling it off the lower level of the many maid carts.
Didn’t get Montezuma’s revenge once. TMI? (At Hedo2, Marley’s revenge occurs by day three every trip. Since I didn’t eat or drink any more or less at Desire, now I’m wondering about the quality of the water at Hedo, even though it’s touted to be the finest. Hmmmm.)
Disco
Each night in the disco, the entertainment crew had at least one activity—fake orgasm contest was not bad—but you can’t use the mic because of the reverb from the speakers on the small dance stage (which has two mighty handy poles for that three-point hang-on when dancing with outrageous abandon after too many adult beverages. Makes people think you know what you are doing rather than just balancing for dear life.)
One gorgeous gal in the fake orgasm contest made no noise whatsoever no matter how much we asked her to...was weird! But then we saw her mating in public all day long the next day and she just looked like a corpse laying there so I guess that’s her schtick.
The music was diverse for the most part, but once the DJ got into the new disco crap, it was a long time to wait till the songs you can actually sing to came back on.
The playroom, or orgy room, behind the disco bar was intriguing and well set up. Anyone can walk back there to ogle or participate. Although past guests report little activity, we saw the room get plenty of use.
Hot tub
About 4-4:30 p.m. every night a huge crowd gathered in the big 3rd floor swim-up bar outdoor hot tub that overlooks the ocean. The hot tub was the best part of the hotel to me. Temp was good all week—maybe around 99-100 degrees F? The previous week, the resort had installed a second heater.
Danger danger—you’ll find more hard surfaces in Desire than god intended. The beds are like rocks. The loungers are slung canvas with no pads. The hot tub is hard on your hiney too. Make sure you don’t scoot on the seats in the hot tub.
Most folks, when getting into the hot tub on day two of their trip, discovered that the water stings when it hits the butt because of the damage done the day before. I was rough and sore all week.
When a gal was getting some action in the tub, a man usually held her from behind so she could squirm properly and not have her butt become shredded wheat.
The water jets in the hot tub are a memorable experience well worth the ride. Best experienced when someone is holding you under your arms and your legs are flung with carefree abandon onto the wood deck of the tub.
Got no crotch-rot yeast infection from Desire’s swim-up hot tub like I invariably do at Hedo (TMI again?)….and I spent a good 2-3 hours turning wrinkly in it every cocktail hour watching the sun go down.
Stepping into the tub is almost as big of a step as at Hedo and there’s no rail, but everyone offers a hand for the step down/up.
Tip: Don’t walk down the stairs from the hot tub with no shoes on. You WILL rip the back of your heels on the concrete steps, and man that hurts! Happened to a bunch of us gals.
The six outdoor uncanopied beds on the third floor across from the hot tub were a brilliant addition. Could lay there all night if you wanted, naked and wrapped in the many big, glorious, and plentiful towels and watch the stars, among other activities.
Animal life
Some folks such as myself were vaguely attacked by mosquitoes, others weren’t. Didn’t see a single bee the entire trip—in fact even lizards were fairly scarce. Only saw a raccoon and an iguana once at the resort. But the paw prints on our second-floor balcony attested to a large creature’s visitation. Slept with the patio doors open anyway with no problem.
Rooms & weather
Perfect weather all week. The constant breeze from the ocean cooled the air sufficiently so seldom felt hot, but was always comfortably warm. At night, the breeze made the air vaguely chilly. But dining and disco venues were indoors, so no problem.
Our room was 1911. King-size bed and next to the main bar. Could hear the disco and folks laughing at the main bar into the wee hours, but didn’t bother me.
Stopped using the a/c about halfway through the trip and always keep the overhead fan on—still slept with sheet, blanket, and bedspread comfortably.
We left our second-floor room door slightly open almost all the time because we had to share a key, but when it was closed, my date just walked across the thatched roof onto our patio and entered that way.
We shared a patio with another couple who we never ever saw or heard. Could see and hear the ocean from our patio even though we had the cheapest rooms available.
Saw two of the pricier rooms (one pool front and one with the huge Jacuzzi), but thought my room was just lovely in comparison. The rooms varied A LOT! Some folks complained about their tiny rooms, but didn’t see those. Seemed a waste to have the huge room Jacuzzi when the group hot tub was always ready to go and so nice!
The lighting and number and size of mirrors in the rooms varied a lot too. Ours was only a small mirror over the sink that was poorly lit. My thought when I got home was: Who dreamed that my eyebrows could grow in that much in one week? because I couldn’t see them in the dim mirror.
The rooms have a shower cap, soap, shampoo, conditioner, coffee machine, mini-fridge, maybe 10-12 hangers, and a blow dryer. The TV gets ESPN, CNN, HBO, TNT, among others, and the coochie-coochie channel of mediocre porn. You can learn to read Spanish from the subtitles on the HBO movies!
Bidet fun
Beware the bidet in the rooms. On our first day my date and I worked the bidet and got a good laugh at watching it squirt halfway to the ceiling and soak the bathroom floor.
I tried to use it as a marital aid one afternoon when I was alone (has long been my fantasy to use it for more than a foot-washing device like I’ve done in Europe for years), lined the thing with towels to make it comfortable, mounted it, got the water temperature just right, and then turned the center handle for the fountain effect and got nothing…darn!
Learned later that you must turn the water on ALL the way before the center knob works. My friend April was showing me on her bidet, and promptly squirted herself in the face to which we both laughed uproariously because it seems that happened to a lot of folks that week—no matter how much you know in advance.
Other resort activities
The entertainment staff was not the least bit forceful in asking folks to join in their games, but they always had some takers for every event. Since the most folks congregate in the pool area, that’s where the many daily activities were held.
E-staffers were friendly and willing to sit and talk about their lives. They all seemed happy to be there. Their English was good enough for a personal conversation.
The bartenders and wait staff varied in their ability to understand more than the typical customer requests. They did appreciate your using polite terms in Spanish.
Spanish near-daily lessons in the late afternoon helped: Do say thank you, gracias, and please a lot, por favor; the staff does appreciate it.
The water aerobics class was every other day at noon. I got to teach it one day, being the loud-mouth princess that I am.
The water polo and water volleyball was well attended by men and women. Well, okay, the water polo had less than a handful of semi-drowned gals, but it looked fun! The water is up to my shoulders and I’m 5’7”.
The entertainment staff help an event every night around 9-10ish. One night was karaoke, but more watchers than singers. They had ‘A Hard Day’s Night,’ but not ‘Proud Mary’ or ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’
Games were on the hour and included sexual jenga, bingo, and ping pong. Joining or not joining in was no biggie. Joining was more fun.
The gals on the entertainment staff are allowed to be topless and wear thongs—and often did. The word boobies is the same in Spanish.
Guests
Many Mexicans were guests of the hotel but not in high profile. All the e-staff called out announcements on the microphone in English and Spanish.
Most guests were first-timers. The crowd started out naked, and 40 and older, but as the week went on (lots of turnover with folks doing only 5-day trips) the crowd became less naked and younger..and more public sex occurred. No one seemed uncomfortable with the naked people, but some naked people occasionally commented that the clothed people should shed their duds. I only thought it because the cute guys were all wearing jams, which leave too much to the imagination.
More than half the guests had NOT been to Hedo2 before, but many had been to Braco and loved Braco. Everyone knew about Hedonism II though.
Two couples in one day came up to me to let me know they thought it interesting that I looked similar to photos they’d seen of Chris Santilli. I told them I heard she was a babe so I was flattered.
Two mornings that I went to breakfast by myself I asked to sit with someone who was sitting by himself. Both stammered that their wives were coming shortly as they pointed at her, and one man openly told me no I couldn’t sit with them—he seemed so startled by my request. I’m not a husband-stealer, honest! But you wouldn’t have known it from some folks reactions. (This awkward kind of thing happened to me at Hedo3 too.)
Miss No-Swimsuit contest
By the end of my vacation, a bunch of gals joined in the Lifestyles-sponsored “Miss Desire No-Swimsuit” contest. These seven gals were competing for a free trip for just themselves (hubbies have to pay) to Hedo 3, or was it Hedo2? Whatever.
We guests were given tons of mardi gras beads to give to the girls—and we were told to make the girls work for it because the beads counted as points to win.
I had three of the contestants straddle my lap as I sat on a lounger (so I could better ogle their ample, ripe, juicy, firm, bodacious ta-tas of course) and tell me a joke to earn the beads. They were more than happy to straddle me.
This joke request, however, confused them.
I even gave them plenty of time and made small talk. One had me tell her a joke first. Then after many minutes she finally came up with a one-line joke and I gave her some beads. The other two were fully unable to come up with a joke near daily, which was confusing to me. Must have been the pressure of the moment.
Booze
Desire offers a 24-hour bar—the main bar near the front desk. Can sit naked there too.
Remember, you can only order two drinks at a time when more than one person is in line waiting for a drink. For the most part, that rule wasn’t a problem at all, and only heard one person complain.
Each bartender makes the drinks very differently from the next one. Margaritas varied from yuck to acceptable. Watch the salt though—your lips will be so chapped by the end of the trip, you’ll be begging for no more salt.
Only the Bloody Marys seemed consistent, and I always had to add 4-5 drops of Tabasco to kick them up a little (Tabasco was handy to grab.) Champagne was always available. Mudslides were generally good. Coconut rum with pineapple and cranberry worked too. Both the red and white wines were wholly drinkable, and I’m becoming a wine snob.
The only beer served was Sol from bottles. While we were there, the bartenders installed button dispensers so they could serve cranberry and soda pop faster in the drinks rather than opening bottles.
Discovered a liqueur that I must find at home. It’s called 43, and tastes a bit like cream soda. Didn’t see it at the airport duty-free shop (which only had Kahlua and some other liquor you can easily find in the States).
My date created the Parthenon of beverages, placing each on top of the little concrete pillars that rise above the water separating the pool into the deeper end and the shallow end. Many folks came by and stopped in for a chat to sample the wares. Although the bartenders weren’t thrilled with the quantity of drinks he ordered, he did get a nice variety of 8-10 specialty beverages of the hotel. The “Desire” drink, while green, did have a nice melony glow about it and I recommend it. If you don’t like it, try it from another bartender before dismissing it.
Food
Breakfast was a delight—spinach omelets! And order the French toast and put some cream, strawberries and kiwi on it to become a true glutton. Don’t forget to enjoy the many exotic fruit juices to choose from. The thin very green stuff tasted like grass though.
Never ate lunch in the restaurant. The grill was open from 11 a.m. and served a ton of choices, but the same choices every day. Some of the items included: one or two types of French fries, friend calamari rings (my daily staple), cheddar cheese poppers, ribs, chicken wings, chips & salsa & melted cheese, tuna salad, salad and fruit fixings, and to-die-for guacamole.
Did I mention the guacamole was to die for? Miss it already.
Most folks figured out the hamburgers tasted weird and ordered the tasty club sandwiches instead. Hotdogs and steak were also available, but seldom ordered. They looked good though. The cattle in Mexico, according to one regular guest, are feed differently than in the States (on grass?) so it tastes different. I though it just tasted fatty and greasy.
Dinner can be in one of two restaurants—the buffet one with a table for 4 that they’ll move into tables for 6 or more upon request and the fancy restaurant for which you receive two coupons (to use for you both two times during the week) for if you are staying 7 nights. You can give the coupons to another couple if you don’t want to eat there—but I do recommend it! Make your reservations at least two days in advance—fills up fast. And go for predinner cocktails a ˝ hour early to site in the pleasant chic lounge area with a bar.
My date wore a kilt with sandals into the fancy restaurant and not an eyebrow was raised, but the rules say no sandals or shorts for men. I wore my standard Hedo slutwear nightly. The soft glowy-peachy lighting in the fancy restaurant makes everyone’s skin look scrumptious.
The steak wasn’t terrific in Mexico, but the shrimp were juicy and flavorful. All the seafood was nice, in fact. In the fancy (reservation-only) restaurant, don’t order the lobster bisque soup—flavorless. Get the seafood pot soup instead—full of flavor. All the salads are magnificent. The desserts all looked glorious, but tasted like cardboard. Drink your dessert instead—order the 43 liqueur.
Beach
Sand on the beach was baby powder fine and felt great on your tootsies. Sometimes I just walked around in circles to have it caress my feet. And I’m the girl who never ever goes barefoot because I have baby girl feets finely honed by a year of bedroom slippers and pedicures.
You can walk a long way in either direction from Desire along the beach. Seldom did you see folks from other hotels way up the way.
Pilgrimage into the Yucatan
The day-long tour we booked on the Internet through www.alltournative.com a few weeks before the trip was fabulous! Only icky parts are the coming and going (2-hour bus rides to/from Cancun). We did the Coba/ChiMuch trip that was $82 cash each because we booked online. Just e-mail them with your dates.
You'll also need to take a cab from Desire to La Isla shopping mall (huge mall that’s way into Cancun on the left side of the street) and you'll see the 3 to 4 10-passenger vans for the tour sitting there waiting for you in the parking lot.
Take a bag with a towel, some water, camera, and wear your swimsuit under your clothes. There's lot of security and you won't lose stuff. Wear shorts and top and sneakers for most of the day. You will be sitting in a wet suit on the way home—so take whatever measures you need to be comfortable. (no private spot to change out of your wet suit. I found the van chilly beyond words coming and going, but other folks were fine.
Take lots of $1 to tip the Mayans along the way (no pressure, just courtesy cups placed at each point)...I gave the bus driver $5 at the end of the trip.
For breakfast--you might want to steal fruit from the resort the day before to stash in mini-fridge and bring the next morning. The included Lunch (which was delicious and made by Mayan women on open flames) is a long way off. Juice/coffee/muffin is served at the first way-station about an hour-plus into the van trip.
We picked up a cab at Desire at 6:46 a.m. for the 7:30 pickup. (arranged at front desk the night before--cost $25 + $5 tip) and caught a cab for same price on the way back. Got back to Desire at 6:30 p.m. Long day but worth it!
Activities of the day include:
—2 km bike ride to 11-story ancient Mayan pyramid at Coba.
—Climbing to the top of the pyramid (climbing down was easier than it looked on the way up—but definitely was not OSHA safe.)
—Rappelling and Zip-lining through the forest canopy (throwing yourself off the cliff is fun!--I screamed)
—Kayaking (was amused when the fun busty blonde on the trip asked whether the two folks in the kayak were supposed to face each other)
—Hiking through a forest (didn’t see the hoped-for monkeys)
The last event of the active day included an ancient Mayan purification ritual with incense and swimming in the base of a deep candle-lit cave that you crawl down through a tight rocky hole called the frog’s mouth (Chimuch) to enter (cool nifty keeno!). The clear water is maybe 79 degrees F, and by that point you are desperate for its refreshment. You can jump in or enter by wood stairs onto the rocks.
My thighs ached the next day from our adventure, but in a good way!
Didn’t like—all these dislikes were super minor and wouldn’t keep me from another visit:
—The hard bed—platform, no box springs. But had lots of pillows! Was thankful we had a king-size bed—couldn’t believe how small the supposedly queen-size beds were.
—Not being able to drink the tap water, which had a vague sulfur smell to it
—Wearing a hospital-like plastic wrist or ankle bracelet to ID you as a guest—but I took mine off Day One and no one said a word. Everyone else wore theirs though.
—No piano bar—but the disco quality more than made up for it.
—More trees for shade—but found enough shade anyway and came home as white as I left.
So there….Go!
Best regards,
Chris
Apparently the water sports gal….
Copyright © Chris Santilli 2004.