HedoRick’s HedoHints
(Submiited by Hedo Rick with permission of the contributors.)

(Revised 1/1/01) Editorial note by DennyP (lots of information here is dated)

I’m often asked if I have any advice for first timers.  I have tried to pull it all together in one place.  I’ll warn you, it’s quite lengthy, but I’ve tried to organize it so you can just peruse the parts of interest.

First, Hedo contact Information:

Mr. Joseph Smith, General Manager
Hedonism II
P.O. Box 25
Negril P.O., Jamaica, West Indies.
Phone: 876-957-5200
Fax 876-957-5289 GM fax 876-957-5055

I. Good Advice (not mine)   

I’ll start with some advice from one of my good Hedo friends. 

Some Dos and Don'ts for Newbies

By  Swimstein@aol.com

Do:

A little research on when to time your vacation...

            Cheaper rates often means lower occupancy rate.

            March and June usually means younger average age (colleges out).

            September and October are the months most prone to hurricanes.

            January means more lifestyles folk.

Pack lightly, even prudes don't wear much.  Take along some risqué outfits, lingerie, thongs, etc.

Go with an open mind to respect others, both guests and staff.

Be laid back, don't rush... "Soon come, mon"

Say hello to strangers, small talk about Hedo, fun stuff.

Use first names only, no work talk needed (until you really mesh)

Try going nude, if you haven't before. Once done, it’s natural.

Have the time of your life.

Don't:

Think it is the Taj Mahal... the property is old, but clean and comfortable.

Expect gourmet food... but food is plentiful and adequate.

Worry about swinging (or whatever)...  a simple NO THANKS works well.

Think you need to go with a group. It’s easy to get acquainted.

Expect single women to be in abundance. Generally many more single males.

Be a leech.  Try to gauge whether personalities are meshing.

Be a voyeur, hanging around leering at nudes. (Always a pitiful few.)

Drink toooo much... you may lose valuable Hedo time hungover.

Drop Bill a note, if you have appreciated his advice.

II.  Getting off the Airplane

First, fill out the customs and immigration forms on the plane.  Take a pen with you.  Each form needs your signature.  The customs declaration is signed on the back (it’s easy to miss).  You’ll need a passport or both an original birth certificate (with raised seal imprint) and a driver’s license with photo.  (Couples, you will need to fill out forms for each different last name.)

There aren’t any jetways in Montego Bay.  Thus, you’ll deplane the old-fashion way—walk down stairs into the tropical atmosphere.  You’ve arrived!!  You’re in Jamaica!!!

The walk to immigration takes about five minutes and you’ll go up a couple of flights of stairs.  As you enter immigration (on your left) there are bathrooms that hardly anybody notices--they are typically the cleanest you can find until Hedo, so if you're slightly in need....  Then be prepared for long lines.  They often open up more stations, so if you’re alert you can skip to the head of the line.   But it really doesn't matter because (if you're riding the bus to Hedo), the bus won't go until everyone has had time to assemble.   Present your ID and immigration form.

Once you clear immigration, then you'll reclaim your luggage from a carousel and go through customs.  They have carts that you can use.  Present your ID and customs form.  Depending on whether you are taking the bus or a commuter plane, such as Tim Air, do the following:

If you are taking the bus, go straight out of customs, take a left at the first aisle, and go to the far wall.  Big sign saying "SuperClubs".  Tell them where you're going (Hedo) and stand-by for the bus.

Then you’ll wait.  Just until everyone gets there. About 10-20 minutes unless you’re the last.   Then a couple baggage handlers will take everyone's luggage out to the bus.  You'll be amazed at how much stuff they can handle.  They'll want a tip--at least a buck a bag (not included, it used to be).

Then you're off to Hedo.  To look at the coast/ocean, sit on the right side of the bus, inland on the left.  And, they drive on the left...wait until you get on the first traffic circle!  It won’t be long.

It takes about an hour and a half.  Two hours if they stop for a drink at a bar about a half-hour from the resort.   Someone always wants to stop and they will because they get a kickback.  Three bucks for a Red Stripe.  (They accept American dollars anywhere, so don't convert.  The conversion rate was $1 US = $40 JA, in January 2001.)  Despite the no tipping policy, the bus drivers usually expect a tip, $5 per party of 1 or 2 should suffice.

If you are taking a commuter plane to Negril, such as TimAir.  Representatives of the airlines will be waiting just outside customs.  You will take a short (5 minutes) ride over to the their departure lounge.  After a 15-minute flight, you’ll be at GNAT (Greater Negril Air Terminal).  Then you’ll be at the front desk at Hedo ($5 cab ride or 5-10 minute walk).

When you get to the resort, take your papers to the front desk.  They just computerized the check-in.  On my last trip, they had the keys ready in 5-10 minutes (fast by Hedo standards).  In the old days, they always told you to go to the bar (or lunch) and come back in an hour for your room key.  So, bring some sunscreen/beach stuff (suit?) in your carry-on if your coming early in the day so you can just head on down to the beach.  Or, go have a drink.  

III.  Things to Bring

BIG insulated mug (for drinks, they warm up so quickly.  The staff will completely fill it with ice, so there is really not all that much to drink in one.  BIG is up to you--I take a 32 oz that I buy Walmart for $1.99--they'll even fill it with coffee in the morning).   

First-Aid items (see section VI).

 Bring sunscreen.  Pack it inside into two grocery store bags in your luggage.  I always take three strengths.  One for parts that don’t normally see the sun and a weaker one for the rest of me.  Towards the end of the week, I reduce the strength of both.

Plastic Bags: Quart zip-lock (snacks, paperbacks), grocery store bags (hardcovers), and large (40 gallon) trash bags (great to put everything (towels, books, etc when caught by the rain.  Can make a poncho if rain never lets up.).

 Bring toys (you're on vacation)-temporary tattoos, "love" dice, glitter, flavored lotions, shaving cream (butt-crack tours or shaving previously unshaved areas),….  

Pre-paid phone calling card from AT&T or Sprint.  Sam's has the best price ($15 for 350 minutes).  Call home from the lobby.  Conversion rate is 8 minutes (U.S.) == 1 minute (Jamaica).  More about phoning home (section V.)

Lysol spray--I always spray the air conditioning units.  A lot of times I would get a cough/sore throat there.  Someone told me about the Lysol, not as bad a one since!  (Also, I bring cough drops since I almost always have a dry throat.)

Treats--I have a big sweet tooth.  Jamaicans think fruit is desert.  Even when they have chocolate, it's bitter.  So, a couple of Hershey nuggets....  (By the way, Robert's french fries are to die for...just tell him you want them well done and they'll be really crispy.  No problem getting fat grams here!  Also, at sunset, jerk chicken and red snapper escoveitch--the best!   Do you get the idea that I live to eat?)

Whistle lanyard--best way to keep track of your room key.  Just throw the whistle away.  Available in sporting goods (Target).  

Woolite- put a little in a small bottle to wash out something.  If you wear it once, it needs washing.

Binder clips (holds towels on the chairs if you don’t get a float cushion) or clip small items to the bedroom curtains to dry them.

Take your sexiest/funniest/leather-iest/virginal-est outfit for PJ nite (Tues).  No matter how outrageous you think you're being, you won't be.  Plus, you'll have it.  If you leave it at home, you won't have the option.  Prizes are given out for various categories.  If they take your name at the door—you’re a winner!  S&M themes seem to be popular with the coordinators.

If you have a really good bod, then flaunt it and go with vinyl or leather.  If not, go for humor (Victoria's Secret or Fredericks always have some humorous underwear: elephant, frog, ...).  Guys, just don't go in boxers!  (You'll look like a Vinnie).  Matched outfits are cool.  Remember, it's just one party.  Some people make a real effort, some don't.  Some people even make their own costumes!

SuperGlue.

A belt and some safety pins for use in creating your toga for Toga night (Thursday).  Accessories—anything to jazz up your toga.

Sexy clothing.  Women this is your place to strut your stuff.  See-through to peek-a-boo are always seen.   Remember that a hard body is nice; but attitude is everything.

CD's and/or cassettes, there is a player in the room.

 A nightlight for the bathroom.  The light switch is on the outside of the room and it's awfully bright at 3 a.m. and you don’t know the layout…. Also, put in a new bulb (old filaments may break bouncing around in your luggage).  (Unfortunately, some rooms are wired so that there is no power in the bathroom unless the light is on.)

Bring a supply of $1& 5 bills for tipping porters/etc.  Don’t accept your change in Jamaican money (they’ll try).   Look at the exchange rate at the airport as you exit immigration.

Water shoes.  A must if you’re going in the ocean due to the rough bottom (coral) and sea urchins (spiny!).

Sandals.  You can go barefoot if you’ve got tough feet.  The asphalt paths have been repave and are mostly smooth now, but they still get HOT.

IV.  Packing

There are two schools of thought at Hedo when it comes to packing.  The minimalists think that you shouldn’t take anything that you don’t use (and how much stuff do you need on a nude beach?).   The other school thinks that if I don’t have it, I’m not going to be able to get it.  Personally, I started in the second group and I’m working my way to the minimalist.  You really should only need one bag and a carry-on.  See below about the carry-on.

Although there is not a lot of storage space in drawers, there is a lot of room to hang stuff in the armoire (sp?, French for free standing closet).   For each person there are three small drawers in the dresser, two in the nightstand, and about two feet of hanging space.  The armoire has a high shelf and a low shelf (with the safe(s)) and room underneath for shoes.  For some reason, it also has an iron and ironing board.

When you are finished packing for your trip, go through your suitcase and remove half of the clothing that you have packed...(then remove half again as much....)   One T-shirt a day and a pair of shorts per two days is more than enough. (Underwear police among the guests may embarrass you if you’re caught wearing them.)  You do not need to dress up for any meals and can wear beachwear anyplace, except Pastafari.

Pastafari, the Italian sit-down restaurant, does require shoes to be worn and you must wear clothing there (they also do not allow tank tops...).  For men, the preferred dress is a shirt with a collar, shorts, and shoes (tennis).  For women, this is where you wear your dress up outfits (or shorts/blouse).

Carry-on.  When going to Hedo, the carry-on can be your most important piece of luggage.  If you’re coming from a cold climate, you’ll need a carry-on that can carry an immediate change of clothing or you’ll burn up!  Air conditioning is not an option on the bus or airport.  It will be hot and humid.  I choose to change before boarding the plane.

Carry-on.  If you arrive at Hedo early (before dinnertime), your room might not be ready.  (In the past, might not translated to wouldn’t.)  At this point, you need to change to your beach togs (suit, hat, sunglasses, and sunscreen).  Do you want to dig through your bags?

V.  Activities

Every day at Hedo has some differences. Check the activity board in the main dining room and at the Dive shop. This lists all the scheduled activities for the day in English and Spanish... There are a lot of local places to visit in Negril, and they can be reached by hiring a cab or bus at the hotel for a fee. The roads in Jamaica are not the best.  Distant travel to other parts of the island can be all-day or longer excursions. There are regular scheduled tours daily listed on the boards or ask at the front desk. There is almost always a bus to Rick’s Cafe in the late afternoon and returning after sunset.

Reservations for Pastafari and the Scotch Bonnet are made at the Tour Desk (opposite registration).  They are closed on Thursdays (Toga).

Veronica’s is a great place—one of my favorites at Hedo.  Before and after dinner, it is a nice place for a quiet drink.  And you can talk to Veronica—one of the nicest people they have.  But as it approaches 10:30, the whole atmosphere changes when David (the piano player/singer) walks in.

David does a sing-a-long starting at 10:30, Weds-Sunday.    Do NOT picture singing songs around a campfire.   This is Hedo, after all.  David’s specialties are “the big bamboo” and “piece-by-piece”.  If it gets dull, he’ll start the crowd singing a warped “summer love” (Grease).   If you have a great voice, you’ll find an appreciative crowd.  I generally wait until everyone is completely drunk (especially me) before I try to sing.

Plan on spending sunset to (sunset + 1 hour) at the nude hot tub.  We call it Happy Hour.  Die hards make that (sunset - hour) to 7:30 (when they treat the hot tub).  The hot tub also gets crowds around 10, midnight, and 2 a.m. (but it’s not that exact).  Lots of people end their day with 15 minutes in the hot tub; but, being Hedo, sometimes that stretches to an hour or two depending upon the company there and the quality of shows. (;>}}

Daily Activities:

These activities are highly biased; i.e., things I’ve been known to do or thought I might do….  Prude beach activities probably occur, but how would I know?  

Every Day (Selected, there are too many to list here):   

Theme Nights.  There are only two I pay attention to:  PJ and Toga, although each night has a theme.  

  The PJ party starts at 11 (normally in the disco) on Tuesdays so after dinner put on your outfit.  It doesn’t matter how much thought and planning I put into my outfit, the best I’ve ever done is win second or third prize.  There are many categories: virginal, sexiest, S/M, funkiest, most original, most desperate, …  Many guests spend a lot of time planning and cruising the net trying to find/make that perfect costume.   Others show up at the resort, find out about it, and just wing it.  (Guys:  you can do better than boxer shorts, especially if you’re trying to score.  You certainly won’t “stand out” in the crowd.) 

  Toga.  Everyone is expected to wear a toga to dinner.  If you have absolutely no idea how to tie one,  there is a class earlier in the day.  Hedo will provide sheets,  just bring some safety pins and accessories.   Many of the guests have discovered that a properly tied toga need not cover much and can really accentuate their assets.   After dinner they have an amateur night with guests and staff performing.  Then the finale—a giant conga line and dancing.  I’m normally so hot that it’s off to the pool or hot tub to cool  off. 

  Nighttime Shows 

*If you can sing, please come join us, and SING. This is can be one of Hedo’s most entertaining events. Really depends on the crowd. Ask David for his specialties: “Big Bamboo” and “Piece by Piece”. If you ask for the latter, be prepared to get naked or find a surrogate quickly. The singing ranges from quite good (1 or 2 guests) to fair (most guests) to awful (me and some other guests). 

*** If you have a talent and want to perform, here’s your chance. You can borrow an instrument from the band (normally). 

Nude Cruise As always, a lot of fun. The price has been raised to $45. The cruise lasts about three hours and goes to a reef for snorkeling (coral and small fish). Then it goes to the Caves and Pickled Parrot. A lot of the people use the rope to swing off the cliffs or the water slide.  The cruise begins 50-50 clothed and was 90-10 nude by the end. Steve still gives foot massages.  No food.  Red Stripe, Rum Punch, Pepsi, and Ting to drink.  Also Sunset Cruise, second cruise in a stay gets a big discount. 

VI.  Phoning Home.

I don’t have a cell phone, but from what I’ve heard is that they can be used.  First, one is required to go somewhere in Negril and post a (large) cash deposit to activate the phone.  Then, sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. 

  What I have done is take a pre-paid phone card.  It almost has to be an AT&T  pre-paid phone cards (although I’ve heard that Sprint will work).  I bought a card from Wal-Mart ($42 for 250 minutes and then one from Sam’s $15 for 350 minutes).  AT&T converts your US minutes into Jamaica minutes at a rate of 8 US to 1 from Jamaica, so your 350 minute card is only good for 44 minutes from Jamaica.  

  Call from the lobby phones that are in a little room opposite the registration desk.  Don’t dial 9, just dial 872 to access an AT&T operator (or 875 for Sprint), wait about 15 seconds to hear “thanks for using AT&T”, then follow the directions on the back of the pre-paid phone card.  Works like a charm!  We had the other people call us back in our room (five minutes later), so it only cost us “1” pre-paid minute to call the U.S.  We heard from people who had called from their rooms that a 1-minute call cost them $35 last year. 

VII.  First Aid Items 

People are always amazed that I carry so much stuff to Jamaica, but then I normally have what I need to take care of small ills and injuries.  There is a nursing station (it’s hard to find…take the path up from the beach that goes between the dining hall and Veronica’s to the very front). 

Should something serious happen to you, my advice is:  get emergency care in Jamaica and then get to the States as fast as you can.  

We had a friend fall and break her arm.  First, a cab ride to Montego Bay (only two cities with X-ray machines on the island, the other is Kingston).  They set her arm in a cast.  Three days of constant pain, finally she goes back to the States and sees her doctor.  More than four hours of surgery and three pins later, they thought she might get full use of her arm back after physical therapy.  In Jamaica, a cast was the only therapy they recommended. 

I caught pneumonia once.  And, I thought a Jamaican doctor (who told me he was trained in the U.K.) properly treated me.  He had several large bottles of pills in his bag from which he gave me some antibiotics to take.  I felt horrible (what I expected from pneumonia), but saw my doctor when I got back who extended the prescription of antibiotics for another 10 days.  I felt much better within a day of switching to the new pills…. I think the Jamaican pills were too old, so my advice is get your doctor to prescribe new pills and throw the Jamaican pills away as soon as you can. 

  Sun Poisoning   

Some people (mostly women) get varying degrees of sun poisoning from exposure to the sun.  I think it’s worse in the summer months because of the intensity of the sun.  It usually starts on the delicate upper chest area and can spread any place on your body that is exposed to sun (at Hedo, everywhere!).  The best thing to do is stay out of the sun as much as possible – stay under the trees on the beach, the shaded part of the pool.  Some women wear a bandanna over their neck/chest area to help – and it works.

My girlfriend got sun poisoning so bad on her forearms – they were blistered and itched like crazy.  She went to the Doctor when she got back.  He gave her a prescription for Allegra to be taken orally and cream (Elocon, a steroidal cream) to use on her arms.  He recommended that she start taking Allegra (or Claritin) about a week prior to the next trip and continue throughout the trip. And, it worked!  Just a little bit of the rash on her next to last day.

Items to take:

•  Band-Aids

• Triple antibiotic cream

• Hydrocortisone cream

• Bug spray

• Aloe Vera gel

• Immodium A-D  (and/or Lomotil  (prescription A-D))

• Athlete’s foot cream (also for jock itch)

• Antihistamine (pills and Benadryl cream for sun poisoning)

• Pepto Bismol

• Cough drops for dry throats

• Tums

• Birth control pills (I threw this one in to save some ruined trips!)

•  Mole skin (for blisters)

• Condoms

• Eye drops

• Ear plugs (you might get a “disco” room or a screamer next door)

• Aspirin, Tylenol, and/or Advil.

VIII.  Sex and Nudity

Got your attention now!

Being Nude-If you are worried about being nude, read HedoBandito & HedoVamp’s answer to Lynne’s posted question:

Hi Lynne,
My wife and I are preparing for our 4th trip now. It has always been our experience, as stated by the others who have replied to your post that people on the nude side are not judgmental at all. Ages on our trips have ranged from 18 to mid 70s; sizes from very very small to very very large, every color from snow white to bright red to golden brown to jet black, and people sporting every imaginable scar that is a part or result of the frailty of the human experience. One of the most wonderful things I've ever seen in my life was a very old very wrinkled, bent, scarred, sagging old couple (one of which was very large by the way) hobbling hand in hand as they helped each other down into the ocean. Their spirits and joy were among the youngest and most vibrant on the beach. Nothing has done my heart and mind more good than learning and experiencing that there is a place on this planet where we can go to enjoy life and companionship so openly regardless of the condition of our bodies. There are some wonderful bodies there to see but the greatest beauty we found was the spirit exhibited by all of the fabulous people who visit Hedo. Your worries will dissipate quickly so go and live life to the fullest!

Nudity.  You will see nudity if you’re on or near the nude side.  You’ll see brief nudity in the dining hall and/or Veronica’s during some of the shows (by the GUESTS).  I’ve never seen any member of the staff naked (I wish!  They are all sooo cute).  Thursday (Toga Party) is the night that you’ll see the most flesh at dinner as people’s togas vary from virginal to vestigial.

  On any given night you might see some revealing outfits since Hedonism is one of a few places that people can flaunt their bodies.   Often repeat groups will pick a night and declare it “slut night”, a night where the whole group will wear their most revealing and flattering outfits.  Sometimes it has a theme, sometimes not.   Generally the word will get out so all can join in (but you had to bring something). 

  If you want to escape without seeing nudity, then avoid the some of the lunch time spins (especially wet T-shirt contest—they don’t seem to stay on long). 

  Where is nudity acceptable?   Obviously the nude beach/hot tub area.  Many guests will go back and forth to their rooms sans clothes.  Some militant guests will go to their rooms on the prude side, nude if that’s what they paid for and have been “bumped” for a night or two.  Women go topless on either beach.  (“It’s my period.”  Sorry, guys, it won’t work for you.)

The nude beach officially starts at a sign posted on a tree (“Nude Beach – No Photography”).    Next to this area is a strip of beach that buffers the nude from the prude beach and is used by all the guests-some with or without tops or bottoms.  Also, this brings up photography on the nude beach:  Never take photos without the permission of everyone!  Many people have careers at stake should a photo of them show up on the internet.  Make sure that there is no one in the background or next to your subjects.

Although it isn’t really acceptable for nudity anywhere else on the property, sometimes it is seen, especially late at night.  Remember that over half the guests have been nude all day (and most, drinking).   Exceptions: nude volleyball in the main pool after midnight, PJ nite (well, they really aren’t nude; but they sure aren’t hiding anything—more like accenting), and briefly in some of the shows or acts.

Where is Clothing Unacceptable?  At the nude hot tub, nude pools, and nude bar (24 hrs/day) and on the nude beach from sunrise to 7:30  p.m.   After dinner many people will stroll on the nude beach.  Just be considerate and don’t bother anyone.

Should you decide to cruise the nude beach during the day (while wearing a swim suit), don’t be surprised if either a security guard asks you to leave or if guests take it into their own hands (literally).  Normally, a  female guest will try to get you out of your suit—with or without your cooperation.  I’m addressing this to guys as women normally aren’t a problem.

Sex.  The management at Hedonism condemns public sex. However, sex at Hedonism is the rule rather than the exception.  Most of it takes place in the rooms, but some seems to spill out into public venues.  Flirting is a sport played nearly 24 hours a day at Hedo.  Sometimes it progresses (publicly) if the parties involved are willing.  Some weeks are wilder than others.  This doesn’t mean that you’ll see it; it seems that someone is always telling me “you should have been here a half hour ago (or last night).  And I don’t mean to imply that it’s a constant activity, just that it happens spontaneously.

Public sex seems to happen in the mid to late afternoon, mostly in the cool jacuzzi, fountain pool, or behind the waterfall (called the fornicatorium or the grotto).  Later in the evening and late night, the hot tub and beach are added as active sites.  Where else can one fulfill the fantasy of making love on a moonlit beach?  Some people appreciate an audience, but it’s rare that they want others to join in.   (So, guys give these people some space.  Also, it’s not polite to stare.)

It is not too unusual for small groups to enjoy each other from time to time.  Normally, it’s two or three couples coupling.   It’s also not unusual to see two women together or with one guy.  These activities may not happen every day (or week), but often enough not to be atypical. .  It would be quite unusual to see two guys together.

For couples and groups giving public performances, it is not unusual to applaud and cheer after the climatic moment.  I’ve often thought of taking “point” cards, but never have gotten around to it.  I guess I could just take a bunch of “10”’s and one “9” for the Soviet judge.

Singles-Generally the resort has many singles, sometimes as many as 50% of the guests.  This makes for a nice balance between couples and singles and all seem to get along well.  However, single guys outnumber the single women, normally by a lot.  The best ratio I’ve seen is about 2:1, it’s typically 3-4:1, and sometimes-even worse.

Hedo is the most single-friendly resort I’ve ever gone to.  Club Meds used to have reputations as single-friendly, but I’ve heard that they are now targeting families.

If you are willing to let Hedo assign you a roommate (in their Single Share program), then there isn’t even a surcharge for going as a single.  If you want your own room, then there is a surcharge that increases the price about $100/night.  I’ve gone on the Single Share program many times and had good experiences with it.  The only drawback (and discuss it right away) is what if one of you meets a friend?  Since all you do in the room is sleep and clean up, it’s possible not to see your roommate for days.  In fact, once I didn’t know who my roommate was for 4-5 days as I was always asleep when he came in, and he was asleep when I left in the morning.

Single Guys

By Bostonareahedo@aol.com  

Single guys: If your trip is about relaxing and drinking and partying, and generally raising hell, Hedo is an amazing experience.  If your delicately worded question is supposed to mean.... will 3 single guys in their late 30's get any action at Hedo....the answer is ....maybe!

Being a Hedo lover, I am telling you that Hedo is the best vacation there is, and the being nude thing will be easy once you try it.  But Hedo is not a single woman buffet, as some of the brochures and media stories of late, might mislead you to believe!

Go to Hedo for the fun and the sun.  Go to Hedo for the great people you will meet there. Go to Beaches if you want a higher percentage of unattached females!

The lack of women (compared to men) causes some guys to act like:

  Vinnie = a guy who thinks he's god's gift to women and insists on making sure every gal at Hedo knows it.  Won't take "no" for an answer. Could be any age but generally younger.  Often runs in packs. 

  Walley = a guy who's very into watching whatever romantic interludes may be going on and may not be shy about getting as close to the action as he can.  Usually not a very talkative type, so can be a bit creepy, although generally quite harmless.  Some Walleys will try to sneak photos.  Almost always show up for body painting and PJ night with cameras and lots of film.  Be firm with them, if you don’t want to be photographed. 

  These terms apply to SOME unaccompanied men vacationing at Hedo.  Thank goodness, most single guys aren’t Vinnies or Walleys. 

  It seems like most women at Hedo will pair up with at least one guy before they leave.  But not all!  Remember, no means NO!  Also, remember to use protection.  Be a Boy Scout!  Be prepared.

Single Gals-This is smorgasbord for women.  Guys normally outnumber the gals by a large number, so be prepared to be hit upon (a lot).   At Hedo, there is a sexually charged atmosphere and you’ll probably have been drinking.  So, think about your response before you go.

There are a lot of security personnel around and other guests will normally help you.  But, don’t forget that bad things can happen and it is common to be wandering around nude at 2 a.m.  (Don’t try this in NYC!)

Remember: Hedo is as WILD as you want.  But you have to live with yourself when you go home.  (Don’t forget to use protection.)

Lifestylers (Swingers).   There are certain weeks (2nd-4^th week of January, 4^th of July, and 2^nd week of October) which are sponsored by Lifestyle travel.  These weeks tend to have more people interested in well, you know. I haven't used their agency, but they specialize in swingers, and sponsor events and give their clients a key chain that will introduce you to other like-minded people.  Other than those weeks, every week at Hedo has adventurous-minded people.

Several times I’ve been to Hedo the week before the Lifestylers have arrived (see my trip report on Denny’s site).  All the people we met were quite nice, ordinary people.   I don’t know why I thought they’d all be young, hard bodies  (By the way, we weren’t harassed in any way --if you’re worried about this group.  But, they were very open and friendly…what I expect of Hedo people on the nude side.)

Over the years, I have been approached and found that a simple “No, thank you.  I’m flattered, but not interested” works quite well.    If you’re interested, well, you know how to proceed. 

Prostitutes.  Working girls are readily available on the property.  Don’t assume all Jamaican ladies are, but a large percentage are; especially in the disco.  One friend of mine (and this is the truth) has AIDS from a night with a prostitute who was working Hedo.  If you are going to pay for it, use PROTECTION.  Don’t be stupid, being drunk won’t protect you.

Security and Sex Police.    One of the many pluses of Hedo is the abundance of security.  They are there to protect the guests and keep interlopers off the property.  They also deal with the drunken (or stoned) guest who’s being obnoxious at 2 in the morning.  They make it possible for a naked lady to walk to her room from the hot tub at 1 a.m. and feel somewhat secure.  (However, bad things can still happen.  Don’t leave your common sense at home.)

Sex Police is the name the guests have given to the security guards that are supposed to enforce the rules concerning public sex at the resort.  The enforcement is typically quite inconsistent (one necking couple told to knock it off and other couples doing far more, ignored).  Generally, the sex police don’t really inhibit the spirit and action too much, especially later at night.  During daylight hours they seem to try to hold the line, at least on the beach (rafts are another story, see below).  They also try to keep clothed guests from lingering on the nude beach.

One of the funnier sights I’ve seen was a couple on a raft who got rather, ahem, involved and, without their notice, the raft drifted nearly on the beach.   A Hedonism manager walking the beach noticed this couple (as had everyone else) and informed security to “break it up”.  The security guard (in his long pants and leather shoes) unsuccessfully tried to get the attention of the guests (they were rather busy at the moment).  With the manager insisting, the guard tried to walk over to the couple by walking on rafts.  So sad, there were only losers.  The couple was embarrassed to discover where they had floated, the guard’s shoes and pants were thoroughly soaked, and the afternoon’s entertainment was prematurely (we so hate that word) terminated.

VIII.  Dining.

There are three main sources of food at Hedonism: Main Dinning Room, Restaurants (Pastafari and Scotch Bonnet), and Beach Grills (Prude and Robert McMahon’s).  Only the Pastafari and Scotch Bonnet restaurants require reservations (made at the Tour Desk (opposite registration)).

The main dinning room serves buffet style meals three times a day and is where most people will eat breakfast and dinner.   Some people stay on the beach for lunch and others will go up to the dinning room for the Lunch Time Spins. 

Breakfast-The wait staff will bring coffee, juice, and water.  Charlie Johnson makes the best omelets and is always in a good mood.  He’ll also make your eggs any way you want them.  

Jamaican coffee is, IMHO, GREAT, but it is strong.  Traditionally it is drunk with a great deal of milk, so if you just want a little, be very clear when specifying how much.   If you like the International Flavors creamers, they are available near the coffee urns.  Also, the pink artificial sweetener (saccharin) is available, but not the blue sweetener (aspartame).

The items on the buffet change every day and include traditional Jamaican items (Saltfish and Ackee, Bimmies, or …) and waffles, eggs Benedict, etc.  There is always bacon, ham (freshly carved), and sausages.

There are an assortment of breads and pastries that change a little.  Sometimes bagels or English muffins are available, sometimes not.  The banana bread is my favorite.  The croissants are highly variable, really good when good, but not when not.

There is an assortment of fresh fruit (melons, mangos, oranges, pineapple…), canned fruit (peaches and pears), yogurt, cheeses, and cream cheese.

For those whose will power has held out, even some cereals and oatmeal (or porridge?).

Lunch- The dinning room has a nice salads and hot entrees and vegetables.  In addition, it has the Lunch Time Spin (see Activities).  I don’t make it up to lunch too often, but others go up every day.  It’s just such a long way….

Obviously I’m not giving lunch in the dinning room adequate coverage.  I try to make it up there for Shepherd’s Pie (Weds.)  or the taco bar.

Lunch on the beach is what I normally do.  Robert will fix anything he can for you with the ingredients he has on hand:

• Hamburgers and cheeseburgers (with bacon, grilled onions, …)

• Grilled cheese (with bacon, ham, turkey, onions, tomatoes, …)

• Club sandwiches (traditional or to order)

• Plain sandwiches (turkey, ham)

• BLT

• Jamaican Patties (beef, chicken, or callaloo)

And, of course, Robert’s World Famous French fries.  Be sure to try these (I don’t even normally eat French fries-but, hey, it’s Hedo and the normal rules don’t apply!).

(If you are serious about ketchup, then stock up on the packets from the fast food places before you go.)

Best of all, Robert will smile at you and make you feel like he really enjoys making your lunch.  Even if there are a dozen other people ordering.  He is amazing!

Sunset-Robert rides off into the sunset and Indiana takes over the grill until closing.  She brings with her Jerk Chicken and Escoveitch Fish (often Snapper, but always a mild flavored fish).  I don’t eat fish, yet I’ll eat the Escoveitch snapper.  I’ll warn you, these treats are hot!  Somedays, too hot for me.  So a little makes a great snack until dinner.  You’ll know when it’s available, the line forms fast.  Some nights they run out of one or the other, though normally the fish is in more limited supply (depends on what they caught that day?).  Don’t wait until your last day to try.  (I don’t think this is available from the prude grill—another reason to try the nude side).

Dinner-Other than having a beach fare at the grill, there are three main options for dinner:

Dinning Room-Most people will eat here and enjoy the buffets.  There are two lines for the hot entrees and vegetables.  The format is a fish, chicken, and a grilled entrée and a rice, starch, and two vegetables.  Most nights there is a carving station at the end of the hot buffet with entrees like lamb, ham, steamship round, fish Wellington, and turkey.  (The turkey is fabulous!)  Next comes a pasta station with a choice of pasta and sauces.  

Two soups and homemade breads come next along with an assortment of cheeses.  In the center is a display of salads, fruits, and appetizers.  I’m not doing this justice, as it is about 30 linear feet of food.  (Don’t miss the ice sculptures.)

Finally, there is a wide assortment of deserts, at least eight different types: flan, cheesecakes, cookies, fudge, cakes, ice creams (2 flavors of soft-serve), pies, enough to top off any meal.

Beverages readily available are water and red and white wine. In addition, there is bar service, coffee, and ice tea available on request.

Pastafari- Reservations for Pastafari and the Scotch Bonnet are made at the Tour Desk (opposite registration).  They are closed on Thursdays (Toga).  Dinner is a leisurely affair typically lasting about two hours.  Tables are available for 2, 4, 6 or 8 people.  Larger groups are possible, but it is really better to split up to fit their tables sizes (trust me!).

Pastafari menu is Italian and alternates twice a week.  The meal begins with drink orders.  Pastafari is the only place that serves champagne and has better wines than the dinner room.  In addition, they will go to the bar for any other types of drinks.

Dinner begins with a trip to the antipasto bar that varies but may have seafood, mussels, shrimp, pickled vegetables, salami, potato salad, and spiced chicken.  The next courses are soup (minestrone and zuppa di Giorno) and salad (Caesar or garden).  Garlic bread is brought out immediately, but for some reason, never restocked unless requested.

The choice of entrées is either a pasta or meat/fish dish.  There are normally about 5-6 pastas (my favorite is Fettucine Carbonara con Pollo).  The meat entrees include tenderloin, salmon, veal, chicken, and mixed seafood grill.  The presentation is fabulous. If you discover that you made reservations at Pastafari on lobster night (Tuesday?), you can ask them to prepare lobster for you even though it’s not on the menu.

Coffee, cappuccino, champagne, or liquor can accompany deserts.  My favorite desert is the cream puff.

Scotch Bonnet- Dinner reservations required.  The Scotch Bonnet is located outside between the main dining room and the pool area.  It has a limited menu of Jamaican dishes.  The jerk chicken is different from the Indiana’s. The night we ate there it rained, so we ate in the back of the dining room.  Everyone seemed to enjoy their meal, but I only ate there one night.  The food is spicy, too spicy for some.

IX.  Drinking and Liquor.

Hedonism is all-inclusive, but doesn’t stock all liquors.  Beer is easy—it’s Red Stripe.  Wine is easy—it’s white or red.   Pastafari has a greater selection of Italian wines and one champagne (and cappuccino).   Soft drinks are easy—Pepsi, diet Pepsi, 7-Up, and TING (a Jamaican grapefruit soda).  Also, cranberry, orange soda, and Jamaican ginger ale (which packs a real wallop!—it’s got ginger).  (Coca-Cola is for sale now at the logo shop.)

Each bar carries a different selection of liquors.  All are well stocked with Jamaican rums and liquors, generic liqueurs, and mixers.  In addition, there are some brand name liquors:

• Scotch: Dewar’s, Chivas Regal, J&B, Teachers, and Johnny Walker (red and black).

• Whiskey: Canadian Club, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam Black, Southern Comfort, Seagram Seven

• Gin: Tanqueray, Beefeater, Gordon

• Vodka: Stolle, Absolut, Smirnoff

• Tequila: Jose Cuervo, Charro

• Liquors: Bailey’s, Sambuca, Grand Marinier, Drambuie, B&B, Crème de Menthe, Amaretto, ….

I know that this list isn’t complete, but I’m relying on my memory.  Not all bars carry the same stock.  Get to know your bartender and he will stock what you want to drink, if you ask nicely.

Shots and Shooters are popular, especially at the disco and Veronica’s.  Veronica’s makes the best shooters, just don’t end the evening too soon.

X.             Other Sources of Information.

There are many sources of good information about Hedo and I will list a few.

Books:

“The Naked Truth about Hedonism II, A naughty but nice guide to Jamaica’s all-inclusive, very adult resort” by Chris Santilli.  This is an unauthorized guide written by beautiful lady who’s been to Hedo many more times than I have and is filled with nearly 200 pages of information, stories, and pictures.  E-mail her direct at: CSantilli@mw.sisna.com for the best price/service or special order it from http://www.wordcrafting.com/hedobook.stm or your favorite book source.  ISBN 0-9662683-1-8.

W W W sites:

The premier internet site for information about Hedonism II and III is:

http://www.dennyp.com/

There is a message board where you can leave questions and check what’s on everyone’s mind:

http://www.dennyp.com/ceilidh-hedo2/ceilidh.html

A section of trip reports (read several as everyone’s experience is varied):

http://www.dennyp.com/HIITripReports/HedonismTripReports.htm

and another site to list your dates at Hedo and find out whom else is going (individuals and groups).  Certain weeks have themes (lifestyles (swingers), nude, body piercing, …) or groups ( WWW (Wet, Wild, and Wicked), Bubbly Bares, …), so you might want to check it out before you go to see who will be there that week:

http://www.dennyp.com/FrequentUpdatesA/H-IIVisitors.htm

Another good site is for information on Jamaica is:

http://members.aol.com/hedolistic/

And, also a good listing of travel agencies specializing in booking Hedo:

http://members.aol.com/hedolistic/#Travel

Make sure that all the agents quote you on the same number of nights, airfare, room class (ocean view nude, garden view nude, ocean view prude, or garden view prude), airport fees, insurance (if included and what it covers), etc.  Recently I’ve noticed that a lot of ads say 7 days (meaning 6 nights) and so are about 15% cheaper than those for 7 nights are.

Yahoo has recently started a message board and post area for Hedonism that requires a password.  I have been boycotting this site because they have posted pictures where people’s faces can be seen and I doubt that they have gotten permission (considering the number).

XI.  Conclusion.

I have tried to convey a lot of information to the (long-winded) best of my ability.  If you have a question that I haven’t answered or find a mistake, drop me a line at:

      HedoRick@aol.com.

Or post your question on either Denny’s site, the AOL Hedo board, or the Yahoo Hedo board and I’m sure that you’ll have it answered quickly.

If we are ever at Hedo together, come up and say “Hi”.  On the beach I’ll generally be wearing my blue cap with “HedoRick” embroidered on it.

(revised 1/1/01)