Hedonism II Trip Report - Jennifer: July, 2021
Got a pretty bad night of sleep before leaving, but my flights on Spirit were mostly uneventful.
Met Mr Reasonable outside and walked right to the car. I realized about halfway there that I should have asked for a water before we left. My driver’s name was Rowan and it was his 3rd week working for Mr Reasonable. The drive to Negril was beautiful with only a little (normal) traffic in Lucea. I was the only person in the lobby at check in, and they upgraded me to an ocean view (where I currently sit writing this).
There is an ELR group here who brought some exotic dancers. I went to the prude pool where they were playing some games to watch and ended up caught in an afternoon rain shower and given a gift bag! It contained a vibrator and some condoms. So sweet.
After the rain stopped, I went for a short walk on the beach where I was offered “party supplies” and politely declined. (It happens 3-4 times a day and I got more used to declining but they were always surprised when I said no thanks) Side note: every man who has spoken to me has asked where my husband is first. It takes too long to explain, so I’ve just started saying “over there.”
I wandered over to the dive shack and talked to the guys there about cave snorkeling. I may be out of luck unless I book a tour with a boat owner. I spent the rest of the afternoon in the nude pool, which got really warm and full of bodies at some point, so I left to get cleaned up for dinner.
A nice couple from TX and a single guy from Louisiana were my dinner companions at Pastafari. They were out of risotto, so I got escargot as my appetizer and spaghetti carbonara for my entree. It was delicious! After dinner, we watched the main stage show (it was leather night) and then went to Kama Sutra to watch the visiting exotic dancers perform.
Day 2 I woke at 6:30 and read the news until breakfast service started at 7:30. Got showered and went to the beach to read while it was still cool out (88°). I’m getting lots of texts from family and friends about tropical storm Elsa. Will have to wait and see, but if it hits us, I’m not worried. This place is really solid.
Lunch at the nude pool with some new friends and floated in the sea for a few hours. The ocean is so much cooler (temperature) than the nude pool. Unfortunately my sunscreen was not up the the task and I burned my nose and my back. I got out of the sun for 2 hours and then went back to the nude pool. I drank some water and we all left the pool at 6.
Dinner at Pastafari again, as the line for HarrySan was really long. All the people at the teppanyaki tables were fanning themselves with menus and hand fans. Nope! A/C for me! I tried the chicken and the mushroom risotto (the best) and read my book. Then I met some friends at the main stage and watched the show until 10, when I went back to my room to FaceTime with my kiddo. Fell asleep shortly thereafter and missed the foam party.
Day 3 started at 6am and I had coffee on the main pool deck while watching the grounds crew rake the sand. It was hypnotic; back and forth. Read the news to get the latest on the tropical storm - now Hurricane Elsa. Crap.
Had some breakfast and read my book until an older man I met in the pool stopped by to chat. It got a little awkward when he started telling me how much he liked oral sex and that if we ended up “getting together” I should be excited because he brought lotions from bath & body works to give as gifts to his ladies. I had to put my foot down at that point and tell him “it’s too early in the morning for oral sexy talk, man.” He apologized and left me to my breakfast, but only after mansplaining how to handle my sunburn.
I went to the beach and read my book for a little bit. Then I decided to go kayak. That was amazing! I paddled from one end of the property to the other and made it back without freaking out that I’d be washed out to sea. After that, I started talking to a friend from Oklahoma and ended up spending the rest of the afternoon with her and her friends. After some time in the nude pool we came back to have lunch and went inside when the rain started falling.
Dinner was the Friday night gala buffet and I ate four lobster tails because they were That Good. Turns out that today was the very first day of lobster season! This was a truly don’t miss experience. Rounded out the night “singing” karaoke at the piano bar and ended up losing my voice for a day. Note to self: it’s not singing when you’re doing it at the top of your lungs. This and all the cheering during the shows + talking over the DJ in the pool just destroyed my voice.
Day 4 I ran out of gas. I was sunburned, voiceless, and tired to the bone. I had lunch at Flame where the potato salad with roast chicken was the best thing Ever. Followed up with penne pasta in a tomato cream sauce, but they used spaghetti noodles instead of penne, so I was a little disappointed with my lunch. Spent the day sleeping and reading a book, then went back to Flame for dinner and ate a delicious filet while watching a sweet couple I met celebrate their anniversary with a candlelight dinner on the beach.
Day 5 was the 4th of July and the arrival of Tropical Storm Elsa. I spent time watching the radar and texting my family back home that it was just a little rain and nothing was really catastrophic. I really loved the overcast morning (because: sunburn) and spent the time before the rain arrived on the nude beach. I waded into the sea to get wet and met a Jamaican in a highlighter yellow shirt named Fireman. He was holding a giant crab in one hand and a lobster in the other. These animals were huge and looked positively prehistoric! He told me that he was a chef and owned 3 restaurants on the island, asked to take me to one, told me I was beautiful, and then headed on his way when I politely declined. When the rain started, the temperature dropped and I headed into the nude pool where I stayed for the rest of the day as the rain steadily fell. I met some great folks from Tennessee, and saw a lot of PDA in the rain. I went back to my room for a nap about 3, but hear a ruckus around 4:30 in the main building. I headed up there to see what was going on and there was a high school marching band performing on the main stage. The whole EC staff was dancing on the dance floor waving towels and having a wonderful time; it was a great Fourth of July celebration.
I ate dinner at HarrySan with a table full of Hedo virgins and one couple who had visited over 12 times! The chef was hysterical and so, so dirty. He had us laughing the whole meal.
After dinner I went back to the main stage to watch the show. They had a great singer and everyone was singing along the side of the table with some new friends and was pulled up to dance by one of the EC staff. We had a ball and I started sweating buckets and headed to the bar to get some ice to cool down. After that I said good night to everyone I had met in case I didn’t see them the next day and headed out to go to sleep. Unfortunately this was the worst night of sleep of my trip with the rain and the party noise going deep into the night, I just couldn’t get comfortable.
After breakfast and chatting with some friends from Ohio, I packed up. Took my book to the beach and finished it, then swung by the gift shop to see if I could spent the rest of my resort credit.
Check out was a bit more difficult than I anticipated. I had a room credit that their system was not reflecting, so they wanted to charge me a balance. It took about an hour and some help from my travel agent (thanks Denny!) but they got everything sorted out. I blame Covid.
Heading home today and hoping for smooth travels.
Click for a video of tropical storm Elsa passing the resort.
