John - April, 2016
Well I now KNOW I'm too old for this shix, but here goes:
Hedonism II – Negril Jamaica, 4/16 – 4/23, Jamaica West Indies, North America, Third Stone from the Sun
It was our 33rd anniversary and we decided last December to again visit Hedo. We had so much fun when we went there before and all other trips since just seemed to fall a little bit short. (we haven't been to Thailand, but......)
So we set out non-stop from LA and flew overnight. Checking into the resort at 7am, we were met with the beautiful eyes of a Jamaican girl. The pretty front desk associate, noticed the Arizona State logo on my shirt and was all over it.
“Hello Pitchfork. We will have your room ready in just a few minutes.” That theme would resonate all week and culminate in her offering her sexual services by Thursday. I do not believe she was serious. Still, every time I called the front desk all week long, she would answer, “Yes, pitchfork! How is your pitchfork?” She would really love Tempe.
So we check in and, after waiting an hour and a half we get room 2277! This is no slouch room. It probably helped that I had noted that this was our 12th visit on the form we filled out. We were 3 rooms off the nude pool, with a bay window that provided a panoramic view of the nude beach and pool! Ha ha!
Sunday – Checked in and went after lunch to the nude pool. Ate Jerk Chicken on the nude beach. Went to the nude pool swim up bar and immediately a couple, XX and Sunny, noticed my Arizona State sun visor and conversation ensued. First timers, Sunny would later on be seen from my window, eating out the pussay of the hottest chick there, who we later saw at dinner and I could not stop staring. But I digress.........
During Sunny's eating, it lasted 25 min or so and she's definitely left handed cuz she kept spinning her left hand like moving a tract-ball on the hottie's love button and making eye contact. When the bitch finally came, no doubt delayed due to alcohol, XX and 2 other couples at the bar cheered and clapped. Turns out XX worked at the same plant as me for 8 years, and when we connected on who his first wife was, that killed it. She was hot. She prolly dumped him.
So when 4pm rolled around I remembered the song: “If the day's gone and you want to ride on, Cocaine”..............and I went over to a worker, Mr X, and axed if he knew what happened to Lloyd the gardner, because Lloyd used to make it snow. He chastized me for saying anything remotely askew in front of the security staff, and directed me to the woods where he said it would likely be $120. 45 min later I was so wide awake I couldn't eat. This wasn't your grandfather's coke. Hmmmmmmm..........suddenly it's finding it's way to other places of the anatomy and...................She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie, cocaine...............
Monday – Went to the nude beach. Need a break. Sat on chaises under SeaGrape trees on the sand. The waitress brought us beers. Just what we need. Oh well. Ice cold Red Stripe. Beach. Book. Nude people. This ain't so bad. Yah Mon.
Tuesday – Ditto. Skipped the nude catamaran because of sun. It's great! But I need to avoid sun. Damm.
Wed – Same. Met nice people from Ontario. Wife from Quebec. Nicest person I ever met from QB, that's for sure. Her pussy looks like a cookie. Strange, but the French, you never know so................
About this time we noticed that the owner was there. I talked to him before and again. He looks like Sigfreid from GetSmart. Only taller and with more money. He was getting the attention of 3 blonde swinger chicks, and about this time everyone was interested in them. Once was the director of a major financial fund on the east coast, he is obviously rich beyond belief. Gets to cum there for work, fuck the swinger chicks, and go back to Florida. Oh, poor ba'tarde. Oh well.
I made eye contact with one of the 32 year old swinger chicks, which meant we could fuck them, but my wife and I agreed that it was going to be some work to talk to them and we just wanted to drink and laugh, so............
I had made nick names up. Hansel and Gretel. Gretel had blonde pigtails and little tits, but she had puffy nipples. Ha ha. The list is long...................
Still on Wednesday we had decided to stay up and we went, after dinner, to the secret room! Ha ha.
Secret Room 11 pm – so named due to the fact that no one can tell you where it is, because it doesn't exist during the day. But, at 10:30pm there's a door over by the tennis courts and you have to leave all drinks behind. We went back around 11:30. In the middle of the room there were four sheeted mattresses in a quad. At each corner of the room there were more beds. Thru the glass there were rooms for the semi-private. We occupied one of the four middle beds.
With 2 couples on the bed above our heads, and a couple to the right, and another caddy-corner, the sight and sound was erotic to say the least. The girls above us were hot, and the noise coming out of their mouths, while getting rammed, was just awesome and not phony like a porno movie. The only problem is, you have to hear the men getting excited too and that has a barnyard appeal to it. Oh well. I'll take the trade off. We enjoyed ourselves!
Before we left, the twin couples above us left and then came back to get the sheets! Apparently they didn't want anyone coming in and getting wet. How considerate! And, on the way out, we saw the super-secret room! Damm! A couple was in there and they had toys and devices. Figures: we find that room afterwards.
Nude Jacuzzi 2am – they say the Secret Room is taking away from the nude jacuzzi. Have to agree, but still, with all the stories I've heard, I have yet to actually see an orgy taking place. And so it was again at 2am. 4 couples. One couple engaged in felatio. The guy had a huge crank. But pretty light action for 2am. I walked over to the bar and a blonde woman had a whip. I ordered a drink and asked for a crack. She went on to explain that it was a cane and not a whip and then she was 86'd for not being nude. People! What are they thinking?!
Thursday I took a walk down the regular beach. The 7-mile beach in Negril is just gorgeous. After Hedonism II, there is the Sandals, Beaches, construction, and then the smaller, older hotels. Great walk down and back. The Sandals guests are a mix of honeymooners and beached geezer whales. The Beaches people are families with creepy fat boys and squealing girls. But mostly, the people look either happy to have just arrived or bored to death after just a few days. Not a lot of activity, but beautiful hotels and and nice view of the water. 3 nice looking honeymooners, but only three guy's going to see them naked.
Nude Sunset Cruise hails from Hedonism every Thursday.
Patty, the cruise director/owner, cut and permed her hair.
It looks like shit.
She skipped the trip. 51'
catamaran ride Down to Rick's cafe in the cliff area.
Nice people from New Jersey (didn't know there were any nice
people from there), Jeff and Susie, on the boat.
Lots of fun flashing the perv psychos on the cliffs and other
boats with their fat guts and expensive camera lenses.
They've apparently never seen vaginas and pee pees before!
Ha ha!
So..........Friday we decided to head back to the nude beach. Full of vendors selling everything from coca to mary-jane, but yet we could sit under the seagrape trees and have peace and quiet only interrupted by the waitress offering Red Stripe beer or whatever you wanted from the open bar.
And, some of the ever-friendly people from Ontario. I have been to many places, but the friendliest people always shake out to be from Ontari-ari-o.......... They guy next to us on the beach, I swear, was Dan Akroyd's brother. I accused him of that and he loved it! His wife was a converted Que'beccer. Nice as pie. Her pussy looked like a cookie and she showed it and was proud of it. Funny, but odd looking.
Then the couple from Missouri. He was a hick'ster and she an absolutely gorgeous redhead – with no brain. “Show Me” state sends some real wizards. But very cute pussay!...........but I digress
So on our way back to the room, which views the nude pool, we walk thru
there and all these people, apparently we made an impression, cuz they
are whoopin' and hollerin' for us to come in there and of course I
reverse my visor and point to the Sun Devil stitching, and say, “Were
the Devils!.....The Devils!”
(ala Seinfeld episode) This
brought a roar and we jumped in.
So we remained in the nude pool at the swim-up-bar laughing with some fun people from all over (NJ, Maine, etc.). Rum after Rum and I finally asked the DJ to play 'Pussy' by the Lords of Acid. This was a huge hit! Girls spinning upside down trying to show their pussay. Funny stuff.
http://www.metrolyrics.com/pussy-lyrics-lords-of-acid.html
I wanna
see your pussy
Everybody says it's nice
Can I can and come and visit?
I'll be at your house tonight
They
tell me it's soft to touch and really smooth
I can hardly wait to feel that pussy too
You wanna play with pussy all the time
To hide that kind of pussy is a crime
You say you're pussy's clever and so slick
But I think your pussy's kind of sick
I wanna
see your pussy, show it to me
Let me see your pussy, show it to me
Show me your pussy, show it to me
I want to see your pussy, show it to me
I want
to bet your pussy ain't as pretty as mine
I don't hide my pussy like you do all the time
My pussy's just the sweetest thing you've ever seen
Compared to mine your pussy's really ugly and mean
I bring
my pussy everywhere I go (m-hmm)
To watch my little pussy is a show
You say that your pussy really clever and slick
But I think your pussy's really thick
I wanna
see your pussy, show it to me
Let me see your pussy, show it to me
Show me your pussy, show it to me
I want to see your pussy, show it to me
She
turns into a tiger when she's ready to eat
My pussy's always hungry for a big chunk of meat
So lay your little pussy right next to mine
You can bring her over around dinner time
My
pussy is the hippest thing around (that's right)
She's always been the talk of the town
You say your pussy's clever and so slick
But I think that your pussy's mighty think (me-ow baby)
I wanna
see your pussy, show it to me
Let me see your pussy, show it to me
Show me your pussy, show it to me
I want to see your pussy, show it to me
It started raining, but it was a very warm rain.
No one cared. The
next thing I hear is Duh Dah Dut.....Deet Dut....Duh Dah Dut.....Deet
Dut....and they are playing Rocky Mountain Way.
We were dancing on the side of the pool and doing belly flops,
etc. After that they played
Funk 49 and Can't Find My Way Home.
Very apropos.
And so it went on Friday. This was a rough day. We had to get ready for a trip out the next morning at 3am. Oh, I'm wasted and a kahnt find my way home.....................
3am Saturday, we dragged ourselves up, finished the Peruvian marching powder, and rolled up to the lobby and out. I remember relief when the plane topped out and the air started to freeze me. It was so damm hot in Jamaica and now we had some decent relief.
Now that I re-read this, and for not a lot of money, and for fabulous 5 star dining, all the naked pussay, and more reef than you saw in high school and college put together, we are definitely, going to return. Just a question of when.....................................................