Chris & Lisa - May, 2007

5/22/07 – 5/30/07

Upon our return from our nine-day stay at the paradise we refer to as Hedonism II Lisa and I found ourselves totally exhausted. We took in every possible moment at the resort, only pausing for brief sleeps or power naps to refresh ourselves for the next activity. We had longed for our time in Jamaica and we weren’t going to miss anything if we had a choice.

Our trip started out as most do with a long tedious flight, including a stop over in Charlotte, and the trek to Montego Bay. Contrary to popular belief, getting there is not half the fun. But we endured. After all we were headed to paradise.

Upon our arrival in Montego Bay the staff greeted us at the Superclubs Lounge at the airport. A man asked to take our bags as we signed in and were directed to our bus. We asked if he was taking our bags to the bus, and he said "yes." "This is real service," we said to ourselves.

All was fine. We checked in and made our way through the sea of redcaps, barrage of cab drivers, and other deer-eyed tourists. We managed to fend off a couple of offers for weed as we made our way outside. There we found our bus, but to our surprise, no luggage. The bus driver hadn’t seen them. After several minutes of asking about the bags, I finally decided to re-enter the airport to see if I could find them myself. There they sat; just where the man had took them from us, in front of the lounge. Problem thwarted.

The ride to the resort was, as always, interesting. The driver taking the roadway at 90 mph, dodging schoolchildren, passing other buses on blind curves, you know a leisurely drive through the Jamaican countryside. Of course the driver is also giving his sales pitch for a bag of smoke while navigating the highway. A Red Stripe is recommended during this leg of your travels.

After arriving at the resort we had a wonderful time. The weather was beautiful for the most part, raining in the afternoon for a few hours on occasion. This proved to be a good thing as nine days in the sun can take a toll. After taking in the beach, and then the pool every day, the cloudiness during a few afternoons helped our bodies absorb the sun and kept us from burning too bad. Plus it is that time of the year in Jamaica, so we weren’t expecting total sun all day long.

Our schedule basically revolved around the water, breakfast – beach, lunch – pool, and dinner – hot tub, with trips alternating between the piano bar and nightclub on various nights after dinner. As for the food, we found it to be very good, though not as good as our last visit to the resort. The Pastafari restaurant was excellent as usual with wonderful ravioli and pasta. We also dined at the Munasan Japanese Teppanyaki restaurant and found it to be very good, though not the best we’d ever had. The buffet was also good, but didn’t seem to offer the variety of food offered on our previous trip. The best, and as people say, "the most important meal of the day," was breakfast with good bacon and eggs, as well as pancakes, waffles, and French toast. Being southerners we did find ourselves missing our biscuits and gravy, but we managed to survive somehow. The breakfast bar also offered a wide variety of fruits and vegetables, as well as cereal and of course, Charlie’s omelets.

During lunch we usually didn’t partake in the main buffet, opting instead for the grills located at the beach. We had hamburger and fries at the prude grill, as well as cheese sandwiches and jerked chicken at Robert’s Grill. Both were good and hit the spot after being in the water all day. If you’ve never been to Jamaica before you have to get used to the different condiments though. We’ve found the catsup to be thinner and sweeter. Mayonnaise also has a different taste and texture than we’re used to. But, we found them to be good just the same.

The dinner buffets were good, though not as good as in the past. Our biggest problem was the meat. A lot of the meat was grizzled and tough. You also had to be careful for small bones in chicken, fish and stewed meats. The best parts of the buffet were the shrimp dishes, the pasta, and the different varieties of fruits and vegetables. We ate quite a few things that we had never heard of, and they were quite good. Of course that’s all part of being on vacation in a foreign country, trying local foods.

The desserts were also excellent with every possible variety of sweet treats available. Everything from chocolate mousse cake, to apple pie and crème puffs were on hand. Whatever may have been lacking during the main course was more that made up for in the sweet delights. That is except the night Lisa confused the location of the desserts.

She came back with several new items she said were desserts. She tasted one, as did I, and to our surprise they weren’t sweet at all. I asked her, "What the hell have you got here and where did you get it?" She told me how she had seen rice crispy treats where the desserts had been the night before. Turns out she had sampled the night’s sushi bar, with strips of eel, squid, and of course, raw fish. Now if I had been prepared for it I might have had a different reaction. You know how when you expect one kind of taste, and you get another, it messes with you taste buds. This really messed with me. We now refer to this as "The Sushi Innocent."

As for the accommodations we were very pleased. The staff was, as always, the nicest and most polite staff of any hotel or resort we have ever stayed in. Everyone tried his or her best to make our stay the most pleasurable experience possible. A massage at the spa is highly recommended.

The rooms look to be nicer than our last trip with some updated appliances. There was a new television and hairdryer, as well as a digital safe for you valuables. Our only problem was during our last day of our trip the air conditioning went out all over the resort. It wasn’t so bad in our room, as you could sleep fairly comfortably at night without it, but the nightclub was like a sauna. When you get forty or fifty people in a room dancing, it can get a bit hot, and not in the complimentary way. But a quick trip to the pool can remedy any overheating problems.

Now to the best part of any trip, the people we met. This trip we met more people than any other trip before, and from more parts of the world. We met people from California, Florida, New York, New Jersey, Maryland, Rhode Island, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Tennessee, North Carolina, Washington, Texas, England, Brazil, Canada, France, and Australia.

There was Dan and Nancy from San Diego, California, who we found to be a lot of fun, even when they get lost from each other during the mayhem of the night. Rob and Molly, also from California, were a very nice couple heading the Hedo On-Line group. They organized our favorite theme night with the group’s naughty schoolgirl night.

Then there was Larry, a military man about to ship off to Iraq, and his wife from the Washington D.C. area, "bless their hearts". There was also Andrea and Heidi from England, Heidi of which could draw a crowd at the piano bar with her awesome voice and sexy performance. Billy Idol eat your heart out.

There was beautiful Mickey from Ft. Lauderdale, wild child Tammy from Virginia, conservative Ian from Canada (might possibly have become liberal late one night at the hot tub), and French born Sandrea tearing up the dance floor. Mannie and Joanna from Philly were cool to hang with and Joanna had one of the best sexy outfits at the resort.

True friends, Randy and Gloria from North Carolina surprised their buddies, Ron and Kari and Wayne and Patty, by showing up unexpected. Occasionally Patty’s alter ego, Vanessa, showed up as well, and we understand that Ron thinks Lisa has wonderful breasts.

We also met a couple of 19-year-olds, (where are their parents?) that were in awe of where they were. If only we could have made it to Hedo when we were 19. At our age we’ve found we need a vacation to recover from our vacation. You should have heard their amazement when they learned our children did not really know where we were or what we were really doing. Parents have secrets too.

Everyone loves a Marlboro … from Augustas at the beach to the beautiful single girl ‘having the time of her life’ to the hot cowboy from California. And of course, we loved to share.

While there were so many people there that we enjoyed meeting there were a few we wished would just go away. Seems there were a few Vinnies and Walley’s hanging around, more than we remember from our previous trip. While we did meet some single guys that were nice, polite, and respectful, there were others that should just go home and stay there. Most were harmless gawkers, while others made a nuisance of themselves.

The first one was the harmless Walley, you know the ones I’m talking about, the one that you always catch staring at you. We referred to him as "Creepy single guy." If we were at the beach, he was at the beach, if we were in the pool he’d be in the pool, if we were sitting in the whirlpool you’d look over and see him sitting next to you.

While he was simply there to stare, there was another that was a little more aggressive. He was the weird Walley that we would catch sitting on our towels if we got out of our seats. We referred to him as the "Really creepy single guy." Again he was mostly a gawker, staring a hole through you as he walked by where you were sitting, but he stepped it up another level by becoming overly intoxicated and pushy. This Walley wore out his welcome one night at the hot tub. While making his evening rounds of eerie stares he promptly threw up in the hot tub where everyone was having a good time. A little late, security finally came and escorted him away.

Then there was THE Vinnie or as we referred to him "The asshole." This one epitomized the term "Vinnie" with his perceived "coolness" and catchy pickup lines, and he introduced us and another couple to a new sport, "Vinnie watching." He was there in the classic buddy system; the buddy sitting quietly on the sidelines as Vinnie made his suave rounds around the hot tub. Though more research needs to be done on the species we can only assume the buddy is there to help the Vinnie in case he gets the s*#t beat out of him.

This Vinnie came to the nude hot tub with his shorts on, only getting into the proper lack of attire after being shamed out of them. He would make his moves by "accidentally" bumping into his intended prey then making small talk. The small talk would soon turn to feeble attempts to impress the victim by proclaiming he was an "expert" in martial arts or some other macho endeavor. The Vinnie’s complete lack of social skills usually ended the conversation by unintentionally offending the prey in some manner, and at least on a few occasions raising the ire of the male counterparts of his quarry. Rejected the Vinnie would retreat to his buddy, pout for a short period of time, then set out for fresh victims.

For another couple, and us, we were some of the first intended victims in Vinnie’s hunt, so we were clear of his radar early. This allowed us to observe Vinnie’s M.O. kind of like an episode of Wild Kingdom. We’ve found that Vinnie watching can be amusing.

But, Vinnies aside, we had a great time on the waters at the resort. Augustus as always keeps his beach clean. As he would say, "My beach is the best God damn beach." There were plenty of floats, chairs were easy to find, and, except for the occasional ant, there were virtually no bugs. We also had no problems finding towels.

The pool and the hot tub were nice, but on several nights there was way too much chlorine in both. We watched employees shock the pool and hot tub at 8:00 p.m. and at 11:00 p.m. that evening you still couldn’t get in either one. Especially in the hot tub, the chlorine and fumes from hot water would burn your eyes. Though with the amount of activity the night before, extra chlorine may have been a good thing.

And activity was the key word, there was a party every night we were there and we tried our best to make it into the wee hours of the night … uh … or morning. By the time the end of our trip was upon us we were burned, tired, and aching all over. Ah, the wounds of paradise. But we soldiered on.

Then the dreaded day came … eviction day. It must be what Adam and Eve had felt, told you had to leave. Exhausted, and a little hung over, we said goodbye to Hedo II, reluctantly boarding the bus for the long trip back to Montego Bay. While the trip to the resort is always happy and joyful, we’ve found the trip back to be a somber occasion with hardly anyone talking. Maybe it’s the 14 dirty bananas, Jack and Cokes, and Flaming Bob Marleys from the day before, but mostly it’s knowing you’re about to step back into the real world.

Our trip home was uneventful until the very end; at our home airport we realized we were missing one of our checked bags. It had been with us through Customs, but it was lost somewhere between. It wasn’t just any bag, but the one that had been packed with all the souvenirs from our stay. Luckily the next day the airport called saying they had found it. They delivered it to our home and all was well again.

But with the problems stated in this report all were considered by us, and everyone else we knew staying there, to be minor. We had a wonderful time and are already talking about when we can return. If you want a relaxing resort vacation with just you and your partner Hedo is not the place for you. If you want to party with some of the wildest and most fun people in the world Hedo is the place to be.

 

Best things and quotes on our trip:

Meeting all our new friends and a few we had met before

Being naked as much as possible

Alcohol without having your wallet

"Please, we can’t accept tips"

Augustas leaving a shell for us under our chair

Swedish Massage

"Have fun mon, you’re on vacation"

The cave by the pool around 2:00 am

The whirlpool around 2:30 am

The hot tub around 3:00 am

Chris: "You’re beautiful." Foxy: "And that is why I love you."

Lisa doing a striptease on the pole at the club

"Can I tell you something? ... You have the best breasts ever"

Toga night

"What’s in that drink? … Ah hell … who cares."

Tree frogs

PJ night

"I can’t smoke that … I work for the government"

Not having to drive to find a good restaurant

"I didn’t bring underwear"

Lisa in her schoolgirl outfit

Delroy manning the pool bar

Cuban cigars

Husband: "Can I touch her boobs? … Wife: "You don’t even know her name"

"Yea-ah" the Virginia word for yes but with two syllables

"It’s not the boobs, it’s the attitude"

 

Dislikes about our trip:

Leaving

Eviction notice

Creepy single guy

Really creepy single guy

The asshole guy

$8.00 for a pack of cigarettes

The 90-mph bus ride to and from the airport passing on blind curves

Everyone and their brother trying to sell you pot when all you have to do is look above your closet

Checked baggage