Trip report June 9-17, 2006
Travel
After several bad experiences with Air Jamaica, I swore I would not fly them again. Continental had flights departing and arriving at nearly the same time we were used to, so I decided to give them a shot. I had Travelocity monitor airfares for me and when I saw a price break I had Go Classy book hotel and airfare. The trip to MoBay was uneventful just the way you would like it. Customs/Immigration was crowded and slow, but there were plenty of attendants, so the line moved fairly well.
After a short wait in the Super Clubs waiting area I met two other people and we boarded the shuttle bus to Hedo. The others were two awesome single girls who came down to celebrate a landmark birthday for one of them. They had started partying shortly after departing New York and were more than glad to share their Bacardi. The two of them looked at me and when, in nearly the same breath, they both paid me identical compliments, I knew I was going to like them both. Later on, I spent time with the two of them on the beach and in the disco.
The road was clear, and with a short pit stop at The Global Villa Resort, the whole trip took about 90 minutes. The girls were offered drugs twice before even getting to the resort. I was not.
Upon returning to MoBay I found that our return flight was delayed. The new airport renovations are pretty impressive and I had plenty of time to walk around. We were leaving from the new concourse, which I estimate is about three times the size of the old concourse. Continental was opening and searching every piece of checked luggage. Surprisingly, a pack of matches was confiscated from my checked luggage. Apparently our plane was coming from Houston, which was pretty much underwater, and our departure was delayed by nearly five hours. I watched all of the other flights, including an Air Jamaica flight heading to my destination, leave on time while I sat and waited. By the time our plane arrived and I drove home it was 4:30 the next morning. I barely had the energy to get out of the car in the driveway.
The Resort
Jamaica is in a drought. As a result there are a lot of brown spots in the grass. Still the staff stayed on top of the grounds, keeping things immaculate. Any time of day you can see staff working on the grounds.
Anyone who has not seen the huge tree with red/orange blooms behind the OV prude rooms is missing a spectacular site. When this thing is in bloom it is gorgeous.
One couple in the group had the good fortune of getting one of the waterfront hot tub rooms. My initial thought was that this was an unnecessary frill. Still we all admitted later that it was a nice bonus. One afternoon when it rained, we all adjourned to the cover of the hot tub area to continue the party. On another afternoon when the nude hot tub was evacuated, we all moved the party to the private hot tub and patio.
The Weather
We had rain on two consecutive days. The first day, it started while we were out diving and stopped before we surfaced. When I returned to shore Gus had taken all of my belongings that I had left on a beach chair, including clothes, towels and books, and put them in a large garbage bag so that nothing got wet. The man is the best! The next day if rained enough to chase us off of the beach and out of the pool for a few hours. This provided the opportunity for a well-needed nap. It cleared up in plenty of time to get back to the pool for happy hour and jerk chicken.
The Staff
Even though I only got to see Agustus for 3 days, I was reminded what an asset this man is to the staff. The entertainment coordinators on the other hand, were almost invisible. A few of them were around during dinner and during the evening entertainment. Otherwise the only time we saw any of the ECs was in the disco late at night. Winston and Ray-Ray did do some interesting tricks on the dance pole. Those boys sure can move. Almost none of the scheduled activities went off as planned because none of the ECs were around.
Matta spent a considerable amount of time behind the CO beach bar and is doing a great job. Scumba was missing while we were there. Delroy was his usual self.
The Food
The bars, including the CO beach bar are opening earlier and staying open later. It used to be that you had trouble getting a bloody Mary or mimosa at breakfast, but not any more. Also there are bloody Mary and mimosa makings next to the juice stations at breakfast. Breakfast is almost my favorite meal at Hedo.
We had dinner in each of the speciality restaurants. Pastafari was great, as usual. While it is great to get up and mingle at the buffet, it is soooo nice to be waited on at Pastafari. Munasan was fun. It was a bit warm back there, but worth the time and effort. I was too exhausted to make our scheduled reservation at the Reggae Caf (Scotch Bonnet), so I napped while the others ate.
The Friday night buffets were superb even without lobster, which was not in season. I think I ate a full plate of fresh sushi each Friday night. The spiced, grilled shrimp was superb.
The ice cream machine was broken, so tubs of ice cream were put out at the desert station each night. It got too soft before I got there most nights. I find most of the desert selections to be a bit sweet for me, but they do look attractive. I usually finish my dinner with a few pieces of cheese. The selection of cheeses was very good.
Champagne was available and plentiful. Six bottles at dinner one night left one of us hurtin'. One of my favorite beverages, Jack Daniels, was missing from the bars. Still they had Southern Comfort and Dewars, which made up for my missing friend. One in the group only drank tequila and had difficulty finding limes. He was told that the island was having a lime shortage. A trip into town yielded plenty of limes. If there was a shortage of limes, it was just at the resort.
There was a martini bar set up at dinner several nights and outside the piano bar one night. Even though I did not try them, that was kind of a nice touch.
I usually have one drink with dinner and sometimes one after dinner. That way I am sharp for the dives in the morning.
The People
Occupancy was very low perhaps 20-25% of capacity when we arrived on Friday. It got a bit busier over the weekend for the Ultimate Men of Hedo competition, but really never got very busy. From what I saw there was only one meal when they opened both sides of the serving stations. The upside of this was that you could always find a good table in the main dining area. From what I could tell there was no one in the rear building on the AN side. I did not see one light in the whole building the whole time I was there.
I had great company for dinner one night. His wife had passed out and couldn't make it to dinner. People at Hedo have the best stories!
The level of sexual energy was very low. On a scale of 0 to 10, I would rate this week a 1. On one of our last days, several of us were hanging out in the water talking about how tame the week was. We noted that we saw no G-P and almost no F-F action. There was none of the usual action on the beach or floats. We did not contribute much either. There was no dirty dice, dirty Jenga, muff diving, and almost no body shots.
It seemed like there was another person with their arm in a sling every day. There were at least 4 that I can think of including at least two broken arms.
Diving
I did seven dives on seven non-travel days. My dives were about equally split between the early, deep dives (90 feet) and the later, shallow dives (60 feet). ONeil was notably missing. I think I only saw him go out on one of a possible 14 dives while I was there. For the first few days, the fast dive boat was out of commission. I had heard that the bottom of one of the outboard engines had been stolen. Still, all of the dives were fun. We saw turtles nearly every dive. The water temps were in the low to mid-80s. Visibility was the lowest I have seen since I started going in 1999, but was still 50-60 feet. I used a bathing suit bottom and a synthetic tank top for protection and that was more than sufficient. Others used a skin for protection, but the warm water does not require anything heavier. I also carry a pair of gloves unless we have to make an ascent or descent on an anchor line - they can get some nasty growth on them.
Entertainment and music
The after dinner entertainment was usually quite good, although often over loud.
We did not have to suffer through any dreaded art auctions. If they did occur we must have missed them because we were in Pastafari.
The remote speakers on the CO beach no longer work. The beach music was OK - just OK. There was a decent selection during most of the day, however one Prince CD and one Bob Marley CD were played repeatedly around 4pm each day. I would not have minded so much if the same two CDs were not played at the same time, in the same order, and if the Marley CD did not skip badly.
The piano bar was hit or miss. A few nights there was a good crowd, with lots of participation. Other nights there were only 5-6 people there. Frequently there were many more people sitting at the tables outside the piano bar than there were inside. I did not stick around for karaoke any night. Karaoke is simply not my thing, although I do admire the people that can get up and do it.
I have been critical of the music in the disco over the past few years. This trip I made it a point to spend at least an hour in the disco each night. I thought - If I really wanted things to be like they are at home, I should stay at home. So, I tried to stay longer and expose myself to something different. The disco was just as hit and miss as the piano bar. There were two nights when the disco was really happening (one of which was PJ night). Most other nights there were hardy 12 people in there. It seems that the pattern is to play about 2 hours of decent music, then whatever the DJ wants - which is usually garbage. Considering that the disco opens at 11pm, that usually means that after 1am there is no one in there. That is a considerable shame since there were still plenty of people hanging out, outside the disco looking for something to do. The musical selection was simply not entertaining. I thought if I heard The Pussycat Dolls - Don't Cha, mixed into Outkast - The Way You Move, mixed into Beyonce - Crazy In Love played one more time I might scream. Don't get me wrong - I like all 3 songs, but the same 3 songs, in the same order, at nearly the same time, each night, got to be a bit much. There were many times I thought I could pull 6 good hours of dance music off of my iPod that was better than what was being heard in the disco. There is so much good dance music to draw from the DJ really needs to open up the playlist more. There was one night when an extremely shapely and well-defined woman did a superb display on the pole - a true artist! For a few brief minutes all eyes were on her. Later in the week a different DJ did get to play. I don't know if he was inexperienced or simply did not know how to use the controls, but the only lights he used were the strobe lights. Forty-five minutes of nothing but strobe lights was nearly seizure inducing.
Other Activities
Funny story one night, around 2 am, several of us were chatting in the hot tub lobe that is closest to the trees and chairs. Yes, we were all watching a couple have sex on one of the lounge chairs. Yes, we were giggling, watching, pointing, and laughing some more. As I knew the couple, I later talked to them and told them the story. They were on the lounge that I had placed my clothes on, and my shoes under. While they had moved the clothes over to the next lounge, my shoes were right under them. I could not have left if I wanted to (and at that point I did want to go to bed badly) since they were on top of my keys. We all had a good laugh at my expense. So the next time someone is complaining about being watched while having sex, consider that there might be another side to the story.
The Repeaters Party was held in the Piano Bar. The free nights went to someone with 18 previous trips.
Getting off (the resort that is)
The only time we got off of the resort was for the Tuesday catamaran cruise. The price is up to $50, which I think is a bit steep, but it is a must do at some time. None of us was brave enough to jump off of the cliffs this trip. I have heard great things about the canopy tour.
Oh - and one afternoon I walked over to Sun Divers and caught up with Myron. He and his wife were doing well. Business could be a bit better.
Things I enjoyed about this trip
Keys in hand within ten minutes of arriving.
Plenty of hot water in the showers anytime.
No underwear for 9 whole days!
Things I could have done without this trip
There were three puking incidents in the raised cool water pool, regular pool, and hot tub. One jerk polluted the pool one afternoon then moved over and finished the job in the hot tub. Everyone got out really quick, security was alerted, and the pool was quickly drained, cleaned, and treated.
There were two loud, obnoxious guys I could have done without. It seemed like they were unavoidable.
There were far too many locals at the nude hot tub at night. Several stood around fully clothed and gawking. Several had cell phones that they walked around with open. I suspect that they were taking pictures. One night it was so bad I went and told the security person assigned to the bar area. He listened to me and then walked up to the pool deck and walked right past seven fully clothed locals like he did not even see them.
A staff member from the catamaran outright asked me for my shoes. Umm, I don't think so! On a previous trip one of them asked me for my backpack.
Overheard at Hedo (because you have to beware who is paying attention and taking notes):
David, tie me up!
I told my mom I was going on a religious retreat in the Carolinas. I am sooooo going to hell!
How many people can you take on at one time?Six
Cool T-shirts seen at Hedo
An awkward morning beats a boring evening.
On camo: Proud of my privates
Spooning leads to forking
Random thoughts
I think that there should be a minimum daily requirement of two trips down the waterslide for attitude adjustment. A must doat any time of day!
I wore long pants (linen) to dinner nearly every night. It was cool enough and it was nice to wear something nice to dinner.
I did most of my sleeping between 4 am and 8 am. I think that there were only 2 nights I went to bed before 4 am. You can live on 4 hours of sleep per day.
I talked to 2 people who had Cingular wireless phones. Both said that they got good signals in Jamaica including on the property. You have to call your carrier beforehand and activate international calling. I have Sprint and I got a strong "Digital Roaming" signal on the property. I did not use the phone in Jamaica though.
I usually come home with something broken (multiple toes) or bruised. I escaped travesty this trip, and did not get sick after returning home, as I sometimes do.
I forgot a large insulated mug. Indispensable!
There is a great selection of cigarettes at the airport duty-free shop for $22.50 a carton. Stock up. That's half to third what some of you are paying at home.
Somewhere, linked to the Dennyp site, I recall seeing a list of do's and don'ts for single guys. I would like to propose the following additions:
-Leave the knee length jams at home.
-Unless you are protecting your dome or your eyes, or keeping raindrops out, leave the baseball hat in the room.
-Buy your own freakin' cigarettes!
-I appreciate that you are proud of your team, but leave the sleeveless team jersey at home.
-If people are repeatedly moving away from you, there is probably a reason.
-It is not cool to be the loudest person at the pool, dining room, bar, etc. The only time you will be judged for your loudness is going down the water slide.
-A little courtesy goes a long way. Treat others like you would want to be treated and treat the service personnel with respect.
-Dress for dinner.
-Do not latch onto one couple because you are attracted to the wife, and follow them around for more than a day or two. You will look like a lost puppy. Chances are that they are just being nice to you. They will let you know if they are interested.
John