We finally broke our Hedo cherries! Our trip to H2 was from 9/11 - 9/16 and it was absolutely incredible. Virgins no more. Here's the scoop:
Our flight from Philly was flawless. No delays, no long security line. The plane was only about 40% full. We talked to a nice newlywed couple on the ride to H2 who were staying at GLN for their honeymoon. Hedo would've been a better choice, but to each his own.
The party started before we even got to our room. A woman who had tattoos on about 75% of her body who was sitting in the main dining area said, "Welcome to Jamaica! My trip is over and I'm waiting for the bus, but you're going to love it here". She was so friendly yet didn't know us from anybody. I knew right then that Hedo was the right choice. We had an OVP room (because it was cheaper) that had a great view of the beach and the trapeze. While they were taking us to our room, a staff member said, "You ok, mon"? I gave him the signal. Within minutes I had more ganja than I could smoke in a month! We weren't even unpacked yet. Another pleasant surprise was to see a cute little lizard hanging on our drapes. I couldn't wait to dive into everything Hedo had to offer.
First thing we did was take a walk around the resort to get a feel for the place. I knew ganja and other things were easy to come by, but wow - it seemed that every staff member who worked the beach was trying to sell us something. Finding drugs at Hedo is like finding water after falling out of a boat. We walked along the beach to Sandals and found the same thing. We had to shoo them away like flies. One nice woman who was selling t-shirts was rolling a fatty for herself while she was talking to us. The resort was only about 20% full, so they really had almost no one to talk to but us. At least I knew I could hook up anytime I wanted to.
Monday was spent mostly exploring. We quickly went to the nude beach to really start our vacation. This was not our first time going nude. We spent our honeymoon at GLB, which has a very spacious nude side, so our clothes came off in a second. I don't understand why some people are so nervous about going nude. It was so stinking hot that even my bathing suit felt like I was wearing a fur coat. Thank God we stayed at a resort that had a nude side. I didn't want to put a stitch of clothing on at all, at least during the day. Can't remember what we did the rest of the day. The ganja made things a little fuzzy.
My wife was tired from the plane ride and went to bed early. I got my second wind and decided to go for a stroll. I loved the place. The nude gardens are really cool. Prude side is nice, too, but not the area you want to be at when you want to socialize and party. No one was in the nude pool or hot tub that night. Maybe a few stragglers at best. Didn't matter. I relaxed on a beach chair listening to the calming sounds of the tree frogs. This is the life. Stretched out naked with a beer in one hand, the magic herb in another, saying hello to everyone who walked by without being snubbed (unlike other resorts) and not having to worry about hiding anything. Does life get any better?
Tuesday was a great day. I finally met wen&george from the message board at the nude pool. They were the nicest, most friendly couple you would want to meet. Each moment was getting better and better. An EC led a naked march to the prude side which was a blast. Then he announced, "Naked waterslide time!!!". Wendy Woo Woo, George, and a group of our new best friends had a blast going down the waterslide in our birthday suits. That's where we met our first Wally. A nice, but creepy guy named Tommy came to the waterslide with us. He was the only one wearing a bathing suit and sneakers. He was exactly as The Naked Truth describes them. Again, I don't understand the whole bathing suit thing when you're with a group of naked people having fun razzing the prudes. You just stand out more. Oh, well.
After dinner at the Japanese restaurant, it was time for PJ night. I only wore a giant, glittering g-string schlong that everyone went wild for. Unfortunately, we got there around midnight and they already gave out the prizes. I'm sure I would've won. A word of advice for guys - wear something outrageous! Girls need something to look at, too. It's sooo true that probably 95% of men only wear boxers or briefs. I realize there are more slut wear outfits for women, but there's this little thing called the internet (don't know if you heard about it or not) and, yes, they make outfits for men. Since I was the only man wearing anything remotely funny or provocative, I felt like a celebrity. People were stopping me and wanting to touch it just walking around the place. I thought the prude side was a nice place to start. I was so mad we didn't get to the disco earlier. Girls went wild for it. Some people who had night passes from GLN lost their minds. "Dude, that's the most insane thing I ever saw!" one of them said in the nude pool area. Nice compliment, but how about taking your clothes off and joining us! Don't be such a prude.
Wednesday was a day to recoup from the serious drinking I did the day before. I spent the early morning reading a book on a hammock just outside our room before migrating to the nude side. Gavin the EC was trying to get people into playing a game, but since there was almost no one there, he settled for having fun teasing and joking with all of us. My wife finally came out of her coma to join me. We laid there like slugs just watching the sunset and feeling all our tension just ooze out of us. After taking a nap early in the evening, we met George and Wendy at the hot tub that night. This is where things got interesting.
After having a nice conversation, we noticed Tommy the wally go into the smaller hot tub with a very attractive...eh-hum...lady of the evening. He was definitely getting his freak on. While she was riding him like the pony she never got for Christmas, we started chanting, "Go Tommy! Go Tommy! Go Tommy!". It's strange. He never got naked on the nude side (he even wore black slacks by the nude pool once) but he was acting like Ron Jeremy with his lady friend in front of everyone. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. He did have a big smile on his face at breakfast the next morning.
Thursday we went parasailing. That was the first time parasailing for both of us. I highly recommend it. I don't recommend buying the DVD they try selling you of your excursion. There's nothing much to it. They splice a cheesy Bob Marley documentary for the first few minutes before they cut to you and the editing was so choppy it looked like a drunken five year old put it together. The only thing you see is you in the air. Big deal. We got a similar DVD of a canopy tour we did when we stayed at GLB and they did a great job splicing footage of the beautiful scenery in with our tour. We thought this would be similar. Not!!!
We did the booze cruise to Rick's Cafe later that day. That was a big rip off. The boat ride itself was actually quite nice, but Rick's Cafe is the biggest tourist trap I've ever been anywhere in the world. They drop you off, and it's just an expensive bar and a pool with a bunch of prude hardbodies and young kids begging you to give them $2 to watch them dive off a cliff (which really isn't high in the air at all) so you can "ooh" and "ahh" over them. It was so boring that one couple actually took a cab back to Hedo early and the rest of us asked the tour guide to take us back early as well. On the boat ride back, Rasta Ralphie was playing guitar and singing to us and kept hawking his CD and worthless jewelry. It was kind of uncomfortable - like a bad salesperson breathing down your neck. The supposed beautiful sunset was virtually nonexistent. Not worth the $50 per person. We were all disappointed except for the boat ride itself.
Now for the toga party. I wore my magnificent, gorgeous, larger-than-life g-string thong. The crowd went absolutely wild. When the emcee had each guy strut across the stage, every guy was about as exciting as watching paint dry - except for me. I danced across the stage like Freddie Mercury from Queen. I was a sure winner. Unfortunately, my wife was in the bathroom when I let my inner Broadway theater dancer come out and she missed it. By the way, I know I'm white and everything, but can all the men out there be at least more fun when it comes to strutting you stuff across the stage? I think Stephen Hawking has more mobility shaking his money maker across the stage better than literally every guy when introduced (not that I'm tooting my own horn or anything, I was just acting goofy). Then it came down to three of us. Then two. When I was introduced again, my wife and Wendy and George went nuts (thanks guys!), but for some reason the other dude, who was about as exciting as watching flies f@*k, got more applause. He had more friends in the audience and won. I was robbed. Attica! Attica! I demand a recount (and let's make this one count, unlike the 2000 Presidential election). At least I got some Hedo bucks, though.
Later that evening, we invaded the waterslide (nude, of course) and then took over the prude pool nekked and played pool volleyball. Going down the waterslide nude and completely in the dark was surreal. When we got out of the waterslide, we danced nude in front of the prudes watching us from the disco.
Friday was probably the best day of all. My wife's birthday was the week before, and I brought down some supplies from the local party store to surprise her - a happy birthday banner, some whistles and shot glasses. I saw Gavin that morning and told him what's up. He said he'd love to surprise her. Scumba was in on it, too. I gave everything to Scumba and Gavin. We had a fantastic time in the pool that morning. Next thing you know, here comes Gavin and a few more EC's holding the banner and blowing the whistles. Then Deen (another EC) got behind the bar and started making shots for everyone. Now we broke out the weed in the pool. I'm glad George and Wendy were there to take part in it, because they were leaving that day. My wife got a couple of body shots after we were half shot in the ass. I got mine, too. After that was all over, some guy asked if we wanted any ganja because he was leaving and, of course, couldn't take it home. Only at Hedo does anyone offer you free weed and you turn it down only because you can't smoke the stash you already have!
The entertainment on the prude side that night was funny during Friday night's bonfire. They all thought they were being "wild" by playing silly games. Nothing but hardbodies there. Never saw any of them on the nude side having real fun. The hot tub really heated up that night. PDA's were in full swing. It was like being on the set of a porn movie.
It's true what everyone says about making instant best friends when you're at Hedo. We met so many nice people, even though that particular week was probably the lowest occupancy rate of the entire year. George & Wendy Woo Woo, A.B. & Angie, Dina & Scott, Boris & Lora, Sheryl & Charlie, Allen, and Harris & Corinne were all so unbelievably nice. I miss them all. I'm still wondering what they're all up to right now. We're going to Vegas in October and Dina, who lives minutes from there, wanted our e-mail address to meet us out there. Unfortunately, we didn't' get a chance to meet up with her again before we left.
It's funny. Right before we left for the trip, my wife was saying things like, "Since this will be our only time here..." then she started saying things like, "When we come back..."
I can't wait to go back again. The only disappointing thing was that since occupancy was so low, a lot of the activities didn't happen. There wasn't even a piano player there the whole week. Every night we stopped in the piano bar, we were the only ones in the place except for the bartender. It was both good and bad. Good because we had the run of the resort and bad because I can only imagine what it's like when the resort is even fairly full.
Bottom line...we're hooked and definitely going back!