Red and Kitty's Spanksgiving 2003 Trip
11/21/03 - 12/1/03:
TRAVEL OUT: We took Delta from RDU to ATL, where we got on Air Jamaica. The AJ flight left on time and we liked the airlines becaus0e we felt festive earlier. Jamaica time starts on the plane in Atlanta! Free Red Stripe beer was a nice incentive. The AJ flight arrived at Sangster on time as well! Irie! Now let's hurry on up and get there! Home is waiting!
SANGSTER to HEDO II: Customs was a nonevent for us. On to the Superclubs desk, where we waited about 15 minutes to get on the bus. Three whispering opportunists gave us the chance to purchase unmentionable consumables at the airport. Not gonna happen with us. (We have friends at Home!)
Once we loaded on the bus, we sat in the parking lot for another 10 minutes. Finally, we cranked up the engines and left the Airport. No, wait! We turned around and went back to the airport! There was another couple to pick up. So we pull back in. They load up another couple. Wait another few minutes.
Finally.... Hooray! We are Finally Leaving The Airport! But wait... the driver's radio crackles... on comes the right turn indicator... D'OH!!! No, wait, we are turning back into Sangster airport *again*. This Jamaican NASCAR (turn right, go straight, repeat) routine of making laps through the Airport is hard to accept when you've been traveling for many hours and are *almost* on the last leg of your trip Home!
We go back to the airport and pick up *another* pair of people. The bus is nearly full. I hope the driver doesn't see any hitchhikers he knows on the way to Negril... <chuckle>
Finally, after seeing more of Sangster than I've ever seen druing any arrival, we are underway to Negril. This time I wished we took TimAir. We spent over an hour farting around in the airport and doing laps through the airport parking lot. Aieee, I must learn patience. But the bus ride itself wasn't bad. We talked our way out of the beer stop. We were at Hedo II in seventy minutes.
CHECK IN: Check in was busy. Kitty investigated availability while I went to the dining room bar, trading off the arrival champagne for frosty Absolut & Cranberry cocktails. When I returned to the desk with icy drinks, Kitty reports that our room is not ready. No problems. We spotted several friends in the dining room, parked our luggage in their room, got nekkid, and headed to the nude pool. Once at the nood pool, we waited three or four hours for our room, but we didn't care. We were Home, and among friends. Na worries.
NEW BATHROOMS: While at the nude pool, we checked out the new ladies' bathroom. Nice two stall facility with twin sinks in the middle. The building is right behind the old bathrooms, which they began dismantling with sledgehammers the following day, making the new ladies' room into an omnisex facility. Men to the left, ladies to the right. Most of the time, at least. The new bathroom seemed to support one of my Hedo theories about the old mens' room and why the floor was always so wet.
I really don't think it was pee that puddled up in the old mens' room floor. Or hardly any in the puddle. I think it's just drip-water that gathers on the floors.
See, (most) men don't sit to pee, so they have no need to dry off if they get out of the hot tub or pool to go whiz. Say you get out of the hot tub and take the 18 steps to the old mens room. Water drips down your legs as you walk. In the bathroom, it drips onto the floor.
Women sit down, or hover if they're feeling energetic *and* paranoid. It's a good incentive for them to dry off. Wet toilet seats are not "comfy". So dryer wommen should have less drippage on the floor. Plus, the new bathrooms require a longer walk, so that more 'drippage' occurs on the walk over.
As a result, there was almost no water on the floor in the mens' side of the new omnisex BR, and about the same amount in the ladies' side. (Not that I would ever pee on the Ladies' side...whoo meee?) The white linoleum floor made it easier to see that the gathered fluid on the floor was in fact *not* yellow.
Urine is sterile anyway, but I took the small amount of non-yellow water on the floor as a good sign. I choose to believe that I haven't been standing in pee all the other times I went to the old bathroom.
If you are outside waiting to get inside the new bathroom, you can look right up into the balconies of several rooms at Pointe Village, and vice versa. At least once during the week, women reported some guy was masturbating on a Pointe balcony that overlooked the new bathrooms.
On the inside, the bathrooms are clean, bright, and dry. Slippery as well, walk with caution.
NUDE HOT TUB: The nude hot tub stayed mostly hot and mostly clean during our 10 day stay. Most days and nights it was the hot tub we'd enjoyed many times over previous trips to Hedo. Lots of people relaxing and getting along without much in the way of hassle or interference. But as the resort occupancy changes, so does aggregate behavior. Dr. Jekyll, meet Vinnie Hyde....
November 30 and 31 were strange days, with most Spanksgiving repeaters gone, resulting in the highest Vinny concentration I'd ever witnessed at the Hedo nude hot tub. Normally you might see one or two lurking on a busy evening, but this was like comparing honeybees to Africanized Killer Bees. When people got in the tub, it was like getting into a leech pond.
Less than five seconds after any given couple began, er, "nuzzling each other", one or more pond tarantulas would come skimming across to dock next to or even on top of the couple. They'd plant their faces just inches away from other people's parts, and leer or masturbate or both, just creeeepy. Two women from the prude side entered the hot tub and it looked like someone threw raw meat in a barrel of pirhanas. There were so many Vinnies falling over themselves (and stepping on top of others) to hit on them, it was pitiful. What ever happened to manners? Leisure Suit Larry was a game, you lizards!
There was not a feeling of Respect on these nights at all. It was, to be blunt, more of a creepy Slimepot Pawfest. I got tired of guarding Kitty from intoxicated boors in the hot tub, and I was disgusted with the scumballs that pawed ladies from behind if they were paying attention to their mate in front. For a while, it was like Gollum Goes A'Skulking In The Hot Tub. Eventually, after a few days, the Vinnie infestation passed or was overwhelmed by the new couples coming in. We'd been lucky to not see that "side" of the hot tub over 3 Hedo trips. All in the timing, and in the crowds, I guess.
NUDE POOL: The nude pool stayed clean. It was also festive right up through November 30 and 31, when the energy drop created by the departures of most Spanksgiving repeaters became much apparent. There was still fun going on, don't get me wrong, but the days had a different tempo and energy level during that period. Delroy had a well-celebrated and happy birthday. Scumba was his usual chillin' self, and for the first time in three trips, I actually saw Scumba with his famous shades off for a moment. Reminded me of a Star Trek episode where you see LeVar Burton (Geordie?) without his trademarked whiz-bang visor. Almost like peeking under Batman's mask.
Drink service times were generally good, but a few times, old 40-something Red can be invisible at the bar--especially when there are a lot of beautiful naked wimmens walking up for drinks. Tsk, it's our own programming and I really can't complain. Our bartenders worked hard to take good care of us. Oh, and the columns around the nude pool bar got painted green and now need fresh redecoration. Y'all step on up to the task, now....
ROBERT'S GRILL: Robert was there, his grill was open, and the way he cooks adds an ingredient that no one else in the world can duplicate. Robert is one of the coolest people I have ever met, and from his club sandwiches to his grilled ham and cheese to burgers and lobsters, he could kick the Iron Chef's ass to Sandals and back. Robert's food and his kind words and 'no worries' demeanor is worth the trip all in itself. Maximum Respect. Maximum Props.
NUDE BEACH: I saw *whitecaps* on the water for the first time ever at the nude beach. Days previous, some major storm passed by the island, and each morning from Nov 21 - 23 there were amazing amounts of seaweed and flotsam washed up. Augustas and the waterfront staff worked their living *@sses* off cleaning up the mess.
There was a lot of hole digging at the beach, and the organic debris was shoveled into the holes and buried. I kept flashing back to the movie, "Cool Hand Luke," and kept hearing this voice in my head saying, "Y'all bettah get that there dirt out've Boss Augustas' hole, now....". Those guys worked their hearts out in the hot sun for days to keep the beaches looking fresh and groomed. Props to Augustas and the waterfront staff. I've never been so happy to hear that familiar voice calling out to me, "Sir!! Sir!! Get off my damn beach!!"
It was also really cool to be on the nude beach when a lot of the Spanksgiving people flew in and out. THere were some awesome buzzes and fly-bys that were so close that I completely expected to see tree leaves streaming from the undersides of the planes. I've always been happy with the bus, but after watching the buzzes, I think it might be fun to try TimAir just for that. It was cool.
I swear some of the buzzing planes had to pick up height so as not to hit the mast of some Sandals guest sailboats.... the itty bitty ones! Way cool!
NUDE BEACH (not NUDE POOL) BATHROOM: Not that I would know anything about it, but it seems that some rapscallion pranksters with too little to occupy their minds found time to relocate a toilet from the beachfront room renovations onto the nude beach. The toilet came complete with tank cover, lid inscription, room number, TP holder and TP, a chair with towels, a side table, and suitable reading material.
Shortly after the installation and subsequent photographing of faux users, a virtual SWAT team arrived. Word on the security radios was "de shit happening down at de nude beach nao." It looked like a security seminar -- you could have decorated Chrimmus Trees with all the shiny badges that showed up to protect Hedo At Large from a Rogue Band Of Toileteers.
Who knew that an open air bathroom on the nude beach would result in a HomeLand Hygiene Invasion force? Finally one of the Hedo managers, clad in suit and appropriately stern expression, disseminated orders to haul the ceramic ingenuity off the beach. Guests found in the vicinity that were snickering or possibly suppressing a laugh were gently questioned.
Fortunately the alcoholic libations from Delroy's establishment powerwashed any brain cells that had retained identities, and the Four Flushers of Negril remained institutionally anonymous and were allowed to complete their vacation stays in relative obscurity.
Subsequent attempts to relocate another john to one of the nude beach floating swim platforms (so as to wave at the Sandals tour-boats from an appropriate perch) were quashed by the most inclusive Toilet Lock-Down ever witnessed in the history of Hedonism II. Not that I'd know anything about that, either. I just listen around....
NUDE BEACH ROOM RENOVATIONS: "Room Renovations" was the phrase used loosely to describe the army of men that gathered each day to gawk from the oceanfront nude room windows. The oceanfront nude room windows served as perpetual observation galleries as workmen oversaw and closely monitored the nude pool and cooling tub guests. All in the name of safety, no doubt. :) Tom Sawyer was alive, as each day scores of new "painters" would appear in the room windows, idly dragging brushes across walls whilst avidly goggling the bare scenery.
Had there been actual paint on the brushes at all times, the rooms would have 1,000 layers of paint. The thick coats could fill the walls, making the rooms narrower and narrower -- finally resembling submarine corridors.
Generally a coordinated mass-wave from the pool resulted in a half-dozen faces immediately returning to some tremendously important task, such as applying the 245th layer of caulk to the window seams. While not harmful, the workers could quite conceivably stretch the scheduled room renovations on through Autumn 2004, as long as the pristine view of nude revelers continues to interfere with the tedium of actual work. :) :) :-P
WATERSLIDE: It's still there, and it's still funnest to do bare. You haven't lived until you've run naked and giggling up the steps to the waterslide, and then hollered all the way down. Plus you get that Joe Cocker / Kim Carnes "gargled with broken glass" voice going for your next night at the Piano Bar.
H BLOCK ROOMS: We stayed in H-Block 2245. The shower spigot trick worked perfectly and we had ZERO instances of water temperature variation or having to leap out of the shower. We just left some water flowing through the tub spout and left the temp knobs at less than 3/4 open. Our room had a nice view of the OVN rooms and the trees by the former aviary.
We did have an infestation of tiny ants which we were able to mostly control by keeping food and drink cups out of our room. We sprizzed the AC with SaniGard, and the AC worked great. No mold problems. Even better, the Ganga Faerie had visited, so our room came pre-loaded. :cool: Remember to check on the tippy-top of your closets when you check in to your room! Is this place cool or what?
CARIB CRUD: We don't blame the AC unit, but we did come home with a brand of sinus and upper respiratory crud that seemed to be going around Hedo at the time, and that has been mentioned by several of the returnees, including Chris Santilli and the Naked Truth group from just prior to Thanksgiving. We attribute the Carib Crud to recirculated airplane air and the omnipresent food and drink sharing and mwak-kissing that friends often do at Hedo. We don't blame any AC units or mysterious food-borne pathogens. We're sort of used to coming home from vacations with a cold and it's not a real big deal to us.
MAIN BAR: The bar in the main dining room seemed to have bartenders who were always in a good mood. With the *possible* exception of the prude beach bar, the main bar appeared to have the fastest drink service. I never managed to become "invisible" at the main bar, even though it did happen several times at the nude pool bar. The main bar and its crew were great, except for the barfy smell that hung like a funky cloud around the bar...
However big props to go Tista, Dwayne, and Sheldon for their stellar performances at the main bar in the dining room. Always a smile, a quick response, a joke, or a fist-to-fist pledge of respect. Nice.
DINING ROOM: The buffets seemed to be better in quality when compared to our two previous trips. Charlie was great at his famous omelet station. When you are eating, if you aren't careful, the dining room staff will take your plate right out from underneath you in an effort to keep the tables clean and bussed. :) The meats, salads, breads, and desserts on the buffet line were really good to us this year.
However, that infernal Art Auction won't die (although the Art Auction lady Maria and her trainees were hotties.) I learned from Maria that the Art Auctions overall are a respectable moneymaker for Superclubs (not just Hedo) and I have a hard time seeing Hedo getting rid of an income producer even if most of us find it a waste of time. In any event, it was fun to talk to the lovely ladies in their sexy outfits while we waited for dinner dates and drinks...
The dinner time music continues to be played SO VERY LOUD THAT YOU HAVE TO SHOUT TO HAVE A DINNERTIME CONVERSATION WITH THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO YOU. (Sorry, got into dinner volume mode, there...) Maybe that was why some ladies crawled under our dinner table's tablecloth. Was it quieter underneath the table?
MUNIHANA: We ate twice at Munihana's and had the best quality food we'd ever experienced there at Hedo. Our cooks were skilled, cordial, and friendly, and they put up with our group's boistrous behaviour and shenanigans. We even had several cooks come out to dance around the table when we all began drumming on the grill, tabletop, glasses, plates, etc in time to the dinner music. It was *sort of* like that spontaneous jam scene in the 1980s movie "Fame". It helped that we had a couple of actual "real life" musicians and percussionists in our dinner group, but we all had a hoot (I found out I play a mean knife-on-the-grill) and the staff joined in and made it extra cool.
PASTAFARIS: Can't even begin to talk about Pastafari's without first complimenting Denva on his cordiality and ability to find seats on short notice when no reservations were available. DENVA ROCKS! We also were well taken care of by Michael at Pastafari's. We either had excellent entrees at Pastafari's or they sucked. We ate at Pastafari's four times in ten days and I ordered the filet rare each time. Twice I got perfectly cooked filet cuts that were just...perfect. Twice I got cuts of mystery meat (burger patty thin) that were tough and were cooked to extra, extra-well-done. It's like the cooks put shoe leather in a microwave and set it for George Hamilton. Can you say Doggie Chew Toy? :) Dinner at Pastafari's takes time, so on Chew Toy occasions, I'd just stop at the dining room buffet on the way out to fill up on whatever I was craving. Easy go, man.
Oh, and Pastafari's grape nut ice cream and pumpkin soup were to *die for* (really good to us), as were the marinated mushrooms and chicken salad on the anitpasto bar. Kudos to Pastafaris
PIANO BAR: They tell me the Veronica's sign is down. I didn't notice. I always think of it as Dave's Bar anyways. On the nights that Dave was there, it was an energetic and rocking fun bar. I "got invited" to sit on Dave's piano while Miss Vicki performed a striptease of legendary proportions. Yeah! Then, I was surprised to learn that I had to strip as well in return for the 'favor'. Whoah! If you ask me, Miss Vicki was shortchanged, but the rest of the crowd in the piano bar seemed to enjoy it and I took a bunch of kidding for it. Oh well, I knew I couldn't avoid 'Piece By Piece' forever. It was fun. :)
This was the night that my red Chuck Taylor All-Star High Tops had *lots* more fun than I ever did. One shoe spent the evening up RuthAnne's dress, the other lucky shoe was similarly hidden on the divine Darrah. And they traveled around with other lovely interlopers. Happy shoes!
And the fluorescent glowing bands that I had been wearing around my ... (ahem) well, they reappeared later on when RuthAnne and Darrah did their own surface-of-the-sun hot version of Piece By Piece. Wouldn't you know it, my danged fashion accessories got more Hedo Action(tm) than I did... I live vicariously through my tennie-pumps. (sigh)
Oh, and there was the night that our dinner group went into the Game Room (off Dave's Piano Bar) after dessert for some peace and quiet. And lap dances. Did I say lap dances? Well, we were just having a grand old time when an important looking staff member came in, saying, "Na! Na, na, you can't be doing that in here!!! This room we use for Weddings and Meetings!!" Which was promptly met with a flurry of responses, and it was amazing how fast they came:
"But It's a Sexaholics Unanimous Meeting!" "We're a 12-Step Dependency Group! Will you be our Coach?" "It's a Wedding! It's a Wedding! We're all Polygamists!"
...and so on. The management member gave us a stern look, wiggled her finger at us, said "Naa funny bussinesss!" and walked out. I swear she was smiling when she left. We giggled and motioned to adjourn the meeting until we were all naked at the hot tub.
I had a great time hanging out at the Piano Bar itself, though. Another night I got up the nerve to try out my own words to 'Dock on the Bay', but with a Hedo theme. It went over well. You can see and steal the lyrics for your own use if you go look in the Hedo II section of DennyP's message board section. And someone offered to take the lyrics to Dave...
When Dave wasn't in the Piano Bar, there was Kareoke. There were some very good Kareochers, (Kudos to Allen of Allentown, for example) but when the energy dropped, some of the EC attempts to ramp it up were misguided. Deadly. Michael Jackson Scary.
Really, it's bad enough hearing *any* version of The Electric Slide, but a *Kareoke* version of The Electric Slide works on me like those Sonic Mole and Insect Repeller devices. Time for a scenery change faster than you can say, "It's Electric!! Booga-Wooga-Wooga-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
HIDDEN HOT TUBS: We found two of them. They weren't warm and we didn't know how to make them get warm. (We found bubble switches galore, but no heat controls). We didn't get in. We heard others found tubs on the prude side that were remote, hidden, hot and most hospitable. Irie.
SPA: Kitty had a spa facial and massage from Tanasha and would not shut up about how wonderful it was for the rest of the trip. It really made her happy and the services were rendered for a fair and affordable price. I'd suggest it to anyone who has toyed with the idea.
FUN PEOPLE: We were blessed with many friends at "Home," both new and old. What was really cool was getting to know people that we had known on a "greeting" basis the year before better. It's a rich feeling to discovering some of the neat and interesting facts that people will share with you. One of the funnest times was an impromptu boogie-dance party in our H block room. We were ten or so people, just bebopping and telling stories and putting wigs on each other and generally carousing in a PG-rated manner. In between all the sexy this and sensuous that and erotic the-other, we accidentally got a bunch of people together having good clean (mostly sorta) fun! HeeHeehee!
We have to thank so many for the divine gifts of their friendship: Andrew and Sherrie, Bruce and Andie, Dave and Ang, Scott and Michelle, Eric and Jackie, Jimmy and Shannon, Anita and Art, Joyce and Dieter, Jess and Linda, HedoDude Doug, Marti and Jeff, Maz and Brian, Janice and Brian, Mike and Kathy (of the high trapeze!), Allentown Allen, Jim and Charlene, Bridgett and Monte, Tom and Kelly, Krazy Karen, Jim and RuthAnne, Darrah, Sarah, Key and Kristy, LaMont, Fred, Aunt Esther and so many others treated us with joy, kindness, and respect. Thank you for filling our trip with exhuberance and happiness in your own special and individual ways.
EVICTION NOTICE: I still get that hollow, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach when we get the Eviction notice. Rx: A drink from Scumba and Robert's Jerk chicken. YaMon.
SEXYSENSUOUSEROTICSTUFF: Who? Me? I'm a social pariah. I look funny nekkid anyways. I can't spell PDA without a dictionary. Fortunately Kitty is blessed with a gorgeous appearance and poor vision (my best theory to date). I can't seem to specifically remember seeing any PDAs while I was at Hedo. And of course, things being the way they are, I wouldn't ever be actually *involved* in a PDA, heavens forbid, even if they *did* happen, of which I'm still not sure. And I'd never go to Toga night in Saran Wrap, or paint Kitty's entire body up like a leopard, or march mostly nekkid over to Sandals and Grand Deeldo, no, wait. OK, wait, yes I did go marching nekkid. And maybe one or two other things in there but really all that other stuff was somebody else, nobody saw me do it, and you can't prove anything. And pretty much everybody who rode on the 3 o'clock bus to the airport, well, you can all just shut up right now, cause you're all unreliable witnesses, compulsive liars, reckless nudists, and decorated dedicated rabblerousers. So there.
AJ CHECKOUT: It was nice to do the Air Jamaica luggage check and pre-boarding check at the station that they set up in Veronica's. It was our first time doing that and we liked it, except we didn't know to bring money to tip the guy who took our bags from Hedo to Sangster--we didn't know he'd be there. Fortunately, a close friend was nearby and we were able to borrow some US $$ to tip the man who transported our bags to Sangster from Hedo. We think it was a big plus to check out with Air Jamaica at the resort and not to have to mess with customs in JAM prior to our flight. Rockin'.
BUS RIDE TO SANGSTER: You'd have to attend a dozen police lineups to find a more notorious collection of characters than the bunch on our bus from Hedo to Sangster. After admiring TimAir buzzes over the past ten days, we plotted to accomplish the first-ever buzz of the nude beach by bus, or barring that possibility, Daihatsu Luggage Cab. Sadly, we were unable to obtain the usage of a motorized vehicle for the intoxicated and raucous episode. Oh, well.
Instead, we were packed like half-dressed institute inmates, jammed into a noisy bus full of miscreants, swilling a bottle of champagne purloined from the lobby's welcome table. Then two more bottles appeard in the hands of a grinning HedoDude Doug. Was it a coincidence when Asst. Mgr Barbara and Gen Mgr. Mr. Bourke appeared, smiling and waving as our bus departed? We think perhaps there was a "gone away" party given on our behalf.... and rumors were that the great Toilet Lockdown of 2003 ended that evening. Some theorize that conspirators could even have been aboard our bus! Mon, mi hear de creeziest roomas in Negril!
Our obnoxious and noisy bus weaved in and out of traffic as we wandered eastward, following the Negril coastline on our eastward trek to MonteegaBay airport. The champagne flowed, the rum punch rummed, and the storycrafters aboard spun wild lies, retelling crazy and bawdy episodes that spanning the two weeks previous.
Once at Sangster, the rowdy group flowed amoeba-like through customs, did ciliary high-fives in the duty-free booze shop, and then oozed on down the concourse to Margaritaville for one last set of drinks together. Then we departed towards our respective AJ boarding gates, flying off to destinations of Atlanta, Philadelphia, and beyond.
This bunch did not go out with a fizzle.
I can't wait to see them again next year. In May. And November. Damn, where is my next plate of Jerk Chicken?
Cheers, Red of Red and Kitty