"Bitches of Hedonism" Reunion Trip
June 10-16, 2003
I just got back from another fabulous trip to Hedo. It was very different from the last few trips I've been on since there were NO BOYS allowed on this trip. The purpose of this trip was for me to reunite with my girlfriends, the Bitches of Hedonism, who I've missed the last few years, and to ogle the beefcake at the Ultimate Men of Hedonism competition.
Bitch History
Typically, the Bitches go to Hedo during Halloween/Anniversary week. I met my boyfriend, Jaime, there during that week in 1996. Since my boyfriend and I switched to December with Denny's WWW group I have missed the last 3 Halloweens at Hedo II. I like the weather better in December and even though the resort is almost full it doesn't get as crowded as it does at Halloween. The only downside to going in December is that I miss my fellow bitches terribly. L
The Bitches of Hedonism are a group of girlfriends from all over the U.S. and Canada who met at Hedo over the last few years. One afternoon a few years ago we were floating in the waters of the prude beach and noticed a couple of ladies who appeared to be well into their 80's wading in the water. We thought that either their travel agent made a huge mistake in sending them to Hedo or they were WAY COOL old ladies and we wanted to be just like them, coming to Hedo when we were in our 80's LOL!
As a goof we decided to give ourselves "old lady" names, thus giving birth to our alter egos. Lucille, the 40-time veteran also known as "Juicie Lucie" became "Aunt Ida". Cathy from Canada became "Bernice". Joann from Maryland became "Sexy Sadie". Carolyn from New York was "Meredith". Lori from Maryland became "Peaches" after a drag queen who was performing at the resort grabbed her boobs and called them peaches. My alter ego is called "Sylvia".
Unfortunately it was not a full reunion as only half of us could make it. It was just Aunt Ida, Bernice and Sylvia on this trip, and even though we missed our sisters we had a blast and met some new gals who (even though a bit younger than us) have TONS of Bitch potential!
It's good to be back home!
I arrived at Hedo on Tuesday. I took the quick (but boring) bus ride from Montego Bay. There were two guys and myself going to Hedo and two couples who were going to Grand Lido on the bus. Almost everyone slept while we trudged through the Montego Bay traffic. We were delayed by some road construction in the city. After about an hour and a half drive with one stop for the driver to take a restroom break we finally arrived at Hedo in time for lunch. While I was checking-in Lucille and Cathy, who had both arrived a few days before, came to greet me. Hugs and kisses and lots of laughing started then and never stopped the whole week!
Even though the Bitches usually like to stay in the Ocean View Prude section we had all booked Garden View Nude rooms because our T/A told us they were cheaper. Lucille & Cathy, both being big-time repeaters with some clout, were able to switch their rooms over to the prude side because the front desk told them that the Ocean View Prude rooms were the same exact price as the Garden View Nude rooms. Looks like maybe our travel agent got some bad info? When I arrived I was also able to change to Ocean View Prude. The best part is each of us had our own room with a king-size bed! Woo Hoo! Bitches rule!
It was so cool having Room 1219 all to myself. It was so easy to keep neat since I only had myself to clean up after. I brought some lights to decorate my window and mirror with. The only thing I didn't like about the room was that the dcor did not match. The drapes were red and white plaid and did not match the beige bedspread with huge cabbage roses on it. In Cathy's room the lamps on the night tables had plaid trim to match the curtains. The seat of the little wooden bench by her dresser was upholstered with the same plaid fabric. Lucille's and Cathy's beds both had new mattresses on them that were so high that my feet didn't touch the floor when I sat on them. My bed had an old mattress, but it didn't bother me. There were fresh beach towels in my room every day. I never saw the maid the whole time I was there.
A Brand New Routine
My daily routine this week was very different from when I go to Hedo with my boyfriend.
When Jaime and I are together our typical daily routine is to leave the room around 9:30-ish and head to breakfast. Then it's back to the room to slather on the sunscreen before hitting the beach at 11:00. We'd almost never go to the dining room for lunch since we prefer to get something from Robert's grill. We'd stick around until it's time for the 6:00 PM jerk-chicken, take a little soak in the hot tub, and then head back to the room for a little while before going out to dinner. After dinner we'd head for Veronica's before another late night soak in the hot tub. We always go off-campus for dinner on Toga night with a group of our closest friends.
This week my routine changed a lot! Cathy (an early riser) and I would hit the beach by 8:00 or 8:30. Delroy (the water sports guy, NOT the bartender) would set up three chaises with fresh towels on them for us facing the sun, which would rise just behind Sandals. He also made sure we always had a table for our drinks and ashtrays for Lucille & Cathy (they smoke, I don't). The early morning sun was always HOT, HOT, HOT!
Cathy would usually feed the fish some bread from the dock while I got in a little bit of nude sunbathing on the prude beach. At around 10:00 we'd go to kick Lucille (a night owl and very late riser) out her bed so that we could all have a late breakfast together. Then it was back to the beach where we could float and sunbathe some more before the afternoon rains would begin. Lucille and I were the only people who sunbathed in the nude on the prude beach, but a few of the girls would go topless. Some girls wore sexy bikinis that consisted of a string here and a string there. They might as well have been naked!
It rained every afternoon. Most of the time it would just sprinkle for a little while and we'd go back to the beach again. One day we had a thunderstorm with lots of lightning and we were forced to the shelter of the main dining room to watch the EC's entertain us with some games. I also discovered the joy of afternoon napping on this trip, as I don't usually take naps while I'm on vacation.
We had dinner together every night, mostly in the main dining room. Lucille and Cathy didn't want to eat at Munahana because they don't like the food there. I actually like the food at Munahana but didn't really mind missing out on it. Cathy left on Sunday and missed dinner at Pastafari. Kim, one of our new friends (more on her and Suzy Q later) suggested we eat in the restaurant one night as she was getting bored with the dining room so we made a reservation on Sunday, my last full night there. Kim and I enjoyed our meals there but the rest of our dinner companions did not. Let me offer a little friendly advice: If you're a fan of authentic Italian pasta dishes do NOT order any of the pasta dishes at Pastafari. Unless you don't mind your pasta being flavored with Jamaican spices you will be very disappointed. I always stick to the main entrees and am usually very satisfied.
After dinner we'd usually hang around the grounds drinking a Dirty Banana (me) or smoking doobies (them). Our favorite spot was the deck area right outside the spa. They recently put patio tables with umbrellas and very comfy mesh deck chairs there and we used them a lot.
Every night we would hang out in the disco. Lucille loves to dance her ass off! The first couple of nights I couldn't stay up past 12:30 but the rest of the week I was able to stay up most nights until 2:30 or 3:00. Cathy usually konked out around 1:00 but surprised us one night by staying out with us until 3:00 AM. Believe me when I say she never does that! I don't even try to keep track of how late Lucille stays out. She usually watches the sun come up LOL!
I would usually go the disco bar and order myself an Amaretto & OJ to sip while I danced on the stage or on the steps. By the second night in the disco the bartender would have the drink ready for me whenever he saw me. How cool is that? J
The Bitches-in-Training
On every trip I've taken with the Bitches we always meet new gals who have that joie-de-vivre that we are attracted to. On this trip we met quite a few really cool gals. There was a trio we called "the girls from At-lanna" Stacy, Andrea and Latiqua (uh-oh I just know I got the spelling wrong on that one sowwwwy!) Then there was the dazzling duo from Canada Kim and Suzy. We called them Kimmy and Suzy Q and spent a LOT of time with them. They were just way too funny and made us laugh all the time. I felt like I was in danger of cracking my ribs from the violent laughing spasms I would experience whenever they were around especially that crazy Suzy Q! That girl is way out of control! Thanks to you both for making my trip all that more enjoyable. I know we'll see you again.
Kimmy and Suzy Q
The Ultimate Men of Hedo
This was my second UMOH trip and it was just as much fun as the first. Super Clubs puts out a press release each year to travel companies asking them to sponsor a man who they feel has the qualities of an "ultimate man of hedonism". These guys have to be really good looking with great bodies and good personalities. The field of entries is whittled down to twelve guys who each get their picture taken for the 2004 Hedonism Resorts calendar. Each guy gets his own month, guaranteed. However, the cover spot is reserved for the winner of the UMOH competition. The winner also gets a free week to Hedo and some other prizes donated by local merchants.
This year the guys were all gorgeous. They were mostly in their mid- to late-twenties, with the exception of one guy who was 31. Only eleven of the 12 contestants were on hand for the competition. I heard that the 12th guy was a Jamaican from Kingston who couldn't (or wouldn't) take the time off to come to Hedo to participate in the UMOH activities.
For the most part the guys would be busy during the day with photo shoots and show rehearsals. One day we saw a few of the guys who were not assigned to daytime photo shoots snorkeling at the prude beach. Occasionally one or two of them might take a break and sunbathe. Mostly they just kept busy. I never saw any of them at the nude beach, but I didn't spend much time there myself. A couple of the guys would make an appearance at the disco or in Veronica's, but they would never stay out late as they had to get up early every day.
All the guys participated in the Best Body in Motion contest during Thursday's "Lunch Time Spin". Some of them really had some good moves while others seemed a bit awkward. It seemed to me that the guys with the biggest, most muscular bodies were the ones who were not so fluid in their dancing. Still they looked DAMN good!
For the most part the guys hung out as a group. They almost ALL seemed very shy except for two guys who were very friendly and would say Hi to everyone. Unlike the last UMOH production I saw a couple of years ago, this year's winner was going to be chosen (supposedly) based on audience reaction. I guess you could say that the two guys who were "less shy" were working the girls to get the popular response.
We witnessed a couple of photo shoots on the beach and near the main pool. On Friday night the guys were on hand for another professional photo shoot in front of the bonfire at the prude beach. You can bet there were a lot of non-professional photographers taking advantage of that situation, myself included! J
The competition was held on Saturday night. We Bitches scoped out a great table during the afternoon so that we could have a perfect view of the stage for the show. We sat at the table in shifts to make sure no one would steal it from us before dinner. Kim and I held the table while Cathy and Lucille had spa appointments. When they were done Cathy and Suzy Q relieved me and Kim so we could go get ready for dinner. When we got back the rest of the girls had their turn to groom.
A Jamaican TV-News program sent a crew to Hedo to cover the competition. They videotaped almost the entire production. They even got a close-up shot of our table, as we were seated right behind the judges and to the right side of the tables reserved for Hedo and Super Clubs management. Who knows? We might have showed up on the Jamaican news the next day LOL! Unfortunately, Color Negril did not shoot the production. They used to cover the show in the past and sell the videos. We could not get a video of the show this year. That sucked!
The theme of the show was sort of a pre-historic cave man scenario. The stage was beautifully decorated with a Styrofoam "cave" and some "rocks" and some jungle foliage. The backdrop was hand-painted with a mural of cave men in the jungle. The opening number was of all the guys dressed in animal-print Speedos and long cave-man wigs dancing to a dance choreographed by one of the EC's. It was a lot of fun to watch. Each guy had a chance to come out and greet the audience. Then it was time for the talent competition. Each contestant did a dance to music they selected. Most of the dancers would strip down to either a thong or g-string. One guy got completely nude but strategically held his hand over his package. Of course, the crowd went wild.
In the end I was very satisfied with the outcome of the contest. The guy that Kimmy wanted to win (Dan) came in as the second runner up. The guy that Suzy Q wanted to win (Craig) came in as the first runner up. He was also voted Most Photogenic. The guy that Lucille, Cathy and I liked was crowned the winner. His name was Rob and he was from New York City. We were cheering like crazy lunatics. After the show we hit the disco where some of the guys would eventually come in to party. The winner went home the next day and we did not see him partying with the rest of the guys.
The New General Manager and the Repeater Party
The Bitches had an opportunity to meet and chat with Richard Bourke during the Wednesday repeater party. He was very pleasant and very approachable. During the party he made the usual speech about not changing Hedo just enhancing it. He promised that the water pressure and temperature fluctuations would finally dealt with. They apparently signed a deal for the pipes that carry the water supply from tanks on the roof to be replaced/expanded. I'm not sure when he said the work would begin. He also mentioned that there would soon be a new Hedo web site, Hedonism1.com. He hinted that it would be a little more "liberal" than the Super Clubs Hedonism web page. Can't wait to check it out.
We had our usual appetizers and drinks during the party, and that was followed by the awarding of a free week to the person(s) who had been to Hedo the most times without winning before. All week long Lucille and Cathy kept chanting a mantra that went something like "Hazel's going to win this time! Hazel's going to win the free trip!" I was so psyched that I almost believed I could win with 14 visits. Unfortunately there was someone else there with 15 or 16 visits under their belt. Awww, poor me L
Lucille won an unexpected prize and if it weren't for me she would have missed it! She had scheduled a pedicure for Wednesday at 6:30, the exact time of the repeater party. Since she had me believing I would win a free week I reminded her that she had to be there to see it happen. So she rescheduled her pedicure and came to the party instead. Lucille and Cathy had each won a free trip in the past (Lucille on her 11th visit, Cathy on her 14th?). Hedo decided to give away a 4-night trip to the person who had been there the most times since the last time they won a trip. This was Lucille's 40th trip to Hedo, so this was 29th time she'd been there since the last time she won a free trip. Cathy was only mildly pissed off since she would have won the 4 free nights if I had kept my big mouth shut and let Lucille keep her pedicure appointment LOL!
After the party broke up we ran into Mr. Bourke in the disco bar and we chatted with him for a while. He graciously granted me permission to post flyers around the resort about the upcoming Hedo Reunion in Sandy Hook in August. Lucille and Cathy chatted him up about improvements they'd like to see and other such chatter. During the toga party on the following evening he posed for a picture with the Bitches. We even saw him a couple of nights in the disco dancing with some pretty blonde ladies. Mr. Bourke can really shake his booty. J
From left to right: "Juicie Lucie", Cathy, Richard Bourke, and Hazel
Little Tidbits
Practically all of my favorite staff members were on vacation this week: Agustus from the nude beach; Paulette from the prude beach bar; and Buffy from entertainment. Elizabeth from the spa is gone, having moved to Houston. The only spa people that I know and love from the old beach spa are Nishka and Roslyn. Everyone else is new.
In the absence of my favorite bartender, Paulette, I really got to enjoy a few light moments with Alicia whenever she was on duty. I ran into her at almost every bar on the property that week (except the disco). She's a cutie!
Also, while I'd already seen him many times before I really got to appreciate the hard work that Delroy does at the prude beach. He's the prude side's equivalent of Agustus, except that he doesn't tell people to "get off his damn beach!" LOL. Delroy would have three chairs set up with towels every morning for the Bitches. Cathy has been his good pal for many years, and by default I became one of his adopted pals this week, too. He watched our stuff for us whenever we left our places for any length of time. He has a very sweet demeanor and a nice twinkle in his eye when he smiles.
Some of my favorite new EC's were Karma (who resigned this week!), Andrea and Rosie. Roxy was her usual crazy-sexy-cool self. Ray-Ray is still a nut. Sexy Simone is still there too. Koro is a new guy who is very cool. He kept trying to convince me to miss the bus home "accidentally on purpose" on Monday afternoon so that I could enter the wet T-shirt contest LOL!
The food was good this week but still no lobster, even though lobster season is supposedly open again. Beach towels were plentiful no problem there for a change. The spa services were great, as usual. I had an aromatherapy massage on Thursday and a seaweed body polish on Sunday in the wet room.
As I mentioned before I hung out mostly on the prude side for this trip. There were LOTS of people on the prude side this week. Also, a lot of people were using the main pool for a change. I don't think I'd ever seen the pool so busy. Kimmy & Suzy Q preferred the pool to the beach. The Bitches are definitely beach gals. The only drawback to the beach was the biting bugs. Of course, I forgot to bring my bug repellent so I was completely devoured. Ugh!
Before going on this trip I corresponded with some really nice people who I had the pleasure of meeting in person during the week. It was really nice meeting Dean & Meri of "Dean's Beach Rangers" fame. Although we didn't get a chance to chat a lot I had the pleasure of meeting John & Angela from Vancouver and John & Vicki from Boston. I also met Jesse & Debbie from Boston who were gracious enough to let me and the Bitches crash their wedding vow renewal ceremony. It was so sweet. Cathy even cried a little, despite the fact that she didn't know the bride and groom. The minister who performed the ceremony smiled and patted her on the head and told her not to cry. Thanks, Jesse, for giving me tips on forming a local Hedo club. Thanks also to the guy from the Sand Scorpions who gave out the "dick" straws and the tattoos. He didn't introduce himself but I got two straws from him; one on the day I hung out at the nude beach and the other when he came over to the prude side to hand out the straws and tattoos.
Well, trip #14 is now history. Extreme DIF is already setting in. Until the next time Hedo Hugs!
Hazel a.k.a. "Sylvia" a.k.a. Pampered Princess
Front: Kim and Hazel. Back: Suzy, Cathy and "Juicie Lucie".