| Posted by: Andrew and Lisa Visit dates: 6/22/03-6/27/03 Let me begin by saying that the week my wife and I spent at Hedo II was kind of like riding the Tilt-O-Whirl at the country fair, over and over again, for seven days. It's kind of fun and exciting when you begin, but by the end of the week, you kind of miss normalcy. And it's possible to get tired of seeing naked people all the time. We had been to Grand Lido Negril (right next door to Hedo) twice before, and done the nude beach thing, so getting naked wasn't going to be a problem. And Hedo II is $1,000 cheaper for a wee k than Lido. So that made up our minds! We booked three months in advance and I carefully read all the trip reports, trying to figure out all I could. By the time we arrived (after an amazingly smooth and fast one-hour bus ride from Mobay), I felt like I had seen the place inside and out from all the photos on the Internet. Our check-in was smooth, but nobody asked us what room we wanted. Before we knew it, we were issued a garden view prude side room and were being whisked in that direction. Oh well, the room was clean (as is the whole resort), with only a few chipped tiles and some stray ants in the bathroom to detract from the place. But as everyone says, you don't spend much time in the room anyway. The mirrored ceiling, we must agree, was a nice touch! (Very interesting views!) We didn't get an orientation from anyone, but none was really needed since I had studied so well. We slathered on our number 30 sunscreen (bring your sunscreen!) and our swimsuits (boo!), a nd began making our way through the prude beach (two people on it) to the nude side. The prude beach never had more than five or six people on it all week. It's a shame, because it's a nice beach. On the nude side, lovely trees along the water's edge, with the names of previous visitors carved into the trunks, greeted us. We found one of many empty beach chairs and stripped down for our introduction to paradise. After that, things get kind of hazy (amazing how that happens to people here). Some random thoughts during our week: 1. The nude pool really, really needs to get some new music. The first six times, their Dirtiest Songs in The World collection was pretty funny. Then we got exasperated with "Who Let the Dogs Out." The truly ridiculous "Pussy Patrol" song, however, amused us all week with its jaw-droppingly stupid lyrics. Who knew there were so many songs about sex? 2. We ventured into the nude pool and hot tub area in the afternoon and within a couple hou rs (we're talking 4 p.m. or so), there were women coupled (and tripled) up on the edge of the pool and random treats being given. My wife and I are not in the lifestyle, but we didn't mind visiting the alternate reality. It was kind of like Hef's Grotto, only right there in front of you. We were on the way to the bar at one point, only to be blocked by two young ladies in love. Perplexed, we looked around as the onlookers laughed along with us. Okey dokey, we figured, just go on through. So we edged our way past them to the bar. Welcome to Hedo! 3. Given how much we saw in the afternoon, we never attempted to visit the tub at the witching hour of 11 p.m. or so. I figured we'd get splashed with something. 4. The snorkeling trip that comes with your room is well worth taking. My wife says it was terrific and really gives you the feeling you're "someplace else." 5. The food was fine all week. We took it easy (steering clear of the fish salads that could be deadly), an d always found plenty to eat. We booked at Pastafari our first night but missed the appointment when the nude pool got too interesting! We just walked up to Pastafari the next night and got in without a reservation. Food was great, the air conditioning is welcome, and next to us were two young sisters who admitted they had come to Hedo II expecting lots of cute college guys, but found only "old people -- like in their 30s." One of them asked, "You seem like such a nice, normal couple. What are you doing here?" We had to laugh. What WERE we doing there?? 6. We saw the skating rink (empty, of course, and not on any map). We saw the big Hedo II climbing turd (empty, of course). The water slide looked like fun but somehow we never got to go down it. Those who did, however, said it was fun if you survived. The little splash pools around the main pool are really cool -- great waterfalls and a nice intimate size. Too bad they're on the prude side! At night, when they're lit up a ll blue, they are very tempting. But when we tried them at night, they were really cold! Kind of puts a damper on passion. 7. Toga Night was kind of sparse in the spirit department -- the staff had to work extra hard to get the crowd going. But the staff was 100 percent great all week. Major credit to them for what must be LONG days of entertaining us white people from breakfast through midnight. The togas, however, were clever, and the floor show was suitably risque ("No panties!" was the cry of the evening). 8. Watch out for the ants. They may be tiny, but they have teeth like piranha fish. We have the bumps to prove it. 9. Jerk chicken by the nude pool in the evening is truly heavenly. 10. Nobody pressured us the whole week, although we did get a few veiled invitations. "No" meant "no," and we were fine. Don't be afraid you're going to be attacked -- there are enough other people there to keep everyone busy. 11. We saw maybe 15 couplings/triplings during th e week -- certainly the most erotic vacation experiences we've ever had. Slightly creepy, perhaps, but nevertheless interesting. 12. If you want to get Augustus going on the nude side, just hide his rake. We tried it and he blamed somebody else. "Hey! Small man!" he yelled at a longtime Hedo visitor in the water. "What you do wit my rake??" Where else can you goof with the staff like that? 13. The sing-along in the piano bar is great fun, but can be incredibly smoky. Drink before you go (and while you're there), and warbling out Beatles songs will become funnier and funnier. In conclusion, it was a life experience you shouldn't pass up. We will be singing "I wanna have SEX on the BEACH..." for years. Would we go back? Nope. Once was enough. But for all you other Hedo virgins who are wondering whether to go: Yes, but don't be easily shocked. The place is only as wild as you want to make it. If you just want to be bystanders, it will be more than enough to last you a lifetime. It was for us! Now, how do we tell our friends about our vacation?? -- Andrew and Lisa jacham1@excite.com |