Trip Report, Hedonism II
March 30 through April 6, 2001
Chicago Jake; jcesarone@ripco.com
After ten years at Hedo, I dont have much new to say, so I figured Id try saying it in a new way. Therefore, this is a trip report written in the style of the ultimate vacationer, Ernest Hemingway. I hope you enjoy it.
If you are lucky enough to have spent a week at Hedonism, then whatever you do for the rest of the year, it stays with you, for Hedo is a moveable feast.
Day 1:
It was hot. The sun was in the sky, and it was a good sun. Round and big and
bright and yellow and it burned our skin and made us squint and we knew that we
were in Jamaica. We had arrived early this afternoon, after a trip that was long
and hot and tedious. We had started partying the night before, at the Dearborn
Street Oyster Bar in Chicago. I had several Absolut martinis there, cold and
clear and garnished with onions and good at bringing out the vacation in a mans
mind. Then this very morning, our early flight from Chicago had taken us to
Jamaica. The plane had been a fine plane, made of strong silver metal, and the
pilot was wise and friendly and knew how to get from point A to point B which
was important in a pilot. And the bus, and the rough dusty road, had gotten us
to Hedo in time for a 1:30 p.m. toast at the main bar. We drank Red Stripe beer
and Canadian Club and Jack Daniels and vodka, and it burned our throats and
warmed our insides and it made us feel good and it was a fine way to start a
trip. We got the keys to our rooms. Linda and I were in H-block, which was a
good block of rooms, honest and true, not too close and not too far from
anything else, but just right and good. Larry and Terry were also in H-block, on
the other side of the courtyard. We all walked down to Delroys, leaving our
clothes in our rooms where they belonged. Delroy was tending bar, and he was a
good, fine bartender, with a nice black shiny pate on the top of his head and
dark sunglasses and an enormous smile, and he knew how to mix a drink and pour a
drink and give it to a drinker to drink it. And they were very good and fine
drinks indeed. And we drank them. And when we got in the hot tub, it
was hot, too. It was full of water, good and wet water, as water should be, and
it washed over our bodies and made us warm and left us feeling good and it
washed away our cares and we knew, again, that we were on vacation.
We had our first dinner at Pastafaris. We had pasta and seafood and antipasto and salad and a good red wine that was the color of blood but didnt taste anything like blood but more like red wine. And then we took a nap in preparation for singing at Veronicas but somehow the nap lasted until morning and we never saw Veronicas or Veronica herself that night, or anything else, because we slept until morning.
Day 2:
When the sun came up and the birds started chirping and the sound of machetes
hacking off the dead limbs of the palm trees woke us up, we woke up. We had a
good hearty breakfast in the dining room, good fresh squeezed orange juice and
omelets and Grays hot sauce that was tangy on the tongue and that black
coffee that you can only get in countries like Jamaica unless you want to pay a
fortune to get it in countries like the US. And we spent most of the day at the
nude beach, where the sand was sandy and the water was watery and the chairs
were hard but there were soft pads on them so they didnt hurt your body. I
had a coconut rum and pineapple juice at Delroys and followed it with a Red
Stripe and then a Dirty Banana and then much later a Jack Daniels on the
rocks at 5 oclock and a good Honduran cigar that I had brought with me from
home. We met many strange and wonderful people who were fun to talk to, some
from the Yahoo group and some not from the Yahoo group and some from the other
place, but they were all good people and the kind of people that you like to
meet, especially in a place like Hedo. After dinner, when the sun was down and
the tree frogs were chirping and the dining room entertainment ended, we did
make it to Veronicas to sing and to listen to the other people singing. Dave
was playing the piano, and he played it well and sang also, and he coaxed women
into taking it off piece by piece, and they were good and naked and honest and
true and they looked good in the buff. And we stayed up until late into the
night to watch the stars in the sky and to look for Orion and the Big Dipper and
the Southern Cross but the night was cloudy and we didnt see any
constellations at all except for the Moon, which isnt really a constellation
at all.
Day 3:
When you are in Jamaica for more than two days the days start to blend together
and you forget which day is which but it doesnt really matter because all of
the days are good, especially when compared with the days that you do not spend
in Jamaica, which are not as good as those that you do spend in Jamaica. And
today was one of those days that was good and was spent in Jamaica. At night,
very late at night, we found ourselves in the hot tub with several dozen other
people, all chatting and drinking and enjoying themselves and smoking dope
except that we were not smoking dope ourselves. But it didnt matter because
we found ourselves stoned by osmosis from the contact high and we could barely
sleep from being so stoned. So Linda and I spent the night wandering around the
resort stoned and naked and hand in hand like Adam and Eve and smiling at each
other and feeling very happy about ourselves and about each other and it was
good.
Day 4:
The hot tub was packed as the sun was going down. It was full of people who were
naked and drunk and fun and friendly and who liked talking to people who liked
to talk. It was like Jay Gatsbys house on a summer evening. I was drinking
like F. Scott Fitzgerald on St. Patricks day, and I was talking with a large
stocky man who was covered with tattoos and wearing a chain around his neck with
a charm like an anchor with Jesus crucified on it but he was clearly not a
Vinnie. Im sorry, but I cant remember your name, I told him. Just
call me Tony Soprano. I can see that. Are you a navy man? Yes, Viet
Nam era. Pink Floyd rules! I had to agree with him. And the jerk chicken was
excellent that night and every night and so was the fish and we all kept talking
and drinking and eating and laughing and the two Jamaican guys on the pool deck
serenaded us, one on a guitar and the other one blowing on a tube that looked
like a homemade instrument of some sort and they were very fun and good. They
were probably hoping for tips but we were all naked and had no cash to give
them. And finally the cleaning crew kicked us all out of the hot tub and we knew
that it was time for dinner. Later we went to karaoke night at Veronicas but
it sucked because Dave wasnt there and it just wasnt the same, but then it
never is the same when Dave isnt there so we went somewhere else.
Day 5:
When the rains come to Jamaica, everything changes. It is still good, but not as
good as when it doesnt rain, but you dont mind because it is still hot and
you are still on vacation and in Jamaica and not at work or at home in the cold.
So we spent the afternoon in the hot tub trying to keep dry which doesnt make
any sense but it did at the time. For dinner, they served very good grilled
lobster tails. I had a Beefeater martini for a pre-dinner cocktail and a very
nice red wine with dinner and a Blue Mountain Coffee laced with Tia Maria after
dinner to wash it all down. Later, we went to the PJ party in the disco, which
was hot and crowded and throbbing with music and full of people in PJ outfits. I
wore one of Lindas nighties for my PJ costume and won third prize for funkiest
PJ and received 20,000 Hedobucks which I kept separate from our other funds
to use for racing capital.
Day 6:
The sun rose hot again today, and it was a good sun again and we decided it was
a good sign to walk down the beach and leave Hedo temporarily so we walked down
the seven-mile beach. We passed Sandals and Swept Away and Mahogany and several
other resorts that were full of people that didnt go to Hedo and probably
wouldnt have gone to Hedo if theyd been given the chance and we did not
envy them, and some that had very few people in them at all. And when we had
gone far enough we turned back and returned to Hedo and to Delroys and to the
coconut rum and pineapple juice and the vodka Tings and the Red Stripes and the
Jack Daniels and the Honduran cigars and the hot tub and it was very
good. We did rock painting on the nude beach. Linda and I each did a
rock with both of our names on them although we collaborated on both of them and
we painted them in bright primary colors and we decided to leave one at Hedo and
to take one home. But while we were washing the water-based paint off our hands
afterwards we wondered how long the paint on the rocks would last in the Jamaica
weather when we were gone and it made us sad.
We had dinner at the Scotch Bonnet restaurant. When you dont get enough to eat at Hedo you are very hungry, because there is food everywhere and you smell it and you see it and you wish you could eat some. But you are not hungry for long because they give you enough to eat if you ask for it, and we did, and they did. The Scotch Bonnet was an outdoor restaurant on the pool deck and the food was very good and very Jamaican and some people thought that it was very hot but I didnt think so because Im used to it, but it was still good.
Day 7:
While the sun was still rising and the nude beach was still waking up, we walked
over to the Grand Lido across the street for their morning tour. It was very
luxurious and spacious and magnificent and grand and we marveled at the high
ceilings and the long halls and the grand spaces and artworks and the giant
cotton tree in the middle of it all. We wondered if we could ever stay there and
decided that we could if we had to but that we would rather be at Hedo, which
was good, because that is where we were.
Later, at the nude pool, we watched the toga tying demo and it was good preparation for toga night which was tonight. We tied good togas that were fun and Roman and risqu and comfortable all at the same time with nothing under them and we went to dinner. The food was all Italian tonight. We had a good lasagna and a fine penne and an excellent bowtie pasta with mushroom sauce and a fine red wine that made us think of the wines that wed had in other places but it was here this time and that was just as well. After dinner, we went back to Veronicas where Dave was playing and singing and I sang too; I sang Bad Bad Leroy Brown and Those Were The Days and Larry sang Daniel and Terry sang King of the Road and the crowd was good and rowdy and fun and the women in the audience loved to get naked. And later, much later, late at night, Linda and I wandered out naked under the stars again and listened to the waves in the ocean and the tree frogs in the trees and tried our best to enjoy the moment because we knew that tomorrow morning, the bus from hell would come and take us back over the dusty road to the dingy airport and the shiny silver plane would take us back to Chicago and the cold and the snow, and back to our jobs and gas bills and newspapers and alarm clocks. But for tonight, we were still at Hedo and we knew what it was like to be in the middle of your life and very much in love and warm and drunk and happy. And that was enough.
Respect to all, Chicago Jake (jcesarone@ripco.com)