Jim & Lisa - 12/99 Wet, Wild, and Wicked

Our first trip to Hedonism II! And boy, did we have lots on reservations... should we have booked on the prude side?... just how wild is this place?... what do we tell our friends and family about where we're heading? We outlined our trip report on the back of an airline barf bag on the flight home. So here it is - with a few highlights, our biggest surprises, and some insights for future newbies...

6 HIGHLIGHTS FROM OUR TRIP TO HEDO II

• It was a busy night in the hot tub and the sex police were out in force. Five couples from WWW headed into the grotto behind the waterfall. When we started faking orgasms, the sex cops got real nervous and kept coming over to peer in and check that it was all in jest. When one just positioned himself outside, Tina, Lisa, Amy, Janie, and Pat came riding out whooping and hollering on a 6' long blow-up cock - to the delight of all viewers in the hot tub. The sex cop just walked away shaking his head.
• It was a slow night in the hot tub ~1am and a number of couples (many WWW) were conversing and laughing in 2 of the 4 pods of the cloverleaf hot tub. Vinnies were evenly spaced about 4' apart around the rest of the tub. Charlie, a well-endowed (siliconized) young woman, who was obviously a dancer from her 1st place performance in the wet t-shirt contest, showed up. She moved from Vinnie to Vinnie, teasing, talking and giggling, then laid flat on her back on the edge of the hot tub with her legs spread-eagle. At that point, Pat (of Rupe & Pat) stoically announced, "Snack Bar's open!"
• All the personal fun times - "swinging" on the trapeze (and actually getting caught), nude volleyball (can you believe?!), PJ night (Wow!), and body painting on our 2nd day (in which Lisa won 50,000 Hedo bucks for 1st place and started the path to 8 bottles of booze that we had to lug home).
• Taking over the prude pool at midnight on PJ night for a sanctioned event of nude volleyball (Thanks, Marc!), with Brian's diligent (?) officiating. Marc, the entertainment coordinator, set the rule that all spectators also had to be buff... and the female viewers did their best to enforce cooperation. And the official cheer: "2... 4... 6... 8... Everybody Mxxxxxxxxx!"
• All the new friends and acquaintances. Rupe testing the rules by watching Lisa swing on the trapeze in the buff (Rupe, that is). All the women - who made sure that any textiled Vinnie who stood around too long was forcefully defrocked. Tina, with the hottest (sunburned) buns in Hedo. Denny and Dyan applying temporary WWW tattoos for all. Nude volleyball everyday at 4:30. The exclusive WWW catamaran cruise to the Pickled Parrot with Jello shots for all from Wayne and Julie. Getting to know Janie & Jim, Amy & Brian, Char & Steve, Tina & Sean, Becky & Mike, Kelly & Brian, Jackie & Magumbo, Stephanie & Boomer. My God!... how'd we find so many friends in a week?
• And finally, the fellow walking around the prude side of Hedo with the t-shirt that said "I'M THE MAN FROM NANTUCKET". Never saw him on the nude side.

OUR 5 BIGGEST SURPRISES AT HEDO

• Cleanliness. Hedo is 23 years old and showing its age on the fringes (bathrooms remind you of a "B" grade Miami resort hotel). But the rooms were a lot nicer and larger than we expected from the BBS. And between the maids, groundskeepers, and beach staff, they work darn hard to keep this place spotless.
• Bodies don't matter. Everyone is uncomfortable with how they look nude to themselves. But at Hedo, nobody cares... and you won't either. Trust us - that fact won't register until you've been there and spent a couple days on the beach or in the pool.
• Hedo is not a nudist colony or sex resort. In fact, you almost have to look for open sex going on, and you'll usually only find it in the wee hours of the morning. We met a lot of people who were there for their 1st or 2nd time and were every bit as nervous as ourselves.
• Hedo activities galore! Diving, tennis, waterskiing, basketball, shuffleboard, bocci ball, volleyball. And the contests: dirty joke telling, body painting, bodies-in-motion, wet t-shirt, etc. etc. etc. More than enough for a 36-hour day - and the activities coordinators make them all the more fun.
• It really is the people you meet. We figured out one advantage of getting nekid is that it's hard to stand at Delroy's bar or in the pool without talking to people nearby. We're not extroverts, but were surprised at how many people we met and how much fun we had with them.

7 BITS-OF-ADVICE --BEFORE-- HEADING TO HEDO II (from newbies to newbies)

1) Book 6 days minimum (ours was 9 and we still weren't ready to leave). Anything less, and they'll have to drag you kicking and screaming to the airport.

2) Use DennyP's Bulletin Board and Chat Room to ask lots of questions.

3) Buy Chris Santilli's book "The Naked Truth About Hedonism II" (hint: if you order direct from Chris's web site, she'll even autograph it.)

4) If you can book at the same time as WWW, by all means DO! The ease of meeting others (many newbies) and comradery are hard to describe.

5) Pack lots and pack sexy on your first trip. We took some nice clothes for Pastafari's and revealing clothes we thought we'd never wear... and wore them all. Hint: no one wears real pajamas on pajama night (ok, 1 Vinnie did).

6) Book the bus TO Hedo, and the TimAir flight FROM Hedo. It's only a 15 minute wait at the airport for the bus, and the trip prepares you psychologically... going back though (when leaving Hedo) the bus ride is a pain - take the plane.

7) If you're a single male, looking primarily for single women, don't go -- except in a group like WWW. Some will disagree (especially those who got lucky), and BBS postings say non-Vinnie types are always welcome. But most single males we saw and met at Hedo II were sorely disappointed and sorry they spent the money.

7 BITS-OF-ADVICE --AFTER-- ARRIVAL AT HEDO II (from newbies to newbies)

1) Get nekid the first time on the nude beach. Wear a hat and dark sunglasses... carry a towel in front of you... bring a book or drink mug held in strategic places. But don't wear any clothes as you'll feel a LOT more comfortable, and people won't stare at you like a Vinnie or Vinnette.

2) Get up at 9am to stagger out, get new beach towels by the hot tub, and claim your loungers on the beach (with sandals, book, or whatever); then stagger back in and sleep for another hour. The towels and loungers are usually gone by noon.

3) Try the jerked chicken and fish at Robert's Nude Pool Grill. Served from 6-10pm every day, this may become your favorite meal (and even if it isn't, you'll love Robert and Indiana).

4) Dare to be bare. Even if you're "planning" to spend a lot of time on the prude side, book your room on the nude side (you'll never feel uncomfortable walking out of your room with textiles on). The nude rooms are more centrally located, and the people are just plain friendlier.

5) Book Pastafari's early on Wednesday (before 9:30am). Word is spreading that the Wednesday night Art Auction is something to avoid.

6) Book a big table (8-10) at Pastafari's on one of your last couple nights. There's no better way to have a great time with your new friends.

7) Visit the shops at Grand Lido Negril (across the street) and take photos next to their sign. You can show these to your friends and family to prove what a great vacation you had.

MUST-HAVE PACKING LIST FOR NEWBIES

• Chris Santilli's book: "The Naked Truth About Hedonism II"
• Insulated mugs with lids and straws.
• Float: single or double air mattress.
• AT&T Prepaid Phone Card from WalMart. Dial 872 from the telephone room in the lobby, wait for the tone, then dial the 800# on the card. It's simple, fast, and really cheap.
• Toga supplies: taking your own 3-4yds of material is a lot more fun than wrapping a sheet, and it allows you to be creative. Hint: gold cord for a waist wrap helps hold it on!
• A backpack or handbag with swimsuits/sunglasses/etc. to change into (in the restroom) when your room isn't ready upon check-in.

BEST TIPS FROM DENNYP's WEB SITE:

• What to expect. Yea, our room wasn't ready at check-in. Our shower water temperature jumped 30 degrees whenever anyone in Negril flushed their toilet. The new air conditioner worked too well - keeping our room at 60 degrees. But they were all expected because of what we read on this web site... and actually became quite humorous.
• What to take. Everything from a prepaid phone card, insulated mugs, floating mattress, to toga materials and accessories. You'll get a lot of ideas from this web site.
• Where to book. Go Classy (www.goclassy.com) sometimes gets their numbers (dates and prices) wrong, but Lance works things out and nobody beats their quotes.

SUMMARY

With the "all-inclusive" resort and "no tipping" policy, we couldn't believe how enjoyable a vacation could be. Hedo is not about getting naked, or swinging, or open sex. It's just as their slogan says: Be Wicked for a Week. Just how wicked is entirely up to you. For us, it meant forgetting about reality (home) and doing something we've never really done on vacation - meeting a lot of wonderful people who became very good friends in a very short time. It's about Hedo staff with names like Delroy, Scumba, Robert, Marc, and Vladimir who you can't help but get to know on a first name basis. It's about having the time of your life, being yourself, and not caring who hears what you did the night before. After all, the final rule is: What Happens in Jamaica, Stays in Jamaica. Right, guys?

Jim & Lisa