Hedonism II December 11^th to 18^th, 1999  

This was only my third trip to Hedonism.  There was a 2 year span between my first and second visits, so getting to go two times in one year was a real treat.  Certainly the best Christmas present I’ve ever received.  As I was preparing for this trip, I found it difficult to imagine this trip could be better than the Summer WWW trip.  Everyone says that each trip gets better, but it was hard for me to picture anything that could top this past summer.  The attendee list kept growing and growing.  How would I remember all these names, much less faces to go with them?  There were three Brians, maybe four, and at least three Jims.  I only knew one other couple that was going the same time we were, Boomer and Stephanie, at least in the summer there were several couples from Phoenix, so I had a slight head start on the names.  The list of WWWer’s kept growing, 100, 110, and eventually to over 120 people.  Yikes, will I ever get them all right?  Will these new people like me?  Will we have fun?  Will I....oh well, as you can see I’m still not over those initial apprehensions even now.   

A side plea from me for future trips is going to be inserted here:  If you sign up with the WWW gang, please give me your correct names.  If you want to go incognito, under a different name, just email me your correct names.  I try my hardest to remember everyone who is signed up with Denny’s group, as well as meet new people when I arrive that might not have heard about his group, and I find people usually like to be called by their correct name once they get to Hedo (forgive me Julie/Vicki, I just wish you didn’t look so much like a Vicki to me).  One of the things that has made the WWW trips so successful this year, is the ability of “getting to know” each other before we arrive.   We don’t seem to waste those precious first few days of our long awaited vacation trying to make friends, we all arrive as friends.  I might even go so far as to suggest that if you wish to go to Hedo and remain totally incognito that the WWW group might not be for you, but you will be missing the greatest thing about Hedo...the people!!   Of course, NO ONE is ever asked or encouraged to do ANYTHING that they don’t want to.  No is always No.  Some people participate in everything and some in everything that they don’t have to get off the beach or a float for.  

We found on our last trip that overnighting in Atlanta works well for Denny and I, since we are initiating in different cities (really, we do like it this way, most of the time).  It gives us a chance to reset our clocks, rest (well, you know what I mean), and hit the ground running when we arrive at Hedo.  Traveling the red eye just isn’t for me anymore, it’s a long way to Jamaica from Phoenix, and sleeping when I arrive is for wimps.  We met up with Don and Vicki and Gary and Debbie who were all on our flight from Atlanta.  As we took off, I had this warm fuzzy feeling that this was going to be a GREAT vacation (it had nothing to do with the blanket on our laps and the privacy we assumed that provided us).  All of our travel was basically uneventful, until our Tim Air guy had us almost to the plane with luggage in tow, and tells us, that the four of us, along with about 52 pieces of luggage need to wait for some more guests.  What, we asked?  You are going to put more guests in that little thing?  We looked around for a larger plane.  We asked again, and he said again, we have to wait for more guests.  After about four times of repeating himself, we realized we hadn’t turned on our Jamaican accent listening.....we needed to wait for more gas.  Gas....ahhh good thing, we’d be happy to wait for gas, that was important.  No problem, mon, we tell him.  We’re happy to wait for more gas.   

The view from the puddle jumper has always been beautiful to me.  That alone is worth the money to fly rather than taking the bus.  Although I’m sure that taking the bus, does help one get more into the Hedo mood (especially if all those Red Stripes in the hands of My Three Vinnies from Ohio as they got off the bus at Hedo was any indication).  I met what I later named “My Three Vinnies” as we were getting off the plane in MoBay.  They’d been up partying all night, flew a red eye, no sleep, starting to sober up and now their patience was starting to wear thin.  Chill....I told them, it’s Jamaica.  They were irritated at any form of waiting.  They just wanted to get there as fast as possible, “Why don’t they have Customs and Immigration together?”  Oh man, they are in for a real learning experience I tell myself.      

Our check in was basically uneventful.  The guys filled out the required paperwork, and Vicki and I returned from the bar with drinks for all of us.  Of course, we’ll be happy to come back in an hour.  We made our way down the beach and start running into all kinds of WWWer’s that I really did recognize.  This is going to be REALLY FUN I decide.  We saw Delroy and Scumba and heard the beat of the reggae playing in the background, and immediately I was ready to pick back up right where I left off in July....truly I am “home” again.   

What follows becomes a blur of a week of sheer joy, laughter, happiness and true and bonding friendships that I know will last for many, many years.  I lost track of the scheduled events, or the order that they occurred, but I’m sure some of them were fun.  I much prefer the things that happen at Hedo spontaneously.  Others will tell you about the events and such, I’d like to tell you about some of the things I enjoyed most about this week, and definitely in no particular order:   

                    Watching Julie (of Julie and Wayne) demonstrate the difference between how the commercials show ladies elegantly putting on pantyhose and how it really happens.  That story had me crying (I was laughing so hard) one afternoon, and I couldn’t even look at her the rest of the night without busting up.  

                    The private WWW catamaran trip and swimming in the warm Caribbean water on the 15^th of December, wondering what the rest of the world was doing.

                    The tears in Indiana’s eyes, when we gave her a framed picture of herself that we took on our last trip, and she immediately said, “Now I have something to give my Momma for Christmas.”

                    Boomer’s Magical Mystery Tour.  Those things do taste better fresh out of the oven.  Don’t let anyone bring them back for you.  Go yourself, it’s a fun mellow time. 

                    Laughing so hard that my stomach ached at all the items that Stephanie kept getting accused of hiding up her ass.  If anything showed up missing, everyone assumed Stephanie had it.  Sunglasses, sunscreen, golf balls, shoes, you name it.  Boomer kept telling us she liked it.  Rumor had it she was practicing for all the ganga she was taking home. 

                    Delroy’s smile and his and Denny’s greeting every day. 

                    Watching Don (Don and Vicki) find the most beautiful golf course in Negril.  For anyone wanting to golf while in Jamaica, see Don for a picture of the beautiful course.  Also thanks goes to Bing (Bing and PJ) for leaving their clubs and balls so he could find the course and play, although he did play with only himself, err....well you know what I mean.   

                    The nice single guys.  Vinnies really do give the nice singles guys a bad rap.  I met some of the nicest single gentlemen, real gentlemen this trip.  Guys just looking to hang out and share some laughs and good times with people.  I met some nice single gals too.  We need to find a name for the nice single guys, so we don’t use the “Vinnie” term on all single guys.  The ‘real’ Vinnies (young, drunk, obnoxious, rude, needy, horny, loud, unintelligent, annoying, egotistical, and various combinations thereof) really do give most of the single guys an undeserved label.  I have also met married Vinnies at Hedo, although fortunately not on this trip.  Marital Status should not be the deciding factor to label people, especially at Hedo (OK, that was my one political statement, I’m climbing down now).

                    The “private” snorkeling guided tour, when only Denny, Tracy and I showed up to snorkel one afternoon.  Dermott, the boat driver, let us be on our own for about 15-20 minutes, then jumped in with us, and gave us a really fun private tour where we saw many things we surely would have missed. 

                    Watching Don measure his “man parts” with the ruler in the back of the seat in front of him on that little bitty plane, and watching Vicki give Jason, the pilot, the show that he really wanted.  Those damn clothes were just in the way anyhow.

                    Listening to Jeanie (Jim and Jeanie) explain why men think women have uteruses.  To be a homing device for lost items for husbands and kids. 

                    Pastafaris.  It’s a great way to get to know people a little more “normally” and also helps one avoid the dinner buffet.  Not complaining, I don’t go to Hedo for the food.  Breakfast is still the best meal of the day, next to Indiana’s jerked fish.  Be sure to try it, even if you don’t like fish, you will love her jerked fish.

                    Karen and Terry and the wonderful gift basket that they left to be given away on the catamaran cruise.  To the lucky recipients Sharyn and Scott and for the great picture poses.  Also to Karen and Terry for the advance version that they sent us ahead of time.  If you can find the waterproof vibrators anywhere (check with Karen, Mscoachung), they sure are fun, just ask Sharyn or myself.  Denny reminded me that he enjoyed it too.  I think that was when it was in Karen’s capable hands that his eyes rolled back into his head.   You guys still up for Paradise Lakes this spring?

                    The Jello Shooters.

                    The look of gratitude when we gave Teddy, Dining room supervisor, our left over Santa and elf (yeah, go figure) outfits so he can play Santa himself for a bunch of his grandchildren and neighbor kids on Christmas. 

                    The night in the hot tub, when about 12 couples kept playing “turn the light off in the hot tub” with Security.  He’d walk by and turn in on, and as soon as he was far enough away, someone in our group would go to the bathroom, and turn it off.  It took some perseverance on our part, but eventually he quit turning it on and let us have our way.  He was a good sport about it, just walked away shaking his head the last time.  

                    The meticulous care that Augustus takes of “his” beach.  I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who works as hard as that guy does, I get tired just watching him.  He is always raking, picking up, moving....something, anything.  Watch him on your next trip, especially after his day off.  His replacement just doesn’t “Take care of his beach good.”

                    All those lazy days spent on the jetty laughing and wishing Jeff and the lovely Kim and Gumbo and the beautiful Bette were there with us, but grateful that they weren’t, we couldn’t have laughed any harder than we did and lived to tell about it.  We did think of you guys often, often not in a good light, but you were thought of and missed just the same.  Be forwarded, rumor has it that all four (Boomer, Don, Jeff and Gumbo) will be there in July 2000. 

 

The above are the memories that I hold dear to my heart from this past trip.  Yes, I saw the wet T shirt contest, went to PJ night (we even won first place in the most funky category), did toga night (ZZZZ, although the one guest who sang was really really good, I never did get to tell him that), listened to the dirty jokes, and went to the beach party.  I missed the battle of the sexes, the men in motion contest, the body painting, the organized rock painting (but did one on my own with some help from my friends :-) Let me know if anyone sees it, I forgot to put it out and left it in the room), and I’m sure many more activities.  I feel like I never missed a thing, and truly my memories are ones that no one could plan, post on any schedule, nor money could buy.  I’ve looked all of my 41 years of life for friends that are as dear to me as the ones I’ve met this year at Hedo.  Thank you one and all for being so special to me.  

Some observations and suggestions that I took note of that might help all in the future, especially first timers.  Maybe I did these things too my first trip, not thinking, but they are all true events that occurred the week I was there:  

                    Don’t wave at the bartenders to get their attention.  This will only cause you to come into their line of sight at a slower pace than usual.  Don’t yell their names from across the bar to get their attention either.  They will get to you, I promise.  Call them by name when they serve you, names are important to the Jamaicans.  

                    Relax...... it’s your vacation.  Your room will NOT be ready (consider it a gift from God if it is) when you first arrive.  Use the time you are waiting to find some new friends, go for a walk down the beach, have a drink, have lunch, explore the grounds, anything.   It’s Jamaica, they do their best to get everyone exactly what they order.  They don’t always get it right the first time, but they usually will soon come, mon.  If you do get bumped to an area that you didn’t request, don’t panic.  They will compensate you, either with the difference in cash or free future nights.  If you don’t like your room assignment, you can always request a change.  They will do their best to accommodate, and like I’ve always said, “ANY room in Jamaica is better than my room at home.”  I think every room has some advantages and some disadvantages...convenience, noise, neighbors, distance, basketball courts, view.....whatever.....We can either find the advantages or the disadvantages, the choice is up to each of us.  Really though, if the judge of our vacation is the room we get, then we are in the wrong place.   Yelling, threatening, and carrying on won’t solve the problem.  You can be firm, but remember, RESPECT is more than a word in Jamaica, it’s a way of life.

                    If you are a Vinnie (I know, I promised to drop this subject, but this is important) and you do go to Hedo with your two best friends from Dayton, Ohio, do yourselves a favor - SPLIT UP!!  You look much more obvious when you travel in packs.  And on the subject of Vinnies, when you are asked to remove your clothing while you eat your lunch that you ordered FROM the nude grill AT the nude bar, don’t just pull your shorts around your knees, you look really goofy standing at the bar that way.  And seriously guys, walking around on the nude side with your shorts around your knees really mades you look silly.  It’s not that anyone wants to see your weenie, it’s a matter of respect.   If you don’t understand what I mean, then wait and come back in a couple of years, after you’ve grown up a little bit.   When you are on the nude side, be respectful, that is all anyone asks for. **SIDE NOTE: Please don’t think that most of the guys at Hedonism act like this.  It’s the ones who do, that stand out so much that it gets hard to see the others.  A couple of run in’s with the real Vinnies, make people hesitant to start a conversation with the nice ones, that is sad.  I believe that Hedo represents the ideal world, where there is room for all...married, single, male, female, young, old, hard bodies, soft bodies, regardless of race or religious beliefs, but most important...Respectful people. 

                    Don’t ask the bartenders if they know how to make a certain drink, they do.  I overheard one guy ask Anna at the nude bar if she knew how to make a B52?  The workers at Hedo...all of them, know their jobs, most have been there long before most of us had ever heard about Hedonism.  How some of them hold their tongues when people are so disrespectful to them always amazes me.     

This last section is entitled, “WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING?”

About the second or third day we were there, I remember noticing the sound of a jackhammer or such pounding away on something....not bothersome, it was during the day, but an unusual sound to hear.  When I finally got around to checking out the noise, I found that one building down from us they were pounding, and jackhammering up about a 4 foot section of wall, foundation and all from the outside, right under the bathroom window.  The room was obviously not being used, so I asked if I could see the inside.  Ah.....so these are the long promised jacuzzi tubs in the rooms??  I don’t get it, what are they thinking??  These new tubs are requiring the tearing out of the entire existing tub and shower, tile, new plumbing, installing a motor, etc.  The only difference in what is there now, and the new ones is the tub is maybe 6-8 inches deeper (no bigger length or width) and it has jets.  Not big enough for two, much less friends.  We were there a week, and I don’t know how long they’d been working on this one before we arrived.  They were at best half done by the time we left.  So if they keep up that pace, let’s do the math.  One jacuzzi installed every two weeks times 280 rooms is 560 weeks, just over 10 years, not taking into account full occupancy weeks, or Jamaican delays.   I’m sure by then they will realize that jacuzzi tubs in the rooms aren’t the most needed thing.  Maybe on the Prude side.  I never do see anyone in their hot tub, so maybe the Prudes would enjoy them.  I’m sure it’s just SuperClubs attempting to improve Hedo, which is always appreciated.  This one does seem to have had as much thought as that ridiculous Art Auction did (Please tell me, what ARE they thinking on that one????)  I rather like the hot tub on the nude side, and would hate to see people staying indoors to soak, but I hardly think there is a snowballs chance in Jamaica of that happening.  

Well that about wraps up another excellent adventure at Hedo.  Will I go back?? Of course, but never soon enough.  Thanks to everyone who contributed to making my trip the best I’ve ever had.  To all my fellow WWWers, let’s do it again real soon....maybe July 2000?  To Denny....my lover, my friend, my teacher....thank you from the bottom of my heart.