The Trip Report

By 'danimal' (Dan Nakagawa)

How this all began…

     I really didn't know how to begin this report.  I didn't just want to do a 'blow-by-blow' (no pun intended) description of events day by day.  I went for nine days (Dec 7-16) and quite frankly, my memory is not so good.

     I guess I should start at the beginning.  This was technically my third trip to Hedonism II--my first two being in 1985 and 1986 respectively.  This trip began for me roughly a year and a half ago, when I read an article in Men's Health Magazine about Hedonism II and how much it had gone down (pardon the pun again), becoming more of a 'meat market' than anything else.

     This sort of disturbed me, because I remembered Hedo as very much a 'do what you want to do' and 'do as much or as little as you wanted to ' sort of place.  So, I decided to do some investigative research.  I logged onto the Internet and found the Go Classy tours site which led me to Denny's site.  I saw that the site had a message board, and I posted the question: "Men's Health Magazine article: IS IT TRUE?"  Much to my releif, many folks  logged on and rather emphatically de-bunked the article (for which I will eternally be grateful.)  Thus, the hedo seed was planted in my mind (I suppose you could also say that that article was just the 'manure' the seed needed to start growing too…)  

Best laid plans of mice and men…..

      Okay.  Fast Forward to summer 1999.  I am a teacher, which means my salary is not very good, but I do get a LONG Summer Vacation.  I live in Japan, and from here, the cheap places to go are places like Phuket, Bali, Koh Samui, etc…basically anywhere in Southeast Asia.  "Yeah, but that's where ALL the expatriot foreigners go for vacation" I thought.

     It was then that Hedo sprang back into mind.  I could afford the time and the money, plus, it's a unique place…I mean, to Jamaica from Japan?  Nobody does that.

    Then, the other shoe dropped. I get a phone call.  "Hi Dan, it's Carol (my boss).  I have a really BIG favor to ask you. I need someone to teach summer session, and it looks like the students are really basic level students (note:  I teach conversational English.)  Look, I KNOW you have plans, but I really, really need my best basic level instructor in there (don’t ya just hate it when bosses know exactly which buttons to push?)"  "Okay, you got me" I reply with quite a bit of incredulity on my part.  "But PROMISE ME you won't touch my winter break."  After I go and find enough Bibles for her to swear on, I start trying to get used to the fact that my summer is pretty much shot.  

It's finally happening…

    Okay, fast forward again to Fall 1999.  Carol stays true to her word and I am free and clear for a vacation in the winter.  I get my flight reservations (Japan to the U.S.) and then I call my travel agent to get hedo reservations.  I pick December 7 (Pearl Harbor day…a Japanese in the air, get it?  Ok, so sue me for a slightly sick sense of humor) to December 14.  Then I get to 'thinkin'---I'm coming all the way from Japan for a measly week?  I quickly change it to Dec 7-16.  

The Peanut Gallery

    You may have inferred from my conversation with my boss that I teach basic-level English .  By definition then, there must be an intermediate level and an advanced level, which there are, and by ipso facto, there are other teacher who teach THOSE classes.

     One day,  I and the other teachers are chit-chatting during break, and the topic of "so, what are you going to do for winter break" comes up.  My turn comes up, and I tell people that I'm planning on going to a resort in Jamaica.  "Which one?" pipes up Michael, a six-foot New Jersey-ite who teaches advanced level.  Sheepishly, I reply "Uh…..hedonism II."  Michael: "WHAT!!!  HEDONISM???? OH MY GOD, YOU'RE GOING TO THE NUDIST COLONY!!!!!??? (guess he's heard of it.)  The audible 'thunk' in the background was the sound of several jaws dropping.  I felt kind of like how Batman might feel if his mask came off in a crowd.

     From September to November, whenever I had a chance to strike up a conversation where Michael was somehow involved,   he'd always find some lull in the dialogue to interject ; "so, how's it gonna be at the nudist colony, Dan?"  Didn't matter who else was in the conversation.  And now matter how hard I tried to dissuade him that this was NOT a 'nudist colony,' he would not accept it (Michael McDonald formerly of the Doobies said it best: 'what a fool believes, no wise man has the power to reason away.')

     And unfortunately, Michael was not the only peanut in the gallery.  Angela, the intermediate level teacher made up an 'chant': "Dan, Dan, the nudie man…."  Ooooooookay.  I begin to realize that the more I protest, the more I'm gonna get harassed, so I simply SHUT UP (which, while I am thinking about it, brings me to say a most sincere and heartfelt thank you to everyone I've been able to talk to on the message board and in the chatroom…if I didn’t have you guys to talk to about this, I'd have gone absolutely bonkers….I'd  gladly take a bullet for any one of you.)

    Thankfully, things did eventually die down, and the subject only came up at parties when I was dancing ("oh, look, Dan's practicing for HEDONISM!") or when I used to work out at the gym ("Dan' makin' sure his nekkid body looks buff for HEDONISM"…um, anybody out there heard of…good health?)

FINALLY---the trip report: I did…..NOTHING!

     You are probably wondering why I haven't mention a whole lot about what I actually DID during my hedo trip…this is, after all, a trip report.  I think the reason for that is simply because I didn't do ANYTHING.  I originally decided to go to Hedonism precisely because I COULD do or NOT DO whatever I pleased.  I have to admit, I spent most of my time either sunning on the beach or cooling off in the pool when sunning got too hot.  I really did  SET OUT to do more than I actually did.  I was simply having too good a time relaxing.

    As far as the meals, I usually went up to the main dining area for breakfast and dinner, and lunch, when the lunchtime spin was good (i.e. Mr. Body Motion or Wet T-shirt contest.)  I ate a Robert's grill a LOT.   I have to admit that I was at first very skeptical about "Robert's World-Famous  Fries.  I know my fries.  Beneath this Asian exterior lies a red-blooded American junk-food junkie.  These are really, really good fries.  I mean, I don't know how you like your bacon, but I like it really crispy.  Same goes for my fries.

Roberts fries are like that…there is an audible 'crunch' when you bite down.

  The rest of the facilities were fantastic as well.  Okay, so maybe they were not the most elegant that Jamaica or Superclubs had to offer, but they were top-notch, in my humble opinion.  If I had one gripe, it'd be the mirrors on the ceiling.  While very nice, they had a tendency to make everything look a little shorter and wider than normal, and if you sleep nude (as I usually do)…well, let's just say it doesn't do a whole lot to boost a person's confidence (just kidding, ladies…..really.)

 Sing or strip

   By far my favorite  non-beach activity was Sing along night at Veronica's Piano Bar. I love to sing.  I mean, I really, really love to sing.  You have to understand that I come from a country where karaoke is a martial art.  When I saw the karaoke machine I was in hog heaven…that is, till I met Dave and his piano.  All my favorite songs were there.  They did have songbooks, but  the songs were so familiar to me that I hardly ever used them.

   Dave is one of the best pianists I've ever heard.  He is an excellent songleader, and all he ever asks is that you TRY to sing.  He never makes any judgements on how good or bad your voice is.  He knows the secret:  You cannot sing and NOT have a good time.

He had one standard song, a Jamaican classic, I guess, about a man's "big bamboo" (real subtle imagery there.)  One night he was playing this song, choosing various people in the audience to bring the lyrics to life.  As the song was winding down, I stopped him and gave him a verse of my own:

See the Pianoman sittin' over there,

Plays the piano like he has no care,

Plays like a professioanl from New York,

Cuz' he uses his bamboo as a tuning fork…….

Dear reader be forewarned…Dave does sometimes call on people to sing.  If are asked and you do, hey, no problem.  If you flat out refuse to sing….well, then you have to strip. And, most people DO, without much complaint (I never did have to strip, cuz, as I said before, I love to sing, which in the final analysis, may not be such a bad thing.)

The Best part--the People

    Last but certainly not least, the people.  I don’t think I've ever met a more fun bunch of people than the WWW crowd.  Everyone was very friendly, and major kudos to Denny for setting up a forum wherein we could meet each other before we actually met each other.  I do feel like I have to apologize for my behavior…I don’t think I personally came off as friendly as I could have, and indeed I think I was a bit too shy.  I am kind of like that when I meet new people face to face.  If I didn't say hello to you, please accept my apologies. Words cannot describe, however, how special you all made ME feel.  People constantly came up to me to ask me "Are you Dan?"  You all made me feel like a celebrity, and for that I thank you all very very much.

Hedo II--one single guy's perspective

    Someone once told me that Hedonism II is basically a summer camp for adults, and I think that is for the most part, and accurate assessment.  There is no place like it on this Earth.  It is the only place in the world (to my knowledge) where almost all of your

"Can I ______?" questions can be answered with "Sure, if you want to."

    Just about the only question that I can think of that cannot be answered that way is "Can I have unlimited, unadulterated free sex whenever I want?"  to which I think the answer is not "NO!"  but "maybe."  As many more seasoned hedo vets will attest to, you cannot, as a single person, go there EXPECTING to get laid.  I'm not saying that NOBODY that goes there as a single person 'gets lucky',  and if it happens, hey, more power to you.  But don't go there with that mind set or you may end up disappointed.

   And disappointing is NOT what Hedonism II is about.  It's about FUN, and FUN does not always = just SEX.  There is a lot of nudity there, and if that offends you, maybe you should seek out another place to vacation.  To me, the nudity  simply suggests "okay, I've seen what you look like on the outside and you've seen what I look like on the outside, now that THAT'S over with, let's find out what each other looks like on the INSIDE.

And from looking Hedo  from THAT perspective, I have to say that I met a LOT of very beautiful people there.

    Why does Hedo exist?  To me, it can be summed up in an episode from the old 'Star Trek' series.  Kirk, Spock and Co. go down to a world where everything you think of becomes real.  Later, they find out that this world was created primarily for recreation, to let the guests do whatever they want to do.  The main theme of that story was : the more sophisticated the civilization the more important it is to 'play.'  Everyone has a certain amount of stress in their lives, and it can build up.  You have to find a way to release that stress before you end up on some rooftop pointing a high-powered rifle at somebody.

Hedonism II is the best stress-reliever that I can think of.  Whoever came up with the concept of having a place where you can do practically ANYTHING, was in my opinion, a genius.  

Anyway, enough of me on my soapbox.  If you haven't been to Hedo--GO.  If you're just considering or thinking about going to hedo--GO.  I guarantee, you will NOT be disappointed.  Me? I'm already making plans to go back  December 2000.  I hope to see a lot of you there…I'll be the Asian guy in the white UCLA baseball cap.  

Well, that's my report.  

And to think it all began with an article bad-mouthing Hedo  

Much respect,

Dan Nakagawa

'danimal'