December 3-17 -------------
Greetings all Well, trip #15 has come and gone. I returned home to 20 degrees and a dead car battery. I just wanted to hop back on the plane and head home, but I know that wont happen until next December, so the next best thing is to sit in front of my computer and put the memories of my 2 weeks into words.
I am not going to give you a day by day synopsis of the trip. Instead, I am going to break down my trip into 5 parts. Memories, Stories, People, Do's & Dont's, and Final Observations. So sit back, open a cold red stripe, and be prepared to laugh, cry, and probably flip me the bird once or twice.
MEMORIES ----------
Each and everyone of my 15 trips contains memories that will last a lifetime. Some of them occur before my trip even begins. This year it began the night before we left for Hedo. Jeff, Laura, April, Lane and myself spent Friday evening in Miami. What a wonderful evening with great people. A wonderful dinner at Joes Crab Shack just spent talking about Hedo and what a wonderful time we would have. This was the first trip to Hedo 2 for the 4 of them, but not virgins as they had all been to Hedo 3. I was happy to answer all their questions and hear the excitement in their voices. It was a magical start to my trip.
It's hard to explain to the newbies on the board the feeling you get once you clear immigration and customs, drop of your bags at the Superclubs Lounge, step outside into that sweet Jamaican air, and order your first of many red stripes. Thats when you know your trip has begun and a huge smile appears that wont go away until you step on the bus for the 2nd time when it's taking you back to the airport. I suggest that the first timers take the bus instead of Tim Air. Tim Air may get you to Hedo 30-45 minutes earlier, but the bus ride lets you unwind from the plane ride and long wait at immigration, and it gives you a chance to enjoy a red strip with friends and soak in the Jamaican countryside. Sipping a red stripe, laughing with Jeff, Laura, Lane, April, Nikki and Art was a great beginning to the trip.
Pulling up to the front of the resort and having Paul and Tony give you a big hug and welcome you home will be a memory I never get tired of. Stepping into the open air lobby, hearing the laughter from the main dining room, and being handed my key to 2270 ignites a voice in my head that says, you're home baby. Let the good times roll.
One of my fondest memories of this trip occured as I was walking down the path to my room just after checking in. I heard a loud chorus of "Iggy", "Iggy", cascading from the top of the waterslide. I turned around and there they were. Some of the members of our newly named group, The Beachloafers. Quint, Chris, Ken, Sue, Rayne, Jim, and Kevin & Wendy. Arriving later in the day would be, Bob, Fran, Deb, and a surprise visit from Darren & Amy. My head is filled with fond memories and I haven't even reached my room yet. That is Hedo my friends.
One of the romantic things about Hedo are the weddings that take place. I checked into my room and met up with everyone on the nude beach just as Ian and Angela were exchanging wedding vows. What way to start my vacation. Where else but Hedo can you watch a nude wedding with the smell of Ganga in the air and Ray Ray wearing red 6 inch heels.
An emotional memory took place the next day. We were all laying in our normal spot on the beach. As I looked around, I saw Chris walking down from Roberts Grill toward our spot. Behind her was a stunning looking woman who looked familar. I turned to Kevin and said, "Those boobs look like Amy's". That couldn't be though, because Darren and Amy had told us they would not be able to make it this year because of work. Much to our delight, they were Amy's boobs. They had decided at the last minute to book 5 days and surprise everyone. It was a pleasant surprise indeed. The Beachloafers were now all here. Well, almost. Jim, Jodie, Scott, Jodie, and Chris and Donna could not make it this year. But you were there in spirit.
My fondest memory every year is the groups outing to Xtabi. What a magical night it is. This year was no different. 14 great friends, sitting at one long table on the cliff, overlooking a moonlit ocean, laughing and telling stories over a meal of steak and lobster late into the night. It's a night I look forward to every year. Even Chris and Amy's ER and autopsy stories were interesting. Next year, lets save those for after dinner:)
The list of memories on this trip are many. Days on the beach laughing and soaking up the rays. Ice cold Heinikens at 2pm. Relaxing on the raft or in Bob's office chair trying to avoid a cooler of ice being dumped on you by Quint. Afternoon waterslides and returning to watch the spectacular sunsets. Dinner, piano bar and the disco into the wee hours of the morning. All of these things being done with some of the greatest people in the world. These are the memories that will get me through the next 50 weeks.
STORIES -------
This is where my brain gets a little fuzy. It's impossible for me to remember every memorable, or in some cases, not so memorable, story that takes place each year. So here are a few that were impossible to forget.
The weather on this trip was unbelievable. cloudless skies for 13 days of my trip. It only rainned one day, and that was at 2:30 after a full day of sun. When the rain started, we decided to move the party to Bob and Frans room, nude side ocean view, room 2117. The Heiniken was iced up, Los Lonely Boys was playing on the cd player and the gang was all there. Thats when Quint and I noticed that the private huttub rooms were right next to Bob and Frans room. What the hell. We knocked on the door intoduced ourselves to Ty,and asked if we could use there hottub. Ty said no problem, so we invited him and his wife to join us for Heiniken and to the hottub we went. Well, one hottub was not enough for us, so me and Quint openned the adjoining patio gates and turned on the other 3 hottubs, without the occupants permission of course. As Quint and I were sitting in one of the other hottubs enjoying a heiniken, we saw someone peek out of the drapes. They had just checked in and were checking out their view. Can you imagine coming to Hedo for the first time, looking out the drapes of your room to see 2 strange men lounging in your private hottub sipping on a beer? Thank goodness it was a very understanding husband and wife and not two men. How would that conversation go? "Steve, come look at this. What a place. Our hottub comes supplied with our very own naked men". Chris and Sue knocked on the door and introduced themselves, so all was cool. Chris saw them latter at dinner and they said thet did not recognize her with clothes on. We all ended up playing volleyball and horseshoes once the rain stopped. I ended up with $640,000 Hedo Bucks for the 2 weeks and thats the only activity I participated in. Pretty prosperous day.
Bobs birthday always falls on the day he is at Hedo, so Franny cooks up all kinds of surprises for him throughout the day. Chris decorates his door and makes him wear a crown the entire day. It was Sues birthday as well, so she had a crown also. A birthday tradition is to cover Bob in silly string when he least expects it. Last year, Chris and Quint brought down 6 cans of silly string. Well, they thought is was silly string. One of the cans was red spray paint, which took a little doing to shower off.Fortunatley, for Bob, the spray paint was on his dick and the ladies volunteered to wash it off. This year, Chris made sure it was silly string and it was 8 cans. We waited until Bob was in his office chair, Quint held his arms and the onslaught began. When we were done, all you could see was a raft with a mountain of silly string covering it. Even Bobs face was covered. Bob was floating in the ocean at the time and a guy told us that silly string could kill the fish. So 6 of us waded around the ocean picking up all the silly string that was floating on the water. After we made sure it was all cleaned up, we all sat around looking at the pics on the digital camera. 10 minutes later, we walk out to float on the raft, and we see all this silly string floating in the water. It turns out, after Bob washed all the string off in the shower, the pool guy took a hose and sprayed the silly string down the beach. The water carried the string right back in the ocean. We went back out and got most of it out of the water. If you see a seargant major or two floating on top of the water, we apologize.
Every year, we meet a character or two who leaves a lasting impession on us. This year it was Mario. I dont really know his name, but he looked like Super Mario, so that is what we called him. He told people he was a NASCAR driver and that he had spent the night before having sex with a set of gorgeous twins. He talked to everyone, and sometimes to himself. He seemed to be everywhere. The day we played volleyball, the ball was headed toward the ocean, I turned around to go after it and there was Mario yelling "I'll get it". Where the hell did he come from? He seemed to appear out of thin air. One night Darren was returning to the dining room after getting a drink from the piano bar. He hears a voice from behind him ask "whats that you're drinking"? Sure enough it's Mario. So Darren answers "Absolut and redbull". Mario's respone, "I love redbull. You shoud try it with vodka sometime". The most amusing Mario momment came during an afternoon hottub session. A few of us were sitting on the edge of the hottub talking when Brooke, Michael, Julie and few others decided to partake in a little PDA. After about 5 minutes, we hear this voice from across the tub yell "CUT" followed by "ACTION" Yep, it's Mario. He decided to play Steven Speilberg. Everyone ignored it until about the 5th time. Thats when Michael told him it was alright to watch, but to stop playing director. Mario was harmless and was just trying to make friends, but god that dude was funny, although I'm sure he wasn't aware of it. By the way, he also told everyone he was going home to get married on Christmas day. I wonder how long it will take him to blow up his bride.
A few stories took place the night of the WWW auction. By the way, great job by Denny and everyone involved. A lot of money was raised for a good cause. A few of us came away with items. Bob got the 4 day's at Hedo. Darren was the high bidder on a pair of vibrating panties he bought for Amy. He got a steal. He paid $130.00 for a pair of $30.00 panties. One more absolut and redbull and he was prepared to go as high as $400.00. So Amy wouldn't get upset at how much he spent, he told her 10 of us chipped in and we all got a shot at zapping her with the vibtator. Fortunately for Amy and unfortunately for us, the vibrator never worked. Darren spent $130.00 on a pair of 10 pound underwear.
There were 2 Billy Bob talking bass up for auction. I used to have one in my office, but my little nephew liked it so much I gave it to him, so here was my chance to buy another one. I bid on one but was outbid, so I bid on the other one, but was outbid on that one also. So I bid $12.00 on both of them. You guessed it. No one bid on either of them after that and I got both talking bass. It was for a good cause so it wa all good. We did find a use for Billy Bob 10 minutes later. The wagging tail is good for spanking and when he talks you can get a good gum job. I believe Kevin has a picture of the gum job. You have my permission to post it. Best piece of bass I got all night.
Like I said, there are too many stories to remember completely. Bob pasting Sugarloaf decals everywhere. On the trah cans, in the piano bar, on the luggage van, on the airport bus, on the soda fountains. I went to go to the bathroom at Xtabi, lifted the toilet seat and found a Sugarloaf sticker pasted there. Bob's 10pm power naps and setting his alarm for 11:11pm. Kevin eating a piece of Bob's cake and seeing his red and green flying fish again before passing out for 4 hours. Nikka turning a conversation about shoes into a discussion about cocks up your ass. A man falling off his raft and lying face down in the ocean after his artificial hip came out of its socket. Chris is an ER nurse and Amy preforms autopsies. I told Chris to go look at him and in case something happens for Amy to be on deck. Those are just a few of the stories that come to mind.
DO's and DONT's -----------------
Each year, there are things that I do, or wish I wish had done. There also things I wish I hadn't done or things I see and hear that should not be done at Hedo. I will share a few of these do's and dont's with you.
DO's ----
Do go off property once or twice. Wheather to go out to dinner or a day of shopping at Sunshine Plaza. It's fun to see other parts of Negril. Do go down the waterslide. It's more fun at night, but it's fun whatever time of day you go. Do make new friends and introduce yourself to others. That is what Hedo is all about. If you are faired skin, do use a high spf lotion. I saw a lot of bright red people on this trip. Especially bright red boobs and butts. Do take part in some of the activities and get to know he EC's. They are great people working their ass'es off to help make your trip more enjoyable. Show them you appreciate all that they do. Do introduce yourself to Richard Bourke, Delano Miller, Tavis, Rochel, and the rest of the management staff when you see them. They are very approachable and love to hear your comments about the resort. Do check out the hidden hottub on the prude side. It is surrounded by palm plants and very romantic and private. Take along a few candles. Do tell the grounds crew, pool and beach attendants, housekeepers, dining room staff, front desk and other staff members thank you for all they do to make your stay more enjoyable. Do get up early enough one morning to watch a sunrise, and stay on the beach long enough to watch a sunset. A perfect way to start and end a day on the beach. Do try Pastafari, the Japanease Restaraunt and Reggae Cafe at least once during your trip. Well, at least 2 of the 3. Just kidding Darren. Nice choice. As Paris would say, "Thats Hot". And finally, do enjoy all that Hedo has to offer and do come back again and again.
DONT's ------
Dont come to the nude beach clothed and stand around and gawk. It makes people uncomfortable. Dont assume because a woman is naked you can go up to her and grab her tits. Nudity is not a free pass to grope. Use comman sense. Dont take big stacks of towels to your room and stash them. Room 2168 had so many towels stacked in their bathroom window, you couldn't see in even with the window open. Save some for the other guest's. Dont walk around the beach with a sharpie scrathing the names off the rafts of the people who had already left, especially if the one with the sharpie never uses a raft. Mind your own buisness. If you see a raft with a date that has expired, feel free to use it. It's up for grabs so there is no need to scrath out the date. If you didn't bring it, dont put your name on it. Dont take the raft of someone who is still there without asking if you can use it. If they are not around to ask, find another raft. Dont just take it. Dont take the affore mentioned raft out to the floating dock, have sex on it, and then leave the raft on the floating dock over night, only to come out the next day and find the spunk covered raft floating half way to Cuba. Some folks may be confused, so let me clear it up for you. Those rafts are not supplied by the hotel. Guest's bring them with them. This next one is just my opinion, to each his own. Dont spend your day walking around the beach picking up glasses and plates, or cleaning dive tanks and regulators. Hedo pays people to do that. You are a guest. Try and have some fun instead of acting like an employee. Dont sing the same song in the piano bar every night. The song book has hundreds of tunes to choose from. "You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille", you slut, you whore, you bitch, gets tiresome 7 nights in a row. Broaden your horizons. And finally, dont push your way to the bar and shout out "four mudslides" when you see there are 3 other people waiting for drinks ahead of you. That may sound like a lot of bitching on my part, but the things you see that are considered dont's at Hedo, are usually things that upset you. Thanks for baring with me through the DONT's.
PEOPLE ------
This is the favorite part of my trip report, because without the people, there is no Hedo. It's the people I know and the people I meet that keep me coming back to Hedo, and makes my stay so enjoyable, so I always enjoy mentioning them by name. You are all so special to me. I've heard of DIF setting in prior to your trip and once you gert home, but I actually experience DIF while I'm still at Hedo. That is when all you guys leave and I'm still at Hedo for another week without my Beachloafers.
Bob & Fran ---------- You guys have become such good friends to me over the last couple of years. You're kind, funny, spontaneous and giving. Thanks Franny for lending an ear to my family situation. You are a comforting shoulder to cry on. Bob. Thank you for the Heinies and the pictures everyday. Thank you for the laughs and the chats in the office chair. Basically, thanks for being yourselves. I love you guys. See you in April. No exuses. I'll be there.
Quint & Chris ------------- You guys have been a couple for 4 years now and you get sweeter every year. You know you have become good friends when you can spend a day togeter outside of Jamaica like we did in Florida. Chris is the definition of caring. I think you helped 4 people with your nursing skills on this trip. You weren't asked, you just did it. You make me laugh, you make me cry, but most of all, just being around you gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Quint just makes me want to go up and kiss a cop. You are what defines Hedo. I always feel sorry for the people who dont get the chance to meet you every year. From dick tricks to reminding me to hold my arms up, you always make me smile. Between spring training and mini-skirt, I'll see you guys in 3 months. I love ya both.
Jim & Rayne ----------- You guys will always have a special place in my heart. Hanging on the beach or just floating on the raft, you make it so much fun. I know Rayne always cries when she leaves. Trust me sweety. We cry also. It's an honor to call you both friends. I started missing you as soon as you stepped on the bus. Love ya both.
Darren & Amy ------------ I cant tell you how excited I was when you both showed up this year. I was telling someone it just wouldn't be the same without you there this year, and boom, there you were. What a great couple. We all know Darren is a riot, but Amy has such a dry sense of humor that you cant help but laugh. God love her for facing the monster every night. Only one word describes Darren, hillarious. There is'nt a day that goes by that my stomach doesn't hurt from laughing so hard. Not a very good beach buzz, but hopefully you caught our message in the and. Be on the look out for a package. Love you guys andd see you at the double d's golf tournament.
Kevin & Wendy ------------- From the moment the water baloon hit me in the face 2 years ago, I knew we would become good friends. Watching Wendy's method of tanning her butt is something I looked forward to every day. Kevin on cake is also a sight to behold. Most of all, you guys make a single guy feel welcomed. Miss ya and I'll ee you in April.
Ken & Sue --------- Ken is very laid back, but he can make you laugh without saying a word. Sue may be the funniest woman I know. God you make me laugh. You look great sweety and look forward to seeing you also in April. Get my wig picked out. Miss ya.
Deb --- One of the nicest and sexiest single woman there. Almost makes me want to quit smoking. Thanks for hanging out and being my unofficial date again this year. Thanks again for making me look so gay on PJ night again this year. By the way, I forgot to give you back the robe. I'm wearing it as I type this. I love ya baby. See you in April. Do some shopping before I get there.
Jeff & Laura ------------ My St Louis buddies. Thanks for talking me into the Miami flight, as well as dinner and the hotel. We didn't get to hang out as much as I would have liked, but it was nice knowing you had a great time and I'm sure we'll make up for it over the winter. Thanks also for picking me up at the airport. You guys truly are friends and I love ya.
Jeff & Nikka ------------ Only knew you guys for a couple of days before you left, but thats all it took for me to figure out how cool you were. I could listen to Nikka's stories all day. Body, brains and a personality are combinations hard to find on one woman, but you had it all sweety. Litening to Jeff's viagra stories had me laughing for hours. Glad I got to meet you both and try and book www next year.
Butch & John ------------ You guys will always be my best buds. I've know you from day one and look forward to seeing you every year. Thanks John for all the advil. Not sure how I went through 225 in 10 days, but thanks for loaning me a few. Great times fishing with Butch. Didn't really want to keep 2 inch grunts, but id Delroy says keep em, then I will. Next year we will bring rods and reels and catch that fucking pompano. Thanks guys for being such great friends. I love you both.
Denny ----- What can I say buddy. You are the reason all of this is possible. Over 300 atendees this year is just awesome. Thanks for all of your hard work throughout the year so the rest of us have a place to re-live Hedo memories 24/7 365 days a year. You're the best.
To everyone else, Lane & April, Tracey & Rick, Rich & Serall, Michael & Brooke, Jim & Tricia, Julie, Cindy, Alan, Mr & Mrs Double D, John & Charlotte, Keith & Ursula, Diane, Cher, Hillary, Bernie & Elaine, Randy & Jean, Olivia, Waterfall Godess, Santilli, Hedo Bob, Ian & Angela, Mario, the drunk chick who took a header during volleyball even though the ball was not in play, Nikki & Art, Pat & Rupe, and anyone else I might have forgotten to mention. You guys are what makes my trips and Hedo what it is. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
Final Observations ------------------
The weather could not have been better. Only one day of rain, and even that day was sunny until 2:30. The water pressure is finally fixed and we had hot water every night. Towels were only a problem 2 days, which leads me to believe it's only a problem when they dont wash them. If there are enough towels one day, there should be enough everyday. You could tell the change in the quality of food since the guy from New Orleans left for Russia, but the food was adequate in the main dining room. The first Friday buffett was excellant, but there were no lobster tails the 2nd Friday. The www crowd was a little more subdued this year for some reason. I saw more PDA's the second week when the hotel was 3/4th's empty then I did in week one when the hotel was full. I didn't mean that in a bad way, I just thought there was more energy with last years www group, but still a great bunch of people. The wine in the dining room still sucks. There a lot of good Ausrtalian wines out now at very reasonable prices. Give Greg Norman a call and make him the wine distributor of Super Clubs.
In closing, it was another memorable year. Hats off to Richard, Delano and the rest of the Hedo staff. There is a reason we all keep coming back year after year, and it's you and your staff that make us feel that way. From the dining room staff to the EC'S, you work your butt's off to make our stay more enjoyable. For that, we sincerely thank you. Well, that puts a wrap on trip 15, and I'm already counting the days until trip 16. As my guys Los Lonely Boys ask, "How Far is Heaven" Well its an hour and 15 minutes south of Miami and 12 minutes west of Montego Bay, and it's called Hedo. Happy Holidays all and thanks for another great trip.
Cool Runnings & Irie Iggy Proud Member of the "Beachloafers"