During one of our previous Hedo trips, we ran into some of the members of DennyP's Wet, Wild, & Wicked group. We knew right then that we needed to join them on their next trip. We signed up and started chatting early in the year (thanks to Molly for coordinating our get-drunk-webcam-chats)! By the time May rolled around, we felt like we'd known our new friends for a very long time. We'd even met several of them before the trip!! So, here are a few memorable pieces of our trip. We apologize in advance for the length of this trip report; it seemed to develop a life of its own (and believe us, its not even half of the story!!)
"WE'RE LETTING PEOPLE WE DON'T EVEN KNOW INTO OUR CAR!"
Simon and Sam were coming to Hedo from the UK. In order to make their long travel bearable, they stayed one night in Miami, which just so happened to be our last night in Miami before our trip. We picked up Simon and Sam at the airport hotel, easily recognizing them from online photographs, and we headed off to South Beach. We got to know our new friends over some drinks at the Clevelander on Ocean Drive. Then we had a wonderful Cuban dinner at Larios on the Beach. It was a great way to start off our vacations!!
"DIDN'T WE SEE YOU YESTERDAY IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY?"
Our first day at Hedo, Friday, was a day before the WWW group officially started rolling in. The plane ride in was relatively uneventful, despite a 30-minute delay in Ft. Lauderdale and another 30-minute delay in Kingston. We arrived at the resort via bus at about noon, and waited for a room by the Quad to be ready. (Of note: we were immediately recognized by the reception desk crew, which really surprised us. We had booked ROH, and a room in building #5 was ready for us upon arrival. However, we preferred a Quad room, so we had to wait about an hour or so for our room to be ready. The reception lady was as polite and accommodating as can be). We made a beeline for the pool and were met by Steve and Bobbie Jo, Kevin and Molly, Brian and Christina, and Rick and Deb. We grabbed some yummy Jamaican patties at the Scotch Bonnet and then made our way back to the pool. The weather was stunningly beautiful! Jay hit it off quite well with Bobbie Jo (who we had actually met several months before), so naturally we caught up with her and Steve for most of the day. Ladies, Steve can give one hell of a backrub!! We were surprised to learn that Simon and Sam were staying in room 735, the very same room we stayed in during our first trip to Hedo!! What are the odds of that?? Anyway, the evening theme was Masquerade Ball. We spent some fun time in the disco, then the hot tub. We retired somewhat early that night. It had been a long day.
"I'VE BEEN A VERY BAD GIRL!"
Saturday night was schoolgirl night, and most of the girls in our group participated. The folks at Hedo ought to consider making this theme a permanent one, as it was really fun!! Special honors for least amount of fabric used on a costume go to Kendra, who used precisely 0.2 square inches of fabric in her outfit! Way to go, girl, your principal would be proud of you!!
"AFTER A NIGHT OF DEBAUCHERY, YOU RETRIEVE YOUR ROOM KEY FROM UNDER A BIBLE!?"
I (Lynn) was explaining to the group how I always hide my room key near my room so that it won't get lost during the evening's festivities. Usually I find a tree or pole near the room and stick it in the dirt. This time, however, I noticed that the utility closet across from our room was always left open. As I was searching inside the closet for an appropriate place to hide the key, I saw the Bible sitting on a utility cart. I chuckled to myself that no one would find the key here, and indeed, it was a safe hiding place for the duration of the trip.
"THE SEA TURTLE SWAM WITH US!"
Sunday we went scuba diving with Don and Jeanne. The visibility was good, and the reefs were colorful and teeming with wildlife. On the second dive, a sea turtle seemed to wait for our group to come to him, and then he swam with us for about five minutes before going his own way. It was definitely the highlight of the dive!!
"THIS IS A VINTAGE PIRATE'S COSTUME!"
Sunday afternoon was the welcoming party on the rooftop of the Scotch Bonnet restaurant. The theme was pirate night, and it was fun seeing all the different pirate outfits. The costume was easy for me, as the mascot of my high school was a pirate. We'd had 'Spirit Days' back then, and yes, I still fit into my hand-made costume (complete with sword and eye patch)! Unfortunately, I forgot the stuffed parrot at home.
"LYNNH, WHERE'RE MY CLOTHES??!!??"
No one else seemed too keen on heading down the water slide that night, except for Ryan. He and I enjoyed a thrilling ride or two down the slide, dipping into the toasty glass-bottom hot tub to warm up between slide runs. I still don't know why Ryan thought I would be in charge of keeping track of his clothes And oh yeah Ryan, for the record, the name is Lynn H., not Lynnh. J
"GOOD THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES!"
Monday we participated in the Erotic Gift Exchange, which was a ton of fun! The funniest gift was the inflatable sheep with realistic body holes. I really wanted to steal Sam's multi-vibrator gift, but someone beat me to it. Unfortunately, we received chocolate body paint as a gift, but Im not a big fan of chocolate. Oh well, I guess well just have to find some volunteers to help us use it next trip!! Anybody??!
"SLIDE RUNS -- IN TANDEM!!"
Monday night was Caribbean Carnival night. One of the most eventful parts of the evening was the slide runs. As we ascended the stairs to the top of the disco, we decided wed go tandem. Wow, if that slide wasn't fast enough, it's even faster when two go at the same time. I rode tandem with Simon and then Don, and laughed harder than I had all trip. What a blast! The slide is not to be missed when you go to Hedo!
"I AIN'T GETTIN' ON NO DUCK"
Tuesday brought the arrival of a new inflatable float to the pool. Someone had brought a giant, and I do mean giant, inflatable yellow ducky. This sucker must have been 3 feet tall! There were multiple attempts to mount the ducky, and guesses were made as to how many of us could fit on the ducky. However, other folks managed to demonstrate that the ducky was very unstable, and was really there for viewing purposes only. But people still jumped on it anyway! Poor ducky!!
"YOU HAVE FLASHING BALLS!"
The theme Tuesday night was Patriotic. We all did our countries proud by wearing our patriotic best with a slightly perverted twist! Jay had a wonderful tri-colored jester hat with flashing tips, which he later broke when he fell down 5 steps by the glass bottom hot tub ouch! We all made it to dinner okay, save for poor Sam, who was feeling ill and stayed in her room. Dinner at Pastafari was quite tasty, but the PJ party was yet to come.
"I'M ALL STICKY"
We all raced back to our rooms to change into our pajamas. I wore a mauve bra and panty set and Jay had on a pair of sheer boxers (guys, for PJ night, you cant go wrong with sheer boxers)! After dancing in the disco, and congratulating Kayleen (aerobics instructor extraordinaire) for winning 'sexiest PJs', we all ended up in the Quad hot tub (or is it hot tube?). It was a fun night with rum cream body shots galore!!
"ARE YOU TWO MARRIED?"
Later that night, I was sitting in the Quad tub next to Simon. A single guy entered the hot tub on the opposite side. He tactfully asked if we were married, which, to my amazement, Simon immediately answered "yes". I about fell into the hot tub from laughing so hard. Single guy asked how many times we'd been to Hedo ("this is our fourth, right dear?") and a few other questions that I no longer remember. I guess I just don't have a very good poker face.
"I SHOULD JUST PUT COCO BREAD AROUND MY PENIS"
Wednesday, we were all hanging out in the pool in the early afternoon hours when Don showed up with a plateful of coco bread. Several girls, including Lex and myself, swam up to him to be fed the coco bread like animals at a petting zoo. He literally had us in the palm of his hand!
"THE KISS HEARD AROUND THE WORLD"
Later Wednesday afternoon, some of the studs were playing the usual power-water-volleyball and the spikes were dangerous. I watched from a somewhat safe distance with Steve and B.J. Suddenly the game came to a screeching halt when one of the players lost his wedding ring during a volley. All the players searched the water for the gold band. When Simon finally found the ring, the guy who had lost it grabbed Simon by the shoulders and squarely kissed him on the left cheek. We howled with laughter, and a red-faced Simon would not turn even around to face us. OMG, it was so funny! Poor guy. It was quite possibly the most passionate kiss we saw all week. OK, maybe not!! J
"THAT'S HOT!!!"
Wednesday was Glow night. Jay and I had bought hundreds of glow necklaces and bracelets to distribute, so everyone in our group looked radioactive! I wore a pink 'Trust Me, I'm a Virgin' shirt, a multi-colored flashing feather boa, and flashing lights in my hair, in addition to a multitude of glowing bracelets and anklets. The feather boa would later prove to be essential in the disco for dirty dancing!
"WHO HAS THE REMOTE?"
Later that night in the Piano Bar, Lex had fun wearing vibrator panties, and we delighted in passing the remote from person-to-person. Especially funny was the buzzing when she attempted to sing karaoke. Eventually, at the disco, the remote ended up in my hands. I was dancing with Lex's husband Dean, so I slipped the remote into his pocket. Lex finally grabbed the microphone from one of the entertainment coordinators and demanded the immediate return of the remote. Later in the evening, I caught Lex and Kayleen exchanging panties in the ladies' room. Guess Kayleen wanted to celebrate her birthday in a way she would never forget!!
"HOW CAN YOU HAVE THAT THING IN YOUR MOUTH WITHOUT GAGGING?!"
Ryan and Kayleen brought glowing mouthpieces for the group to wear in the disco. They were difficult to wear, but had a cool effect through smiling teeth, so I endured the discomfort in the name of style!! Special thanks to Ryan for the extraordinary effort he put forth in changing my mini glow-stick from green to blue. What a way to use your teeth!! We were all proud of Bobbie Jo that night for winning the 'Best Ho' competition with her sparkly purple outfit! She looked awesome, and she sure beat out some other good Hoes!
"WE SAY IT HEDONISM"
Now, we all tend to call this place Hedo in conversation. But it just so happened that on one particular occasion, when someone called it by its full name, he pronounced it head-in-ism instead of heed-in-ism. Hmmm doesn't that give it a whole new meaning??
"LYNN, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS"
Thursday afternoon, a Pacific hurricane that had crossed Central America spewed its bands of rain all over the resort. During one particular deluge, a bunch of us huddled under the safety of building #6, hoping the storm would pass. Underneath that building is a garden that contains many rocks painted by past Hedo guests. Someone commented that it would be funny to find a rock that had been painted by someone we know. Just a few seconds later, Jay looked down and found a rock belonging to Sandra (name changed to protect the innocent), a good friend and former co-worker of mine. An evil plan began to form in our minds...
"THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A HURRICANE IN MAY!"
We spent the rest of the afternoon wet and cold, eating Jamaican patties and even sampling the curried goat at the Scotch Bonnet. We never thought wed actually try goat, but have to admit it was pretty good. Jay was the hero when he hunted down eight warm towels (truly a miracle, since towels are very often a rare commodity at Hedo). We talked about how it would be funny to anonymously send a photo of the rock to my friend Sandra, preferably mailed from somewhere really far away. We then decided we should kidnap the rock and photograph it at various locations and activities around Hedo, then mail the photos to Sandra from all over the US and UK. Since it was raining and nothing else was going on, Don, Simon, and I grabbed the rock and the camera, and off we went.
"THREE PEOPLE AND A ROCK HAVE NEVER HAD THIS MUCH FUN WITH A HAMMOCK!"
We ran around like the crazy half-drunk (ok fine, we were fully drunk) fools that we are, getting photos of the rock in the drizzling rain. We took the rock to multiple locations on the Hedo grounds, including the 'no nude photography' sign, the hammocks, the Scotch Bonnet (with three Jamaican ladies who were eager to pose with the rock), and the huge Hedonism III sign. We recruited various random guests to pose with the rock the main bar, in front of the Hedonism III buoy, and at the ruins. Don came down the water slide with the rock (great action shot!!). The rock also posed with the various pool inflatable floats, including a giant pink penis and Cartman from South Park. Back at the Quad, Kathy and Jeanne modeled on the pussy fountain with the rock. We recruited Kendra as photographer for a hilarious 'orgy' photo involving the rock and six of us. Then Kendra offered her wide and various assortment of toys and Mardi gras beads for a rock photo. I think the rock was embarrassed! Sandra will soon know that her rock provided for an hour of entertainment during a potentially dismal afternoon at H3 when she is inundated by multiple photos from various locations across the US and UK. I think Denny summed it up best when he quipped, "That rocks!"
"VODKA CRAN -- WITH A STRAW!"
Thursday night was the Toga Party. Luckily, the rain cleared in time for the evening's activities. Sixteen of us had dinner at Munasan, claiming two entire tables. Dean was particularly funny this night, imitating the cook's high-pitched "woo hoo" calls and making us all laugh. The disco was very active this night, especially with all the girls wearing black togas in the cage. Later that night, Jay and I ended up in the hot tub with Don and Jeanne, Jim and Molly, and Scott and Kathy. Absolutely nothing worthy of mention happened (yeah right!!!), other than us having a general fun time being silly and drinking. We actually stayed in the hot tub until after sunrise. Did I mention how much we love Hedo?!?
"AMBER, I'M SLEEPING WITH YOUR HUSBAND"
Friday the rains continued. Almost everyone was huddled in the hot tub, but Bill and I were trying to nap on the loungers under quasi-warm towels. We actually had good conversation, but no sleep. I eventually got too cold, and joined everyone else in the hot tub.
"I'VE BEEN WET ALL WEEK"
Everyone was holding their hands over their cups to prevent rain-dilution and the skies dumped tons of cold rainwater on us. We were determined to have a good time, sunshine or rain, and damn it, we did.
"I'LL HAVE THE BEEF FELLATIO -- WITH CREAM SAUCE"
Friday night was the Masquerade Ball, and the last night of the trip for Simon and Sam, Don and Jeanne, and most of our other friends. Before dinner, Jay was distributing Mardi gras beads, thanks to his suppliers Doug and Kendra. Somehow it was decided he would passionately kiss each girl who received beads. He was like Joe Stud that night, and there are photos to prove it!! (Jay sends thanks to all the girls for being such great sports!) Dinner was again at Pastafari with a group of 12. Believe it or not, Don and Jeanne were turned away for their risqu costumes!! I wore a chain-mail dress with cutout sides, and by Pastafaris standards, probably should have been turned away as well. Everyone was in a particularly good mood and the raunchy jokes were flying left and right. Nothin beats great company and great conversation (gristle, anyone?) at a great place like Hedo!
"DOUG, CAN I TASTE YOUR SAUSAGE?"
The food at both Pastafari and Munasan was really quite excellent this trip. The buffet always seemed to have at least one or two tasty selections, and sometimes more. The dining service overall was excellent wait staff were helpful and friendly. We did have some issues with service at Pastafari, however. The wait staff was very slow, especially with refilling the wine!! There were no wine refills during our entire last meal there. Hmmmph.
"THIS ISN'T BREEZES, YOU KNOW"
Later Friday we had a last-night send-off all-nighter party with Simon, Sam, Don, and Jeanne in the perfect-temperature glass bottom hot tub by the disco. The drinks were plenty and free-flowing, and the chatter was nothing short of riveting, easily covering such diverse topics as proper silverware etiquette to cuckoo clocks (with drunken imitations galore), to detailed definitions of Dirty Sanchez, Abe Lincoln, and Vinegar Strokes (just google them). The seating arrangement complied with the standard Hedo protocol of boy-girl-boy-girl-boy-girl. Our private cozy arrangement suddenly was invaded by a random but friendly couple, who stumbled into the tub drunk (just like the rest of us!!!). The new guy asked the group, "Where ya from?" The left-to-right replies were, Sam: "UK", Jay: "Miami", Jeanne: "Oklahoma". The new guy nodded and gestured to the other half: "And you?" Simon: "UK", Lynn: "Miami", Don: "Oklahoma". The new guy looked bewildered as he processed this information. Jay sarcastically noted that they must have JUST gotten here, and I informed them that it wasn't exactly Breezes! I guess we scared them off because they left just a few minutes later. We finished off the night by watching a beautiful sunrise in the eastern sky. Sadly, we said goodbye to our good friends and promptly went to our room, where we crashed!!!
"THE GOAT WAS FURRY?!?!"
All day Saturday, the rain continued. The members of the Wild Bunch began to roll in and overtake the hot tub with their crazy dice game. The rain didn't bother them either. There were eight members of our group left: myself and Jay, Kevin and Molly, Ryan and Kayleen, and Bill and Amber. After dinner and the too-long show in the humid dining room, everyone was too drained and sober to do anything but sit around a table in the terrace eating during the midnight buffet. We were discussing the curry goat from the Scotch Bonnet when Kayleen misunderstood us. It was a funny moment as we tried to imagine someone eating a furry goat! Eeeewww!!!
"WELL, HAVE YOU BEEN KISSING ANYONE?"
It seemed like a lot of people came down with a sore throat during the last couple days of this trip. Not surprising that a lot of us would have the same symptoms, given the amount of saliva-swapping and tonsil-exploration that went on, not to mention the other 'stuff'. Amber mentioned to Kayleen that perhaps it was mono. Kayleen shrieked, "But how could it be mono?!?" I sarcastically asked her if she'd been kissing anyone. With a straight face, she waved across the table and stated, "Well, just about everyone here!" That was yet another classic Hedo moment!!!
"SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BIG SHAKING BUSH"
Saturday night I could not sleep. The weeks' events kept racing through my mind and I would erupt into random outbursts of laughter. I finally got out of bed a couple of hours later and jotted down some trip notes, figuring that might rest my mind. I packed our suitcases in the dark and then fell into a fitful slumber. We met Bill and Amber for breakfast on Sunday morning, and spent a few hours with them before the departure of our 1 pm bus. Jay was describing being startled by a cat coming out of the shrubbery, and we howled in fits of laughter.
"I TRIED TO GET AWAY BUT IT WAS SUCKING ME"
Bill, Amber, Jay, and I were comparing R.H.I.'s (Random Hedo Injuries), when the conversation turned to injuries in general. Bill apparently had a run-in with a boat propeller years ago, but it was his description that was hilarious. He has such a way with words.
"IT'S BACK TO A HARSH REALITY"
We finally left Hedo at 1 pm, exhausted and happy. Thank you to all of our new friends for making this our best Hedo trip ever. Without you, Hedo would not be the amazing experience that it is. We miss all of you already and look forward to seeing you again at Hedo (or anywhere else for that matter cruise, anyone?). A little debauchery never hurt anyone!! We also would like to thank Denny for helping to make all of this happen (we truly appreciate your hard work).
As I sit here writing this in my state of P.H.I. (Post-Hedo Insomnia), I recall hearing that each Hedo trip gets better and better. Damn it, we're ready for the next one already!! October, here we come!