WWW December 4-11, 2004 at Hedonism II:

The Good, Not-So-Good, and Downright Bad

By Russell (of Cat and Russell) 

The Arrival

          My wife Cat and I flew Air Jamaica from Houston to Montego Bay Saturday morning, December 4. After passing through immigration and customs (a solid 45 minutes) we took TimAir from MoBay to the Negril Aerodrome, which is walking distance from the entrance of Hedo. Actually, walking distance assumes you arent burdened with a 48 pound suitcase, an 18 pound auxiliary case, a straw beach purse, and a Macys paper shopping bag plus my things.

          A short taxi ride and relatively quick check-in and we were in room 2236 on the nude side, with its new multi-head shower and old air conditioner. We were even in time to catch lunch in the main dining room. A cold Red Stripe or two and Cat, who had been up since 3:00 AM, needed a nap. I promised to recon the pool area and report back.

          Three hours later I was engaged in close examination of the skin art and piercings of my new best female friend Linda when Cat arrived at poolside. Cat! I shouted with genuine pleasure. Cat! Linda shouted with equal pleasure, Ive heard so many things about you! and gave her a Hedo Hug. My wife looked at me, bemused. What did you tell her I did, invent penicillin? Which brings us to. . . . 

The Good: Friends, Weather, Events, and Costumes

          This was Cats and my third Hedo II (and WWW) trip. One of the most useful aspects of the WWW group is looking over the attendance list on the Web site and using the internet chat sessions to get pre-acquainted. That probably saves a day or more in getting to recognize new guests and knowing which old friends would be in attendance. The most important thing is to know and remember names, something I have more trouble with each passing year. To help others remember us Cat and I wear name necklaces made by a July 2003 WWWer. We also brought a printout of Dennys photo arrival pages with photos of about half the group. Some pictures are too small (and out of date) to be really useful, but we were still referring to them on our last day.

          It is enjoyable and truly educational to talk to people from all over the US and many other countries who have nothing more in common than enjoying naked fun in the sun. I learned about pickpockets from a retired D. C. cop, argued with a college coach that football officials are not blind idiots (touchy subject: I used to be a zebra), heard about truck repair from a Canadian shop owner, why eBay is a better business model than Yahoo!, retriever training, meteor showers, nuclear submarines, aircraft engines, and creating Web sites. In short, Cat and I go to Hedo for the sensuality and return for the interesting people.

          The weather was near perfect temperatures in the eighties under clear to partly cloudy skies in the daytime (sunrise at 6:30, sunset at 5:30 EST), and lows at night in the seventies. There was one evening rain shower that was delightful. (The hurricane that clobbered Jamaica this fall damaged many trees around the resort, and much of the attractive canopy and backdrop is gone forever.)

          Hedos famous Pajama Night and Toga Night are notable but predictable. The WWW events Wear Your Countrys Colors, Pirate Night, School Girl Night, Glow in the Dark add a lot to the week whether you participate or not. Also the WWW day and night catamaran trips are great. My only complaint about the night cruise is that the boats captain used his engine for almost the entire trip until I asked him to shut it down for twenty minutes of quiet time on the water. He should have gone a half mile off shore, shut down, and let us enjoy the silence and the stars for two hours.

          The evening Beach Party to benefit local charities was a big success. The decorations, lights, tables, and bandstand transformed the nude beach wonderfully. I understand $7,000 was raised from the $10 admission and silent auction of many items.

          Just when I think the womens costumes at Hedo cant get any better they get a lot better. The Country Colors outfits get more ingenious each year and many of the Pirate Theme costumes caused my eye patch to pop off. The Pajama Party is supposed to be for sleepwear but I cant imagine that those prize-winning leather BDSM outfits have ever been between bed sheets. The award for sexiest pajama went to Karla from Iowa (Iowa?!) who stood 61 in her platform shoes and wore a two piece outfit of stringed beads. Cat said, That may be the sexiest costume I have ever seen. I mumbled, Eeeyer-eh, oo ay ere yine, as my tongue hung from my mouth.

          And then there was School Girl night: oh my. I dont know what deep seated psychological chord that strikes but men and women seem to go crazy over sexy women in short plaid skirts and tight white tops. In a stroke of genius, Cat came to dinner as Headmistress Catherine of the Higgenbothem School, dressed in a tan business suit, black bustier, high heels, her red hair in a bun, and a narrow leather paddle for punishing girls who have been bad. Girls were pushing their way to her, bending over straight legged, and pleading, Ive been bad and I cant stop. Cat would lift their pleated micro skirts, caress their bare buttocks, and administer several smacks as numerous cameras flashed. One woman turned around and pouted, Is that all youve got? Several naughty girls received additional treatment later that evening. 

The Not-So-Good: Program Problems (Whatd you say?), the Jamaican Way, and Stomach Sickness (Outa my way!)

          Good evening, Hedo Two. Are you having fun? the Activity Coordinator cries into the microphone, sometimes half a dozen times a night. Yeah, the crowd responds. The next exchange is as predictable as a sunrise: Now that was weak. Im not going to let that pass. I said, ARE YOU HAVING FUN? Cat turned to me on our last night and said, If they dont quit treating us like trained seals Im going to scream. I dont know where the Hedo hosts got the idea that they should continually ask the audience to jump as though we were wired to electric shock collars but they should stop that nonsense now. Equally annoying is the ear-splitting volume of many shows. When we saw the steel drum band setting up Friday night Cat and I chose a table with a charming young couple from Canada at the back corner of the dining room. We had a wonderful conversation until the band started playing. Even at the rear the music was so loud we had to shout to be heard across the table. I always carry ear plugs with me at Hedo to protect my hearing, and Cat and I have considered learning the American Sign Language alphabet to communicate in the disco.

          Some Hedo fans take exception to any complaint about the Jamaican way of interacting with Americans, passing off the curtness as a culture difference or even our fault. However, I dont see any reason to excuse systemic rudeness. While many of the staff of Hedo are friendly I believe about half the employees at all levels make it a point to needle Americans. If they can provoke us into an angry response they have won a point. Far too many Jamaicans act exasperated if we, their customers, dare to ask a question or fail to understand that this is the way it is.

          There was a bout of intestinal upset experienced by a significant number of guests, apparently contracted Friday afternoon or evening. Saturday morning dawned with dozens of people barely able to travel more than a few steps from a toilet. Theories I overheard ranged from bad lobster or jerk chicken to a viral infection. I understand Denny and the Hedo management are trying to determine the cause. 

The Downright Bad: Thieves and Thugs Among Us

          Theft is a continuing problem, and it seems you cannot be too careful. One WWWer told me that, at the Exotic Gift Exchange in the Piano Bar, he had his fanny pack stolen as it hung over the back of the chair in which he was seated. The bag was later found in the main dining area but with the cash removed. Also, several WWWers reported that some of their room door decorations were taken.

          Finally there are guests who are about a half bubble off dead level. I was standing at the dining room bar and a woman looking across the room asked me, Did you see what that guy did? What guy? The scary single guy. That description doesnt narrow the field much, I said, and she gave me a rueful smile.

          Scary single guy became shorthand for about a half dozen weirdoes who would do things like lie naked on their bed with the room door wide open. These are usually men, but not always: see Chris report for a scary single woman story. There always will be social misfits at Hedo with an evil agenda and we can only hope that they do no real harm. Stay alert. 

The Departure

          Saturday, December 11 brought the departure of about 90 guests in two waves, mid-morning and 3 PM. Cat and I were flying TimAir to MoBay so we stayed at the nude pool after most WWWers had departed. The transformation was remarkable and a little sad, like Christmas afternoon. Guests unaffiliated with WWW and staying on must have felt that the heart had been shot out of Hedo. That is the best reason for associating with WWW: you are virtually guaranteed good times and good friends. Thanks to these memorable folks (in approximate order of meeting): John, Nancy, Kevin, Trish, Mike, Julie, Denny, Storm, Denise, Mike, Linda, Randy, Jean, Ian, Angela, Mark, Richard, Jackie, Hilary, Gary, Georgette, Maude, Ken, Sue, Kevin, Wendy, Steve, Gail, Scott, Larry, Guy, Denise, Scott, Bruce, DJ, Mikey, Julia, Chuck, Joy, and about another dozen people whose names we kept getting wrong.

          See you next year!