Rob & Kris - 07/04

This was our initial trip with the WWW crowd and we were a little apprehensive about being part of a group that was Wild and Wicked, (wet was okay, everything slides better when it is wet).

We booked our trip in January so we had 6 months to lose all those unwanted pounds. I am here to tell you that we wasted all but about the last two months when we finally went into panic exercise mode. We joined Denny's group and then also proceeded to waste those months not looking for costumes and supplies for all the parties. We still had stuff arriving up until the last two days before we left. Made a few contacts from the message board and joined in on a few Sunday chats. Looking forward to seeing Chris and Susie who we met there a year ago last April.

After months of anticipation the big day is finally here! We drive to Dallas on Wednesday as there are no major airports in this state and after 7 hours of driving we arrive at Motel 6. (whoooo hoooo! living large now) Spend the night and get on the plane in the early afternoon aboard Champion air. We are entertained by three single and one married men who try to empty (and succeed in doing so) the airplane of hard liquor. They are pretty entertaining, especially when we land and they have to remain in their seats, one fellow has to really go to the bathroom. Seeing a drunken man in pain and squirming after disrupting the whole 3-hour flight was pretty satisfying.

Breeze through immigration and customs and get to the new SuperClubs room. For those of you who haven't seen it, it is a nice air-conditioned room with nice seating where they sign you in and you wait for the bus. No more of "go stand by the pole and wait and sweat, mon".

We arrived at 5:30 pm and it is around 6:30 by the time we get on the bus. Share with a threesome going to GLN. (thinking threesomes shouldn't go to Lido, what was this dude thinking?) It is dark and raining hard, making for a harrowing bus ride. Driver asks if anyone wants to stop, I say no, threesome dude says yes, so we stop for a 3 dollar Redstripe. Another stop for personal business by the driver and another so someone (me) can tinkle by the road and we arrive at Hedo around 8:30.

Check in while Toga dinner is in full swing. We get OVN after paying for ROH so things are looking up. Check out the new rooms while we are changing into our togas. (quick check of the PB channel) Off to dinner. As we are making our way to buffet we spy a couple John and Carol who posted their pictures on the WWW board. John recognizes us as we walk by. They have a couple at their table already so we find a table sitting next to a couple whose names escape me. He is a quiet mild mannered librarian and she says she is a first-year first grade teacher.

We are treated to an entertaining floorshow and then the talent night starts. A man on a night pass from Lido gives a very spirited rendition of Johnny B Good and gets a nice applause. Then an act that had everyone buzzing for days to come! A woman proceeded to strip, go into a contortionist type act and then to bring the house down she took a cigar and performed a Lewinsky and actually smoked the cigar from her coochie!!!!! You could see it actually glow and then blow smoke from there!! I haven't recovered yet. (It actually ruined the trip for me as nothing else the entire trip topped that)

Off to the hottub after the show and on to bed.

Next day talk and have breakfast with John and Carol who also are part of the early advance scouting crew for the WWW. Have a nice time getting to know more about them.

Down to the dive shack to sign up for the next days dive and then on to lounging and pool fun. Lifestylers are here so we kind of cower in the corner and watch the "reindeer games".

Librarian Boy is making his way through all the Lifestyles group and First Grade teacher is up on the table being taken care of by 3 men. So much for quiet and unassuming.

EC Gayon rounds us up for a game of paint your partner. Asks who wants to be the painter and who wants to be clean, Kris says she wants to be clean and will paint by butt. (she picks my butt because she is afraid she will have way too much paint left over. : ) Everyone else paints their wives boobs. Gayon says to make sure to not get any paint in anyone's crevices, as it is tough to get out. After getting groped twice by a woman passing by, (I love this place) Gayon then says the next step for the Hedo bucks is to lick off all the paint. Kris does her best to become a champion ass-licker but the men licking the boobs are much more spirited so we lose out. But we end up with 40 thousand Hedo bucks so all is not lost. (although I will not kiss her for a couple of days)

After this alcohol abuse sets in and everything gets kind of blurry on what happened when. ( all these things happened but probably not on the nights I have them)

Beach party is tonight and we enjoy the circus show with the contortionist and all the trapeze acts. No one from the crowd did the trapeze as it had rained out all the practice time. Down to the beach for the dance contest which was won by a young gal who put a lot of enthusiasm into shaking her booty. Put the local talent to shame. Bonfire lasted about 5 minutes as the wood was wet and everyone kind of broke up.

Off to the hottub for the last full night of the Lifestyles entertainment and off to bed.

Stop off at the front desk and tell them that our friends Chris and Susie are arriving this morning and ask if there is anyway for them to be put close to us. "No problem"

Off to dive the next day and dove the airplane wreck and saw nice school of blue creole fish, which hung around us most of the dive.

When we get back we walk by the pool and spy Chris and Susie. Dive in and shake Chris's hand and Susie gives me a NBH. Kris does the same to Chris. Last year we discussed how we have led parallel lives as everything that has happened to us has also happened to them in about the same time frame. Susie had emailed us earlier to tell us not to be surprised but she now has braces since January. She is really surprised when Kris smiles and shows her braces which she also got in January. (you guys are spooky)

Meet Paul and Sue who are conversing with Chris and Susie and in short order Bill and Renee who have Michelle with them. Scott and Chrissy soon follow and we are soon joined by John and Carol. Somewhere along the line we pick up Robyn and Michael and our group is pretty much set for the week.

Eat dinner @ Muholland with Chris and Susie, Paul and Sue, and John and Carol. Very good.

Went to the Piano bar to sing some Ranchy songs from Hedo 11 and I think everyone quit when the piano player didn't know the music to the Brady Bunch. Hopefully it finds its niche by the next trip.

Hottub and to bed.

Wake up with a sore throat as does Kris and we decide not to make this days dive. (This would go on all week and we never dove again. We tried to drown it with alcohol but to no avail) Learned to play Bochi Ball and picked up Hedo bucks for that. Went down the water slide. Kris won for best screamer which netted us 80 thousand hedo bucks and I picked up another 20.

Michael wants everyone to learn how to sail a Hobie Cat or Sunfish tomorrow so we make plans to meet @830 at the dive shack. Paul also wants to play horseshoes so we make plans to play tomorrow also.

Tonight is the welcoming party and also Pirate night. What a great time dressing up everyone had and the only downer was the two Jolly Roger flags that were stolen after everyone had left.

Ate at Pastafari this night with a big group and made complete asses out of ourselves. Wouldn't have missed it for the world. Jaws are still sore from laughing.

Went down to the main dining room and heard a drum band from Kingston that was very good. Very nice entertainment.

Went to the hottub with Paul and Sue and had a great time exchanging remodeling stories.

Leave them there about 2 and off to bed.

I wake up at 7, leave Kris to sleep as she is usually a bear in the mornings. I usually go up and have coffee and bring her an offering plate of fruit and bread and a cup of coffee later.

Practice horseshoes for the game with Paul later and wait for Michael to take the Hobie cat lesson.

Kris is up about 830 and Michael is nowhere to be seen.

We go to breakfast with Chris and Susie, John comes in with Carol close behind and Michael and Robyn show up a little after nine. Give Michael a hard time about missing the lesson.

Don't see Paul and Sue until around 10. (what WAS that clicking noise?)

No sailing no horseshoes.

Catamaran trip today and everyone is on the boat by 1030. Women get foot massages and everyone drinks up. John cut his foot on some coral getting in the boat after snorkeling and has to take a speed boat back to Hedo to get stitched up. Hope he is mending well. Arrive at the Caves, I follow Barry and Emma Lee up the ladder to (nice view Emma Lee) and jump off the cliff.

Listened to Rasta Ralphie sing on the way back and watched limbo.

Scott (who is the most upbeat and optimistic person I have ever met) and his wife Chrissy (who is a real go-getter herself) have organized Bingo in the hottub right after the jerk chicken each day and other than the crappy beads someone donated for prizes it is a big hit. Later in the week the resort donated 3 bottles of rum for prizes. On that day (whatever day that was, Wed I think) I won a bottle of rum, two sets of beads, edible underwear and an incense board. I donated everything back but the rum (imagine that) so everyone else could get a prize.

Dinner had a Mardi Gras theme and Battle of the Sexes after dinner. (Sorry I chickened out Bill, but nice fake orgasm by the way)

PJ night was so so. We all left early and went to the hottub. Leave Paul and Sue with their candles.

Don't see Paul and Sue until 12 the next day. (what IS that clicking noise?)

Wednesday was quiet, but Michael taught us how to sail in a driving rainstorm so day was not a complete loss.

Went to dinner at Pastafaris again and almost get kicked out by maitre de. (Denny)

Cleared up so we could all go on the night catamaran cruise. Small group but we had a blast with the Semi-naughty dice. (Only with MY HUSBAND!!) Looking at the stars and laughing at nothing. (What does a yellow light mean?) Lost all my glow stuff in the ocean due to intense inebriation.

Off to the late night buffet dressed only in towels for a late night snack. Then try and get lucky in the hottub but no luck tonight. LOL

Up early, Kris and I go sailing, (what a blast, thanks Michael) and back to the pool and try and drown our sorrows. See John and Carol off. Drink heavily until the bus comes at 3. Everyone has to leave the hottub and pool due to lightning. (Thanks Chris and Susie for letting us shower in your room) Thanks to everyone for the big send off,(double moon salute, Chris and Susie) it was greatly appreciated. Kris quit crying about a half hour after we left on the bus. I am still crying (inside where it counts).

Be sure and post the shenanigans from Friday after we left. We want to hear all accounts.

Hope this wasn't too long, but I want to also thank Denny for being such a genuinely nice guy who does a great job. Also to all the other people we met and I didn't mention. (Red Butt Jeff, Dave the Dick, Worst Tan David, Maurice and Monique, Thanks for letting me rub your thigh Michelle, and all the other people who we didn't get to know as well as we would have liked)

I sure I am leaving a lot out but will let everyone else fill it in.

See the Too Raucous For Pastafaris Gang in Chicago.

Rob & Kris - July, 2004 Wet, Wild, and Wicked