Hedo III
Trip Number Two
Oct 7-Oct16 2004
As trip number two fades into the memory, we better get some of our memories down in writing before senility and the longer term effects of the overproof rum erases them forever. Last year we headed to HIII with the WWW group, filled with a mixture of excitement and trepidation, but this time around there was no trepidation there was a niggling concern that this trip may not be as good as last year and that maybe wed be left disappointed, but that was proven to be completely unfounded. Before we forget, some special praise is due, yet again, for the infamous DennyP. We dont know what you do to attract such wonderful people on these trips, but whatever it is, please keep doing it, and we really appreciate all the effort you put in both before and during the trip to make it so much fun for everyone.
Most of the trip reports weve read seem to start at the airport but for us the trips begin months before we go. Thinking about what costumes we can wear to the theme nights, shopping online for them, sending emails to people wholl be there while we are, chatting by IM, and joining the group chats in Dennys chat room all gradually build up the excitement. This year wed chatted a bit with some of our returning friends from last year and also with some people wed never met face to face - Simon was responsible for having me in tears laughing in my office a few times and it really helps knowing that when you get to the resort there will be people there you know.
No lengthy details on flights other than to say that flying overnight so that you get to the resort early is great, and check your flights before leaving as Air Jamaica cancelled ours with about 10 days to go and rescheduled us on a later connection from Atlanta.
We got to Mobay a little after 10am and cleared immigration very quickly that just gave us a long time to wait for our bags as the baggage handlers did a wonderful job of adjusting us to Jamaica time. A number of flights had come in together and they seemed to have bags going around the belts for the flights who were still on the other side of immigration, but no bags for the flights who had already been processed. By the time we cleared customs we were well and truly acclimatized to being in the islands.
The Superclubs lounge seemed nice but we were hardly in there for any time before heading out to our bus; a quick red stripe purchase on the way, and we were ready to go. The driver expected a full load so he told me I was to sit in the front passenger seat, which had no seat belt. For those of you who have experienced the bus trip before, I can tell you that the only thing which can make it more terrifying is sitting up front wearing no belt. The driver was excellent though and entertained us all the way to HIII with jokes, the usual points of interest, and many more wed never heard before. The obligatory stop for more Red Stripe meant we didnt get to the resort till after noon, and we were pleasantly surprised to find that our room was ready, and that we were next door to the room wed had last year in the 700 block. After dropping the bags, and grabbing some lunch at the Scotch Bonnet, where we met Anthony and Wendy, it was time to drop the clothes and so we headed for party central the nude pool.
And thats the end of the trip report because everything after that point is a bit foggy, and the details should never be disclosed anyway..YEAH RIGHT. I thought about changing the names from this point forward to protect the innocent, but none of them were innocent, so here goes. Be warned that this is unlikely to have any structure or chronology but will be a series of rambling recollections.
Firstly I have to mention the people I know, I know, youve heard it all before, about how the people make Hedo, blah, blah, blah, and last year we came back realizing that it really wasnt overstated in the trip reports. This time, however, I would defy ANY group going to Hedo to try to put together a better bunch. We chatted with as many people as we could but still didnt get to everyone (sorry about those that we missed, theres always next year), and what a completely crazy crew (High School English teacher would give bonus marks for alliteration). We really believe that some of you guys will be friends for life, and rather than risking offending anyone by not listing them were just going to say that you guys know who you are and we hope we get a chance to see all yall before next year.
OMG, did I just write all yall ? Thats what happens when you spend a week with a bunch of Texans I suppose. I have to believe though, that with four English and two Scottish in this group, there are probably a number of Americans who went home with some additions to their vocabularies too J We also, should make mention of how much we appreciated the efforts that this group made to feel the Brits feel at home, right down to providing a Big Ben complete with a DONG in the morning.
On the subject of dongs, a word of advice for you all, whether at Hedo or not, if you ever see a man with a 17 suction cup dong attached to his head, do not try to forcibly pull it off theres a very real possibility that youll do Sitting Bull proud and scalp the poor guy.
The theme nights, both resort and WWW specific, were pretty well supported and there were some excellent costumes; as mentioned above we put a lot of thought into these, but not even our twisted minds could come up with a pirate hook of the type Curtis produced.
Our last night there, the ladies were Miss Muffet, two cops, a nurse and a nun, so the ideal costume would have been a sick spider, whod broken the law and was seeking absolution..hmmm what a dream that would be.
For those whove already read Simons trip report you should already have figured this out, but in case anyone missed it, if youre bringing a costume with you take it out of the box and check it before heading to Hedo. If you open it just before you intend to wear it you may find you get less than you bargained for J
Conversely, if you happen to be on the beach in the evening and trying to catch crabs, you should be careful you dont get more than you bargained for. In trying to be chivalrous, and remove a big one from under the table I got a nasty nip what else did you perverts think I was talking about?
Our room in the 700 block was very easy to get to and from, but we both suffered from sore throats and cant help thinking it was down to either the AC, the slight mold in the room, or a combination of both. We sprayed the AC and the whole room with Lysol when we arrived but we still suffered, and when we switched off the AC for a while it flooded the room, so be warned. We had one funny incident where I was showering and Yvonne had been off to stake out beds at the pool; she shouted up to me and our next door neighbor, also in his shower, thought it was his lucky day.
The piano bar was as much fun this year as last, Oh Shit, but with the added bonus of starring performances by Anthony and Rick on piano. Those guys were both fantastic and did a great job keeping the atmosphere going when Glen wasnt around or giving him a break, and we cant talk about the piano bar and not mention Renee either wow, what a stunningly beautiful voice she has. Finally, I wish there had been less alcohol involved during the improvised version of Imagine, so I could remember more of it, but John Lennon must be turning in his grave at the lewd lyrics of Imagine, theres no Hedo. I think I may try to write the lyrics down for next year J
The best laughs we had during the week were probably either around the pussy fountain or by the table at the end of the volleyball net. There were some very sharp witted people around and the double-entendres were flying thick and fast. There were a few times we were all laughing so hard it hurt, and we thank those involved for all the fun. One of the best comments overheard at the pussy fountain had to be when there was a massive group doing body shots. People were squeezed in tight all the way around and when it was the guys turn the comment just because were naked and our legs are touching doesnt make us gay, so I wont be expecting any advances from you later on was made.
When the girls did their turn on the fountain there were so many they had to take it in turns opening their legs to let the guys in to do body shots. It was like a giant circular human concertina, with the guys choreographed to move in and out like something from a 1950s musical.
The homophobia died down during the week though, and as the tolerance for drinking red stripe diminished (it seemed to taste worse as the week went on), some of the guys started drinking pink foo foo drinks, which was deemed as a sign we were coming out. I can promise you all I will not be ordering one of those in a bar in Scotland.
Other highlights at the pool would have to include the couple from Breezes on a day pass who were grinning from ear to ear in wonderment at all that was going on around them, but it took them very little time to fit in, and they were back again two days later for more. They wont be booking Breezes next time J
Lowlight at the pool involved Kevins waterproof vibrating glove he was in the hottub demonstrating its capabilities to some of the girls, and I was turned the other way chatting to someone, when I suddenly felt it where it shouldnt have been. I almost jumped right out of the hottub in one motion, before realizing to my enormous relief that Yvonne was actually wearing the glove. Drinking pink foo foo drinks is one thing, but no glove play!
There was plenty volleyball played yet again, and my personal volleyball highlight was managing to spike the volleyball net in the quad pool; it seemed to be about 15ft high (ok, exaggerated I know), but the thought of losing a bet to John and having to drink a Southern Comfort was enough to turn me into Steve Austin, and I could hear that funny bionic noise in my ears as I rose in slow motion out of the water and spiked the ball.
The nightclub seemed to be either bursting at the seams or empty, and it was a bit disconcerting to see how easily Mike was able to hang upside down in the cage Mel do you keep him in one those at home? There was a lot of pole dancing from the ladies although I think some people may have been somewhat traumatized by the big baby that was seen up there too.
The ECs, as last year were outstanding, and never seemed to stop for a minute. Favorites from this trip would have to be Spike and JoJo, but they were all full of energy and worked hard to help us all have fun. We were in the lobby one afternoon paying for massages when a bus came in with people who were apparently an overflow from Breezes; they were all standing nervously in line trying to check in when Spike came up and grabbed my ass. The expressions on their faces were priceless and they looked absolutely terrified as he went and started mingling amongst them I just wonder how many of them needed therapy when they got home J
One last amusing anecdote, as were sitting in Margaritaville at Sangster, there must have been five calls over the tannoy in a 20 minute period for Mark to get to his gate, the last of which was Would Mark Mulvehill please proceed immediately to your gate as the flight is about to leave and your bags are going to be removed from the plane. At that point wed been in the airport for about 2 hours and Mark had arrived on the same bus as us, so now were intrigued, what was he doing that he missed his flight? Or maybe its a case of what happens at Sangster stays at Sangster..
Well that seems to be the only memories we have, which werent in Simons trip report and were suitable for public consumption. When it came time to leave we really were ready to come home, as wed partied hard all week and needed to get back to work for a break. Weve been back almost a week now though, and the thought that we cant see all our friends till next October isnt sitting well with us, but finding someone to watch the kids isnt easy, so weve started the process of putting them up for adoption and hopefully well see you all again soon J