Bill & Wendy - Wet, Wild, and Wicked Hedonism III: May, 2004

If I had to describe our trip to Hedo III in one word, the only word I can think of that would encompass everything is, WOW!!! This trip was more than we ever expected in our wildest dreams even *after* reading the trip reports.

Anticipation had reached a fever pitch by Friday May 14th. A few friends had stopped over to wish us well on our journey and we had a wonderful time drinking and talking about our upcoming trip. Unfortunately, it was very late before we called it a night. At midnight my husband chose to inform me that he still has to pack! Since our plane was scheduled to leave at 8am, I went into panic mode while my husband grabbed another beer. Needless to say we hardly slept a wink that night.

Bleary eyed and still half drunk, we managed to make it to the airport in plenty of time. We were informed at check-in that our flight had been changed to 9am. The upside was that we were no longer going to be flying to Miami in a plane the size of a Volkswagon. The downside was that we were stuck at the airport for 3 hours instead of 2. Solution? Find a bar and get ready for our first plane ride in 20 years.

Miami is one of the worst airports I can imagine to have to catch a connecting flight from AND try to find the time to grab a quick smoke to calm your nerves. We made the connecting flight in the nick of time after sprinting for what seemed like miles....this is where I briefly considered quitting smoking...but changed my mind when I was settled in the plane.

Landing in Montego Bay was an experience Ill never forget. For a minute it really looked like there was nowhere to land on this tiny island. I closed my eyes, said a short prayer and somehow this big bird landed safely without entering the ocean. I dont remember much about the Montego Bay airport due to the Xanax and the pint of rum that I consumed during the flight, but I do remember passing through customs without hardly a glance. From everything that I read, I had the impression that the customs inspectors were not ones to be reckoned with and to be feared. However, they seemed very laid back and actually bored with their job. Within minutes we were off to the Superclubs desk and out to the bus.

Whatever anyone tells you about your first initial bus trip IS true. My husband Bill and I were initiated properly to the wild and crazy ways of Jamaican driving skills. We took off like a shot from the airport with about 3 other couples...none of which were going to Hedo III. The driver maintained a speed of what seemed like 70 MPH over unfinished roads and hairpin turns while simultaniously dodging goats, cows, children, and cars. All this took place on the LEFT side of the road which is really freaky for those accustomed to driving on the right side of the road. The beer stop was a welcome respite. Both my husband and I purchased two drinks...one for each hand to consume on the remainder of the trip because our Xanax and the other pint of rum was packed and stacked with the other luggage precariously piled over our heads in the back. (only one bag fell on us and we were too buzzed up to care).

When our bus pulled up to Hedo III, we were greeted warmly and a welcoming drink was quickly placed in our hands. I believe that the employees somehow knew that we were Hedo virgins. Maybe it was the jumping up and down, the non-stop excited chattering, the wide eyed looks on our faces or forgetting what my zip code was during check-in that gave us away...but no matter. Im sure that theyve seen this type of goofy behavior before. In any case, we were off to our room on the third floor of the quad area in no time. (We would later find out that this was party central)

For the record, I have never had a problem being nude. Ill strip anywhere the mood hits me, provided that I wont end up in jail. I literally threw my suitcase in the room and stripped. I was ready for some fun within seconds! LOL My husband on the other hand, had some previous reservations about being nude in front of people that he didnt know. I expected that I would have to lead him into the quad and ease him into public nudity. NOT! Maybe it was the Hedo Special that we were given at check-in, but he was stripping faster than me. We did have a drink at the quad bar but decided that it was WAY to quiet there. We knew that the only logical place to find the rest of our WWW group was to leave the solitude of the quad and venture to the nude side. Off we went to the nude side and it was literally crawling/walking/swimming with yellow hats from the WWW group. This area would come to be our home for the next 7 days.

This is the area that becomes a little fuzzy for us. I will try and recount chronologically the main events, but areas and days tend to blur together. Saturday was spent relaxing at the nude pool bar and introducing ourselves to several of the people from our group.

Our first meal since we left home that morning was at the Scotch Bonnet which overlooks the ocean. I dont know why, but I started to cry. I guess the beauty of the ocean and the vision of the setting sun sparked some heavy emotional feelings in me. Either that or the fatigue and the Purple Rains had finally done some damage. LOL

After dinner, my husband and I walked around the resort to get a feel for the place. Eventually, the fatigue from the trip reared its ugly head and I had to admit that I was powerless over the need for sleep. We went back to our room around 10pm and I slept. Bill chose to go back down and explore some more though. He finally fell asleep around 2am. I woke up at 4am and went back down for more exploring of my own. Amazingly, there were people still up partying at any hour of the day or night and neither one of us felt loney even if we were on different sleep schedules.

Sunday: Most of this day was spent drinking and eating by the nude pool. There were some memorable activities that occured this day, but none of them were on the official schedules, if you know what I mean. We introduced ourselves to one of the single men who came with our WWW group. We met Wayne at the nude pool bar during a water gun battle. Hes an older gentleman and we found him to be a hell of a lot of fun to be around. He reminded me of a perverted Santa Claus, I dont know why. LOL He was always respectful to us and became a great friend. He introduced us to Susan who turned out to be one hot mamma in the jacuzzi. LOL (One word...Yum!) Her friend John ended up being my husbands beer drinking buddy. You could always see them with Red Stripe, while the rest of us were busy sampling every imaginable shot, mixed drink, or smoothy that the bartenders could dish out. We also met Juanita and Ed by squirting them with water guns in strategic places. It was a great conversation starter. LOL

Monday: Not really clear. Lots of drinking, eating, and lounging on floaties in the ocean and the pool. I also spent a lot of time sunning myself naked on the pier and being surprised at the fact that one of the employees would bring you a drink anywhere that you are...even if youre in the ocean. (You still have to paddle to the beach, but it was a nice touch) One word about sunning yourself naked. Its one thing to get sunburn on your extremities, but for heavens sake...burning your nipples HURTS! Dont be stupid, wear the sunblock!

I *do* remember getting freaky in the grotto with someone...hopefully it was my husband. LOL. My husband and I took advantage of one of the hammocks for some extra-curricular activities later on. Its fun, but you have to learn how to gain balance first. Its not easy when youve been drinking all day...but we managed. Also, dont wear jewelery that you cant afford to lose. I noticed that my $300 anklet was missing shortly after the hammock incident. We retraced our steps and my husband miraculously found it by using a Bic lighter to illuminate the sand underneath the hammock. Hes the Man! Woo Hoo! Next time Im wearing jewelery from the Dollar General store. I believe that this was the beach attire night at the Disco and somehow I won sexiest bikini. At least thats what I was told and I woke up with another prize pint of rum to add to the rest.

Tuesday: My husband and I went on the Horseback beach ride. We had a wonderful time and its definitely worth the money. My butt was bruised and hurt for days afterward. Next time Ill wear more padding on the posterior end.

Tuesday night was also PJ night. Since I was officially a Hedo virgin, I decided that it would be appropriate to wear my most virginal (but sexy) teddy. Hubby decided on boxer shorts. We saw clothing from the mild to the wild, but all were acceptable as long as you would normally wear it to bed. A big thank you goes out to Wayne and Mike, who danced with me on a regular basis in the disco. Hubby has a bad back and cant keep up with my energy level all night. He thanks you too. lol

Later that night we chose to soothe are sore butts in the quad jacuzzi with a couple from our group. It was then that I mentioned that I havent seen a potato chip since we arrived in Jamaica. The couple mentioned that not only do they have potato chips in their room, but they also had other junk food. Off like a shot, we raced to their room (which happened to be right next to ours) for a midnight munchie raid. We had a pleasant conversation and lots of laughs while devouring their secret stash of chips and candy and washing it down with Jamaican rum and Red Stripe. We left their room after a while, but we secretly wished that we could have played with them. (We are lifestylers...but we dont ask/dont tell. Wed rather figure out whether a couple is interested by getting to know them first.) About 10 minutes after we left their room there was a knock at the door. I opened the door and there was our new friend with a can of pringles thrust out in front of him. He said We have more pringles...do you swing by chance? After laughing hysterically at this new fangled pick up line...we had the first of several erotic nights together.

Wednesday: The days are hard to remember, but I can remember a nude slide run (REALLY FUN!), a bunch of old ladies taking a tour of the resort and looking at us nudes like we were animals in a zoo...I swear I didnt squirt them with the water gun...hubby did. Games...ummm...yep, I played them and I won some of them but all I remember is laughing so hard that my belly hurt on a daily basis. I can honestly say that the E.Cs are the best in the world. They really know how to have a good time and they make darn sure everyone else does too. Even if it means chasing your butt around the buffet to get you to participate. I love ya Spike! LOL

Wednesday was also the night that was chosen for our group to meet for dinner at Pastafaris restaurant. The food was impeccible and it was a nice change from all of the jerk chicken and burgers we had been ingesting up until then. We were also privledged to have Denny at our table. Hes a great travel agent and hes even more wonderful in person.

After dinner, we dashed off to our rooms to change for the Pimp and Ho contest and the 70s theme night at the disco. Sue, a woman I dubbed as superfreak and chip slut lent me one of her PVC dresses for the contest. (Dont worry about the dress I left in your room hon...you can keep it. lol) Her husband Jim won for the best pimp outfit and we both earned more chips to add to our growing cache. I told my pimp that night that Im not giving him my chips because Im an independant Ho. LOL

After the contest it was off to the disco. Now, the disco gets REALLY hot when youre dancing. A word to the wise...DONT wear PVC clothing there like I did. Thats when you will undoubtedly strip naked in the disco and toss yourself down the slide nude...like me and the superfreak did. LOL Dont worry about breaking the prude rule...employees will be waiting for you with towels at the bottom. Cant find a towel any other time...but they mysteriously appear when you slide nude on the prude side...Hmmmm.

Thursday: We went on the Bob Marley tour which started promptly at oh god thirty in the morning. It was a five hour round trip and we were more than ummmm...under the influence when we arrived back. We were back in the nude pool immediately and it was there that we met M & M from Texas. The female half and I found out that they DO grow things bigger in Jamaica when I teased one of the employees about why they have to wear clothes on the nude side. Sorry M...I didnt mean to leave you there while I ran away screaming. LOL

Friday: We spent most of the day lounging in the ocean and lamenting the fact that we were leaving the next day. We took very few pictures during the week due to the fact that we spent most of our time on the nude side, but this night was different. Since it was our last night we took at least a hundred photos of everyone who had made our trip memorable. I think that night was the night that we all gave the bartenders a run for their money simply *because* it was our last night. (Forget the shot of Jack Daniels...just give me the bottle please! LOL)

Saturday: Tears, hugs, email/phone numbers exchanged and the depressing wait in the main lobby for our bus. The only thing that cheered us up was a group of nude people suddenly streaking through when we were getting on a bus full of people from the Breezes Resort. The looks on their faces were priceless and the half-hearted attempt by King (one of the ECs) to keep them from being seen was worth a million laughs.

There were so many things that were good about Hedo III that I hesitate to even mention the small things that we considered bad. In the interest of clarity and fairness I will mention them here though.

The Good:

1. The E.Cs who work so hard to make your stay so fun and pleasurable.

2. All of the bartenders (especially Sunshine) who put up with a lot of crap from some young idiots and still manage to maintain a sense of humor and a smile.

3. Cleanliness. The whole resort is maintained diligently every day. You wont find empty cups, a dirty bathroom or cigarette butts anywhere.

4. Security is everywhere even if you cant see them. (See below for an explaination)

5. Food and Booze. As much as you want, anything that you want, when you want it and where you want it.

6. BODY SHOTS!

7. Hammocks! (A real lesson in dexterity can be learned here)

8. Being NAKED! (Clothes suck)

9. Being able to talk and interact with absolutely WONDERFUL people...especially those

that we met through the WWW group. Yall are totally nuts and we love you. Wish

we could have met you all.

10.The knowledge that we WILL be going again next year and that well be able to meet

up with those who became special to us and well also have another chance to meet

those that we missed being with on this trip. Simon & Sam....youre mine next time. LOL

The Bad:

1. The jacuzzi in our bathroom didnt work. We notified maintenence, the maid and the

front desk. Nothing was done. Its a shame, because that was one reason that we

chose Hedo III in the first place. Its also a shame that we were having so much fun

that we kept forgetting to complain to the management. Im mentally kicking myself

in the butt because we very well might have gotten a few days free out of the

inconvenience. I guess its too late now.

2. A particular Vinnie who thought that he could just pounce on me because I was

alone in the nude jacuzzi. He walked right up to me and asked me if I would perform

not one...but several sexual acts without even asking what my name was...SHEESH!

Im a very blunt person and I told him where he could stick it sideways. Security

appeared out of nowhere and asked me if there was a problem. I told them what had

transpired and they let him know in NO uncertain terms that if he harassed anyone or

treated anyone with disrespect like that again that he would be ejected from the resort

with no refund. I never saw him again.

3. The fact that you have to *ask* management for the Sunshine guarantee. Had it not

been for our friends asking us if we had gotten our voucher, we would have not

known that we were entitled to one. (I guess I was having way too much fun to

realize that the sun didnt come out one day. LOL)

4. The little itty bitty bug things all over the bathroom. I dont know what they were,

but lysol seems to take care of the problem. Ive lived in Florida and Ive dealt with

roaches big enough to shoot....but heck..those things gave me the creeps.

5. Slippery tiles! Another word to the wize. When youre in the nude area, make sure

you walk on the black non-skid squares only. My husband and I both suffered

embarrassing displays of clumbsiness and very bruised and bloody knees.

6. While were on the subject of slippery things....the bathrooms are also a source of

danger. For heavens sake...trying to get IN or OUT of the tub is bad enough..but then

you run the risk of sliding all over the bathroom floor when its wet. Hubby went face

first into the toilet. Yuck.

Thats the summary of our trip. Kisses, hugs and ass slaps go out to all those who hung out with us and made our trip memorable in more ways than one: Juanita and Ed, Sue and Jim, Wayne, Bob, Mike, Susan and John...It was the most fun weve ever had and I cant wait to see you all again! Well never go with any other group....nor do we feel the need to travel to any other country or stay at any other resort. It was wonderful to be able to do anything....or do nothing as the case may be.

Oh yeah...were not virgins anymore...if the wildchild was wild before...watch out next year cause now Im a HEDO SLUT! Woo Hoo!

Hedonism III is HOME!

Respect

Bill & Wendy