Storm's Virtual Report - Wet, Wild, and Wicked December - 2002

Introduction by Cherbunny (as posted on DennyPs WWW Message Board)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Royal WWW Court. It gives me great pleasure to start your morning off with something different to read. Please read Diane's post on the Where's Storm thread to understand the kind of trip report we are writing for Storm.

So without further delay, here is the start of his report.

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Storms Trip Report in Absentia December 5-14, Winter WWW2002

In November 2001, my sister went to Hedo III. She told me enough stories that I decided to check this out further. I quickly found Dennys site and did a lot of reading and knew I found a place that seemed right for me. I signed up on his board and starting posting, looking forward to meeting new friends. I got plenty of welcoming emails until it was discovered that I was NOT going on the Winter 2001 trip, but was looking into Winter 2002. After reading the trip reports for Winter 2001 I knew I had to join these folks and celebrate my new-found singleness.

I booked 10 days and ended up arriving late. It seems that everyone in our group had messed up flights, and mine was no exception. I was standing in the lobby when I saw Cher & Tom get out of the taxi. I was so happy to see a familiar face! She looked right at me, then quickly turned around and put her nose in the air! I yelled out her name, but I think she was ignoring me. I went and got a beer and decided to give it to Tom and introduce myself to them. Tom took the beer and Cher had a weird look on her face...I think it was disgust, but I wasnt quite sure. They proceeded to check in, and I thought I heard Cher mumble something to Tom about "he's an idiot...he was supposed to have a Dirty Banana for you and a coconut rum and pineapple for me". Anyways, I got my room on the nude side and decided to hurry up and check out the pool. I couldn't wait to see all the folks that I had emailed and chatted with. I just hope they are a little nicer than Tom and Cher. Then again, maybe they are just tired from their trip.

I went down to the nude pool and had my shorts and T-shirt on. I was looking for some other familiar, friendly faces to make me feel welcome, when I saw Cher and Tom with a bunch of other folks all wearing WWW hats. I heard someone say "Hey Vinnie! This is the Nude Beach! Take it off, or get the hell out". I looked around, and everyone was staring at me. Hmmm, I guess they were talking to me, but my name is not Vinnie. I took off my shorts and T-shirt and then heard all the women laughing at me. I also noticed that they were pointing at me too. I looked to see if I had toilet paper hanging from my butt or something, but I couldnt see anything wrong. The music was playing loud and all the ladies started singing to the song something about "Dont Want No Short Dick Man".   I had put on all my best gold chains, worked out extra hard at the gym, never passed a mirror without checking myself out, and flexed my biceps every chance I got. I really didn't understand why they all wouldn't quit pointing at me. Must have been they had never seen such a God-like specimen among this WWW group. I figured I was going to be their Hero this week. I was actually thinking to myself that this crowd will probably want to write my trip report, as they will all be so envious of my upcoming week.

I figured the girls will be taking numbers and wanting to 'do' me soon, so I'd get some nourishment and a few cocktails down me. So far I wasn't seeing all the playboy-type bunnies that I was expecting to see, but I figured they were probably still unpacking all those slutwear clothes they brought to impress me with.

I sauntered over to the grill, what's up with this Robert guy?? He talks funny, and says "yeah mon" a LOT!! He talks like he's trying to sound like he's from New Joisey or something, but if he is; he has a really bad accent. He keeps saying, "no problem if it's not a problem, then get me my cheeseburger and make it snappy. I don't have all day ya know.

There's that dang, short dick man song again. Someone comes up and asks me if that is my theme song. I still don't know what they mean.   After inhaling my cheeseburger I decided that I was fortified enough to go and find the one person I just knew would greet me with warmth and kindness ... Queen Diane. She was going to make things all right for me here.

I found her holding court in the cool tub. She had lots of guys surrounding her and a few gorgeous ladies too. "Ahhh, Utopia", I thought to myself, as I wormed my way into her entourage.

Everyone looked at me like I was a floating turd in the pool. Did I have a piece of food stuck in my teeth? I ran my tongue over my teeth and soon found a remnant of my cheeseburger. I meant to spit it out on the ground but my aim fell short and it landed on one of the Queens bodyguards. No one was amused.

I soon learned that I committed a faux pas as access to the cool tub was granted solely by invitation from the Queen.

She greeted me with a glare and then rolled her eyes. "Come here, you". She pointed directly at me. Everyone parted to allow me a path to her Royal Highness. As I waded towards her someone pinched my ass under water. When I turned around to see who it was, everyone looked away from me and started humming or whistling. Hmmm.

When I finally stood before her the Queen demanded an explanation for my invasion of her playground. I replied, "Queen Diane, it's me ... Storm. Remember how you were looking forward to meeting me? You said so in all of your posts on Denny's message board. I thought you wanted me to come and introduce myself to you."

The Queen laughed out loud, as did her entire entourage. "Oh, right!" she said, then promptly ordered me to get out of her pool and fetch her a coke and some of Robert's famous fries.

Sigh. Off I went to do my Queen's bidding, but not before someone pinched my ass again under the water. As I turned around again to see who it was I saw one of the Queen's biggest and burliest bodyguards wink at me and blow me a kiss.

What the heck have I gotten myself into?   Walking to Robert's I encountered Cheryl and Tom, Cheryl had a very primitive looking cigarette in her hand which she promptly passed to me and told me it was a local brand, to try it....

Next thing I knew I woke up around noon, my toenails painted, a braid in my hair. There were several pairs of panties and a pair of boxer shorts on the floor. My bed was covered in chocolate sauce, silly string and a purple substance which appeared to have come from a couple of empty plastic jugs, I felt sore all over with scratch marks every where. I had to ask myself, what happened? Who are these people? What do they want from me?

In pursuit of those answers I got up and headed for the beach.   I am so hungry, can't figure out why. Really got a bad case of munchies I think. Gotta get to Roberts. I go via the pool and hear people whispering "there he is", I wave knowing I've already made good friends and still have no idea who these people are. I wave back to Tom & Cher. I think they want me bad. I've read all about this stuff. As I am going down da steps of the main pool, this chick passes me and says, "nice chains"! Right there I knew I wore just da right amount on for the trip. Maybe it's all that cologne I put on too. I use this secret combination of Old Spice ('cause I'm a sailor), Aqua Velva and this pheromone stuff that guarantees me to be a babe magnet. If you mix it just right it's pretty potent stuff and it lasts for years. I know it's true because it says so on the Internet. Babes really dig this stuff. There was a huge line in front of the Grill and thought hey, I'm from New Joisey, we don't wait in line for nobody so I thought I'd kill time until the line got smaller by meeting a few more of that WWW group. Besides, I feel a bit queasy.

I approached the infamous Delroy's and asked for a Shirley Temple (figure a bit of the hair that bit the dog) and handed him this great mug I had found at my kids playground back home. The bartender just looked at me smiled and said that "ya, mon" thing again. Maybe it's a speech impediment. Covering his nose with one hand, he stuck his fist out to me with his thumb up, looking like he expected me to do the same. He either wanted to play thumb wars (hey, I'm on vacation here) or it was some secret code to mark me as a geek or something. Hey, I'm not stupid, I could figure out what he was up to in a NJ minute. Just as he handed me my drink, BAM! It happened again - someone pinched my ass from behind! I turned quickly and nobody was there. I knew that because when I first approached da bar, there was this group of people there at least three deep nice enough to move apart quickly giving me plenty room to get to the bar and place my drink order. They even stayed away a good four to five feet on either side of me so I had a clear view of who was around. Nice people. I think someone wants me bad. I bet it was that chick who liked my chains.

I walked down the beach; having a cigarette, saw more of those orange WWW hats. I saw this couple just lying in the sun. As I approached them I put my cigarette out in the sand. The resort has this guy constantly cleaning the beach so it didn't matter anyhow. It's always so clean; it'll give him something to do. They looked bored so I thought I'd throw some excitement in their lives and introduce myself - it was John and Renee, the "Sunlovers" from da Message Boards and the Sunday night chats. I noticed this guy in the lounge chair next to them, reading a book. He pulled up his beach towel over his nose & mouth. Must be afraid of getting sun burned. Obviously not a WWW person because he was wearing this stupid beanie hat with a propeller on top - now there's a geek for you! Poor guy has no idea how silly he looks.

I introduced myself and they lowered their sunglasses just enough to be able to see who was standing in front of them. John immediately covered his nose and mouth with his hands. Poor guy must have a bad night and felt sick. Shudda paced himself better. Renee just kept sneezing. Must be allergic to something. Then they both looked at each other smiling with this knowing look. I knew they liked me. Everybody usually does. Finally, someone who was friendly! I stood and talked endlessly for about 45 minutes making sure I positioned myself just right to block the sun so they could get a good look at me. Renee eventually gave this huge sigh, and said, Storm - "move your ass". I knew she liked me. John then complimented me on my gold chains. I know what he's up tono way am I gonna share these babies with him! Renee looked at her husband, laughed and said "nice dick" with this huge smile. He nodded in agreement. I've read "The Book", and if I'm gonna be a part of a threesome, they're gonna just have to stand in line. This boy's not just going to give it away! I figured I was being gawked at enough and the line at Roberts was gone, so I'd better go back and put that order in. As I walked away, hearing "that song" again, Sunlovers and the Geek guy break out laughing hysterically. The geek must have told a funny joke. Sorry I missed it.   I finally got to Robert's to order my munchies when that big, burly bodyguard came to find me.

"Where are the Queen's fries and Coke, you infidel?" he barked at me. Was it my imagination, or did he just wink at me again? Strangely, an electric tingle of fear and excitement runs up my spine.

"Coming up, right away, dude!" He grabs a fistful of my left butt cheek, then hulks away and leaves me there to carry all the food and drinks by myself. When I get back to the pool Queen Di asks me to feed her the french fries one by one, making sure to spread a thin bead of ketchup on each individual fry. I even had to give her sips of her Coke from a straw. While I thought this Queen was hot I really thought I'd be performing some more "private" royal favors for her. Maybe this is her idea of kinky foreplay. I know she digs me. I guess the real fun will come later.

When I'm done feeding the Queen a new couple enters the pool. The bodyguard pinches my ass again and tells me to bow before the Pampered Princess and her consort, the Crown Jewels. What the f**k??? Me, bow? You gotta be kiddin'. Then I see how cute the Princess is, and I don't know why, but I'm overcome with a strong urge to massage her cute little feet. I look at the Jewels and he says, "OK, but no funny business, y'hear?"

Funny business? Yeah, right. The Princess wants me, I can tell. The Queen wants me ... even that friggin' bodyguard wants me! I'm definitely gettin' laid today.   No time to check out what that big bodyguard guy has in mind now cause it's time to meet the dive boat.

Wandering up and down the beach has become a routine now and at times I feel like the guy in "Bernies Vacation," kind of sauntering to the beat of the music with a strange head bobbing motion and that blank stare behind the sunglasses.

It's a long ride out to the dive spot and one of the crew eating lunch offers me part of his dessert some sort of home made cake. Tasty in a strange sort of way but not quiet like mom used to bake. I wonder what's in it?

Diving was such a rush but I can't quiet figure out why Jamaican fish seem to swim backwards. Was it the Aqua Velva and Old Spice combo or was it something I ate? I seriously doubt the fish could tell it was my first dive at Hedo so I don't think they were doing special tricks for me. <G>   The diving at Hedo is great, and the dive masters are great too, but they talk with that same kinda funny accent. They kept asking me to sit near the back of the boat and they stayed up front. Guess they figured I didn't need to hear all the instructions they were giving, they were probably worried that I could take over their jobs if I wanted to. Great group was diving. Dennis (Superman), Duck, the Queen, Jeff, Dave. It was funny, but I noticed when we were diving that people didn't seem to stay as far away from me as when I was on the beach. I never could figure this part out, but maybe I will later in the week.

I had my handy dandy underwater camera. I kept giving it to others so they could take pictures of ME!! I knew everyone who wasn't diving was going to want to see me. At one point someone (I think it was the Queen) gave me back my camera, but soon I realized it wasn't on my arm...what the heck?? Oh, there it is, floating to the surface. One of those dive masters with the funny accents saw it before I even knew it was gone and was off to retrieve it. Yeah, it was his job, good thing he was there to do it.

When we got back on shore, the Queen told me I smelled a lot better. I said I thought I smelled like fish. She said, "exactly, that's my point, it's better than before". I figured she was just playing hard to get, I knew she wanted me.

Right now I had impressed her enough, I was on a search for that Princess and her feet. I passed by John and Renee and the geek on the beach. I did say hello, I knew they wanted me too, but I wanted to get the Princess locked down with my charm first. There she is, lying in the pool on a raft and Tom has these silly glove type things on and is rubbing her body all over. I'm certain that she would much rather have my bare hands on her than those gloves, so I jump in the pool making a huge splash as I go in. Dang, did that ever upset some folks!!! Chill out, man. The Crown Jewels tried to take me aside and said he wanted to 'splain a few things that might help me out. He started to say that people are relaxing, chilling out, and that maybe I should chill myself some. I was chilled, heck I still had that braid in my hair from earlier, and my toenails were still red (that reminds me, why doesn't anyone have nail polish remover in this crowd?). I figured he didn't know what he was talking about and he was just jealous of all the attention I was getting.

There's that short dick man song againeveryone turns and laughs and points toward me. What's up with that? They must all like me, seems everyone knows who I am by now. I'm a happy Vinnieerr, a happy storm.   SHIT! Looks like I'm gonna have to wear this friggin' toe nail polish all week long. The cute little Princess explained to me that finger nail polish remover don't work on toes. Who the f**k knew???

Anyway, after massaging her feetsies and getting more admiring glances and smiles from the ladies of the Royal Court (holy cow, a guy can get a swelled 'head' from all this attention ... ya get my drift?) the Princess told me it was getting late and she and the Jewels needed to get ready for dinner. Jesus! We just had lunch! How long does it take to get ready for dinner??? Maybe they're gonna take a nap or somethin'.

I decide to stalk the hot tub to check out the action, and maybe get a little, but everyone seems to have disappeared. There was a staff guy there wearing a gas mask and draining the pool and hot tub, swearing under his breath and muttering to himself "What the hell is that SMELL, mon?"

Damn. I guess there's nothing left to do so I decide to go back to my room to rest before dinner. I'm sure the Queen is saving a seat for me at the royal dais.

After a three-hour nap, in which I dream that I am the center of attention in a 10-babe orgy, I take a shit, shower, and shave (my head, that is), then dress for dinner. I put on a pair of plaid pants, a satin shirt, which I leave open to my navel, and I add at least 10 more gold chains around my neck. My favorite chain has an 18K dildo charm hanging from it. Damn, I look good.

UH-OH! I think I need to put on some more of this Eau de Babe Magnet cologne, the one I got from the Internet. I'm gonna need to impress all the chicks at dinner. Maybe that bodyguard will like it too.

I head down to the dining room and it's not long before I find the Royal dais. Everyone is there: The Queen, the Ice Princess and Ice Prince, the Pampered Princess and her Crown Jewels, the Sunlovers, the Geek, that damn cute Bodyguard ... everyone!

As I approach the table they all cover their noses and mouths again. What the hell is up with that!?!?!? I'm starting to get pissed 'cuz I don't know da meaning of this secret code.

I guess I must have drank too much earlier or somethin' like that 'cuz before I knew it (and before I could stop it) I let loose a humongous rip-roaring fart. Everyone at the table stopped talking and they all looked at me. Finally they all uncovered their noses and took some deep breaths. Diane said, "Thanks, we really, really needed that. There was a terrible odor coming from your direction and that fart smells much, much better, dude!"

Hey, you know what? I'm beginning to think she's a sick puppy. But I still wanna do her.     For some reason there wasn't room to squeeze my chair in at the Queen's table, so I ate alone at the table along side of theirs. After eating, I walked back up to their table when immediately everyone suggested that we all get naked and jump in the prude pool. Sounded cool with me. I just figured they all wanted to see me naked again. We all walked over dropped our clothes and jumped in. I jumped in the deep end and forgot about all my gold chains. I sunk straight to the bottom. I struggled for a few seconds before realizing I couldnt swim with all this gold, so I crawled on all fours to the shallow end where I could stand up and get a breath of air. I still looked good in all my chains though.

I figured that what this group needed was to smoke some more ganja, but no one seemed to have any. I kept asking the folks if they had any pot I could smoke, but they kept rolling their eyes and saying no.

Suddenly Cher starts walking over to me and she's smiling! I knew once she got to know me, she'd be after my hot body too. Let's face it, I'm one studly guy and it's about time that bitch noticed me. Anyways, she comes up and actually offers to go out and find me some smoke. 'Bout time she knew her place. I told her I want a bag of the good stuff and make it snappy. She asked me how much do I normally pay back in Joisey and I told her we get a bag for $200. She asked me for $150 and told me she'd be right back. It took her forever to come back with my smoke. I figured she must have met some other guy and gave him a blowjob along the way. After all, isn't that what all of these women do here...service the guys? Anyways, it took her about 10 minutes to score some weed for me, but she did come through. For $150 I got 2 huge buds that had to have been 18 inches long! WOW!!! What a deal! I guess I misjudged her after all. She really does like me. I know she's gonna do me as soon as we get in the hot tub. When the hell are we gonna get there? Someone says something about going to Veronica's. Hell yeah, I'm up for this! Another chick available for my pleasure. I can't wait to meet this babe. I hope she runs her hot body all over my satin shirt. I bet she has on some of that slutwear stuff too. I know these chicks are all gonna do me on Veronica's bed. It's about time too.   It turns out Veronica's is a friggin' piano bar! We don't have no piano bars in Joisey. We have shore front bars that play loud rock music until your ears bleed. That's what I wanna hear, not this piano guy playing.

Wait a minute! There's a lady on the piano and she's takin' off her clothes. Whoa. This is cool. I gotta get a closer look at this babe, she's so hot. I know when she sees me she's gonna wanna do me too.

I weasel my way through the crowd to get closer to the piano and I see that it is Sunlover Renee! Yeah, she sees me. Maybe I'll let her have that threesome she wanted earlier when she was admiring my dick. Maybe we can get rid of John and invite the Queen and the Princesses instead. Yeah, this is gonna be good.

I wonder if they've finished refilling the damn hot tub yet?   The Queen said that it's time to go to the hot tub and I figured I'd tag along with my new friends. Music was going through my head and it sure wasn't that Dick song. I was struttin' down the path and singing ~* I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy *~ and figured these chicks would rip my clothes off me when we finally get there. Hey, I know that I'm hot and after they got to see me walking like John Travolta in my favorite movie of all time "Saturday Night Fever" to the hot tub, I knew it would just be a matter of time.

We finally get there and the tub is full of couples. No problem for me, as I know these chicks are gonna leave their men once they get a look at me! I made sure and put on an extra splash of my Chick Magnet Cologne so I'm ready for action! Good thing this stuff doesn't wash off in water. I paid $15 for the bottle and I know this expensive stuff is gonna be worth every penny I spent.

I take my time in taking my clothes off since I want to make sure all these gals see what a good dresser I am. I also flex my muscles for them as I worked so hard at the gym. I think those Stacker pills have made my muscles look ripped.

I get in the hot tub and see lots of action going on. Wowsome gal is giving some guy a blowjob. I decided to sit right next to them so she can do me next. She doesn't seem to notice me, so I start playing with her underwater with my toes. Yep, I've got the moves!    Sitting on my other side are the HedoCanucks. They see me playing footsies with the lady and begin chuckling. I smile back, I know she wants me too now. (I heard those Canadians can be hot!) So I says to her, "you gotta problem wit dis?" She sez to me..."no way, mon, by the way. . . nice dick" while smilin' at her hubby - "Denny's put the word out on you", he says to me. See, I knew it! Everyone wants a piece of me. All the guys are envious of "my equipment". I don't know if I brought enough condoms. So who's this Denny guy anyhow? How does he know me? You'd think the guy owns the place or sumptin' the way she was talking 'bout him. I heard she was evil anyhow.

Those Canucks start telling me about this awesome brownie they have back at their place. I ask how much and they tell me, for me nuttin'. Yeah, I'm not gullible, they just want a threesome and using the brownie as an excuse to get me to their pad. I just gotta pace myself here. I ain't stupit. I wanna make this couple beg. Man, I'm just a sex machine!

I keep hearing people calling for this other guy named "Vinnie", and they're all looking in my direction but every time I turn around, he's gone. I'll have to tell him everyone is looking for him.   Anyway, I want to see what these HedoCanucks are all about before I go after their brownies. I get up real close to them just knowing that when they see me, that chick will be all over me! I get within two feet and start staring at her chest - after all, gets the chicks attention in Joisey. Hmm, not working - they must not see me. Well, I get within 6 inches of them and the girl yells "Not close enough?" I knew I had scored - she wanted me closer. So, I zoomed in a bit more. Pretty soon, members of the royal court were picking me up onto their shoulders. WHOO! Could get interesting since in the lead was that HOT bodyguard.

Anyway, they dramatically deposit me on the other side of the tub between four other guys that look just like me! Hey, I KNOW we are in for a real treat now! They go back to the middle of the tub and start whispering and looking over their shoulders. I turn to the guy next to me and say "Hey, dude, great chains! I am Storm whos you?" He answers, "I am Vinnie, nice ta meet ya. Know I'm gonna get lucky tonight! Just look at them!" "You know Vinnie", Storm replies, "they keep callin me Vinnie too! They have been looking for you for days! Must be gettin us mixed up!" The two slap high five. "Vinnie, ya better go over and see what they want! I'll go with ya..."

On the other side of the tub...

All of a sudden something hits me. Not sure if it was the long travel from yesterday, the 32 beers, 12 Mudslides, 4 Landsharks, 6 Purple Rains, 2 jugs of Purplemotherfu***rs, 14 gigantic 'splifs' or that dang brownie, but all of a sudden my knees are feeling weak and my head is spinning. I think maybe I should play hard to get, and see who will chase me if I get out of the hot tub and say I'm going to my room. I'm sure all the women will empty out and want to go with me.

I try to get out, but I can't get my leg that high to make that last step. I need to look suave and debonair but I can't get out of the hot tub without crawling out on all fours. I sit back down on the step to think about this, but I get so confused. My head is spinning, the girls are blurry and I forget my room number. Finally I HAVE to get out of the hot tub and decide my only hope is crawling out on all fours. As I do, I kneel on one of my gold chains and knock my chin on the cement.

Dammit!!! I hope it's not bleeding, as that might turn someone off tomorrow. I finally stand up after several tries and look for my satin shirt and plaid pants. I can't find them anywhere. I bet someone stole them. They probably hope I lose all my clothes, so they can see me naked all day AND night.

I think I better go to my room alone tonight, and decide I'm going to say no to anyone who wants to come along at this point. Tomorrow is the Wet-T Shirt contest and the Magical Mystery Tour and I need to be fresh for both of those. I start to walk away and pause waiting for someone to call my name and ask to go with me. No one does, but someone from the other side of the tub yells, "Goodnight Vinnie". Why do they keep calling me that???

I can't find my room, I can't even find the building. I have to stop and ask a security guard, and he radios up to the front desk to get my room number. I'm lucky I remember my name, I almost told him it was Vinnie Barbarino, not sure why? He directs me to my room and I fall on the bed on top of the covers and don't wake until morning. 

The next morning I put on my best pair of jamms and decide to go get some coffee. I don't remember what happened last night, but I've got a cut on my chin. I must have really turned on a few chicks with my oral techniques and made her have multi-O's. She must have gotten carried away and either scratched me with her nails or slammed her thighs on my chin. Yeah, that must be it!

I head to the dining room and notice that something is hanging from the bridge from H-block to the nude rooms. I see someone here has a sense of humor. There is a blow-up dolly dressed in my plaid pants and satin shirt! I don't know why she's hanging by her neck, but I see that someone put a bandage on her chin. I guess I really put on quite a show in the hot tub last night. Damn, I really am good.

I walk into the dining room and get some coffee and I see Diane. I ask her what time the wet t-shirt contest starts and she busts out laughing. I don't think that is a funny question. I'm looking forward to the chicks grinding on me and I even have a few dollars with my phone number on them to give to the chicks with the biggest tits. I know they'll wanna hook up with me once we get back to Joisey. She tells me to forget about it. How can I forget about it? I've been looking forward to this contest for months! She tells me that it happened yesterday and that I have missed one whole day of my vacation! I figure she is feeding me a line of crap, until I look at the chalk board and see that the PJ party will start at 11:00pm.

I wonder if I can get a refund for all the stuff that I missed yesterday? If nothing else, I should be able to get at least $100 back since I wasn't able to drink my fair share of booze.   It was time to go on the Magical Mystery Tour. Man, this is going to be a scoring session for me just like being a kid back in Joisey, except the whole bus full of chicks will be wanting a piece of me, not just one in the back of my Plymouth.

The buses start loading but, even though there are plenty of seats, I'm told that each are full whenever I try to get in. I think the guys are getting really worried about the effect I'm having on the babes. I'd be worried too if I was themespecially after what must have happened at the hot tub last night if they did that cool thing with hanging my satin shirt and plaid pants. I'm feelin' hot today!!

So I get on a bus and the people around me get new seats at the back. Woohooo!! They're makin' space for me and the babes to get down!!! I hear them talkin' about Vinnie again but I don't see him on the bus. He must be on the other one. Sometimes it sounds like some people don't seem to like him. He was pretty cool when I met him so maybe he wouldn't score with them and they're pissed off.

The first stop on the Magical Mystery Tour was to Margaritaville. We were standing on the beach, and I guess all the chicks wanted to see me get naked again, as they all started stripping and running out into the ocean towards this HUGE trampoline in the water. Ahhh...I get the method to their madness. They want to see me naked AND see me jump up and down on that thing so my Joisey Serpent is waving in the wind. I'm starting to get a little worried that all these chicks want is just to see me naked. Maybe I should back down on that chick magnet cologne. The Internet did have a money back guarantee that the babes wouldn't leave me alone, but ya know, a guy's gotta rest too.

Anyway, since most all the gals were out on the trampoline, I decided I'd stay on the beach and slam down some margaritas...whoo hoo, make it a double and hurry up Mr. Bartender. You know how that tequila can make a guy like me really ready and able to perform. I have a feeling I'm going to need that tonight.

For some reason we all decided to leave this place early, something about someone calling the cops. Maybe they have some female Jamaican cops who have never seen a specimen such as myself. Oh well, I jump back on my bus, even though some wanted me to get on the other bus. I guess they wanted to let all the gals get their fair share of me. At least this group is an equal opportunity group, they want to spread my presence (or spread my presents) around.

Next stop was a shopping mall, something about Time Square or something. These Jamaicans don't have a clue what they are talking about. Have they ever seen Time Square?? They probably read about it in some American magazine and liked the name. Typical, stealing names and such from the East Coast, everyone does that!!

I ended up with the Queen in this one store where they were selling pipes, ganga pipes to be exact. They had naked Rasta men and women. The Queen was showing me how to put them all in various sexual positions. I told her that I wanted to put them on my coffee table at home, like they are suppose to be there. I told her that I would take a picture of my coffee table before my trip to Hedo and one after to put in this report. We needed to find the perfect two pipes that would fit together in a good position. I know she is so hot for me, she almost can't keep her hands off of me. The proof was when she asked me where I got my jamm shorts. She said they were kinda long since they went past my knees. I guess she wanted to see more of my legs. Gee, the Queen sure does know a lot of positions. I tried to pretend that I knew about all those she was making with the pipes, but I had to go write a few of them down, so I didn't forget when we got back. I know once she gets her chance at me, she might want me to try a couple of them. Actually, a couple of them looked kind of fun, wonder why I'd not tried them yet?? I played along with her, and I know I fooled her that I'd seen and done all of them many, many times before. She finally picked the two that matched the best and I bought them. The girl behind the counter was really getting a kick out of our shenanagins and was laughing her butt off. I'm sure it was cuz she'd never seen someone as fun as me. She did cover her nose a couple of times, kinda like the folks at Hedo do sometimes. Maybe it's the Jamaican air that does that. I'm going to have to ask someone next time they do it.

OK, now the buses are honking and it's time to move on. This time my bus INSISTS I get on the other bus. Not sure why, except as before, they want me to grace my presence with everyone. I'm such a giving guy, it's ok with me. Down the road to Rick's we go.

We get to Ricks and so I figure I can get a quick BJ from that HedoCanucks chick at this stop but she tells me to go take a flying leap off the cliff. Man, this is soooo easy...there's a cliff right there to dive from and that's all I have to do and she'll do me.

I do a high-five with that guy she's with but he's pretty pissed about that Vinnie guy since all he did was mutter "fricking Vinnie" and walk away shaking his head. I was thinking of giving him some pointers but then hey, why should I leaves more hot chicks for me!!!

I get to the cliff and she points to the tree with the red cloth way up high. "Jump from there" she says. Hmmm, this is some sort of BJ "quality" thing so I'll just jump from the really low cliff for a quickie here rather than the high one...I don't want to spend *that* much time with her...I'll never get rid of her once I unleash the Joisey Serpent!!! She was always trying to get me to block the sun from her with my dick by getting me to stand in front when I was talking to them and Sunlovers on the beach. Pretty schizoid though, 'cuz she'd then say "get the f*** out of the way" and make some hand motion to Delroy or Scumba and then that "Short Dick Man" song would come on again. It's so weird how the babes all point and gather around me when that song comes on. But I digress....

So I jump off the little tiny cliff and go up to get my "payment" but everyone is gone. Wow, that must have turned them on cuz the buses were pulling out and everyone was naked. Cool, the Storm Babe Magnet is back on the bus.

Who knows what will happen now?   The bus stopped at a place called Jennys to get some brownies. I was talking to Nancy, the winner of the Wet T-Shirt contest. (Damn, I still cant believe I missed a whole day) This lady would have loved to shake her booty for me. Anyways, she told me the brownies were pretty good, but they were not very strong, sos I decided to get 2. I ate about 1?2 of one on the way back to Hedo. Looks like I got on the wrong bus everyone on the other bus was wearing towels that said Lucky Bastards. Besides my bus sure seemed to be moving back and forth a lot by the time we made it back to Hedo. I almost forgot to pick up the rest of my brownies when I got off the bus.

Everyone told me to take it easy when eatin' this cake cuz it could kick my ass. Yeah, right. What a buncha dopes. They told me to only eat a little piece and save the rest for later and to share with other people. They said it wouldn't affect me right away, that it would take an hour or so.

I don't know what kind of fool they think I am but I ate the whole friggin' brownie in four bites and I laughed at those idiots that said I was gonna get sick. Friggin' idiots. I don't feel like anything.

Everybody piles back on the bus and we head back to Hedo. It's already dark and.... what the f**k ... I feel a little weird. Must have been something I drank at Rick's cuz I feel like ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Whoa, what happened? I must have dozed off.   I feel like Im a kid again and I have just gotten off of the spinney top thing at the fair as I stumble off the bus.

What is up with this place? I know it must be the bodyguards trying to get me f***ed up and out of the action, since all their chicks want me! Anyway, we get into the lobby and that damn song starts to play again. Well, I had to prove that song wrong and show everyone that there was no small dick HERE. The new people at check in are looking at me with pure fear in their eyes as I remove my extra long shorts in the lobby. Man, that dude is just scared that his chick will leave him for this and she looks scared cause she doesn't know how she is going to handle a guy like me!

As I stumble to my room to change for PJ night, someone yells to me   

"Don't forget to set your alarm this time". Gee, good advice, I'd sure not want to miss this PJ party that I've heard so much about. I did fall asleep for a while, but my alarm rang about 10pm and I woke feeling brand new. Good thing too, cuz I brought a special pair of jammies for tonight. They are flannel and have a 'passage' into the back end that will drop down; I think someone called them Dr. Dentons. I also brought these really cool elephant fuzzy slippers that I found at www.dork.com. I'm going to really look hot, hot, hot in this outfit. I got the iron and ironing board out, so it wouldn't look like I'd traveled in my PJ's and ironed them so nice and crisp...dang it, just a small burn on the crotch area, they will probably think I burned it with my massive member. Anyway, I put them on, gee these are kinda hot, I wonder what everyone else will be wearing, probably cotton jammies, I bet NO ONE thought of bringing these types. The girls are going to go crazy when they see how my back door will drop down. I opened the door to my room, and WOWthere was this one couple walking down the path with all kinds of leather and chains onhe even has her on a leash. He probably heard about me, and has to restrain her so she doesn't try and rape me at the party. I guess that is nice of him. Ooops, almost forgot my extra special pheromone scent just for tonight. It says on the bottle that it drives the women crazy. I splash it on, and then add some more to my drop down drawer, just to attract their attention and head out to the disco to find all my new friends. As I walk up to the door, I see Tom in a see-thru nightie and Cher with boxers and a purple strap-on! I knew there was something wrong with these two from the beginning. I thought she was a bitch, but I see that she really wants to be a guy. Hmmm, maybe she is a lesbian but I can't figure out that Tom guy. I know I can make her want guys again after she has a piece of the Joisey Serpent.

Then, I see a dude dressed as Santa with his wife dressed as his helper. They are tossing condoms to folks and I figure I might as well get some as I'm gonna need them this week. Instead, they toss me a candy cane and told me I wasn't bad enough to get a condom.

I see the chick that won the wet t-shirt contest and her friends. They are wearing latex paint and blinkie lights. What's up with that? Paint is not pajamas!

And what's up with the geek in the propeller hat? He's got on an over the shoulder thong. Doesn't he know that outfit is made for a chick, not a dude. Something is really wrong with these folks.   Then I see that the HedoCanucks chick isn't there at the PJ party. Man, the Joisey Serpent must have scared her off or that guy she was with must have known she would've attacked me if I was anywhere near!! What a weird place all these babes with no self control when it comes to me, but I finally figured out why they're not doing me they ALREADY DID!!!

It wasn't the drinks at Ricks those gals put some of that date-rape stuff in my drink!!! When I passed out they must've poured into my room and had their evil, hedo way with me. No wonder I woke up with a hard Serpent and a smile on my face. These babes know how to party!!! Also explains why everyone is smiling at me...woooohooo!!! Who's the MAN??

I wonder if Vinnie is having as much fun as me? I just wish I could remember more of it. I had my video camera all set up in the room to tape any of the action with the Hedo-chicks but never even considered they'd use that date-rape stuff on me so I couldn't even turn it on. Oh well, at least *I* know what happened so I can tell Guido and Guiseppe back home.

After the PJ party I'm heading down to the hot tub cuz I know what's gonna happen there tonight (and I'm gonna watch my drink closer so I can remember to turn the video camera on).   Man, I can't believe my friggin' eyes here. Look at all those t**ties!! My boyz back in Joisey would just be flippin out. We don't have bars like dis at home.

Man, what a great idea throwin' out those condoms! But I got them beat. I'm gonna get all these chicks that want to do me to cum live in Joisey so any time I wanna get it, all I gotta do is call. Let their guys tag along too I don't mind teachin' them a thing or two. I'm gonna take the highest scoring apps first. Hey, I gots standards, ya know? Besides, I can't be everywhere at once and somebody's gotta keep the ladies happy when I'm too busy! I know NOBODY thought of this! Hey baby first cum first serve.

Here youse go Storm says as he hands to Diane

Name:

Address:

Cell Phone:

Pager:

Measurements: (don't lie, I will check) :

Hair Color: (don't lie, you KNOW where I will check) :

Eye Color:

Age of first sexual experience:

Birth Control Method: (Yes, it is your responsibility. The world could not handle another STORM):

Would you like to invite your man to watch so he can learn a thing or two from the Master? Circle One: Yes / No

Please read the following disclaimer and sign below:

I promise that if I am selected I will be available 24/7 to Storm. I will clean his house, hand wash his "delicates" and perform any other duties that should arise.

Signed,

Your name here :

Diane takes one look at this application, opens her mouth to say something and is rendered speechless.

Diane, speechless?? I bet that's never happened to her before, must be my bulging muscles that is doing it to her.

Cher picks up the application and decides to have some fun with it.

Please fill out all information below.

Name: ANNA NICOLE SMITH

Address: Hollywood

Cell Phone: 169-IMA-SLUT

Pager: 169-IMCHEAP

Measurements: (don't lie, I will check) 54-48-68

Hair Color: (don't lie, you KNOW where I will check) BLONDE

Eye Color: BLUE

Age of first sexual experience: 13

Birth Control Method: (Yes, it is your responsibility. The world could not handle another STORM): SWALLOW

Would you like to invite your man to watch so he can learn a thing or two from the Master? Yes / No My man is dead, but I do have his ashes in my bedroom

Please read the following disclaimer and sign below:

I promise that if I am selected I will be available 24/7 to Storm. I will clean his house, hand wash his "delicates" and perform any other duties that should arise.

Signed: Anna Nicole Smith

Soon Diane tells me she needs to talk to me for a bit (I knew she'd cave eventually) and I suggest we go to my room. She says "no, it's ok, we can talk here." She sits me down and tells me that I'm acting like a Vinnie. I beam, as that Vinnie guy was way cool. She explains that all the girls aren't dying to do me and that all that perfume that I'm wearing is making some people sick. She gives me back the application I just handed her and it's empty. She tells me to lose all the gold chains. She tells me I could learn some lessons from that guy on the beach with the geek propeller hat. To just watch him, he's always just chilling out.

I think she's probably out of her mind, but I listen and decide maybe I should go ask a few others if she's right. I look around for Cher and Tom and the Pampered Princess and her Jewels, but can't find any of them. Finally out on the beach I see John and Renee and the Canuck folks sitting there with the geek in the hat. I decide to go and ask their opinion.

Heading in their direction, I wonder What if this is true? Could these people be so out of touch with reality? Don't they know how things work?

Confidently, I swagger up and I see them talking to another single fella who seems to have achieved cult status by entering (and winning) almost every Hedo-event, winning untold amounts of Tia Maria & Coconut Rum B*B!!

As my competitive single-guy urges take over, I realize I am in a battle unlike any other the chance to take part in a sordid FIVE-SOME with SunLovers and HedoCanucks!!! The babes want me, the lame-ass guys they are with know that I'm the only one that can satisfy the chicks...this is all so obvious.

But how, how, how do I make them realize that it's ME and not B*B that is the prize? Forgetting, for a moment, the sage advice given by Diane, I have an epiphany I now know what I must do!!!

Totally oblivious to the threat posed by the geek-in-the-hat, that master crooner of Veronica's, the man with the biggest cigar on the beach I instead focus solely on B*B, for he is obviously their current object of desire. With lightning fast reflexes, keenly honed by years of training the Joisey Serpent, my instincts take over I am no longer the thinking man I am The Beast, summoning up eons of primitive urges. I AM THE HUNTER. Let some other poor bastard be the gatherer. I see my prey and it *will* be mine, ALL mine.

Beating my hairy chest and letting out a roar summoned from deep within, I leap into action... and right then the Geek slowly gets up from his lounge chair rising above everyone reaching full height. He takes one giant step onto the sand path, puts his hand out and says, "STOP"! I look around to see who he's talking to and say, "youse talkin' to me ?"

"Yeah", says the Geek, Let me put it so you understand git over heeeyar". Canucks & Sunlovers are huddled now, whispering to each other. The other guy talking to them just runs away shaking like a fig leaf.

The Geek says to me "Let me ask you something. Who do you think you are???"

I look around again. "I dunno Vinnie?"

No, says the Wise Geek. You are Storm.

Now I'm really confused. I thought I was Vinnie.

"No, no come here and sit down" says the Geek.

I said to him, Me, hang with a Geek? I don't think I should."

Sighing, the Geek quietly says, "See, I knew you wouldn't understand".

We sit down and the Geek proceeds to tell me all about himself. I found he really wasn't a Geek after all, it was a name dubbed by the Queen because he was so wise. "But, I thought The Geek stopped me short. "I know what you thought, because you thought to have a good time, you had to be Vinnie. You've been in the Bizzaro world of Vinnies."

I sat there looking at the Wise Geek, looking beyond to see where his lounge chair was. Come to think of it, he always had people around him. Those Sunlovers, Canucks, the Pampered Princess and the Crown Jewels, come to think of it, Superman and even the Queen were over there at any given time always laughing and having a great time.

"But that hat! It has a propeller on it!"

"Ah yes", smiled the Geek, The hat, it was a very special gift. You see, the people I have made friends with and who talk to me see beyond the hat, beyond the name. Those possessing that special ability are the REAL people you are friends with. Remember, you are in Jamaica, mon and you've had a LOT of ganga. Things aren't always what they seem. (Did I really have that much Ganja??) You've had everything you've ever needed to be friends with people here. You've had it all the time. Its the One Thing you've always had."

I looked at the Wise Geek, feeling a sort of kinship. Gazing out on to the ocean I started to think, The One Thing I've always had it?" I turn towards the Geek and he was gone! I've got to find him! What's the One Thing?   I jump up from the lounge chair in search of the Wise Geek. I should be able to spot that propeller hat from any distance, but he's nowhere to be seen. I ask a couple of the others if they've seen him, but they are all too busy happily laughing and playing with all their new found friends in the pool. I move to cool tub, same thing there, they are all laughing and hugging with each other. Maybe he's in the middle of that crowd in the hot tub, I will go check. Nope, those folks are all just huddled around one gal giving there an all over massage. Where could he have disappeared to so quickly?

What could it be...what have I had all along?? I've always had my heart, my brain and my soul, but I don't think the wise man was meaning any of those.

Someone passes me a big ole ganga stick and I say, "No, I'm going to pass, I'm in search of the Wise Geek".

Somehow I know I have to find the answer. I look all up and down the beach, I've done that a lot this week, but this time seems different. I move a bit slower, and see more people. I notice how beautiful the ocean and the mountains in the background are. I watch as the clouds move effortlessly across the sky. I see the smiles on everyone's faces. I hear the laughter, I smell the salt water. Now what could that wise man be meaning????

I think about the One Thing as I continue my search for the Wise Geek. "Boy, that sunset is really pretty, wonder why I haven't noticed it before?"

I really start to look around and notice the people. Everyone is smiling and chatting away. No one is wearing the big gold chains like me. Everyone also seems to ask before they touch someone. Hmmm.

I am just so confused. Everyone loved me on the message boards before the trip . . . Wait! Could that be? I quickly rush over to the lobby (putting on a towel this time) to check www.Dennyp.com and looked at my past posts.

"Let's see...I asked about people, responded to posts directed to me, asked WWW's opinions, respected WWWs opinions... That's it! Respect! Has to be!

I immediately run to my room and pull off my gold chains. I quickly take a shower and I take that Internet cologne and throw it in the trashcan. "No, I better dump that in the dumpster myself" I think as I pick up the cologne and head out the door.   Heading toward the nude pool, I think about this. That's all it takes? The Wise Geek's words rang strong and true in my mind. I feel a strength welling up within me. As I pass people, I become the Storm that I really am. I smile and say Hi and they do the same. This is strange. No one is whispering or referring to me as Vinnie. I hear the Big Bamboo song coming on as I approach the nude side. Why did it never play before? All I ever heard was that strange "short dick man" song. I don't see the Wise Geek in his lounge chair but when I say hi to his neighbors, Mrs. HedoCanucks offers to put some suntan lotion on my back. I chat with Mr. HedoCanucks and Sunlovers and they chat back. Diane walks by and asks if I was would be going diving tomorrow and reminds me about dinner at The Rock House. I remember what Tom and Cherbunny are drinking and stop to drop off drinks for them as they lounge by Roberts Grill, and I talk to them for a while.

Why is everyone acting different? Have I found some sort of alternate Hedo universe??? All of a sudden everyone is more interesting. My mind is clear and I have found a new purpose.     Now I'm sure the wise man was trying to tell me just be myself. Act as I usually do with no expectations and no agenda. Treat everyone with respect the way that I did on the board and the way that I do at home. Damn those Internet ads! Almost ruined my vacation! But there is still plenty of time to connect with the WWW's that I enjoyed chatting with so much. I see Steve and Sabrina and ask, "What day is it today?" Sabrina replies, "It's Wednesday, Storm. And by the way, we are glad to finally meet YOU!" I thank Sabrina and start to walk away. Sabrina yells out "Hey, what are you doing for dinner? A bunch of us are getting together tonight and there is always room for one more!" Wow, my first dinner invitation! I adjust my WWW hat and tell them that I would love to join them.

Steve, Sabrina and I start to head toward Pastafaris where our reservation for six people has turned into an entire restaurant take-over. Everyone seems to be there the HedoCanucks, John and Renee, the Pampered Princess and her Jewels, Cher and Tom, TexJohn and Nancy, Partymon and Nancy, Jim and Nissa, Bruce and DJ, Dennis Superman, Joyce and Dieter, Brian and Deb, Frank, Bernie and Elaine, Rupe and Patty, Charlie, TWayne and Thea, and there at the end of the long table is the Queen and the Wise Geek. There is a seat next to the Wise Geek and I ask if I might sit down next to him. He politely obliges. I figure I might get a chance to get a few more pieces of wisdom from him during dinner.

Gee, all the women in this group look wonderful tonight, and I tell those sitting near me how great they look. Again, I notice how everyone is smiling and happy. We have a very leisurely dinner, which I don't even mind. I'm really enjoying getting to know everyone and once in a while the Wise Man (hes no longer a Geek) throws a bit of wisdom to me. He says that in order to get respect, I have to give respect. I never thought about it that way before. I don't want this dinner to ever end. Unfortunately, about two and a half hours later it does, and everyone wants to go listen to the Wise Man croon at Veronica's again. Well...everyone except DJ (she threatens she's going to yank that microphone out of his hands if he sings).

We all head over towards Veronica's and Dave, the guy at the piano says to me "So this is the asshole I have been hearing about?" Uh, oh just when I started to make some progress. Diane yells out, "No Dave, Storm is now in his transition period. A new front is moving in!"

Dave laughs and says, "Get up here! It is the ladies turn now! I have a little song I would like to play in your honor called Piece by Piece."

I look around to my friends, trying to figure out what Dave is talking about. Everyone says to go for it.

I head to the middle of the room, and Dave insists I mount the piano and so do my new found friends. He starts playing Piece by Piece. At least it isn't "Short Dick Man". I'm encouraged to strip. I have an odd feeling of bashfulness I can't shake. Another time I would have relished this situation, but now I'm shy.

I try my best to get past my insecurities and do the strip on the piano. The entire bar erupts with cheers. When I get down, buck naked, I'm getting high fives from all the guys and big hugs from all the ladies. Damn! This is a great place. I hear a couple of the ladies remark about "the big bamboo" and they look at ME and wink! Damn! I really am in Heaven.

The next morning, I'm scheduled for the 9:30 dive. I get there early and help the dive masters get all the equipment on board. They keep saying they can do it, but they do appreciate the help. These guys work their tails off, and they've been so nice to me this week, it's the least I can do. They load all the tanks as well as the BC's and regulators. I notice that they aren't asking me to stand back and they are really friendly with me. Their smiles can't be beat either. It's about time to take off, and we aren't as full as we were in the beginning of the week. The dive masters say it's cuz people party too much, and then they blow off the diving. Diane is there, and she says that is what she always used to do also. So far, she hasn't missed a day of diving though, and she's been partying and having a good time.

Soon everyone is overboard, and the diving is great. One of the dive masters sees a nurse shark and he points it out to all of us. Pretty cool. They keep trying to get him to come out, but he is nestled into part of the coral and is more afraid of us than we are of him.

Pretty soon we are all back on board and heading back to Hedo. Wow, I think to myself, this has really been a great trip. It's been a LOT better these past couple of days than the first 3 or 4 were. Wonder what is different?? The boat driver is singing his heart out from above and everyone is smiling and having fun. I can't keep myself from smiling as I think about last night.

When we get back to shore, I help all the guys unload the tanks. Even though they have a cart to carry them back in, it's still uphill and it's a heavy load. They do so much for everyone, it's the least I can do. I bid goodbye to my fellow divers, push the cart up the hill, and head back down the beach with the reggae playing in my head, and my feet moving a bit slower than 5 days ago.

As I get further down the beach, I see Cher and Tom and a bunch of the others, and I stop at Delroys and pick them all up a drink. We all get in the pool, I hand out all the drinks I could carry and I can't remember a happier day in my life.

All of a sudden Tom & Cher shout "Body Shots" and someone breaks out a bunch of shots. I notice that Vinnie fella that I met when I first arrived and he was bothering one of the ladies. Wow, I can't believe how he moved in like a shark when her husband got out of the hot tub! I eased over and started talking to her, giving a quick wink when Vinnie moved away. She thanked me, flashed a big smile and said, "Wow, I wish all the single guys were like you!!" Then she grabbed the shot glass from my hand, poured it over her chest and said "How about a body shot?"

I must first ask you young lady.... are you Royalty??? Because if not, I must make sure that my Royal Ladies are well taken of before I can taste the riches of your bounty. Just as I am ready turn away, Cher and Diane look at me and yell get out of the way you fool, if you won't lick her we certainly will. Out of the corner of my eye I notice that Jim is slowly creeping towards me with Nissa on one arm and a gallon jug in the other. I begin to tremble not only because Nissa is a hottie, but I am now afraid of the 6'2", 250lb, intoxicated, husband that is about to make me get as drunk as he is with that concoction he is carrying.

But just as I think all hope is lost I see Dave right behind Jim and his jug. Well, Dave grabbed the jug from Jim and took a huge swig! He decided it was not quite right so he heads for the bar with the jug to see if he can get them to fix the flavor to just right before he makes me try some. One hour and many swigs later, Dave decides it is just right! I take one shot of it as someone announces it is volleyball time. Saved by the whistle! Dave decides to just "rest his eyes for a minute." I wonder if I should warn him about what I read in "the book" about passing out or falling asleep poolside. Nah...he is not a newbie, he must know the risks. I am going to go play volleyball. I love the Hedo cheerleaders and the Sand Girl, too.

Dave assures me he will save me a drink from Jim's jug, as it is something not to be missed. When I get back he will give me some more advice on "how to make work for you", though I am slowly getting this Hedo thing figured out. I will take all the vet input I can get.

Oh SH-T! Daves fingers AND toenails are painted RED and Scumba has autographed his arm! Maybe I SHOULD be afraid of Jim and Dave and that jug of whatever.

Dave comes out of his comatose state and gets the photo shoot done for the WWW Women of 2003 Calendar. He gets 13 women for 12 months. Maybe he is not a bad guy after all.

There's no place like Home there's no place like Home there's no place like Home

Huh? All of a sudden I feel someone shaking me and I hear my name Storm, Storm." I try to open my eyes, but all I see are nekkid boobies that are kinda blurry. My head is killing me and I still can't focus. I feel cold water being poured over my body and I wonder Where am I? Have I died and gone to Heaven? These must be angels but they never told me in church that the angels were nekkid!

Finally, my eyes are focused but I don't recognize anyone. Wait. I think I see Diane. I recognize her from the pics on Denny's site. Wow, I think I see Cher and Renee. Wait a minute, isn't that Sabrina and Michelle? What are these people doing here nekkid? Where the hell am I? We don't have palm trees in New Jersey! I look down and about freaked out. Oh my God, I'm nekkid too!

Hazel asks me if I'm all right and I ask her what day it is. She yelled out to the group of folks (who are also nekkid) in the pool "Does anyone know what day it is?" Someone yells back that it's Wednesday afternoon, but no one has a watch so I don't know what time it is. I asked Hazel, Where am I? Hazel looks at me with a smile on her face and says, "Welcome to Hedo, Sparky."

I sat up in the beach chair, looked around some more and saw the smiles on everyone's face. The fog starts to clear, and I try to figure out what has happened to me the last couple of days. Diane told me that I had eaten 2 brownies from Jenny's after the Magical Mystery Tour and said that I told her I didn't get off on them. Well, that explains everything!

I told the ladies that I had the strangest dream imaginable. The ladies all sat down around me and asked me what the dream was about. I told them I had seen myself in plaid pants and gold chains. I don't even own plaid pants! I said I dreamed that everyone ignored me, gave me dirty looks, and laughed at me. I also had dreams of learning the facts of Hedo from a guy in a propeller hat. It was the worst nightmare I've ever had! The girls just laughed and said, "Storm, we told you those brownies were potent!"

I looked at all the smiling faces and then the guys came around to the edge of the pool and chimed in "Welcome to the party, Storm. We are glad you can make it!" This is all so strange. I guess I've been in a drug-induced coma with the strange dreams I've had. I've gotta stay away from those brownies.

Well, at least I have 5 more days of my vacation left. Diane said it was a good thing that I finally woke up as I must partake in the Virgin Initiation Rites, dinner at the Rock House, the nude catamaran cruises and be her dive partner. She had to find someone else to dive with for the last couple of days while I was in a stupor.

Cher came up to me and handed me a grilled ham and cheese and a Screwdriver. "Here ya go, Storm. You need some nourishment to make it through this trip." She smiled at me and I thanked her. God, I was hungry! As I ate the best sandwich of my life, I asked if my name was Vinnie. The ladies broke out in laughter and told me I was not a Vinnie. I asked if there was a cut on my chin, and they laughed even harder. I asked if there is a song about a short dick man and they said they haven't heard that CD since the trip started and wondered what happened to it. I asked Diane if she had a burly bodyguard, and she laughed even harder and said she sometimes wished she had an escort for dinner.

Wow...that must have been some dream I had! I am so glad none of that stuff happened as I don't think I could ever show my face to these people again. My sandwich was finished, my drink tasted oh-so-good, and I was hot and in need of the pool. Tom yelled at me to join him in giving the ladies massages as he could use an extra pair of hands, so I told him I would be honored. The ladies were jumping up and down, yelling who would go first, who was next, and so on. I am so glad to finally be at Hedo with the best bunch of folks ever! This has been a vacation I've been dreaming about for over a year now. I can't wait to compare this resort to Hedo III as my sister went there a year ago.

OK, time for me to get off this chair and join my friends in the pool. Wait a second why are my toenails painted red?

Anyways, thanks everyone for making my virgin trip to Hedo with the WWW folks the best vacation of my life. I can't wait to see you all again next December.

Hugs and Kisses~

Storm