Jeff & Jenny

My name is Jeff (33) and along with my wife Jenny (29) of six years we ventured to HEDO III the last week of September. We have previously been to Ciboney in Ocho Rios, Sandals Royal Jamaican in Mo Bay and on a Carnival Cruise to the southern Caribbean. Although we enjoyed those vacations, we were looking for something with a little more party atmosphere, a little more excitement. We are not nudist or swingers, but we are not prudes either. I think our biggest fear of HEDO was the reputation of HEDO itself. Being professionals, Jenny would not even tell her co-workers where we were going, and I was very selective on who I told. So with a little nervousness, anticipation and excitement we took the plunge. I can tell you this, on the second night we were there, as I stood naked in the middle of the nude tub at 4:00 am singing Kid Rock at the top of my lungs, Purple Rain in hand, I made the decision to NEVER go anywhere else!!!!

I will not give you a blow by blow, day by day recount of our trip. Primarily because I can't remember everything and secondly because some of the things I do remember have been sworn to secrecy ("What happens on the mile.....says on the mile!") But I will give you a synopsis of certain aspects of the resort in an effort to help you plan or decide to take the best trip of your life. Warning you now, I write like I talk...a lot!

Transportation: Yada...Yada...Yada... Flight info should not really be a part of a trip report because it has nothing to do with the resort. But seems that some like to hear about it. So we flew AA via RDU via MIA to MBJ. No problems either way. What you do need to know is what to expect after you clear customs. Everyone who touches your bag expects a tip. The guy who goes to get you Red Stripes wants a tip. The guy who opens your Red Stripes wants a tip. I tipped them all including my bus driver. Bring lots of ones, I dropped around $40 which included 8 Red Stripes and 2 Corona's. The bus ride does suck. I think they must of passed a law in Jamaica outlawing ALL shock absorbers on vehicles. My suggestion is to buy a couple of Red Stripes (see above) and treat it like an amusement ride. We made two stops along the way to Runaway Bay, the first to reload on Red Stripes, the second to get rid of our Red Stripes. Total time was 1 hour 40 minutes. Take the time to meet the people on the bus and take in the scenic Jamaican countryside. (Goat, cow, shack, goat, cow, shack) The ride back to the airport always sucks (was only 1 hour though)

Check In: As reported we had to wait for our room, as none were available when we checked in at 1:30pm. (I was told that the day we checked in the resort was at 100% capacity due to the annual Miss Black Nude contest they were having that night.) Thanks for the suggestion to bring a suit in our carry on bag. We changed, took a quick tour around the grounds (Looks MUCH bigger on the map, place is not big at all) and hung around the main bar waiting for our room. Checked back every half hour or so and was in our room by 3:00. Some people we met throughout the week said they waited longer, some people said they did not wait at all.

Rooms: Rooms were nice, but not spectacular. Which is fine by us because if you are in your room for more than sleeping, bathing, dressing or some nookie, you are in your room too much. Bed was comfortable, dresser and closet were ample and the bathroom was nice. Best things about the rooms are the air conditions w/ remote, a tub (w/ jets) that is big enough for two and mirrors on the ceiling (although a little distorted depending on which way you lay). Stations on the satellite are minimal, as far as Jenny knows we only got two stations, ESPN & Playboy! We ended up with a Pool Front room (lucked out w/ a double upgrade) which was nice only for the reason that within 5 seconds of waking up in the morning (afternoon) I could be in the pool drinking a Bloody. (Renella who works the quad bar is Awesome and makes the best Bloody's and Purple Rains on the resort!!!!)

Bars: Speaking of bars....since I spent a LOT of my time there, I should be able to give you a good opinion of them.
Main Bar: Has the most selection of Premium Brands and the most bartenders. Bartenders were adequate, with the EXCEPTION of Gregory and GG. Along with Renella, these three are the best bartenders on the resort. Biggest problem with the main bar was bar-rot. They really need to hose the place out more. Some nights the stench was so bad it was uncomfortable to be around. Mostly dead during the day, busiest before, during and after dinner.
Nude Bar: Most nights we had David and he was off and on, because of lack of sun and abundance of rain only made it over during the day twice. When we were there, as reported, Nola was great!!! Besides the disco, only place to get a drink in the wee hours of the morning. Definitely the best place to get involved with body shots!!!! (Never thought of drinking from there before!) Busiest bar day and night!
Quad Bar: Open from 10:00 to 5:00. Should be open longer, and they close when it rains. As I said earlier, Renella is the shit! Needed to be open late night as a bunch of us commanded the Hot Tub a couple of nights from the nude side (See Pools & Tubs). When we did this David (Nude Bar) was nice enough to mix many drinks and loan us a milk crate for transportation. Best place during the day if you just want to chill out.
Piano & Disco Bars: Found it hard to get a drink in the Piano Bar, usually only one bartender and lots of people. Bartenders in the Disco were good. Neither makes blended drinks.
All in all the service and drinks were great. One more thing, big insulated cup, BAD IDEA! In theory it will save you trips to the bar, but in reality all you do is drink more. I have a feeling that when SuperClubs gets their bar bill for September they are in for a shock!

Food: Contrary to what I have read, we really enjoyed the food. As far as we were concerned, was just as good or better than Sandals or Ciboney.
Scotch Bonnet: Best place to get Jerk Chicken or Pork and authentic Jamaican food. Go Wednesday @ 6:00pm and watch the cruise ships leave Ocho Rios at sunset..awesome!
Main Dining Room: For buffet, not bad. Different theme every night from Jamaican to American to French. Had grilled lobster one night that was divine. Stay away from the goat. Good omelet bar in the mornings and pasta bar for lunch.
Pastafari: Had dinner there twice and it was excellent. Probably the best place to eat at the resort. Menu changed from the two times we were there with a variety of dishes. They do serve dishes without pasta. Scallops are awesome, try the pizza appetizer and ask them to leave the bottle of wine.
Munahana: I know everyone has his or her opinion (certainly I do) but the person who wrote that Munahana was "at best, good Chinese" was on crack. Granted it is not top scale Japanese, but the food is good! Seven coarse meal including salad, soup, sushi (not the best, but hey you are in Jamaica), tempura, fried rice, veggies and either/and/or fish, chicken and steak. Topped off with some green tea ice cream. MAKE sure to ask for Ashley as your chef, if you are lucky you might get serenaded after dinner. Both times we ate there he was awesome. Also great place to meet other people from the resort as they sit you eight to a table.

Pools, Tubs and Beaches: There are three pools on the resort, all which seem to parallel bar activity. Main pool mostly deserted 24/7. In fact there is really nowhere to lay out around the main pool. Few people hang out and volleyball seemed to happen frequently. The pool table in the pool is really nothing more than a novelty. Never went in the hot tub there but it is open to the pool so I cant imagine it was warm at all. Main beach had moderate activity and plenty of beach chairs. As I said earlier, quad pool is a good place to hang out for a quiet afternoon. Hot tub here had the most constant temperature throughout the week. As I said a couple of nights large groups of people abandoned the nude tub because temps were just better at the quad. Got to witness/officiate a Superman/Muff diving relay race at the quad one night...quite entertaining. Nude pool always seemed to be happening even in the rain. People just crammed at the bar or in the grotto. Nude beach was small but nice and also moderately populated. Nude tub is the biggest and most comfortable in the resort, but because of the amount of people in and out all day long, temperature always seemed to be on the low side. You WILL see (and if wanted, participate) a lot of crazy shit here. Defiantly the best place to watch the sun come up! Beaches are kinda weak, think I only swam in the ocean twice. Spent most of my time (weather permitting) either at the nude or quad pools. Other hot tub is half way up the stairs on the way to the disco/water slide. Relatively small, but seemed used frequently as people seemed to take a dip after a waterslide run. Speaking of the slide....it is fun and fast, but will beat the shit out of you. I found the best way to go down was head first. (Although my wife enjoyed riding bare back on top of firemen, hey Mark!) Oh, and NAKED is the only way to go, should be a requirement!

Nightlife/Themes: As far as we could tell the only heavily attended nights were PJ and Toga night. Bare as you dare was participated by some (mostly of the female persuasion which was fine by me) as was masquerade. PJ night was cool and the disco was packed. MAKE sure you enter from the front as if you don't you will not be entered in any of the contests. Outfits were from very tame to very wild. Lots to see if you are into that sorta thing. If you think you are dressed to wild, you're not! Toga night was a bit of a disappointment for me. The thing that pissed me off (was not really pissed) was that the "No sheet, No eat" policy was not enforced. I can understand if people do not want to participate, but by the time we got there, in full toga sans undies, there was nowhere to sit. Half of the place was filled with non toga wearin mf'ers. So, if you aint going to dress, stay they hell away!!! My buddy Mr. Daniels calmed me down and I went on to have a fine time. Did not win any of the contests, but came in a close second a couple of times.

Staff: The staff at Hedo is awesome. With the exception of a few (I'm sure they were just having bad days as we all do) they are the most unbelievable people in the world. From what I heard they do not make much, but they work their asses off. The entertainment staff goes out of their way to get people involved in all sorts of crazy and stupid activities. Peewee was definitely our favorite. This boy works his ass off 16 hours a day, six days a week, but by his attitude you could never tell that he works that much. The first day we were there, as we were waiting for our room in the main pool, Peewee comes strolling by. He stops, looks at us, and only in PeeWee's voice belts "Neeeewwwww people, follow me...it's time for naked ring toss. Next thing you know we are over on the nude beach throwing rings at rum bottles. Peewee sat and had dinner with us one night; I was so impressed by him. Sad, but he will be leaving in December to move to the states, so if you get the opportunity to meet him you will be blessed!

Overall: Hedo was definitely the best trip Jen and I have ever taken as a couple, for that matter it's the best trip I have ever taken. (That includes four Spring Breaks to Mazatlan (3) and South Padre Island and four other cruises.) It is kinda hard to explain, I do not think you can, but the place was magical to us. Some parts are very distinct in my memory while other are very surreal. I can't seem to get the words down on paper, lets just say it was AWESOME!!!! So for those of you on the fence, just go, you won't regret it. For those who have been you know what I mean. We are already planning our next trip for the early spring. One good thing that came from all the crappy weather that we had, we received a voucher for four free nights. If you find yourself there in the next few months...PLEASE say hi to PeeWee, GG, Gregory and Renella from Jeff, the big ol' hairy redneck from North Carolina...they'll know what you mean. Also want to say hi to Patrick, (Patrick if you are reading this please send me an e-mail...man you were a blast...Whip em!) Chris, Amy, Dale, Mark, Lee, Holly (Thanks girl!), Craig, Kevin, Debbie, Andy, Chrisy, Matt, Frank, Teresa, Amber, Ed, Big Red, Jeff, Ian, Shelly, Kim, Deb, Nikki and Jackie. Would like to thank you all (and all of the others we met) for a wonderful time.

Would like to leave you with one last funny story. As we were sitting in MBJ airport waiting to go home two couples were sitting next to us. One of the guys (who was wearing a Sandals shirt) saw that I was wearing a HEDO III shirt and asked me how it was. I told him we had a great time and that it was pretty wild. He said that Sandals was real dead and kept prodding me for info. He turned to his wife and said very excitedly, "See, I told you we should have gone there, that sounds awesome. We should go there next year!" See looked back at him and simply said "NO!" That was basically the end of the conversation. Jen and I were laughing our asses off all the way home!

Jeff & Jenny - 09/00