Phinmanís trip to Desire June 12th - 22nd , 2004
Writerís note: This is the opinion and observations of Phinman (Paul), and not necessarily of Patty. This is a very long and detailed account of our trip. If long reports bore you then please donít start reading this one. At no point will I use the real names of anyone in this trip report.
As I am sure most couples do, you plan and plan and plan some more for your vacations. In the case of an adult vacation like this one we began our countdown at about 17 weeks before the vacation. We read and read about the ups and downs of the resort. We joined several boards to include www.desireresort.com, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Desireresort - Desire, Bonzoís jacuzzi Monkeys, our own board, and a few others. We met many couples through just a few e-mails, board discussions, web chats, and finally web cam chats. I really felt we were prepared for anything, or so at least I thought.
Planning 101 - The Flight
Patty is a great planner. She should be, as that is her full time job, for a trade association. She got us ready in every way with the outfits to wear, medicines in case of anything, and sexy clothes for the costume nights. She booked us on a red-eye flight out of Denver so that we could be naked on the beach by 7 A.M. Prior to our trip, our older two daughters were already out of town with their father. We dropped off our youngest daughter and our Sheltie with one of my co-workers and headed off to the Denver International Airport (DIA) at about 8:30 P.M. on Friday June 11, 2004. For those of you that want as little hassle as possible flying out of DIA, do it at night. The place was pretty quiet. Our scheduled departure time was supposed to be 12:20 A.M. Once we arrived at the departure gate, the departure time changed to 12:30 A.M., but the boarding process didnít happen until 1 A.M. By 1:20, the captain started to announce that we were cleared to leave and all the power in the plane went out. I mean he was cut off in mid sentence. For about 10 seconds, it was completely dark. The announcement was made that there would be a delay of about 90 to 120 minutes while they procured the needed part. Glass half full, at least the power outage happened while sitting at the gate and not in the air. Patty was already sleeping when they announced you could leave the plane during the repairs and I wasnít going to wake her. At about 3:30 A.M., we did take off for Cancun. The flight was pretty smooth right up until our arrival into the Cancun area. Looking out the window over Cancun, the one thing we did not plan for was happening, a monsoon. I mean this wasnít just a little rain, it was hurricane-like. We cleared customs pretty quickly as our plane was the only one arriving that time of the morning. By 8 A.M., we had found our driver inside the lobby of the airport. I was impressed that he was even at the airport, since we were over two hours delayed. He helped us with our bags and he was really pleasant. He assured us that it would be sunny for our vacation. I did not expect to have to tell anyone to turn down the air-conditioning, but we did just that with the driver in the van. We were the only couple in the van and he had us at our resort in about 35 minutes.
Finally at Desire
Since we did arrive so early in the morning, we of course did not have a room. We left our bags with the bellman and proceeded to the hut that is just outside the front entrance to the resort. It was raining buckets by this time. All our visions of sleeping peacefully on the beach in the nude, of course, were dashed. As is the custom at Desire, most couples are dead asleep so early in the morning, having partied until the wee hours of the morning. I was already soaked and we were both cold from being wet. The firm breeze and the constant rain was not what I had in mind. Slowly but surely, some couples began to stir and we mingled with them as they sought refuge under the same hut with us. There are some chairs and couches under this hut and we all sat around and talked, read, and kept ordering drinks from the bar in that area. Our first drinks were the Desire specials. I canít tell you exactly what is in them, except for rum, coconut, and they are blue. We had many of these during our ten day trip. My personal favorite though is the dirty bananas. Many of the bartenders called them monkey shit, but I really fell in love with these on our previous trips to Jamaica. After awhile, we finally met a couple we knew from our time on the previously mentioned web board called the Bonzoís jacuzzi Monkeys. One of the Bonzo couples came into the hut and we talked and discussed all their adventures with the group. Patty and I were at the tail end of the Bonzo group trip. They were there from June 8th to 13th, while we only arrived on the 12th. This is when we found out that it had been raining like this since Thursday, and now it was Saturday. Of all the things we did to get ready, we forgot to look at the weather. Glass half full, I am really kind of glad I didnít because I would have been depressed. The entertainment staff arranged for some food up in the disco and Patty and I wandered up here to get a bite. It wasnít much, but we were very hungry.
The First Room
As the morning turned into afternoon, Patty would dodge the raindrops and see if our room had been cleaned. We had been assigned room 2004. At least three trips by Patty, and still it was not ready. We met more couples and had more drinks. Even with the wet and cold I was naked except for a beach towel. Finally, our room was ready and Patty asked the lady at the front desk to tell the bellman to deliver our bags. I will note that we were not treated with champagne or greeted like we had read on so many posts. Glass half full, I hate champagne, no big deal. We went to our room (room 2004 - Ocean Front ground floor) and waited. Thirty minutes passed and still no luggage. Again Patty went to the front desk and asked for our bags. 50 minutes passed and still no luggage. At the one-hour point Patty and I were done waiting. Naked or not I was going to get our luggage. We went to the bellmanís closet and got them to open the door and we dragged our bags ourselves. Mario (the resort manager) saw what was happening and tried to intercede but other than helping us we were determined to finally get settled. Patty and I hate living out of suitcases and so we spent about 30 minutes putting everything away. We hung clothes on the hangers, put away folded items in drawers, organized all our bathroom essentials, and made the room look presentable. This room had a king bed and a full size L-shaped leather couch, closets, and a dresser. Knowing that the beds at Desire were going to be hard, we brought along a king size egg-crate to put under our sheets. We put that on the bed and proceeded back to meet the couples we had met on the boards, and were so curious to meet in person. It was still raining, and one of the Bonzo couples had a Passion Suite that was above the room we were originally in. The Passion Suite has a huge jacuzzi, DVD player, king size bed and full leather sofa. They invited us and a few other couples up to their suite. We watched some porn on their DVD as the porn that is broadcast at the resort is really bad and it is repeated over and over all the time. Some of us climbed into the jacuzzi. Others started watching a regular DVD they brought. Some drinking and then a little action started. The action in the room was beginning to heat up then someone started saying something funny and I guess it killed the mood, because all the action stopped. Unfortunately, Patty and I missed all the Thursday, Friday rainy day games in this room. They told us about their 16 hand massages that they had done, among other things. During our conversation we were told that in September 2003 the building where our room was located had flooded. We remembered this little fact and acted on it later. The Bonzo leaders had scheduled a fair well dinner in the buffet, but only a few of the actual Bonzo couples showed up. I believe a big part of that was the way everyone was separated by the heavy rains. The rains continued and Patty started thinking about what was said earlier on flooding. All throughout Desire, there are winding paths of concrete that is about 3 to 5 inches in height. The paths were now covered with water. So Patty and I walked back over to our room and what we found was not a pretty sight. The room was flooded from the front door all the way to the bathroom. The adjoining room has a locked adjoining door and the water was coming in under that door also. The only place not under water was the where the bed was. At least we hadnít left our bags on the floor. Pattyís shoes were on the floor of the closet and they were wet. Now this was not the worst part. As we got to the bathroom there was sewage backing up out of the shower. Not a pretty sight or smell. Glass half full, we had done a good job of unpacking and almost everything was off the floor to include our suitcases. We started to furiously gather up anything that was on the floor and move onto furniture. We looked into the room next door and these people were not home. There room was worse than ours with sewage all over the room and their luggage was just covered. We went back to the front desk and requested another room and some assistance in moving. Now keep in mind, we had no rain gear or umbrellas. All I could think about was how I was supposed to be free from worry and stress and all I was doing was work. Glass half full, I still had 10 days of vacation ahead of me.
Room Number Two - The Closet
The resort was pretty booked when we arrived and the only room they could give us was on the back side of the building next to us. I donít remember the room number, but since they donít rent it, donít worry. This room, for the lack of a better word, was a closet. No, it actually wasnít a closet, but in comparison to our other rooms before and after it seemed like one. So if you hear the stories of a couple that was put in a closet, it was us. This is a room that is not rented out. It has no phone, no A/C, no TV remote, and was about one-fourth the size of our first room. It did have hot water and it wasnít under water. Now in some trip reports on Yahoo, and www.DesireResort.com you may have heard complaints about the showers. For the most part, you wonít here that out of us. In fact, the showers were the best part of the rooms at Desire. I mean real water pressure like it used to be in the United States before low-volume showers and toilets. The water was hot no matter how long you showered. Yes, the water sprays on the floor. We put down towels, no big deal. I mean everything was wet even when the rains stopped. We live in Colorado where water is a scarce commodity. This was never an issue with us. Now the fun part of the move! Keep in mind we are still getting torrential downpours, and outside of this second floor room up an L-shaped staircase is this room. Above the first landing is a pipe that drains the rainwater from the top of this building. Now this pipe pours directly onto this staircase, not over the staircase, but onto the staircase. To maneuver around this spout of water, you had to pick a side. Go left and you might get lucky, or go right and the wind might shift the pour all over you. I had to move all the bags myself. They did not assist and they wouldnít even lend us an umbrella. On more than one occasion, I guessed wrong and the drain spout just drenched me. If you have ever been on one of the roaring rapids rides at Disney or any theme park and you were the person that was on the side of the boat that was under the waterfall of water, then you know what this staircase was like. Now I was so mad at this point, if I had trip insurance I probably would have left the resort right then. We got in the room and took showers. I cooled my jets and told Patty we could put our disco lingerie night clothes in a zip lock bag, and go over to the lobby naked. Now they donít want you in the lobby naked, but we really had no choice. The lobby has an indoor staircase that goes to the disco, and that is exactly what we did. We put our towels and the baggy in the corner next to the computer desk and got dressed. Glass half full, we had a great time drinking and watching all the couples dance and have a great time. Now we donít dance, but it is fun to be in that atmosphere. Then we found the playroom.
Desire - A Lifestyles Resort
Now remember we are still on our first day of the trip. Only about fourteen hours have passed since we arrived at Desire. In my opinion Patty is pretty hot looking and her lingerie outfit spoke volumes. If you didnít know already, Desire is a Lifestyles resort. What this means in laymenís terms is a place for swingers or couples that swap partners for sex, or explore their voyueristic or exhibitionist fantasies, or simply take in the sexual environment. Patty would tell me that men were approaching her, touching her and basically hitting on her. For both of us this was new territory. We had discussed the possibility of doing this for the first time, but not in too much detail. Mostly we wanted to make sure that each of us would not be hurt or offended when and if this did happen. I was somewhat reserved in the beginning just to make sure Patty would be okay with this choice. The evening progressed and one of the couples we knew from the Bonzo board asked us to join them in the playroom. Now we had heard about the playroom, but we didnít know where is was up to this point. They told us we could come watch, or watch and participate. Patty is not into women and up until now, it really doesnít do anything for me to see woman on woman action. I know some men find this to be a turn-on, but I am not one of them. In discussions on our boards, Patty had said that she would experiment but this was not part of the swinging lifestyle she was going to pursue on her own. One of the Bonzo couples were the ones that showed us where the playroom was behind the disco. A third couple was also there with us from that same group. Each of the individual couples started their own play individually, with no swapping involved. Exhibitionism was new for us also. If you have ever had fantasies to fulfill, well I just about exhausted all of mine on this trip. Patty and I had some of the best sex we have ever had in the playroom that evening, and that was before the fun even started. When I had finished, the first couple were still working it and they invited Patty to get involved. She did something I never thought I would see as she started touching both of them. Before it was over Patty, another lady and the first couple all were involved together touching while the first couple finished. It was cool as I was done for the evening and watching is about all I could still do. That evening ended most pleasantly.
Equipment and Titties
I do have to make one comment about equipment. I read lots of stories on the internet and how all these men say they are 8, 9, and 10 inches. At the same time sexperts claim that the average male is 6 inches. Now I am in that category. After ten days at Desire all the guys that make up the above average category were at Desire. I mean we saw some that were at least 12 to 14 inches, and one guy that was at least 8 inches around. Scared the shit out of Patty. Now I donít get too worked up over this, cause there is nothing I can do about it, and Patty married me well after we had been to bed one hundred times. I guess if she wanted Mandingo, she would not have said "I do" to me. Many of the women at Desire had boob jobs. Patty and I always watch the skin flicks on Cinemax and HBO and decide if they are real or not. I can tell you that neither of us find the fixed boobies to be more attractive than the natural ones. My personal preference is the natural ones, as I got to touch both kinds while at Desire. The fixed ones are just too much like touching plastic. Now donít get me wrong I wonít turn down any offer to touch, fondle, squeeze, lick, or suck on "any" titties. Again this is my opinion, you are welcome to disagree with me.
Day Two - Room Number Three - June 13th
The first day was an eventful one. By now you probably think I hate the place, and you would be "DEAD WRONG." In fact when we were done making love in the playroom the night before I whispered to Patty "Forget what I said in the closet, I love this place!" First thing in the morning, oh about 10 A.M. we made it to the breakfast buffet. Now in my opinion, this is the best meal at Desire. If I missed this meal, which closes at 11 A.M., I would be very bummed. They had eggs from the griddle any way you wanted, freshly cut fruit of every variety, bacon, croissants, multiple flavors of yogurt, many juices, potatoes of all kinds, and many other things I never even tried. I gained 10 pounds on this trip and it was all at the breakfast bar. Okay, maybe the drinks also. After breakfast we made the move again from "the closet" to room 2203. Again, we moved our bags without aide from the resort staff. We put everything back into suitcases and made the move one building over and back on the beachfront. Things were looking up, or so I thought. Again, we had a king size bed and we put our egg crate under the sheets, and unpacked our clothes and such. We said goodbye to many of the remaining couples from the Bonzo jacuzzi Monkeys group between 11 A.M. and 2 P.M. Late in the afternoon, we heard that the rooftop jacuzzi was open and we wanted to finally see this as it had been closed the entire time we had been at Desire. Since it had been raining, for almost four days the jacuzzi water was just warm, but warmer than the air when you are wet. As the sun finally broke through the clouds at about 4:30 P.M. all the people in the jacuzzi stood up and cheered and gave thanks to the sun God. It was oh so brief, but the light at the end of the tunnel was visible. We retired to our new room after the events of the day to get ready for some dinner. Patty went into the bathroom and flipped the light switch and two bulbs blew. I flipped the light switch on in the bedroom and it blew and the TV would not come on. Patty started the shower and there was never any hot water. We waited over ten minutes but no hot water. In each of the other rooms hot water was instant. We called for some assistance and they came and replaced the bulbs. The man came and I tried to explain about the lack of hot water and he told us to turn on the cold water in the sink. It got a little warm, but by no means hot. We tolerated this for this evening and went and had a good time. I said "they are just going to have to fix these things, I am not going to move again!" Now I donít remember what the theme was for Sunday night, but it got Patty fired up and she broke out the sexy clothes. The rains continued but we continued to drink, watch and be watched in the playroom.
Day Three - And the Sun Came Out - Room Number Four - June 14th
Monday started out different with something we had not seen since Denver, blue sky. All the continued rain made it kind of cold not to have clothes on. Now that didnít stop me, but still an equator vacation is supposed to be hot. To coin a phrase from Good Morning Vietnam, "Damn Hot!" Again, with the cold shower and off to breakfast. Before one of the couples left the ladies, to include Patty had to model their Wicked Weasels for a photo shoot. So you say what is a Wicked Weasel? Well, these are thong bikinis and lingerie that you can only get from an Australian website. Each of these ladies had them and we did a photo shoot on the pier. We got lots of photos. For you ladies that are or were wearing the full size bathing suits at Desire, they look like diapers. Ditch them in favor of a sexy little wicked weasel. We plan to compile the best shots and submit them to the company to put some on their web pages, because they have a competition. More of the Bonzo couples left before this day was through. On this day we scheduled our reef snorkeling trip. The cost is $25 per person to take the snorkeling boat out to the reef. Now the reef is only about 300 to 400 yards off the Desire beach, but you must pay the Mexican surcharge to go near it or they can put you in jail. So we paid the money and we went snorkeling. Patty and I had purchased some nice snorkel gear in the US and took a lesson just prior to coming. In my opinion, it paid off well, even though we had snorkeled previously with resort supplied gear. Other couples complained that the snorkeling was difficult and they tired easy. Neither of us found it hard at all. I credit the nice gear and the lesson. We saw lots of fish and we did it in the nude. The snorkel boat only takes out 8 people at a time. As for our no electric, no hot water room, we could make the best of it, ask for them to fix the room or move again. We were going to wait for them to fix it, but we knew that if it was not fixable, then a large contingent of couples would come in and we would be stuck with a room that just didnít have the basics. Also, the water dripped from the ceiling in the bathroom down into the electrical plug. When you pushed the light switch you got a shock. I went and spoke with Mario first thing in the morning. I checked again two hours later and still nothing had changed. Three more hours and again nothing had been started. After, I let Patty relax at the pool and I went and made the decision to move rooms. Mario sent a steward with two different room keys from building 25. Building 25 is the last beach front building of the property. The first room on the first floor, 2505 had no hot water, but the electricity worked. So I had him show me the other room. Room 2512 on the second floor was guaranteed not to flood and it had all the basics. So I moved everything before Patty knew we moved. I put everything away to surprise her. She finally came looking for me just as I was about done moving everything. That ended up being our final resting place at Desire, so to speak. On this day, we also used our extra French restaurant ticket we received for our troubles moving room to room. We did this at 6:30 P.M. I recommend that if you go to either this restaurant or the Mexican restaurant, get the earliest reservation time. In either case, you will be there for about two hours. It was lazy Monday at the Disco and Patty really tied one on. She started doing Kamikaze shots. Now when you think of shots in a normal American bar, they bring you shot glasses, but not here. Pretty much right off a tall, young handsome guy was getting close to Patty. We would later swap with this couple, but that is another story. Patty was doing drinking glass shots and she was plastered in no time. She must have done about 10 or 12 vodka drinking glass shots. At this point we had been trying to work out the details to do our first swap with a couple not in the Bonzo group. Patty got so drunk she was on fire and dragged me to the playroom. Patty and I and a few other Bonzo couples started getting it on separately in the playroom. Something just wasnít right with Patty, and I just could not do this to or with her in her condition. So I picked her up, dressed her and walked her out of the disco. On the way back to our room she puked two or three times. I just knew it was not right. I put her to bed and she was snoring in seconds. I wasnít really tired and I went up to the rooftop jacuzzi to let the other couple know nothing was going to happen that night. I only stayed in the jacuzzi for a little while as several couples were starting to get it on there and I was not going to be labeled a "Vinnie." The reason we came to Desire over Hedo was that it was for couples only. No Vinnies like at Hedo. This night was over and I went back to the room.
Day Four - Tour of a Mexican Hospital- June 15th
The beautiful sunny days were upon us now and it began to get much warmer. This was alright with me, and what I came to feel in Desire. A pattern was starting to develop in our rituals of the day. Shower, breakfast, sunning on the beach. One of the Bonzo couples left had told us that they were planning a trip into Cancun. Since they were bi-lingual and they had a relative of a friend living in Cancun, we could tag along for the ride. They were bringing some pictures to this relative of a co-worker. This person picked us up and gave us great tour of the new and old Cancun areas. He dropped us off for dinner at an authentic Mexican Restaurant in Centro called El Tacolotte. The food was really good. We walked the shopping district and then returned where this gentleman and his wife greeted us. He took us back to Desire after a lovely evening. Since it was this couplesí anniversary, they went off by themselves and Patty and I planned to hook up with the other couple we met a couple of days before, but the best laid plans (bad choice of words) donít always work out. Patty and I went to the disco and found this couple and we watched and talked for a few minutes, then I winked at them as we left the disco. Patty and I stripped, gathered our beach towels and headed for the rooftop jacuzzi. There werenít too many couples up there at this time. Patty and I climbed into the jacuzzi. I had left our towels on a table that was uncovered, and it started to rain. Patty suggested that I move our things under the cover. Now, we had read so many trip reports where someone gets hurt in the jacuzzi area all the time. I stepped out of the jacuzzi, down the stairs and onto the marble tile. The next thing I knew I was on the floor. My head hit the marble really hard, with my left arm pinned very awkwardly against the left side of my body. I could hear Patty yelling at me to get up, but I just couldnít use my left arm to push myself up. My head was throbbing, and my left wrist was just shooting pain into my fingers. I remember crying some, throwing up all over my feet, and being helped back to our room by several people. I later learned that the couple we were waiting for were coming up the rooftop stairs just as I hit the floor and they had helped me up. The Desire Resort on duty manager assisted me to my room. They called for the on duty doctor. The doctor came some 20 or 30 minutes later as he lived in Cancun. I asked Patty to get the bi-lingual Bonzo couple to assist in the translation. Now some of the Desire resort staff speak English, but many phrases and nuances of our language just donít come across correctly. At the time, I did not remember it was their anniversary or I would not have asked Patty to get them. Even though this was an all-inclusive resort, paid for prior to coming we brought about $400 dollars with us, and damn good thing. The other couple translated that we had to pay the doctor $120 in cash. The resort did not pay this for us. In America, a good lawyer and I would have owned the place. In Mexico, just a hiccup. This doctor suggested I go to the hospital. This is what we wanted no-matter what the doctor said. I needed to know if my wrist was broken, skull fracture, or broken ribs. He essentially became a $120 one-way taxi to Cancun. Now a taxi to Cancun only costs $25, but this guy drove down to tell me what I knew I was going to do anyway. They got us in his car and he delivered us to a Cancun hospital. Glass half full, the care here was excellent. Unlike a US hospital emergency room, where you might be seen two or more hours after arrival unless you have lost two to three pints of blood, I was seen right away. The doctor spoke some English, while the nurses spoke none. Ironically, the billing clerk was very fluent. A few x-rays that were negative, intravenous pain killer and anti-inflamatory, and a $560 dollar bill on my MasterCard, we were on our way back to Desire. This cab ride was only $25 dollars. I was in a lot of pain at this point and my wrist and ribs are still my biggest problem one full week later. My head is fine, by I am still having trouble breathing at times. That was how our fourth day at Desire ended.
Day Five - Let the Swinging Begin - June 16th
The pain was still evident, but I paid too much for this trip to stop me from having fun. No broken bones, but I was still very sore. Sunny days and relaxing was the order of the day. Our Bonzo friends wanted to go to Playa del Carmen, but I just was not up to it. Patty and I stayed behind. When they returned, they gave us a negative report about the place and we were glad we did not go. Morning rolled into afternoon and then into the early evening. We collected our towels and odds and ends from the beach and returned to our room. We spent most of our time at the beach. Living in Colorado, we are a long way from any beach. Pools we can see, waves and surf not so much. Neither Patty nor I were much into the pool activities. Now donít get me wrong, Sara and all the entertainment coordinators do a fantastic job, but we came for the serenity, sand, and surf. Nothing special about dinner at the buffet and we got dressed for the disco. I think this was one of the nights where they put a sheet up between the two dancing poles in the disco and played one of the NBA finals games using their rear projection television. The game was broadcast on TNT. Very interesting listening to play-by-play in Spanish. Tonight was also the night the the first swap couple finally caught up with us for our first encounter at swinging. During this same evening we also started getting close to another couple, which would later be our second swap experience. For me, I spied her when we were coming back across the beach front area and I knew we would probably hit it off. While she was really hot, he reminded me so much of Pattyís dad, it just wasnít funny. I mean (she doesnít want to hear this) they could be brothers in their mannerisms, phrases, and just general bullshit. We did stop and talk to them near our room and they acknowledged that they were swingers and sent out some feelers on us. I told Patty walking away that I thought she was really nice. The first couple an us all left the disco and made our way to the rooftop jacuzzi. This was also the night of the jacuzzi toga party. No one knew how they were going to do this. We went up to the jacuzzi and found out the entertainment coordinators were dressing all the guests in the togas. We sat and talked and loosened up for awhile there and decided what, when, and where. The decision was made to meet with them in their room. They are experienced, or at least more experienced at this than we were. I mean they had rules and conditions. We just came along for the ride, so to speak. We played some parlor games and got to know each other, then we paired off on their queen size bed. Personally, I think it is a little too close in proximity to another couple, and especially my own spouse. We made the best of it and had a pretty good time. After about an hour, we left and went back to our room. Now I was just a little too drunk for the event, and I had some difficulties that first time, but that is another story. From here on out, the days just keep getting faster and faster.
Day Six - Door closes and another door opens - June 17th
We had a blast hanging out with the Bonzo couple whose trip was fast approaching an end. We were sad to see them leave. More sun, sand, and surf. I played through the pain and I went snorkeling, kayaking, and just got into the experience. We scheduled our remaining two special dinner nights and I persuaded Mario to give us a complimentary couples massage. It was a short one, 25 minutes, but it was worth it. We ate at the buffet that evening and our second swap couple were eating with two other couples. I donít know how many times she and I made eye contact, but it was plenty. Before the evening was over, we were in the disco and then on to the rooftop jacuzzi. He approached me and asked if we wanted to go over to the playroom. I confided in Patty and she said, "letís go." Unlike our encounter with the other couple the night before, this one was just a little chit chat, before the main event. We were the only couples in the playroom, and there were no clean towels. We asked the staff that was in the disco if they could get us some towels. Only a few minutes later, we had plenty of towels. She came over to me and Patty and him were on the sofa closest to the wall adjoining the disco bar. I donít know how long this went on, but it was fun. I know she and I had a great time. At some point they discovered a little peep hole in the wall to the disco bar. This hole is into the liquor cabinet. I guess the staff have to have some fun while they are working. We talked for a little while and then headed off to our separate rooms. Their building was right next to ours and we walked and talked.
Day Seven - Credit Card Hold- June 18th
The days are just flying by now. At this point we have never called home, as our cell phones would not work. Even though we did all the things that Verizon told us to do prior to arriving in Mexico. Something to think about when going on vacation out of the country, tell your bank and your credit card companies you are leaving the country. Be sure to get all the non-800 numbers so you will have a number in case you do lose your card. They will not be monitoring your credit card if you tell them you are going out of the country. In just a few days, we had used our Mastercard a couple of times, to include the $560 charge at the hospital. When we tried to make some phone calls from the room, the bank and Mastercard put our cards on fraud hold. Now we couldnít use our cards, nor our cell phones. Pattyís corporate AT&T card would not work at Desire. We saw other guests using phones that had Verizon. They told us what we needed to do. By the way, 1-800 numbers cannot be dialed from Desire, so if you are having these problems and all their numbers for customer support are 1-800 then you are fucked. Patty and I went to the internet in the lobby, ($5 dollars for a half-hour), searched our bank for a non 1-800 number, and MasterCard for the same thing. We made sure there wasnít any fraud charges on our bank and credit cards. Three contacts to Verizon on our cell phones, (*611) and we finally found a competent customer service person. The previous two claimed they had fixed it and everything was fine, but it never was. The third guy explained to the letter what was needed and in just a few minutes we were able to call our daughters and the bank and credit card company to clear our cards. Side note: the phone calls we made to US operators that went nowhere cost us over $100 on our room bill and over $200 on our Visa debit card. Another lovely day on the beach and the time sails by. Our Mexican restaurant reservation is for this evening at 7 P.M. We arrive promptly at 7 P.M. One thing to remember in Mexico, the clock is a piece of jewelry and nothing more. Appointments are for losers, donít get in a hurry there. At 7:15 P.M., they finally seat us. Again, we make the first reservation of the evening, knowing that these meals are going to take a long time. And yes it did. Patty loves Mexican and she pretty much enjoyed the entire meal, although don't expect enchiladas, tacos, beans, or rice. We ordered two different steak entrees. I didnít like mine and Patty did, so we traded. It was about two hours before we completely finished this meal, and we were very glad we had the 7 P.M. reservation. The disco plans were changed by the resort the two days before and they had a beach party for this evening. They came around to every room and put a piece of paper under your door explaining the change in plans. Our new fun couple and us found some lounge chairs so we could watch and participate. Another couple we had communicated with over the internet was also sitting close by. They all pretty much danced on the beach that night. Again, Patty and I are not dancers, but we have fun watching. He suggested we get this party stared and we headed off down the beach towards our rooms. Patty wanted to know what the plans were for this evening, I suggested what our other couple had called a closed swap. This, they described was where Patty and her partner went to one room while I and my partner went to another. That is what we did. It took us a little longer then they did. While we were still finishing, one of the hotel stewards was passing around another change notice of events and Patty watched him watch us through our door window while I was still finishing. Patty scared the crap out of the guy and he moved. While the evening was fun for me, Patty was a little uncomfortable with the closed swap. We found out that the first swap couples idea of discussing the swap parameters isn't so bad. Patty says they finished earlier than we did and they weren't comfy with not having discussed time limits.
Day Eight - Ahoy Matey- June 19th
Nothing too eventful during this day except I managed to persuade Patty to have a little playtime on the beach. Cross another fantasy off the list. For this evening, we went on a Pirate adventure dinner cruise with one of our swap couples and one other couple. This is one of the events you can arrange with the events coordinator, Ricardo. He hangs out pretty much at the towel exchange hut next to the nude pool. The cost of the transportation and the cruise was $88 dollars US, per person. Now you had to pay $14 of that in cash up front. We kind of figured out later that the $14 was the transportation part and you paid the rest at the entrance to the cruise. So for Patty and I, it came to $148 for this dinner cruise. Now, the cruise is fun and entertaining and it includes a great lobster/steak dinner, and all the drinks you can drink. The show is pretty good, but our three couples just about didnít see the show as we were cutting up and really making our own entertainment. To sum it up, we will all remember the phrase, "Just for that, I ainít blowiní the midget!" I was a little tired after this evening, and I even fell asleep in the van ride home. I do remember that we had a couple in the van from another resort. I am pretty sure the wife was a little scared of us, but the husband probably wished he was staying at Desire.
Day Nine - Blue Bay Getaway - June 20th
On our ninth day, two other couples and ourselves decided to do a little shopping in Cancun. We had read that if you were a guest of Desire, you also had privileges at Blue Bay Getaway in Cancun. First thing in the morning before breakfast, I asked the female desk clerk this very question. She told me that it was not true. Neither Patty nor I believed her, and we waited for Mario to come in at 9 A.M. After a nice breakfast, we asked Mario the same question, telling him we wanted to maybe snorkel, shower off, eat, and store our belongings while we shopped in Cancun. He called Blue Bay and said yes, no problem. He even told us how to get around on the buses, who to see at Blue Bay for assistance. In any case, if you are a guest of Desire, you are welcome at Blue Bay Getaway. The same group from the night before all shared two taxies at $25 per cab from Desire to Cancun. Guys in one and girls in the other one. We viewed Blue Bay and it has a pitiful beach, if you can call it that. I decided against the snorkeling as it was no better than what we had at Desire. So we stored our things with the concierge and got on some buses to the shopping area. We all bought gifts for our friends and relatives, and a few things for ourselves. Patty got a silver bracelet at the Blue Bay gift shop. I got a funny "Penis" tee shirt and a nice Cancun hat in what most resembles any tee shirt shop at any beach resort in the US. One funny thing to note about this store was that even though it looks like any store in the US it is subdivided by the employees. When you pick up merchandise in one are and try to take it with you, they stop you as if you were going to shoplift. They write up a ticket and then you can take it with you. Even if you maybe donít intend on purchasing one or more of the items. We went back to Blue Bay and had some lunch just as if we were still at Desire. Then one of the ladies got a henna tattoo on her lower back. Just before we were going to leave the lady that did the tattoo told me she could do my Dolphins team logo from right off my shirt. In case you didnít know me, I am about the biggest Miami Dolphins football fan that doesnít live in Florida, hence the moniker PHIN(man). Since Patty had the cash I told her and she said go for it. I did and it is still on my left arm. I am thinking about a real tattoo of the Dolphinsí logo with all the colors. We caught our taxies back to Desire with all of our booty. Sunday evenings at the Desire buffet is oriental night. It is by far the best dinner meal in the buffet. I can honestly say this because we were there for two Sundays. Now a large group had come in on Friday and the place was packed. I mean we had to wait in line just to get into the buffet. No seconds on this night, it was just too crowded. After dinner our swap couple and us made a short trip to the disco and then off to the jacuzzi and the beds. We had a fun time on the beds, and I crossed off some more of my fantasies. This was their last night at Desire, even though they pretty much had more than half a day left before leaving Monday afternoon.
Day Ten - Not quite Over - June 21st
I was really getting used to our routine. Patty and I took a nude walk down the beach off the property, past two other resorts. Well they werenít exactly resorts. They were resorts that were started but never finished. For the most part they appeared abandoned. As we started walking back to large dogs, of which one was a pit bull came out onto the beach in front of us. We made a bee-line into the water. I figured if they we going to attack we stood a better chance in the water. At least we could swim out to where they would be more vulnerable. A few minutes of this and then someone whistled them back. We never saw who whistled. We hurried back to our resort, and only minutes behind us were to automatic weapons armed Mexican military patrolling the beach. We were using less and less sun screen. I failed to mention that on the day before I kind of got some sun burn on an important piece of equipment. It made the jacuzzi bed playtime kind of difficult. We spent part of the afternoon at pool side. This is something we did little of for most of our vacation. Now I brought my Backgammon board, and my Cribbage board with me, but since Patty plays neither, they never were used. But on this afternoon I saw one of our cruise couples playing cribbage. I told them I played and they invited me to join in. He and I played three games. At least I did get to play, even if it wasnít on my board. Now I had brought some sexy cards to play with my cribbage board, but they were never opened. Our swap couple left in the early afternoon and we saw them off at the entrance. They are one of several couples that I believe we will continue to keep in contact with, both by e-mail and in person. At 6:30 P.M., we used our last Il Piacere reservation. The dinner was just as good as the first time and I had two glasses of wine. Wine really does me in. We went back to the room and I just could not stay awake. I know that on a couple of occasions, I heard couples laughing at our door, and a rainstorm blew through. The next morning all the seaweed was gone that had been in the surf the whole time we had been at Desire.
Day Eleven - Time to go Home - June 22nd
Since I retired early the night before, I awoke very early. At 5:30 A.M., I was up and taking some photos. Since no one else was up, I could take photos and no nude guests were anywhere to be found. I got shots of the jacuzzi area, nude pool, and the whole beach area. When Patty awoke, we got some great shots of her on the beach. I mean I got about 10 or 12 nude provocative poses of her in the surf. We had another nice breakfast and I used this day to give out tip money to many of the staff we had encountered who made our trip pleasant. They were very appreciative of the tips. I had brought lots of 1's and 5's for this very reason. I even gave some to the poor man that every single day would clean up the seaweed off the beach. All he had was a garden rake, trash bags, and his hands. I know Patty and I commented almost every single day that all they need is an ATV with an attachment to rake the beach and it would only take about 30 minutes. We saw it done at a hotel in Ft. Lauderdale last fall. We also went to the front desk to ask Mario if we could get a bellman to come and get our packed bags at noon for checkout. He asked us when our van would arrive. We told him at 2 P.M. He said we could stay in our room until 1:30 P.M. That worked out real nice. Now, I was able to get a little beach afternoon delight before we got ready to go. It was real nice too. The check out was pretty easy and the van driver was right on time. We got through customs with little fan-fare, and then had to wait for the plane about 90 minutes.
What would I change?
Desire really needs to do something about the flooding issues in some of the rooms. I know they go through this every hurricane season. They need to do something about the slippery floors at the jacuzzi and on the balconies of the buildings. The food could be better at times. It is not awful, but it could be better. I know they are going to put CD players and add 24 hour room service. This will be nice. Better and different porn on the channel 32. Give that seaweed guy some real equipment to clean the beach. Change the beach towel policy. That was the biggest headache, having to make sure we had 4 beach towels. Since the beach towels are the same color as the room towels they are hard to keep up with. On at least one occasion the maids took our beach towels and replaced them with bathroom towels. This is fine except you are held accountable for having four beach towels.
With all the things that went wrong, and my trip to the hospital, I still had a fabulous time at Desire. I got everything I desired and then some on this trip. 10 days is wonderful, I just donít know how anyone could do less than 10 days. It was an awesome feeling knowing we had so many days to enjoy this vacation. I know we watched many couples come and go, even during the time we had already been at Desire. We were sad though to have missed out on much of the Bonzo group fun.