What Newbies to Hedonism II Need to Know

Copyright © 1998, 1999. Chris Santilli. Reprinted with permission. For more information about the book, see www.wordcrafting.com/hedobook.stm.

Most questions about Hedo have to do with naked nudity, sex, who goes there, and what to wear. Here are the basics.

No, Hedo is not a nudist resort. Guests are not naked all the time. Some people do experience déjà nude and forget to put on clothes. Nudity is only allowed within the walking area of the nude-side rooms and at the nude beach and nude pool complex. That’s well under a third of the total Hedo campus. Topless is permitted but not overly common on the prude beach and at the prude swimming pool and hot tub.

On Thursday’s Toga night, nudity is allowed at dinner. On Tuesday’s Pyjama night, nudity is allowed in the disco well after dinner. The secret rule is that nudity is allowed anywhere at Hedo after midnight, but the truth of that rule varies. Other than that, no nudity is allowed.

Fun. Get over it. Life’s too short. Get naked. The second hardest thing about the nude beach at Hedo is taking your clothes off the first time. The hardest thing is putting them back on. To ease into the nude beach at Hedonism II, you’ll find a long tree-covered stretch of beach between the prude and nude sides of the resort. It’s quiet, relatively uncrowded, and can be a transition zone for newbies to the nude beach where you can bare or not.

Our previous experience with nudism is "no touchy-feelie" at resorts. That is, nude is not equated with sex.

Exactly and Hedo is different; it’s not a nudist resort, but a lot of people are naked. Hedo has undertones of sexuality and oftentimes overtones too. Some weeks are sexier than others depending on who’s there. Some times of the day (2 a.m. hot tub) are sexier than others. Hedo has touchy-feelie among friends who enjoy it. Occasionally someone will touch you in a way you think inappropriate, such as a fanny pat. Just let them know that doesn’t fly with you with words or a stern look—just like in the real world.

Women, yes; Men, no. Attractive women wearing their bottoms will be looked at more than naked ones—as a curiosity and because clothes make most people look sexier. When some women have their period they wear bottoms—many just tuck the string up. Some weeks the "prude patrol" of guests is vociferous and may give you some fun-natured grief, but this is not frequent and they easily let up if you are pleasant.

"Wood on the beach!" is my favorite cry. Yup, wood happens, but it’s rare. Just being naked is not overly sexual for most people. Some are proud of their wood and show it off (also rare). One young buck with wood said, "I can’t help it." So some ladies put body stickers all over the wood for decoration and then ignored it.

For those who do find the nude beach titillating and want to squelch or hide their organ, use one of these techniques:

• Go into the water. All penises float so an erection just looks like a big floater.
• Lay face down on the beach chair. Do not make a humping motion without someone under you. (One man stuck it through the slats in the lounge at the edge of the shore, and the waves swept it forward and back as he slept.)
• Have someone laugh at you. Most will oblige.
• Put it to use on a raft or other place away from the crowd (with a woman, not by yourself), preferably not too hidden so we can watch, though. If you are really good, the guests applaud and cheer.

Masturbation on the nude beach is not socially acceptable and seldom seen outdoors.

Everyone has a tropical summer wear look found at any Caribbean resort. At breakfast and lunch in the dining area, men and women dress in shorts and T-shirts, swimsuits (any type from big one-pieces with major support to minuscule thongs), and cover-ups or pareos.

Naked male chests are common at breakfast and lunch but not at dinner. Naked female chests are not allowed off the beach except for Toga (during dinner) or Pyjama nights (after dinner). At meals, women need only cover crotch and nipples, even with a sheer or loosely knit material.

At dinner, people dress nicer, though shorts and T-shirts are still plentiful. Skirts approximating belts are not uncommon. Men in kilts happen. Some wear long pants.

No one wears a jacket unless making a statement or being a dweeb…and the difference is in the seriousness with which the person is wearing it. One guy likes to wear a dinner jacket with no pants, so when he lifts his arms—whoops, there it is.

Sandals are always okay, but socks are ridiculous—this is the Tropics. It’s hot almost all the time. Shoes are only required in the Pastafari restaurant. Shoes are wise, however, because glass breaks nightly.

Some women shop Sluts ’R Us and enjoy traipsing around in their spandex outfits and heels. Some people wear no underwear or shoes for the entire vacation—simply because they can. One friend just wraps a hotel bath towel around his hips and wears it everywhere, including Toga and PJ night. He packs light.

Hedo supplies the white, twin-size sheet. After cleaning your room on Thursday, the maid puts an extra sheet folded on top of your bed. Bring accessories, if you want, such as a belt, safety pins, gaudy jewelry, or headpieces. Do not wear underwear because the danger of having them removed by someone runs high.

Wild? As in clothes: Very. For PJ night: from naked to collars to severe bondage stuff to cutesy-wootsy to boxer shorts to full flannels with slippers and stuffed animal. Toga night can be judged by the number of breasts on display. A good Toga night shows at least nine breasts (some women wear a one-hooter-halter).

"Contrary to popular belief, people in ‘the lifestyle’ will not chase you down and make you have sex with them," says Vicki from Vegas. "You have to be somewhat aggressive if you want to have sex outside your marriage. No one spends time pursuing people who have no interest in swinging because too many other people are willing and want to play."

In the swinger lifestyle, the rules state: "No" always means "no, thank you." Swingers generally are notoriously fun and social people and will not lure you in or make you uncomfortable if you tell them "no." You can say, "Thanks for asking, but no thanks," with pleasant results. Were you to have a problem, use English to resolve it. Most people at Hedo speak English.

Only people who want to exchange bodily fluids (and not socialize) will snub you. They are people into the total scores encountered, not the quality. They are the minority and you’ll have a great time talking about their advances alone in your room later.

Yes, sex in the hot tub occurs...as long as the guards aren’t stopping it. The single men do stare, but they usually don’t bother you. Sometimes lurkers aren’t even there. Don’t worry about them. You can always leave and take your party elsewhere. You’ll likely have no problems with sex on the beach at night—and with the chair cushions, pleasant beds can be made. Bring your bedspread to make your love nest cozier. At Hedo you can do a lot of things you wouldn’t and can’t do anywhere else.

You will not step over copulating couples at Hedonism II. The vast majority of guests are not getting it on in public. Usually any open sex that might occur, usually is among the same people day after day. Many people go home disappointed because they never saw any open sex. Or, if you are like my friend Henry, sex goes on whenever you aren’t around and stops whenever you appear, so you keep missing it. Hedo is not an orgy...but then again...sometimes that hot tub at 2 a.m. does become interesting.

The amount of open sex depends on the time of day or week. Hedo is a physical place (affection included) for some people, but you only go where you are invited, just like the real world.

People do giggle at one another’s tits. They cup balls and give massages, but it’s among friends—and you know who you can do this with if you have good socialization skills. And all of it is for fun, doesn’t last too long, is usually done in a joking way, and doesn’t result in orgasm.

Don’t worry about it. Your wife can use English to thwart advances easily—but don’t be disappointed if they don’t occur. Seldom are advances uncomfortable or awkward. Yes, the rare occasion does occur that gets ugly, like in any part of the world, including your hometown, but never make it an issue in deciding whether to go to Hedo. Strong language should work for the rare person with severe rectal-cranial inversion. They’ll always stare, though, because they can’t help themselves. You may as well not leave your house if it’s a big concern. The odds of it happening in the real world are as great as at Hedo.

Depends on if someone says yes to your advances—just like the real world. If you go to Hedo without a date and you are male, don’t go to Hedo for the sex. Odds are you’ll be disappointed. Women, however, enjoy the high ratio of men to women.

The range of people you see at home is the same range you’ll see at Hedo. From hard bodies to what most of us are: lumpy. The Hedo brochures lie. But get over yourself—whether you are an Adonis or a chubbo.

Repeater groups no longer make Hedo virgins uncomfortable—likely because they’re getting quieter. Repeater groups tend to be couples and older. The last three weeks of January are especially heavy with Lifestylers. You find fewer singles at that time, but there are always singles there. Repeater groups can fill up to 60% of the resort, especially over Anniversary (Nov. 1) and many U.S. holidays.

All types go there. The repeaters tend to be a little more affluent than the one-shot wonders out for their first, last, and only vacation of their lives. Some of the upscale ones wear the jewelry on the beach to show it; most do not. Every occupation goes there, from doctors and lawyers, to musicians and artists, to secretaries and truck drivers, to moms and retirees.

The guests are predominately white with 10% or so of other races. Generally, at least half are couples, especially during high repeater weeks. Most guests are from the United States, but a large Canadian contingent is always there. Europeans and South Americans are gaining in numbers. The single men tend to outnumber the single women by 2 to 1, but some weeks seem 8 to 1.

The attitude, not the look, age, or money, of the person, makes a difference on whether fun is had at Hedo.