Doug & Kathy - December, 2011
Hedonism II Trip Report, 12/22/11 through 12/27/11
For reference on our point of view, we are in our 50's and this was trip number 8. We have never gone exactly the same week twice and have been there in all 4 seasons. We generally do not book with any 'Group'. Our trips are generally fairly short notice when we have a break in our schedules and DIF gets intolerable and we look at each other and say "We gotta GO". Denny got us great rates!
The Trip Down - We flew Continental, Non-stop,
First class. Channeling Ferris Bueller , "It
is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend it". We are
truly grateful that there is non-stop service from
(Here is a tip that I
hesitate to give out because it will increase the competition for the
few seats which are sometimes available, but in the spirit of our Hedo
Family, here it is... If you do the on line check-in at just the right
moment, upgrades to First Class are sometimes offered on unsold seats...
When this happens one may upgrade from their seat in coach with the rest
of the peasants to the champagne seats for about $125 per person, which
includes no charge for 2 checked bags per passenger... )
Our flight left at
about 10:30 AM, so arriving at the terminal at about 9:00 that morning,
we were able to use the First Class 'Elite' check-in lane which reduced
that chore to about 5 minutes. We were then shown to the 'Elite'
security line, bypassing the peasants and taking us right to the head of
the TSA fully body cavity search line, reducing that process by about 20
or 30 minutes. (Really folks, we are going to a nude resort anyway, why
not just let us strip in the terminal and skip all the scanners and
X-rays? Throw in a free drink and it's a party!)
Having exited the TSA
encounter at about 9:20, we had about an hour to kill before our flight.
We headed, of course, to the "United Club" (which was called the
Continental 'Presidents Club' before the merger with United) for some
breakfast and a few drinks. (The Club and it's amenities are free for
Business First passengers or you can buy a membership in the 'United
Club' for a mere $475 a year.)
The United Club in
Houston's Terminal E (the international flight terminal) is quite
striking, occupying 3 floors and includes amenities like bagels and
croissant's with all the trimmings, very comfortable lounge areas with
Wi-Fi, showers and changing areas and of course a free bar just to get
one in the mood for Hedo. Skipping the showers and the croissants, we
spent about 45 minutes at the bar, starting with a couple Bloody Mary's
and graduating to Screwdrivers once we had our days vegetable serving on
board and trying to judge what would pass for acceptable inebriation at
the boarding gate.
About 15 minutes
before our flight we slid (or poured) ourselves down to the gate, once
again using the 'Elite' lane to bypass the peasants, and were on the
plane and in our seats in about 3 minutes. While waiting for the coach
section to fill we were heartbroken to learn that no champagne had been
put on the aircraft ( we will be filing a complaint with the airline!)
so we settled for more pre-takeoff screwdrivers.
Being taller people
(the wife is 6'2" and I am 6'4") the extra legroom and larger seats were
wonderful (I am usually that guy in coach in the seat behind you who's
knees are jammed so deeply into your seat back that you have to fight to
make it recline and when you do you feel my kneecaps in your spine.
Believe me, the experience is even less fun for me than it is for you.)
The food service was
begun with hot hand towels just in case some peasant dirt had gotten on
us in transit. That was followed by a meal which included appetizer,
salad, hot main course and dessert all served with copious quantities of
wine and having our butts generally kissed the entire flight. Beats the
hell out of the peanuts in coach.
MoBay and the Bus -
Upon landing in MoBay we discovered the other advantage to First Class
is it puts you at the head of the Immigration line. With the new
Immigration facilities it usually is much faster than the old stand and
sweat hall of yore anyway, (once you complete the 5 mile hike from the
Jetway to the immigration area... I am certain that if you could get the
plans for that endless hallway that you would see that it actually goes
around the outer edges of the airport fence 3 times) but being at the
head of the line didn't hurt either.
Our arrival at about
2:30 PM appeared to be during a slow period and we were through the line
and into Customs in about 10 or 15 minutes. (do forgive me, but all the
drinks were working well by now and from here until our arrival back in
We were greeted in the
lounge and told our bus would be leaving in just a minute. The old 3x5
card on which there was never enough space to put your travel
information for check in has been replaced by an actual 8 1/2 x 11 size
form and we quickly filled that out. The wife went off and grabbed a few
beers for us and we stood by our luggage waiting to be led to our bus.
And we stood... and we stood... after about 20 minutes we were told that
the other bus had just left but our bus 'soon come'... more beer... more
wait...
After about an hour
our bus was announced and we boarded with the other passengers. The bus
was maybe 1/4 full and included a couple going to Breezes who didn't
know quite what to think of the behavior of the Hedo Repeaters an board
and seemed very relieved when they discovered we were not going to THEIR
hotel!
Owning to a
combination its' being a few days before Christmas so everyone in
Jamaica was out in the streets of every town we went through shopping
and socializing, the political meetings in the middle of the streets for
the election coming up the next week and the fact that we left the
terminal at about 4:00, just in time for the MoBay rush hour, the drive
to Negril took about 2 hours, our longest to date, so we arrived as the
sun set and walked to the room in the dark.
The obligatory
bus trip 'rest' stop was actually welcome this time as we needed
more beer and the restroom facilities anyway. Our driver related that
there is now an 'approved' rest stop, mandated by the Superclubs
management, and that they only stop at that one place. The facility was
OK. There were several signs around the bar with an outline of a
marijuana leaf and which read 'No Ganga Smoking' which were pretty
funny. I don't know if the signs were for us or the locals. On that
note, the anti drug enforcement must be increasing as not a soul asked
me if I was "alright" during the entire trip.
Arrival - On arrival
at Hedo we checked in and got our room key in about 10 minutes (barely
time to get a drink). When I asked if we were close to the nude pool the
fellow on the front desk said "the only way to be any farther north
would be a room at
The Food - Always a
subject upon which people who eat the in same place and the same meal
will have different opinions. As they say, "Your mileage may vary". A
food review is really almost
moot now that I understand the 'new' Chef has already departed.
There was plenty and
we never went hungry. Given our room location, we tended to mostly eat
at the Nude Grille. Unfortunately the Pickapeppa sauce is no longer
offered, at least while we were there, and the Jamaican 'Pate', always a
favorite of mine at the Nude Grill was 'soon come mon' every day.
The dinners in the Main Dining Room were good if not 5 star.
About equal to what one might expect in a decent stateside cafeteria
restaurant.
They have improved on
the use of shrimp in the buffet dishes. Seems someone has learned that
the shrimp are easier to eat if the shells are removed, so they now
remove all but the tails, so we will give them a 'B' grade on that, up
from 'D'. Maybe by next trip they will learn that the tails can also be
removed prior to cooking.
Grand Gala was on
Friday and was in the Main Dining Room. Lobster was good but needed
butter. They had an extra table set up for cheeses and fruit. There was
a Pasta station set up in the former Charlie's area. The cook was using
the same tongs for the raw chicken, raw fish and vegetables, so I passed
on that.
The Fans - The new
fans in the Dining Room are NOT the "Big Ass Fans" as some had reported.
They appear to be relatively cheap, metal bladed, 3 blade fans. They do
move more air that the old fans and will be especially welcome in the
summer. Once again, the only thing wrong with the old fans is that the
masonite blades have sagged with the time and dampness and are no longer
capable of moving air efficiently. If the Hotel simply replaced the old
blades with new ones (less than $100 per fan and ~30 minutes labor) they
fans would work as good as new. The fan motors are old line Hunters and
are practically indestructible.
The Drinks, Etc. - The
drinks were good and endless as always. The ocean was wonderful and the
Pool, while a bit cool, was fine. We saw Delroy during the day and he
looks well and reports the operation on his knees was a success. We saw
Scumba on the 10 PM to Daylight shift at Delroy's. The bar's usually had
whatever we asked for except for champagne from time to time. (Hmmm...
same as on the plane.. a worldwide conspiracy perhaps?)
Occupancy seemed very
low our first few days and it was relaxing and peaceful and there were
never any lines. In fact, the first day or so I cannot remember there
even being a time that Delroy's had a full compliment of folks at the
bar. It was perfect as it gave us some quiet time and was the
decompression from real life that we soooo badly needed this trip. On
the 24th the place started filling up and after Christmas if was getting
very busy as the place filled up for New Years.
The Room - The room
was clean, the maid was friendly and efficient. We had plenty of A/C and
water, except for the day a pipe broke and there was no water at all for
a few hours. We were in the pool then anyway and it was fixed in time to
dress for dinner. (Having once worked at a beachfront
Piano Bar - Pretty
tired of the Dion show. Except for adding MORE speakers and making it
even LOUDER, it has been the same for a few years now. It just isn't
funny any more. And while some of the staff have amazing voices, others
not so much. Time for something new, like maybe someone other than Dion
all the time????
The Disco - Still
smells terrible. Have they added MORE lasers? Went one evening and
actually became nauseous from the light show. Maybe I am just getting
old but I was feeling physically ill after just a few minutes and had to
leave. Got out the door and felt fine again instantly. Music is still
mostly un-danceable unless you are under 30. (I am getting old!)
Weather - Highs in the
upper 70s to low 80s, nighttime lows in the low 70s. With the exception
of one evening, dinnertime in the main dining room was very comfortable
and I suspect that one was because of no detectable breeze. Days were
mostly sunny, a few days with some morning clouds, maybe one brief
shower during our stay, a couple completely cloudless afternoons. As
stated at the outset, we have been at many times of year and I would
have to say this was the most perfect weather, but even (or especially)
in July and August, Jamaica is cooler than our backyard in Houston.
Tree carvings - As
most know, the painted rocks many of us loved so much and which were a
labor of love for some were deemed 'tacky' by Management (or so it has
been reported) and were hauled off and the practice is now discouraged.
They have been replaced by 'tree' carvings. It appears that the demand
for space for carvings has far outgrown the available dead tree trunks,
so now fairly short sections of logs are imported to the property and
'planted' so they can be carved upon. Space for these 'planted' logs is
also limited, so they are apparently removed after being fully carved
and replaced with new logs.
Our carving from 2010
was not where it had been planted during that trip and as it happens we
did not see Chris to ask if it could be found. Perhaps someone on a
future trip can ask where the 'tree' carving graveyard is? In any event,
we were disappointed to see how little permanence our 201 carving had
and are unlikely to spend money to have one done in the future unless it
is done with hammer and chisel in the side of one of the buildings.
Naked water slide -
Always fun and highly recommended. Just remember to take off your
prescription glasses and keep your knees together when you hit the end!
The People - As always
the people are the highlight of any Hedo trip and this one did not
disappoint. Even though the occupancy was quite low and there were no
organized 'Groups' that we could detect the first few days we seemed to
met more people than usual in a shorter time. Perhaps the fact there
were no Groups that we didn't 'belong' to helped with that as there
seemed to be less of the cliquishness that so often goes on.
The trip back - :-(
Always sad to leave. We were on the 10 o'clock bus which for reasons
unknown actually left at 10! I think we reached MoBay by about 11:00. No
First Class for this leg of the trip so we were forced to mix with the
peasants again. About $100 in checked bag charges. What a rip that whole
scam is!
I highly recommend the
Club Mobay departure Lounge. A nice and comfortable lounge, free drinks
and snacks, clean restrooms and they will call your flight in their
lounge. They have their own express lane for going through Security,
Immigration and Customs so that alone can save 30 to 45 minutes of
standing in line and that made the $30 per person admission price well
worth it for us. We would generally spend $15 or $20 each on drinks and
a snack at Margaretville pre-flight so it is pretty much a break even
for us.
Being in coach the
trip back was cramped and uncomfortable. We were lucky to not have a 3rd
person in our row or it would have been truly terrible. I think the
drink and snack cart made one trip down the isle during the whole flight
and the flight attendants generally seemed displeased if they had to
interact with the passengers. For those who have not flown lately, they
no longer accept cash on board for drinks so you need to have a credit
card handy. Houston Immigration and Customs was efficient as always and
we were on our way to the park and ride in less than 30 minutes, most of
which was waiting for our bags to arrive on the belt.
Now I digress - I
relate the following story because it is one of those which is unlikely
to occur anywhere on the planet but at Delroy's. On the afternoon of our
3rd day we met a couple at the table in the pool near Delroy's and the
conversation went something like this. The gentleman said to me, "Oh
hey... it's YOU! ", and turning to his wife, "Hey honey... here he is...
yeah... this is that guy...". Turning to the other folks at the table he
goes on, "So we got in yesterday morning and this is our first trip
here... so after checking in and getting our room I go down to the Dive
Shack to get our towels... and find myself in line behind the biggest,
tallest man I have ever seen, and he is naked (now in fairness, as
previously said I am 6'4" and the gentleman telling the tale is about
5'6").. now this is our first trip here and that in itself was a bit of
a shock, but then as I look around him to see what is taking so long I
see that the dive shack guy is helping him inflate the biggest
inflatable sheep I have ever seen. And the sheep has a garter belt and
fishnet stockings on. Then I watch as the Dive Shack guy and the big
naked guy start, in an uncomfortably knowing way, feeling how inflated
the sheep is and have a conversation about how much air is correct. When
they both agree it is 'just right' the big guy takes the sheep, holds it
in front of him (and no, no sheep were actually molested during this
process) and walks off down the beach, leaving me to get my towels and
go back to our room to say, "Honey, you are never going to believe
this"".
In summary, we enjoyed
the trip immensely, it alleviated some of our real life stress and
re-ignited our fire... in truth, rejuvenation for Mind, Body and Spirit.
We hope to be blessed and able to go again.
Pictures attached.
Love to all,
Doug & Kathy (Babe and Darlin')
Click on thumbnails below for a larger image.
