Dennis - April, 2009

So, a trip report….regale the masses with the intricate detail of a Hedo virgin’s trip to paradise…hmm…where to start?? But, first you should know, I’m a straight guy with a fair amount of trepidation, who jumped in with both feet and went to Hedo on the solo plan. I went with one expectation – to chillax! We’ll see, won’t we!

I’ll begin with a few lessons learned:
1 - Rookies pack way too much and never use half of the stuff/clothes packed! 7 days/6 nights, I used three shirts/pairs of shorts to go to the dining area during b’fast and dinner, if I made it there at all.

2 - Water - drink water. Stay hydrated. It will help you stay in the game and not crash too hard. Every moment counts. You won’t realize that until the bus is pulling out from the front and you want to phone your boss to tell him you lost your mind and will be staying in Jamaica the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

3 – Talk to everyone. They want to talk to you. The shy will sit on the sideline. The sideline is no place for a Hedonist!

4 – Naps are not just for babies. The smallest of siestas will revive your zeal for the party of the night.

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Okay, so I get there on Friday kind of later than I wanted to (about 5-ish). Delays in Dallas landed me at MBJ almost two hours behind. The bus ride was fine. A stop along the way for a couple of red stripes made the second half of the ride breeze by. The left-side driving was a trip. No Problem Mike, our driver, showed us how to pass a car as you crest a hill, completely oblivious to the notion of oncoming traffic – Yikes! Man, do these Jamaicans use their horns or what.

Check in was smooth. I walked in - they took my name - Less than two minutes later I was being escorted to my room. I booked OVN. It was nice, but not really necessary. The best views were at the nude pool, beach and hot tub!! Oh yeah!!! The Hot Tub. The HOT HUB of everything HEDO!!!!!

I spent a few minutes getting stuff out of my bags and then SNAP….WTF! What am I doing? My anal retentive ass was trying to unpack. WTF again! I dropped my clothes grabbed a good towel found some flip flops and marched off to the pool bar before the sun went down. As I got close to the bar, all I could see was nekkid-nude people – OH NO – Men/Women – talking – playing - yelling – laughing – holy SHIT - What kind of vaca did I book? I was totally intimidated. I don’t know anyone! Oh my God – my worst fear – I’m a Vinnie – worse yet – I’m a Wallie – I’ll never fit in. Shit – shit – shit. I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked up to the bar, I get the barkeep’s attention and order--- I know lame—a beer. Gimme a break – my mind was going a mile a minute, so ordering something sophisticated was not gonna happen.

So, my towel’s wrapped around my waist. It’s coming loose slowly and I can feel it. I reach for it to keep it from falling when all of sudden I can hear someone talking to me. WTF – Oh Shit – Conversation – already??? I grab for the towel - Scumba’s handing me a beer and someone’s talking to me about Wild Turkey being purchased by a French company. Something’s gotta give. I’m having sensory overload. The GD towel is falling - get the beer – wild turkey what???? AArgggh - fuck it! I caught the towel – threw it over my shoulder – grabbed my beer – smiled as best I could – turned to the wild turkey guy (Uh Huh – Uh huh) and thought----this is my introduction to Hedo – In for a penny, in for a pound.

I’m nude talking to a dude (I'd rather it be a girl) standing in Jamaica with a beer in my hand my boys on the loose my ass totally nekkid not looking too graceful with the whole towel grabbing thing, but WTF! I chatted with the guy for few minutes and then walked off after he got his drinks. From then on, it was no big deal. The veterans are right. You gotta jump right in so you don’t miss a minute of it.

I made my way to the pool. Found a spot at the swim up bar and burned a few minutes listening to the chatter. I saw some folks I met on line and recognized them from their pics. I took the wild turkey guy’s approach and decided bashful was for the birds. I called out to them and they immediately recognized me. We got acquainted and they introduced me to a whole other group of people. Less than an hour in Hedo and I was part of a group – a group of naked people from all walks of life, of all shapes and sizes of several different colors all spending time talking – drinking and most of all LIVING. The weight of the world at home was falling off my shoulders so fast that words can’t express the relief that was coming over me at that very moment. I was home. Really, some 46 years on this earth and I just came home.

The next few days were filled with very late nights and very little sleep. I’ll sleep when I get home (I thought). You don’t really seem to need a lot as long as you take a small nap in the late late afternoon. I met a girl from England and we had dinner together. I met a nice couple from Germany (M&G). I met another girl (‘E”) from Germany and shared some cocktails with her on the deck outside the dining room on my third evening.

I met two single sisters from Florida, S & P. Both very nice. P and I hung out the rest of the time together. We met several different groups. To the rookies, if you think people don’t want to interact, you’re wrong. Don’t be shy. That’s what they’re there for. That doesn’t mean sex. I’m talking about talking, sharing life experiences and making life-long friends. I read about in the forums, but wasn’t really sure how it would come. It comes naturally, don’t over-think it. Some of it was a blur and some was very soft -sensual and will remain with me for the rest of my life.

P and I took second place on the nude waterslide the first day it was opened up for our group. The second day I won first place for the biggest splash. P won second place for the best “O” scream. We all had to make three runs to qualify. On the second run I mentioned to P that the prudes at the prude pool looked bored. I suggested we invade the pool with the 25 plus nudes going down the slide.

I finished my third run and learned as I got out of the plunge pool, that P floated the suggestion past everyone else and we were on! The 2009 Prude Pool Invasion was a GO! Once the waterslide was done, we all huddled at the gate between the slide and the prude pool deck. KATA gave the signal and in excess of 25 completely nekkid peeps overran the 15 prudes just wallowing in their prudish pity. Bathing suit clad bodies were dodging and darting everywhere, trying to avoid all the nekkid cooties. We played with THEIR volleyball for a few rounds and then unceremoniously excused ourselves from the nightmare that was the prude pool on that day. The 2009 PRUDE POOL INVASION was a resounding success. I have to give a shout out to the 2009 PRUDE POOL INVASION Co-Chair….”P” you were magnificent. Never was there a better hanging out partner than YOU!

We had the opportunity to convert two groups of semi-prudes to nudes after a late night at the disco. Some of the best times were late at night at the hot tub. PDA’s were often, but never too much. Only a couple of guys made pests of themselves. Something I wanted to avoid for myself. I found that easily accomplished through a lot of respect, careful and thoughtful conversation. Refrain from getting sloppy drunk.

The piano bar is a great source of entertainment. It’s never the same since the audience interacts with the performers, so no two nights are the same. Karaoke night was the bomb. I’ve NEVER sang in public, b/c I can’t sing well at all. But after much cajoling and a lot of coconut rum, I was up there singing Kenny Rogers to P. Who was that guy? And how did I become him. The magic of HEDO, I guess. Well I want more that’s for sure.

The last night I was there, all my friends and I agreed to dress up a little for my last night. I was going home a day before all of them. I was gonna miss Toga Nite – stupid rookie. Everyone looked great. P looked so pretty, I can’t even tell you. We ate. We danced our asses off in front of the main stage. I think my little group danced so well we stole the rest of the night from the EC’s. Some of us made it to the piano bar for one more round of entertainment. Later, we spent a few hours enjoying the Jamaican air out by the pool and the jetty. The Hot Tub was busy, but the air was peaceful. Somewhere in the middle of the night, it was time for me to go. I needed to pack and be ready for my ride to the airport.

The next morning was somber. The onset of DIF was obvious. I said good-bye to everyone and waited the remaining ten minutes for the bus. It seemed like forever. I had a rush of emotion like never before. On the ride out, I was so conflicted by the bonds I had made over just 6 days at Hedo. I met so many wonderful people, so many great couples, and so many real friends. Would I ever see them again?

Like I said before, I read about this on the board, but didn’t know how it would feel to experience it first-hand. What an elixir of life - The cure to my aching heart - The respite for me, the weary traveler through a life of ups and downs. I left Hedo with a resolve to return; a resolve to be changed wholly, not in part. A resolve to keep the bonds I made with my newest of best friends.

P.S. Best staff I encountered at Hedo in no particular order: Nigel, Scumba, Delroy, Kata, Natalie, Charles, and GG. Okay, I confess Scumba kept the booze flowing. Nigel made sure I got my share of Jerk chicken everyday! Slainte, Bros! Respect every time!

P.P.S. Mark Twain was right!!