John & Carol - March, 2008

John & Carol, Hedo II, Mar 14-21 2008

 

As with the last few reports, I’ll focus on the changes from a year and more ago, rather than a day-to-day report (as if I remembered all the day-to-day….). Our last trip was July 07, with the Fluffernutters. This Spring Break trip was deliberately intended to be a low-key one. This is our 4th trip this particular week since 2004 (we missed last year due to health problems).

 

Travel: worst ever. Never again on Northwest, anywhere. We were diverted to Delta partway there, due to Northwest’s foul-ups, got in 5 hours late, and our luggage showed up 40 hours after that. Northwest’s “lost luggage” desk at Mobay took ca. 15 minutes per customer, with a line hours long for the one flight from Atlanta. They were a true model of inefficiency, with three people doing the work of 1/3 of a person... and they gave everyone an incorrect phone number to check on our lost luggage. Yes, Hedo is easier to survive with minimal clothes than any other resort (every day can be yellow towel day!), but for basics like sunscreen, there’s still greatly inflated prices in the boutique, due to TSA carryon restrictions. Going home? Ever try to hail a hotel shuttle at 29 F in the snow, in shorts and a T-shirt, when you’re stranded by a Northwest cancellation in Detroit? Not fun.

 

Mobay: There’s a new immigration lobby on the landward side of the airport, leading directly to the expanded (from last July) new luggage carousels and customs. However, when you hit customs 2 hours after your plane lands, due to lost luggage, there’s no one there.

 

Also, do not try the bus ride to Hedo after dark in the rain. It’s scary, and it took 2 hours.

 

Arrival: very smooth and fast. Of course, there’s not much business at 7:30 PM, when you’re the only ones on the bus. The dining room was the fullest we’ve ever seen, with the Friday night tail end of the Ms. No Swimsuit contest. The only dinner seats we could find for the Gala were at the Munasan tables. We ended up sitting across from a couple from Atlanta, who amazingly we had some common friends with.

 

Weather: unlike all our past March trips, this one was cool and often rainy.

 

ECs: about half were new since our trip last July. It’s clear that the “new administration” at Hedo has made for some changes. No, they didn’t do all of “The roof is on fire”, but yes, they were obviously allowed to say curse words now, in chants and songs that they hadn’t been able to previously. Likewise, during the Fashion show after one dinner, the “Bare as You Dare” segment was very much so. Female ECs in minimal thongs plus hands over boobs, and nothing else; male ECs in a strategically placed sock, and nothing else.

There were numerous games that never happened all week, including the Wet T-Shirt contest. This may in part be due to overwork with the previous week’s full house. The EC Spice did make an extra effort to make things happen when people indicated that they were disappointed that something scheduled didn’t happen.

 

Food: We are adventurous and eclectic eaters, and have rarely had negative things to say about the food at Hedo. This trip, however… Breakfasts and lunches in the Main Dining Room were very good, as on past trips. On two specific nights, however, the dinner entrees in the Main Dining Room were simply vile.  Tuesday, the snapper was cooked to tasteless mush in a tomato sauce, the beef enchiladas tasted as if they were made with ketchup and Woostershire sauce (I was later told that my taste buds were accurate), and the orange chicken was way underdone. Wednesday, reggae night, the jerk pork roast was so overdone that the server could not cut it with a butcher knife.

 

The burgers at the prude beach grill (and by others’ reports, at the nude beach grill) are being served way undercooked. I’d recommend people making a point of asking for well-done.

 

I talked briefly with the Head Chef. I’m assuming it was him, because he had the uniform on, but notably was just about the only Hedo employee I encountered all week who did *not* have a name badge on. Heavy Italian accent. We talked about other things than the negative aspects of the food (callaloo, which *was* available at breakfast every day the whole week!). He did not seem interested in interacting with the guests (and I even had clothes on!*)

 

OTOH:  EVERY DAY THERE’S JERK CHICKEN FROM NOON ON AT THE NUDE GRILL!!!!! <Kermit> YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!</Kermit>

 

As noted, the old standards (curry goat, fish on the grill, etc.) were just as good as always.

 

Wine: the whites are still the decent Chilean Leon de Tarapaca. The reds are now Intis, from Argentina. Table wine, nothing special, but okay.

 

Repeaters Party: in the Piano Bar. 11 trips won.

 

Piano Bar: The piano player was horrible, someone in on a month contract. Too fast, too high pitched for sing-along, and no sense of what the crowd wanted. We lasted a total of 10 minutes in there cumulatively over the week, the least time we’ve ever spent in there.

 

Hot tub: On Saturday, after the big Ms. No Swimsuit finale, Carol’s first thought on looking at the hot tub was “that looks like a frog pond.” It was brown and completely cloudy. The staff worked at it, but it was Tuesday before you could see the tiles on the bottom of it. IMO, it should have been drained Sat. AM and refilled. Temperature for the week was wildly variable.

 

Room: we asked for a 2nd floor room (security plus being able to open the window for the breeze) and were amazed that our reserved OVP turned into OVN: 2226. Unfortunately, the window mechanism was broken and we couldn’t open it. Requests to the resort staff got us nowhere. The hair dryer was also broken. Otherwise: lots of A/C, hot water, all good. Excellent maid service.

 

Booze: no bananas, but no shortage of top shelf or regular booze.

 

Pastafari: excellent as always, and now well air-conditioned!

 

Spring Break: There were more college kids actually checked into the resort during this week than in the past, but they weren’t a problem. The on-resort ones were pretty laid back about it, even if they stuck to the prude side mostly (waves to the two coeds from Duquense). There were several guys on a walk-through from Pointless Village who were abducted by several Hedo females, and had an …interesting time on the tables in the nude pool. The honest ones will say “You won’t believe this… and they were all our mothers’ age”, and the dishonest ones will say “… and they were all 25 year old supermodels”.  I suspect the honest ones have the more erotic story. We’ll see in a few years, if they’ve been recruited to the Dark Side.

 

Themes:

Country: Yes, it was surreal (says the guy from Tennessee). Country music at Hedo. The dinner Monday night was on the beach. Where the old trapeze was, a wooden stage and dance floor has been set up. Billy Jo Neill was quite good, doing mostly older country classics, with lots of Johnny Cash and Hank in there. Roots Explosion seemed less than enthusiastic about doing backup. Interestingly, the ECs got lots of line dancing going to all sorts of other music the rest of the week, but didn’t get it started here.

 

Bram the EC has an incredible voice and stage presence for reggae. They should use him much more in this role.

 

The ECs (I suspect under Winston’s strong direction) did an outstanding cabaret show on Tuesday. Real talent shown by many of them, in lots of classical musical theatre numbers.

 

Many folks including us did not get a twin sheet left in our rooms for toga night.

 

Carol’s “strap–on cock” won the Freakiest award at PJ night.

 

Miscellaneous:

The shower in our room *does* have a small triangular corner shelf for things

The safe has a 11-1/2” x 5-3/4” opening, and is 15-3/4” deep.

8 Hedo coins buys a bottle of rum. Most game participation or trivia answers are worth one coin; wins, 2 or 3.

 

PDAs: lower key than past times, but the place was only about 50% full, and there were no large organized groups.

 

John & Carol

 

* I remember talking with Michael Thompson, the Cajun chef several years ago and in our time at Hedo the best chef they’ve ever had, at Delroy’s a couple years ago. He said that one thing they never taught him in culinary school was how to talk to naked customers.**

 

** yes it’s a footnote. I’m an academic. Deal.