Steve - 02/05

First, an admission: I am Aussie Steve, the sad anti-hero of Carla's trip report on this page. Very little literature is available with regard to how a "puppy dog" should behave to make the most out of Hedonism II. I hope this trip report is instructive for my canine brothers and sisters.

My previous trips to Hedo had been with a girlfriend. During this time I have had two nights alone there and I would rate one very, very fun with lots of friendly people and the other quite the opposite in that everyone was very stand-offish and dismissive. So my primary concern about going there for three nights on my own (yes, it was only three nights) was: "which way would it be this time?"

I travel alone a fair bit - some five months of it from October to February just gone, visiting friends and checking out new places by myself in between working. The trick is to plan your day so that it works without anyone else but to leave space in case people pop up.

Day One I left the resort and walked the entire length of seven-mile beach (whatever length that is) and back, stopping and taking a dip in the water whenever it got hot, watching the locals play cricket and taking a couple of snaps on the disposable camera which I later disposed of before actually getting the film developed. Paradise. I went to the hotel gym worked out for two hours, days one and two.

I would have been happy to do this for the entire stay, to be honest: just chatting to people like Psycho Miko (who I met on the bus), laying in the sun, not-so-late nights. I had already drunk a lot of beer and partied in the UK, France, Mexico, the US, Germany, Italy, Czech Republic, Finland, Estonia, Russia, Cambodia, Oz, Chile and Argentina since October.

However, it was great to meet Carla because I had spoken to her online. I saw her first at dinner on night two but I went out to Roots Bamboo and ran into an Australian friend I had met twice previously in Negril - completely by accident! What are the odds of that? The next day I went down to the nude pool in the evening and Carla was there with Mike, Brian and Sheila and the Kyles (at least I didn't end up being described as just another Kyle).

Now from my perspective, I had a great time. From zero expectations I got up to all sorts of good-natured mischief. I wasn't aware that I seemed uncomfortable. But it was I who came up with the acronym DSM for Dreaded Single Male because I had seen how unpopular they were on my previous visits. So yes, I was probably over-polite. I have precisely zero experience with swingers and don't know the rules and usually at Delroys it would take me a couple of drinks to get relaxed.

I am actually flattered by most of the things Carla said about me. There are worse things than being a puppy dog, right? But in the interests of accuracy, a few points:

1) I did say 'where's Cahla?' a few times. Guilty. It's not my fault if you Americans over-pronounce your Rs;

2) I actually spent a lot of time in the company of people other than Carla, bearing in mind that I was only really hanging out and having fun for two of my days there. I don't remember physically 'following' her even once, although a dog collar may have encouraged me to;

3) I at no stage said 'he's a big black guy, what am I going to do?" about Mr Nigeria (who was in town for a dentists conference and may have actually been from Ghana). And I also did not tell him he could lick anyone's nether regions. What I told him is that Carla was an adult and could make up her own mind and she wasn't interested. That is the way things work in the rest of the world, right?;

4) If I was so shy, then would I be the sort of person to shove ice up two people laying on the side of the hot tub (which, as Carla says, didn't happen of course)?

In conclusion, I would like to contend that the puppy dog approach is actually ideal for Hedo and I would recommend it. Other people say 'go there expecting nothing' and 'be respectful' - isn't that a perfect description of a puppy dog? Even a "scaredy cat"?

I am happy. I walked through the front door of Hedo thinking I wouldn't "make it" as a single there after only having been with my girlfriend before. I am usually confident, loud and even dominant in social situations. I have no trouble meeting people. But, single guys, your local bar or nightclub is the minor leagues and Hedo is the NFL of singles dynamics. You could be a legend there - or you could have a feeling of being left out more intense than you have ever felt that in your life.

Try to talk to people online before you go and furchrisakes don't think about things as much as this trip report proves I have! Another 24 hours and I'm sure I would have got over myself a bit and let things wash over me. What can I say?

But I'm in someone's trip report so I figure I made it as a single at Hedo! Next time I'll be more confident. And Carla, I know I was among friends and I hope to be among you again soon. Mike, Brian, Shiela, Carla, Cheryl...drop me a line at the address below and come visit me in Oz.

Steve - February, 2005