Kevin - 11/04

HOW WE SPENT OUR VACATION AT HEDONISM II (11/12/04 11/20/04) - by The Va Beach Crew

So after a long Spring & Summer here in Va Beach playing sand volleyball, coordinating time-off deposits and airfare, one big-ass, trip-altering hurricane, late night parties drinking rum and showing the Hedo 2003 slideshow on the Xbox *again* -- our time had finally come. The Rum Runners, aka the Va Beach Crew, aka Kevin, Beth, Carolyn, John, Dvo, Jen, Warren, Jon, Dee, Leslie, Adrian, Big Greg, and Lisa, were off to the infamous resort they had heard so much about. And with the exception of John, Beth, and me (Kevin), the rest of the group were virgins.

THE LONG JOURNEY SOUTH; GREGS GAFFE; BRILLIANT!!

Having met up at the airport at 0-god-thirty, we left @ 7 in the AM. The journey from Va Beach to Negril was relatively smooth with one exception: Greg brought the wrong type of birth certificate with him (no raised seal). He would not be leaving with us that morning, but would instead be driving to Richmond to secure his proper records. We all shook his hand, hugged and consoled him as tho he were joining the Legionnaires. The big guy was nearly in tears. Good luck Greg, drive safe, well see you soon man. Try not to wreck Johns new car

Meanwhile the Va Beach Crew piled onto Flight 2667, ready to give the stewardess quite the workout (picture a bus headed for summer camp). All throughout Coach could be heard our signature call Brilliant!! taken from the Guinness commercials; it was our way of locating one another as well as to frighten & intimidate those around us. The stewardess was very good-humored tho and when she asked over the intercom if anyone would like a beer or a bottle of wine she was looking right at us. 5-6 hands went up starting with Warren (lush). Beth had a small bottle of Malibu in her purse and so ordered an O.J. Alas they had no rum and my baby was 5 seats up with her O.J., so I downed a bottle of Merlot sans glass, vintage US Airways. I made a mental note to write a letter to corporate to consider stocking Myers or Appletons.

We arrived in Mo Bay around 1:30 without event and without Greg; we would finally see him about 26 hours later, exhausted but happy. The crew piled into the shuttle and headed for their final destination. Adrian and I waited at Sangster another hour or so for Leslie, who was a flight behind us.

THEY CANT BE ON THE NUDE SIDE, COULD THEY? MORE BRILLIANCE; GANGJ IN 20 MINUTES OR LESS

At this point I should backtrack and explain: most of the folks in the group had at some point expressed some degree of concern and anxiety towards the whole nekid thing some leaning towards one end of the spectrum, some the other. I explained patiently no it isn't a nudist colony no you dont have to take your clothes off if you dont want to yes I will be on the nude side, yes I will be on the prude side as well youll be fine with whatever you decide, itll happen or not when you get there not wishing to persuade one way or the other. I knew full well who would likely get naked and who would not. What I did not foresee is just how quickly it would happen

So, when Adrian, Leslie, and I finally arrived, we checked in, got our rooms and dropped off our bags. I bee-lined to Paulette for a Myers & coke (many, many more to follow). We set out to locate the rest of the gang, idea being with 12 of us on the resort, odds demand well bump into them eventually. I combined the search party into a tour of the resort, hitting the dining hall, piano bar, prude beach, disco, waterslide, etc. But alas we could not find the group. Theres no way they were on the nude side, and Leslie & Adrian had no plans to go there, so where were they? We were walking from the gift shop towards the stage when I suddenly spot Carolyn & Beth walking from the lobby. They come bounding up to us holding hands and laughing, both in wraps only, and declared guess where were all at!?! For all their anxieties, it took the Naked Eight all of 40 minutes before theyd stripped off their clothes and inhibitions and headed for Delroys for a drink and to Robert's for the best grilled cheese ever, or so the Hedo-Virgins had been told. After only one bite they all quickly agreed that the grilled cheese were indeed "Brilliant!!!!" Aside from excursions, volleyball, and dinner, they would spend most of the 9 days semi-drunk, laughing, and naked as jaybirds. Even snorkeling was done nude, which is actually quite a lot of fun (rumor is you can even find starfish).

Much to the Nude Eights disappointment I spent the first day clothed on prude side; nudity did not agree with Leslie & Adrian so the 3 of us hung out on the prude side that day. After Friday tho, all bets were off. Little Kevin (just a term mind you) needed to feel the Jamaican breeze, as well as the eyes of all the lovely ladies gazing dreamily at the Irish Wonder from Va Beach (Im very sorry girls, Im with Beth, youll have to clear it with her first).

Day one and I think it took all of 20 minutes for me to score some ganj for Beth and me (though its such an effortless task its hardly scoring). Ultimately I did not smoke the stuff once the entire week until the very last night with Paul and a couple of the girls from TeaseUm. Apparently I decided I should make up for lost time that night, and by the time I wandered back to my room and crawled into bed with my baby, I was a bag o giggles till I fell asleep.

Anyway, 4 hours later we all met up nude and prude alike - at the main dining room grabbing several tables and getting ready for the evening show. 40 lobster tails and as many cocktails later we were satisfied at having consumed enough to pay the entire trips worth for one person in the group. Having been to Hedo already I was happy my virgin friends first evening would be the Circus Show and bonfire Beach Party.

AT LAST: BACK ON THE SAND, BACK AT THE NET; ADRIAN GETS A BLACK EYE; HEY COOL GLOVE PATTI!

Saturday saw the Va Beach Crew's 1st meeting at the volleyball net, and we brought some serious game. We'd stopped playing back home about 3 weeks prior and were anxious to play "one more week before winter." We played from 3 till 6 nearly every day, raking in the Hedo bucks, with some more fanatical players who shall remain nameless (Leslie, Adrian) coming out to play as early as the 11am games. Everyone's 'phat skillz' at the net seemed to have been amplified by the bright Jamaican sun. Dvo and Johnny were a fierce duo at the net, with Leslie, me, and Adrian holding middle and back. So fierce was Dvo's A-game, that even his own teammates weren't safe from his Focker-like wrath, seeing him go up for a point for our team... and down for a black eye for Adrian. Nothing too serious though and Adrian was a good sport - one rum runner and he was good to go. After all, it was only a *little* black eye Dvo...

Greg, having eventually made it through the trials of customs and international travel, finally caught up with us that afternoon. He was tired, but happy to see us, as Lisa and all the rest of us were happy to see him. After stripping nude and taking a dip in the prude beach, Big Greg joined us at the net. For eight days we owned the volleyball area (on the prude side anyway; alas I was the only one I think to partake in the naked counterpart rough sand can be problematic). And, if you look at one of the cement pilings by the beach treeline, you may find the Rum Runners dated inscription written in the cement.

It was playing volleyball that we met the first of many memorable characters at Hedo2: Patti. Patti had an immediately likable charisma to her just the sort of personality one goes to Hedo to meet and the Va Beach Crew quickly became friends with her. I think I safely speak for the whole group in that everyone loved Patti. And, everyone loved Pattis glove

While Adrian for the most part stayed on the prude side, he did venture over with us to the nude hot tub once. Patti was in rare form that night, what with her vibrating glove. She was servicing, er massaging, guys and gals alike (well, not actually alike) and when she came to me I was more than willing to be her next guinea pig. Patti, you and your glove rock! Brilliant!!

Later Adrian got naked, got in the hot tub, and was in for all of 10 minutes before Patti gathered some ladies around him and made his trip to the dark side worthwhile with hedo hugs, a kind of full-contact ring around the rosie. With more boobies pressed against him than his mind could take in, Adrian was grinning like the Mad Hatter.

DIVING WITH RICHIE; PISSED-OFF TOILET PAPER

I set out to get PADI scuba certified at Hedo and did just that (I really had no choice as my 13 yr old sister got certified last Spring). I learned that one of things the Jamaicans, in their infinite good-spiritedness, can often be heard saying is my God my God (roughly pronounced muh Gowd muh Gowd) and that about sums it up. I can hardly find the words to describe the awe and majesty of the undersea world. Really, truly amazing. Richie is an awesome instructor, and the 200 bones I gave up for the course (class & pool time done back in the US) is a steal for the 1-on-1 instruction you get with him. He makes the course fun, like youre diving with an old friend. Thanks Richie!

Richie & I were finished in two days, barely 4 hours total, and I was off on my first actual free dive. Jon was my dive buddy, which made things easier, diving with a friend vice another guest. We didnt go out all that far (60 foot dive), and yet we saw the most amazing animals! Big puffers, triggerfish and clownfish, huge barrel, brain, and pitcher coral, and one big-ass moray eel (he was cool). Unfortunate I managed to get stung along my left arm by something called "lace fire coral which fairly sucked. It basically looks like wet, shredded tissue paper, but it feels like fire ants ouch! Ironically, last year I managed to get stung by the only jellyfish in the whole bay. Why cant the *nice* sea creatures be drawn to me?

THE CAT CRUISE: HOW COME YOURE NOT NAKED?; RUM RUNNERS VS THE CLIFF; NERVES OF RUM

The cat (catamaran) cruise, or Booze Cruise as its affectionately known, was one of the biggest highlights of our trip. Everyone on the boat some known to us some not was having a great ole time, lounging, laughing, and drinking. Rasta Ralphie: you da mon. Ralphie was born with a smile, dreds, and guitar. The trip around the bay itself was fun, not to mention the snorkeling stop on the way. There were naked and clothed snorkelers alike; so many people took advantage that it was a little crowded in spots; twice I turned too quickly coming face to er, face, with some of the furrier creatures of the sea.

Whistle blown, return to the ship. Everyone bobbing up and down like corks waiting for their turn to re-board. Carolyn is a little wobbly and drops her mask in the water, whereby Johnny, in true Jack Sparrow fashion, duly dives over the side sans mask & snorkel, 20ft to the bottom to retrieve it. Warren comes around the wrong end of the cat and nearly gets diced by the props; apparently the waves were knocking him back the length of the boat (it was pretty choppy that day) and he had to do some serious stroking, er swimming, to avoid said screws, er props. My turn finally and I board easily enough, toss my gear to Dvo, and stayed to help folks naked and suited alike, it was all my pleasure to help up the steps and out of the water.

Eventually met Teresa and Rick, a beautifully tanned couple from California. Usual Hedo small-talk: When did you get here - Friday, is this your first trip no 2nd, have you been to the nude side yet all the time, yadda yadda yadda. Teresa finally asks how come you guys arent naked now? Tried to think of an answer and thought initially to say well why not? whats wrong with clothes, why do you have to be naked all the time? but before I answered, another part of me rebutted my own question by saying why not why not? naked is pretty cool, and clothes kind of suck, especially in Jamaica (or Hedo anyway). So after a split-second of considering her initial question, I replied with furrowed brow yknow, I dont know why were not naked, tell you the truth. I asked Beth later why dont we get naked she said no, so that was that. Thinking back, Id give a lot of money to be naked, warm, and tan on that catamaran instead of sitting clothed and pasty in front of this computer. People: get naked while you can, simple as that.

We got to our final stop shortly there after: the caves, and the cliffs above. Swimming around the boat, up and down the slide above the cat for those who wanted, a brisk swim into the cave, up the steps, and off the cliff for those who dared. Dvo, John, Warren, Jon, Leslie and I all jumped; incredibly out of 2 cats with 40 or so folks each, ONLY the Va Beach Crew jumped! Shows the Crew is either that brave or that stupid by comparison.

For my part, I said I was going to do it (the cliff I mean) and certainly still intended to when we arrived at the cliff. Truth told the swim from the boat to the back of the cave looked more imposing than the cliff (but of course thats before you get to the top). Split decision: finished my glass o courage, dove over the side, no problem. Headed for this no-joke cliff-side cave -- about as wide as the catamaran itself (which was huge itself) -- I swear straight out of "Pirates of the Caribbean." Once in the cave -- which is where the stone steps lead up to the cliff above -- you had to watch the rocks and time the waves / tide to make your way to the back, then time them again to get up and out of the water (the gentle, not-dashed-against-the-rocks way). Had it not been for Jon advising him, Dvo nearly caught his nipple ring on the rocks due to being a little off on the timing. Anyway, I finally reach the back of the cave without incident, and collapse on the rock ground for 10 minutes or so. Up the stairs and a short walk to the opening of the cliff wall where you jumped, and oh-my-lord was it high! 45-50 ft I'd say, give or take. After Dvo and John jumped together (holding hands no less, dorks), I took a pretty long time cussing and cursing myself, pacing back and forth the two cats at the bottom all screaming for me to JUMP KEVIN, JUMP! DO IT! About a half dozen 3-counts later (they don't work), I finally started to come to grips with the fact that I wasnt going to be doing this stupid jump. I left the side, walked to the tree to the left, cussing some more, before finally saying screw-it!, turning, running, and jumping. Holy crap Im flying! What an experience! Had the whole cove cheering my name (and lemme tell ya youve got plenty of time to hear everything while youre in the air). Five minutes later I hit the water perfectly, no bruises, and made my way back to the boat where I promptly ordered another rum & coke. Better make it a double, yeah mon. Whew!

TEASEUM ARRIVES: PURPLE MOTHERFUCKERS ALL AROUND; SHANNON; THE CAPTAIN & TENILLE

Last year Beth, John & I had the good pleasure of meeting Paul & the Gang which would be Paul & his wife Heather, Chris, and the rest of the Teasum.Com models. Teasum.com is a great lingerie company of which Paul is the owner based in sunny California. It was Paul introduced us to Purple Motherfuckers which is served as a shot or an equally potent drink depending on whether Scoomba or Delroy is preparing so it was only fitting the reunion be commemorated with a round or three of the juice. Nearly everyone in the Va Beach Crew drank down the stuff with a smile and hardly a wince as it was undeniably brilliant! If you missed out on this concoction last trip or jonesing for a taste of Hedo before your virgin trip here below is the recipe (as found with the rest of its sibling Delroys specialties here):

*Purple Motherfucker*

1/4 oz. blue Curacao
1/4 oz. peach schnapps
1/2 oz. 151 rum
1 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. cranberry juice
1/2 oz. sweet & sour
mix all ingredients in shaker over ice. shake well. strain and serve straight up in 3 oz. shot glass.

While most of the Teaseum girls faces were new Georgina, you are missed it was great seeing Paul, Heather, Chris, and not the least that fire-eater, man-eater Shannon. Yes she is a *real* red head (though no visible proof was to be seen). With a smile matched in size only by her attitude and the best breasts and ass to be found on resort on a girl barely standing 4-10 Shannon is a real pistol to say the least. It was later that afternoon (or was it later that week, it all begins to blur) playing volleyball on the prude beach, a couple younger single guys were chatting it up with her. The bolder one of the duo says to her, innocently enough I really like your red hair is that your real color? We all sitting around the picnic table either chuckled or dropped and shook our heads. Shannon raises her eyebrow a bit and looks at the guy, and after some more stumbling on his part gives him a lashing, saying you dont talk to girls very much do ya sport?

And speaking of fun and interesting characters, who could forget the Captain & Tennille? Or as the Crew affectionately called them The Porn Couple. If you didnt check them out extravagantly dressed to the nines in different theme-matching outfits at dinner, you couldnt help but watch their ongoing show at Delroys bar (did I say at, I mean *on*); or out in the lagoon on their inflatable yacht a huge yellow inflatable raft complete with roper ladder. I cant decide what I had more fun with: waiting at dinner to see what the two would show up in that night maybe shed be in a white period dress, maybe black dom boots and matching skirt or watching their performances on the nude beach. Ill never forget being on the nude beach next to Delroys with some of my Crew, watching C&T casually looking around for a good spot I thought to sit and relax or eat and settling down instead on the grass next to the crafts tables in an intimate, drawn-out 69. I remember off-handedly remarking to the gang it was nice of her to give him something to eat.

The infamous Porn Couple would eventually ride the bus back to Mo Bay with us on the last day.

PJ PARTY; SEX BY THE REFLECTING POOLS; SO MUCH SO MUCH; ID LIKE TO THANK

PJ night was a lot of fun for the Rum Runners; though virgins and a younger crowd than most, my friends pulled all the stops in their creativity. We had Dvo: Porn Detective with his hot pink thong and double shoulder gun holster, a tube of KY in one side, a pink vibrator in the other. Jon also wore a thong, a rubber chicken strapped to his waist to dangle between his legs. He got lots of attention as folks walked up and gave his cock a tug or a squeeze (though some rudely pulled, lol). I had a lot of fun myself as well. Last year I wore a grass skirt (commando) and wanted to still do something fun, but different; so I came dressed in a brown loin cloth and arm band, ala-Tarzan. Looked great just dont get an erection wearing that, theres no hope in hiding it.

Beth was feeling frisky pretty much a constant feeling the whole week really and later in the evening after kicking it up on the dance floor, she takes my hand and leads me outside to the colored reflecting pools; lays me down, disrobes, and we made love in the late, sultry Jamaican evening, slowly and passionately for any who cared to look. Careful was I not to disrespect the area, if you know what I mean, so that session was all for my baby.

Alas, theres so much to tell so much to share, I could keep going on and on about Charlie and his awesome if uniquely-made omelets; the belly-dancing Meg and her guy Todd and the late night spent at the disco dancing and carrying on till 5am; our gal Dee surprising us all and most of all herself, acquiescing to do Piece by Piece (10 minutes before she was completely naked swaying and dancing on top of the piano, shed had no idea what she was getting into); Leslie trying her hand at water-skiing and doing a fine job of it; Beth Warren and I snorkeling the reefs off Booby Cay; Gregs first night naked in the hot tub after retrieving his papers from Richmond; the grueling 14 mile bike ride taken by Lisa, Jen, and Adrian (too much work, too little rum for me); all 13 of us getting together for dinner each night at Pastafaris, Munasans, and the Scotch Bonnet, all of us dressed up in our sexy island-wear; Beth and Warren fertility sculptures out of the wasabi and ginger (see picture below); fun, late nights with all-you-can-take Playboy channel; John & Carolyn winning Best Couple in the toga contest for their elaborate, hand-made (and completely see-through) matching togas; our day trip to the Negril market, viewing all the incredible woodwork and crafts; Jons Friday night transformation into the fabulous Jo-Ann before the Drag & Tramp parade. Every minute of each and all of the 8 days we spent at Hedo was amazing and memorable, and I am now well over a month in writing this trip report.

BIG UPS; 8 MONTHS & COUNTING; MEET THE CREW

It is well known that Hedo is unique in the people that work at the resort as well as those you meet there. So, not to be forgetten, Big ups to many, many people that made our trip the trip of a lifetime we all hoped it would be: CHARLIE with his kick-ass omelets; sweet, sweet PAULETTE ready to serve a tasty beverage despite our having clothes on; RICHIE and the entire DIVE SHACK for helping me get the card that *proves* Im certifiable; dear EMILY, who when she wasnt diving with me and Jon, was with us on the sand settin and spikin; the bashful and beautiful MARIA from Germany; the lovely & laid-back TeaseUm model and part-time volleyball champ CHRISTENE thanks for distracting the other team for us girl! PAUL & HEATHER and the TeaseUm entourage; DARRYL & PATTI, with Pattis amazing wonder-glove; TODD & the lovely, belly-dancing MEG; the talented SCUMBA, who had the rum in hand ready for me before Id gotten to the bar; SHANNON with her feisty, fiery antics; HEDO DAVE, an honorary Rum Runner thanks for all your entertaining if not tall tales and stories; CHRIS SANTILLI for helping Jon find his inner beauty, helpinig Beth find her trampiness (love you baby), and signing our Penthouse board game it can only increase in value now! KORO for being a good sport (we suspect he may have been a bit infatuated with the lovely Leslie); DELROY & ROBERT for keeping us alternately drunk on Appletons and full on jerk chicken, grilled cheese, and those killer fries! KING ARTHUR in the Piano Bar who taught us about the BIG BAMBOO (man that guys got a voice!); WINSTON for his energy and, erm, enthusiasm; sexy, sassy DELICIOUS yum; and of course the indomitable RAY RAY (pronounced rraayyy raaayyyy), for stealing my babys panties and, well, just being Ray Ray.

All of us friends had a chance to get to know each other even better than before, some of us becoming "best friends." We all got very tanned despite the summer fun back in Virginia Beach had long passed no one got burnt, and just about everyone is sold on my favorite island resort they can't wait to go again in 8 months (to the point of discussing dates before we even got back to the US).

My scuba certification is in the mail, our bags are packed for our ski trip this weekend, and rum continues to ever flow each and every weekend as we anxiously await volleyball season in April, and we the Va Beach Crew, aka the Rum Runners, Hedo vets now one and all, will never forget our incredible adventure in the coolest, craziest, off-the-hook resort in the Caribbean.

So when you get to Delroys, and youre waiting for your couple of Purple Motherfuckers, look up in the rafters for a 03 Virginia plate that reads HEDO 4ME and think good thoughts about the Va Beach Crew.

Like this trip report? Say hi(email Kevin here)

Below is (most of) the Crew, pictured left to right:

The Irresistible Jen

The dashing Dvo (starfish hunter)

toga-John and toga-Carolyn (winners, best couple)

my sexy baby Beth (aint she cute?)

Moi, Kevin

Fabulous Jon (aka Jo-Ann)

Piece-by-Piece Dee (soon to be married to fabulous Jon)

Wacky, witty Warren

The lovely Leslie

Greg (Gregimus Maximus)