Well gang, trip #2 has come and gone and all I can say is that I had a FABULOUS time! Seven days just aint long enough for Hedo. First off, let me thank the man who has the best Hedo-related website, gives the best Hedo rates and is the coolest Hedo travel agent I know: King Denny! Hey Denny, does my shout-out earn me any sort of discount on my next trip? No? Okay, well back to the story 

So its been about 3 years since my first trip to Hedo II with the Summer WWW group in July, 2001 (see trip report here). I had planned on returning to Hedo pretty regularly, but then 9/11 happened, the U.S. economy took a down turn and so did the number of opportunities in my field of expertise. All of that, plus a cross-country move made it difficult to justify a trip to Jamaica. But as we all know or will eventually learn, the only constant is change. So after 3 years of no vacation, what did I do as soon as I got a good-paying gig? Save money for a rainy day? Of course not! I booked a Hedo trip! Duh! 

Preparation for the Trip:

Ladies, listen up cuz Im only gonna say this once: never and I do mean NEVER, EVER use a cream depilatory on your pubic hair! It seemed like a good idea to me at the time. I have a low tolerance for pain, so a Brazilian wax was out of the question. Im lazy, so the idea of shaving every other day didnt generate a lot of Hedo buzz either. Ive used the cream stuff on my legs and underarms with no problems, so why not try it on the nether region? My poor, poor, misguided soul!  

The seering pain from the rawness of my flesh was almost unbearable. I stepped out of the shower in a trembling daze and had to just go lay down. So ladies, when I say dont use the stuff down there, trust me, I know of which I speak. Sheesh! The mere thought sends chills up and down my spine! 

Getting There:

I am an eternal procrastinator, and I know that one of these days its going to be to my detriment. I thought that day had arrived when I found myself racing through the airport parking lot at 5:17am for my 6:00am flight to Jamaica.  

Please God, dont let me miss this flight. Please dear God! 

Its sad but I probably did more praying in the days leading up to my trip to Hedo than Ive done in a year. Other prayers were: 

Please God, let my costume for PJ night arrive in the mail before Im scheduled to leave for Jamaica. 

OR 

Please God, dont let anybody ask to borrow my car while Im out of town. 

OR 

Please God, stop my boss from asking, Can you get this one more thing done before you go on vacation? 

God mustve taken pity on me, because I made the flighta bit sweaty, but I made it! 

Arriving at Customs:

No problem, Mon! Long lines? You betcha! Did I give a damn? Honey, after scalding my vagina and running like a track star through an airport, I was just glad to be there! 

Arriving at Hedo:

We dont have a reservation for you, so well need to call the corporate office. 

Whah? No reservation? Lady, you better find a room or youll be dragging me from this place by my ankles as I claw the floor with my fingernails!  

I didnt actually say that. Thats just what I was thinking. J Rather than freak out, I went to grab a bite to eat and then took a little tour of the place. I noticed that a lot had changed since July, 2001. I took a deep breath and smiled as I realized I was back home Then I wondered what the hell had taken me so long to return. 

When I finally did get my room, I was bit dismayed to find that it was so far on the prude side. But I didnt complain. Hey, I was at Hedo. 

Time to Party:

Day one, hour two and it was time to head to the nude side. Suddenly I heard keys jingling in the door. Damn, they stuck me with a friggin roommate! And who should appear? Darlene! Yea! (See previous trip report for details on her.) I knew shed be at Hedo during this time, but I didnt think Id see her so soon. It turned out that Darlene and her husband had treated there assistant, my new roommate, to a free trip to Hedo. Talk about a having a great boss!  

Their assistant (well just call her Brenda), was a very nice woman. But she was a smoker, and I dont smoke. I decided I would just go to the front desk and ask for another room. But then I thought, this lady seems nice enough. Although shes a prude, I think we might be on the same Hedo wavelength. No telling what type of person I might get stuck with if I move. So, I decided to stay put. (More on the roommate situation later.) 

Later That Day:

I finally made it to the nude side. As I walked the beach, removing my swimsuit as I went, I thought to myself, Oh my God! Everybodys naked! For a moment, I wanted to turn and run. The fear of being naked and alone at Hedo came rushing back. But it soon passed. 

I found my favorite spot from my previous trip: the pool barstool at Delroys. I ordered a Sunset and looked around, feeling really awkward and stupid sitting there all by myself. Just relax, Carla. This is only hour 2. 

A nice guy with a big cowboy hat strolled over to get a drink. He chatted with me while he waited. Then he introduced himself.  

My names Brian.

Im Carla, I replied.

Carla the Single Gal?

I smiled. Thats me.

Hey. I sent you an email. Remember? Theres my wife, Sheila. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Why dont you come join us?

Okay, thanx. 

And people, its just that simple. Thats how ya get going at Hedo! 

Later That Week:

Okay, anybody thats been to Hedo and has written a trip report knows that its kinda hard to remember everything as it happened, but Ill do my best.  

Playing the drinking dice game with Brian and Sheila, Psycho Miko, Barb from Boston, Cheryl and the 3 Kyles was so much fun. The 3 Kyles were these single guys that joined in the fun. Psycho Miko had a problem remembering names (funny, he always knew all of the ladies names). Rather than asking, Whats your name again? he decided to just call all the guys Kyle. It seemed to work pretty well. 

I dont know what constituted winning or losing in that game, but the person with the most chips at the end of the game had to drink some big, Irish Crme concoction. Everybody else played fair and drank it all down. But when I was the winner, I couldnt get the stuff down. So I just poured it all over my boobs and let everybody help me drink it up. Hedo people are so helpful. <devilish grin> 

In the evening, the hottub was perfect. The temperature in the air seemed to drop a bit and put ever so slight of a chill in the air. Normally, I find the hottub too hot, but it was right on the money that night.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the room, my roommate, Brenda, was content to watch TV and smoke her cigarettes. Hey, whatever man. Whatever somebody chooses to do on their vacation is there business, ya dig? She was relaxing in her own way. 

Oh Carla, I called my Jamaican friend and hes coming by between 12:30 and 2, so Ill need the room to myself, okay?

No problem. Get your freak on! I scurried about getting my things together so I could be out of the way when her friend came by. Guess she wasnt just sitting in the room after all.

* * *

More fun-filled days in the pool with Brian and Sheila and the gang; and the Aussie, Steve, joins us. I had been corresponding with Steve for several weeks before the trip. (Thats really a great way for a single person to have instant friends upon arriving at Hedo.) He was a cool dude, but also a DSM. Not a Vinny or a Wally, just a Dreaded Single Male. He was great, but for some reason he had a hard time relaxing. I think he was so worried about being perceived as a Vinny or Wally or inadvertently doing something considered inappropriate by the coupled masses that he went the extra mile to wait until politely asked to join in the fun. It got to be quite funny. People remarked that he seemed to only be comfortable around me, acting like a little lost puppy following me around. People would tell me that when I wasnt around hed frequently ask in his Australian accent, Wheres Caahla? Wheres Caahla? I could just picture it. It got to be a bit annoying after a while and I wanted to just grab him and say, Dude, relax! Youre among friends. Now stop following me around! Those poor DSMs, theyre damned if they do and damned if they dont.

* * *

Once again, back at the room

Oh Carla, I called my Jamaican friend and hes coming by between 12:30 and 2, so Ill need the room to myself, okay?

No problem. Get your freak on!

* * *

Later on, I met Donna and Stephanie, two single gals I had corresponded with via email before the trip. They turned out to be a riot and made my trip so much better. Although they are in their mid-20s, they looked like two 16-year-olds and giggled like two 13-year-olds. They kept me (and everyone else) in stitches. Those are my kinda gals. I hope we can all plan to go back to Hedo at the same time. I love those two!

* * *

Again, back at the room

Oh Carla, I called my Jamaican friend and he is coming by between 12:30 and 2, so Ill need the room to myself, okay?

No problem. Get your freak on!  

Anybody starting to see a pattern here? Truly, it was absolutely no problem for me. I had no problem getting the hell out of her way. This woman was 58-years-old and getting served by a 24-year-old young man (he was a cutie too). Never would I deny her that. Hell, she was my hero!  

Hmph, just keep reading 

The Creepy Nigerian Guy:

Here is the one bad part about the trip: there was a Nigerian gentleman there who I had noticed noticing me from afar. I had hoped hed keep it that way (FAR away), but no such luck. 

Oh God, please dont let him come over here and talk to me. I guess God figured he had done me enough favors, because lo and behold, there was Ole Creepy walking towards me. Now, some of you might think its unfair of me to call someone I dont know creepy. Well, I have learned to trust my gut. It never steers me wrong, and my gut was telling me he was creepy.  

I attempted to give him the cold shoulder. He pressed on, telling me the sexual things he wanted to do to me. I told the Aussie to pretend to be my boyfriend, which he happily did. But then I left to go to the restroom and when I returned, the Creepy Nigerian proceeded to tell me how he had spoken with my boyfriend and my boyfriend had said it was okay for him (the Creepy Nigerian) to eat my p*ssy!  

WTF??????????????  

I looked at my pretend boyfriend, the Aussie, confused. He looked back at me as if to say, Hey, thats a big black man. Im not gonna say no to him for you or anybody else! Granted, the Nigerian was a tall, big man. I suppose he could have been intimidating to most men. 

But now I had this Creepy Nigerian guy in my face acting as though it was a done deal. Like I was property and had no say in the matter, because he had successfully negotiated my purchase from my pitiful excuse for a pretend boyfriend!  

Frustrated, and more than a little pissed, I just came right out and told the Creepy Nigerian, Look, Im not going to f*ck you, okay? Give it a rest.

But your boyfriend said it was okay, he protested.

I glared at the Aussie and responded, Yeah, well my boyfriend is an a$$hole! 

Youd think that would have been the end of it, right? WRONG!!! Next, the Creepy Nigerian decided to appeal to my sensibilities and our shared ethnicity. 

Look, Im black. Why you want to treat a black man like that?

Whats your point? I asked. Im black too.

Exactly, he responded. 

Oooooh, so since were both black, well of course we should have sex!!

Can you say, C-R-E-E-P-Y?  

Hot tub no more fun. Time for me to go.  

Later on, I heard from an eye-witness that the same said Creepy Nigerian decided to stick his fingers inside the vagina of some woman unknown to him. She, thinking it was her husbands fingers (whos else would they be), had not bothered to look to verify from whence the penetration came. When her husband witnessed this, he of course blew a gasket.  

When the husband asked what the f*ck gave this guy the impression that what he was doing was okay, the Creepy Nigerian responded, I paid my money to come to this place just like everyone else. 

Wow! Not only creepy but scary as well. I am thankful that he never pulled a stunt like that with me. Needless to say, security was called and he was gone. 

Thank you for protecting me my loyal, puppy dog, scaredy-cat pretend boyfriend!  * * *

Meanwhile, back at the room

Oh Carla, I called my Jamaican friend and blah, blah, blah

No problem, Brenda. Get your freak on!  

Back to Having Fun:

And then I met Jay. Jay was a great-looking guy who I had seen roaming the nude side and in the gym (I actually worked out on this trip). He was so hot, I just knew he was there with someone. Nope, he was a DSM! Yea for me! Jay was 50-years-old but didnt look a day over 35! Seriously. Every time he told someone how old he was, they laughed and said, Yeah, right. Amazing! I guess working out really is a good thing. No more details on that one, though. Good girls never tell. <Angelic halo over head>* * *

The rest of the week was spent laughing and talking with the folks Id just met. The couple from Bermuda: Allen and Tina; the bopsie twins: Donna and Stephanie; the guy who had found the fountain of youth: Jay. We turned into our own little group. And Donna and Steph kept us in stiches.  

I even tried some of the local product and I think I felt some of its effects this time! All I know is my tongue went numb and speaking became difficult. Then I got hungry as hell!!! 

Smoking no fun. Make me eat too much. 

The Resort:

Hot tub I really didnt bother to go back to it at night. Not because of the Creepy Nigerian, but because the scum was so thick I just couldnt bring myself to get back into such filthy water!

Room Hey, a rooms a room. The problem wasnt the room, it was the roommate!

Housekeeping I noticed how everybodys room that I visited on the Nude side had fresh, fluffy towels, flowers on their pillows, towels shaped into ducks on their beds and wash cloths. I had to beg the housekeeper for towels everyday and NEVER got a washcloth!

Showers Warm in the morning, ice cold in the evenings. <Shrug> I got used to it.

Main dining room I have to admit that I enjoyed lunch the most. Not sure why, the food just seemed to taste betteror maybe by then I was just so starved because I never managed to get up early enough for breakfast. Who knows?

Pastafari I was a bit displeased. I was dining alone, but why did they have to seat me facing a wall? All I needed was my very own Dunce cap! I never got the salad I ordered, I could tell that the mashed potatoes were instant and my steak was blood red even though I ordered it medium well. It was so disgusting, I took one bite and walked out. Luckily, the main dining room was still serving or Id have been up a creek.

Munasan Good! Good! Good! This was a good meal. I had planned to dine alone, which really aint a problem for me, but I was glad when asked to join another group that was there.

Scotch Bonnet Didnt get there this trip. Maybe next time.

Roberts Grill All I can say is that I LUV ROBERTS JERK!!! Oh, and the chicken aint too bad either!

Drinks Delroy and Scumba are always wonderful and Paulette is da bomb! Last trip, my favorite drink was a Sunset, this time it was Vodka Ting (or as the English-born Tina would say, Vodker and Ting). But its all good!

Spa Rosslyn was great. She gave me a Seaweed Wrap that was quite wonderful. Nishka made my hands and feet presentable. Thank you both!

Nurses Station I dont remember her name, but the nurse was greatwonderful bedside manner. Thanx for taking care of me! (None of your business why I had to go see the nurse!!! I told you I have a low tolerance for pain, didnt I?) 

Guidelines:

Didnt see anyother than USE YOUR FRIGGIN COMMON SENSE!!! 

Funny Comments and Other Things That Made My Week:

Youre my boy, Blue!

Wheres Caaahla?

Im buying you a car!

Is that Carla the Single Gal? (boy, how many times did I hear that?)

She is not giving him a blow job right. If that were me, Id have been done a long time ago.

Come Carla, come and see the P*ssy Wall!

I cant believe Im doing this Okay, hurry up and take the picture.

 

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell ThemOkay, Maybe Theres Some Truth To It:

Lie #1 Somebody started some silly rumor about me and an Aussie and some ice cubes being strategically placed somewhere ineron my persons. I dont know how that story got started, but dont believe it. Geez, ya tell one person about using a cream hair removal product and see what happens? What kind of person would allow someone to do such a thing? Although I do hear its quite a refreshing feeling. <another devilish grin> 

Lie #2 Someone else said they saw me and another such partner-in-crime writing our names in the wet cement steps near the spa. Again, what kind of person would do such a thing? Certainly not me! <wink wink> But if youre going to Hedo anytime soon, check and see if the names are still there and let me know! 

Shout-outs and Thank Yous:

Darlene and Harold I love you both to death. No reason, I just do!

Brian and Sheila Thank you for inviting me into your group. You were my first friends at Hedo and I appreciate the warmth. On top of that, I really like you guys. I hope I find a guy someday with a heart of gold, just like Brians.

Imelda and Gary Imelda, youre so sexy its scary! <Sigh> Maybe next time, me you and Darlene can give em another lie to talk about!

DennyP Thank you forwaitya know what? I already thanked you at the beginning of this trip report. So do I get that discount now? Still no? Well then never mind.

Tina and Allen Allen, Im still waiting on my car!!!

Jay What a great guy you are! You BETTER keep in touch!

Donna and Stephanie You girls rock! Thanx for making my trip so much funnier. I swear, you two should have your own show on MTV! Weve got to go to Hedo together again some day soon.

Creepy Nigerian Guy Thanx for reminding me that a single gal has to be careful! 

And Finally, the Conclusion to the Roommate Situation:

 Hey Brenda, Ive got somebody coming to the room. Im gonna need the room for a couple of hours, okay? I asked enthusiastically, excited about my prospects.

What? Its 9:00. She responded, testily. I was about to go to bed

Silence filled the room as my enthusiasm faded Okaaay, WTF is her problem? Havent I been obliging to her all week?!?! I chuckled incredulously.

Well, how much time will you need? she asked.

I dont nowa couple of hours, I guessIs that okay?

I guess, she acquiesced, grudgingly. 

At that point, I was a bit taken aback. All week, she had been having her fun and I got out of her way. This one time I asked her for the same favor and she chose to get an attitude! I didnt have time to ponder the situation, though. I had to get ready for my date. 

All I can say is He Who Must Not Be Named made my trip a wonderfully, memorable experience. We, of course, were interrupted by the return of Brenda who by then was truly being a witch with a capital B. So that ended my fun. L 

On Roommates:

Make sure you never get stuck with one!!! 

In Summary:

Hedo is a great place. FUN! FUN! FUN! I was very apprehensive about returning after 3 years and a few extra pounds. But once again, the people at Hedo reminded me how lovely we ALL are. I just hope I gave as much goodness to someone else as I got, cuz I sure got a lot! I loved the place so much Ive ALREADY booked a return trip for my birthday in July. 

If youre thinking about going to Hedo, stop. Dont THINK about it anymore. Contact DennyP and book a trip. I dont care who you are or what your story is. Trust me, you wont regret it! 

NBH,

Carla