December 11, 2004-December 18, 2004
On February 23, 2004 Patty and I had the day off, and after a difficult weekend for us both we decided to drive to the ocean in Rockport Ma. While walking on the beach we stopped, on this clear, and crisp day for a moment so that I could ask this beautiful woman a question. I fumbled in my pocket for a moment or two, and produced a small velvet box. My love was slightly above me on a rock, and I looked in her eyes, and said. Baby, I love you so much, a day without you is like a day without air. Would you please marry me, and make me the happiest man on earth? She replied by crying. At first I was pretty upset, but then over cheeseburgers and Amstel Lights at the local pub, she explained to me that sometimes girls cry when they are happy!! (Girls are funny I guess)
The next project was to pick a date. We had a Hedo trip scheduled for Sept 26th 2004, so we thought it would be a wonderful idea to plan the wedding for the 24th of Sept Friday night, and use our already scheduled Hedo trip for our honeymoon!! Everything was perfect. We worked it out some more, and even decided to JUST get married ON the island. WHOOOO HOOOOOO what could be better? And seriously .what could go wrong?
*%*&ING IVAN! Ivan came along and while it didnt do too much damage to the resort it did end our hopes of going on Sept 26. We didnt find out for sure we couldnt go until the 18th of September, and we werent sure what to do. Basically to make the NON hedo portion of this trip report shorter we booked a minister last minute, and got married on the bandstand in our town. Continued on with our luau plans, and instead of a bon voyage party it was a wedding reception. Couldnt have come out better. We rescheduled the trip for December 11th, the ONLY week the airline and resort could simultaneously reschedule us.
Time passes very slowly when Hedo awaits, much too slowly. Finally the day arrived. We had a 6 am flight on Delta with a stop in Atlanta. Not as good as our usual non-stop Air Jamaica flight, but serviceable. The only hard part is waking the princess for the 4am bus to the airport, but Dunkin Donuts coffee, and Munchkins are enough to get her moving a little anyway. The flight down was uneventful, and we arrived in Jamaica about 1:30 pm or so. The only eventful thing at the airport was when this really cute couple we get to wait in line with is being very friendly, and we figure they are Hedo people. When they ask where we are going I say Hedo 2, and they almost immediately clam up!! Oh well!!
To the new Superclubs lounge! It is spectacular. Instead of standing in the dingiest part of the airport, now you go into a Superclubs lounge, and have 2 floors, and someone offers to bring you Red Stripe (you do have to pay for it)!! In the lounge we meet Hope and Wes. Nice people, but alas and alack, they are off to Grand Lido. We offer them red stripes, and try to lure them to the dark side. No dice. I thought it was funny that these people were going to Lido even though they were really intrigued by the idea of hedo, and their names were Hopewess!!
On the bus, and again the bus ride is uneventful. I think the only one who even spoke on the bus was me (thats not that unusual). [Note from Patty: Mike spoke a LOT!!! The people on the bus thought he was only MOSTLY crazy!!!!!] {Michaels note back: honey, I AM mostly crazy!} Arriving at Hedo we get a big welcome from Romeo, easily one of our favorite employees at Hedonism. He grabs up our luggage, and throws it in the back of the truck. We check in, and are given the keys to room 2250 in H Block. Not my favorite location, but being booked run of the house it is better than a room next to Sandals. 2250 is the LAST room in H block. The back left corner from the nude beach path, but it is at Hedo. Home, home, home at last. We settle in the room. Patty decides unpacking can wait, and off to the nude pool we go. It is such a pleasure to be back. The grounds look great, as if Ivan was nothing but a tropical storm. Behind the nude pool complex there is no longer a windscreen of vegetation. So it can get pretty cool during the day. The whole thing is kind of like a wind tunnel right now. Which is great when its really hot. Nice breeze, but when its kind of chilly it can drive you from the pool.
We get down to brass tacks immediately, and see Delroy for a drink. It is kind of odd to arrive at the nude pool on my first day and see Delroy. I always have arrived on a Sunday and because of that dont usually see Delroy until I have been home for a few days. It is wonderful to see him. He is in his usual great mood. Singing, and dancing behind the bar, and he delivers our drinks with his trademark smile, and handshake (Patty is beginning to learn the machinations of the handshake on her third trip too). Along with big ups. While at the nude pool I get the opportunity to meet Joe (jdwinelovers), and WsSkier from Dennys board, along with Ian and Angela who happen to be from Massachusetts too!!
From here things start to get a bit fuzzy. We went to dinner with new friends that night, and extremely nice couple from Canada. We arrived at Pastafari, and were greeted by Denva, the (greatest in the world) Maitred, another one of my favorite Hedo employees. He seats us in the corner of the restaurant, and informs me that Evelyn will be our server that evening. Evelyn is also a Hedo fave for our family. When she comes over with her huge, and bright smile, and greets us I just HAVE to leap from my seat and hug her. We catch up for a few moments, and then Evelyn brings us a bottle of champagne to welcome us home yet again (if anyone else welcomes us home we are going to be schnockered).
Blind Date -- which I understand is a television show -- is producing some made-for-dvd shows this week as well. They have a small portion of Pastafari roped off. We get to talk a bit to the producer, and he asks Patty if she is wild. Pattys reply is I am an up and cumming porn starlet!! I spit champagne out my nose. The producer tries to talk Patty into making herself into a star, but the champagne is not that strong, and we make our way out of pastafari.
We finish our dinner, and walk the property a bit. In the long run, after getting up before 4 a.m. and with little to no napping we were a little out of it the first night. We decided to hit the room early. Sleep comes easily. [Pattys note: Nice editing, Michael!!!] {Michaels note back: I thought that sounded more romantic than we passed out drooling!}
Sunday December 12, 2004 or day two!
I have been given some gifts for the dive crew from John (sundude_99) and want to deliver them. Patty and I awake early, and head to breakfast with the small gift bag. We walk the beach a bit, and then head up to see Charlie. Charlie makes me some wonderful eggs over easy (I didnt have even ONE omelet this week, and for the first time ever didnt put on weight during a weeks stay at Hedo). I eat fairly light as I have to teach my spinning class in a few hours at 10 am. After breakfast we get back to the room dress for the gym, and get up there to get it started. Our new Canadian friends join us for spinning, and do amazingly well for their first time. The remainder of the day time is spent between napping, and sitting at the nude pool. [Pattys note: HELLO? I dont get muchas kudos for ACTUALLY spinning on vacation? Sheesh] {Michaels note back: not for nothing darling, you get to go for free too. I EXPECTED you to spin, but nice job anyway!}
Sunday for dinner we agree to eat in the main dining room. Patty looks amazing in a blue (turquoise dress), but alas immediately following dinner she NEEDS to get some sleep, all the go, go, go has gotten to her a bit. We head back to the room, and sit quietly together discussing our trip so far. One thing we talk about is the marijuana at Hedo. I havent noticed much this trip, but I thought that Hedo could cut costs if they would just put a big all you can eat Dorito, and Twinkie bar for $100 a head, and the rest of us could cut our vacation costs tremendously. Following the giggling after that we crash into the sleep of the dead.
Monday December 13th, 2004, or the day of realization.
Monday we get up again early and head to breakfast. Following breakfast we [Pattys note: see? Notice the WE part!!! I am SUCH a good wife!!] move again towards the gym for a 10 am spinning class, and have a wonderful time. Feeling energized from the exercise we head to the nude pool. Using this day to meet some new people, and to catch up with some of the www crew. This is the first day we notice the very nice lady from another hemisphere. She is blonde has a very nice body, and is VERY VERY friendly. Her antics continue all week long. One after another, after another, after another, WOW!! She is easily the talk of the vacation. That one person that everyone at hedo whispers about, but I did have an opportunity to speak to them on a couple of occasions, and her and her husband were really nice people.
For dinner on Monday we returned to Pastafari. Denva was again extremely accommodating, and seated our party immediately. We imbibe once again in copious amounts of champagne [Pattys note: what a very PC way of putting THAT] {Michaels note back: Well I dont want to say we guzzled like sailors in port for one day.} delivered deftly by Evelyn, and all is well. We walk the beach a bit, and spend some quality time together and once again retire early. It is a fun day.
Tuesday December 14th, 2004, or the battle of the sexes!!
Tuesday is the day for the catamaran cruise from hell!! Patty loves, loves, loves the cat cruise. She talks about it over and over for weeks, and months before we leave for the vacation, and wanted to sign up for it as soon as we arrived. Finally on cruise day it is raining a bit, and we head for the dock. Paying for the trip is easy, and we board the boat. After about 10 or 15 minutes out on the sea we realize that the ocean is between 6 and 8 feet. The waves pound the medium sized boat, and rock it mercilessly. My wife who LOVES this trip ends up fetal, on one of the benches, and never sits up for the remainder of the 3 hours. Not fun to say the least. [Pattys note: What can I say other than: BBBBBLLLLLLLLARRRRGGHHHYDBJHKJAJAJ.] {Michaels note back: eloquent as ever my love.}
For dinner we decide once again on Pastafari, but with a small twist. Tonight it will be just the two of us for a romantic dinner. We arrive and are seated in the back right corner of the restaurant. Again Evelyn brings us our champagne, and we toast our love, and our honeymoon. As is wont to happen at Hedo the people across from us start a conversation, and we end up chatting the evening away with them. Kent and Stephanie are great people, and easy to talk to.
Soon in comes Kelly who is there alone, and seated alone. She tells us that she is waiting for 2 single guys who may decide to join her for dinner. They have been following her around a bit, and are obviously going through a little puppy dog syndrome. This is very funny to watch, it seems that the single girls there that week, and there were many, are very much mother ducks, but instead of ducklings in tow, they have single guys. I urge Kelly to explain to her suitors that jumping jacks really turn her on, and that the guy who can do the BEST jumping jack will win her heart, and or other organs. We all have a good laugh.
Following this dinner we head out to the main dining room to watch the battle of the sexes!! Egad. Patty has dragged me up on stage!! I am competing in the battle of the sexes for the first time in 7 trips. I get tapped to do the beer chugging, and the competitor for the girls team? That is correctPATTY!! I beat herI beat her bad. I suck down my beer in about 2 seconds, and my partner does the same, but the win is given to the girls because Im sloppy!! Stupid spillage!! [Pattys note: HAHAHAHAHAHAAA] {Michaels note back: Honey just be glad I didnt spill it ON you}
Later I get invited to the fake orgasm contest. Inexplicably I win. I had to choose a partner for the finals of the orgasm contest. I chose a very nice woman and had her lay down, and then pretend she was asleep. After a gentle nudge and pretending to make sure she was asleep I pretended to pleasure myself. NOW THATS FUNNY!! Seriously, it is amazing that I win as I have never had to fake an orgasm in my whole life. Bottom line the men WIN the battle of the sexes, and I like to think my orgasm made me an MVP of the team. Patty was tapped to change clothing with a gentleman in this contest as well. His name was Benny, and he was a good sport. Patty put on his pajama type bottoms and tank top, and he had to get into her little black dress!! Well he did, but it was on upside down, and kind of sideways. While the ecs took him to get his dress on right Patty was asked to hit on the chicks, and act like a man. With some gentle guidance from me (well as gentle as you can be while yelling across the main dining room floor), she scratched herself, and snorted acting very much like a man, and to great guffaws of laughter, as well. She was also asked for a name, and when pressed the only name she could think of was Larry from Kansas City which is the name of a dear dear friend of ours who unfortunately was not at Hedo for this trip!! All in all battle of the sexes night was a HUGE success!! We had a wonderful time, and its always fun to participate in something like that.
One of the other big bonuses this Tuesday is we get to meet Jen and randy. Two people from Miami who become some of our closest friends at Hedo this week, along with Jen and Jason they help form our fun little circle. They are both funny, and Jen is like a female version of me. We have a lot of fun discussing how Randy (the guy) is the princess of the couple. Jen goes out early in the morning and gets him coffee. The exact opposite of everyone else in the group. We as a group come to a consensus that Randy has the biggest penis of all the princesses. Congratulations Randy!!
Tuesday is also the night for the pj party! I know, seems like a busy day, huh? So we head back to the room, and get dressed for PJ. I forgot my outfit (which is a take off on elvis called Hellvis) a large bright red sequined jump suit with a high collar, and a cape. So instead I just wear a santa hat, and a thong. We dance for hours, and have a wonderful time. We do not win anything, but we definitely get a good time in. Patty and Kelly both get on the pole, and dance like freaks. It was completely out of hand. We laughed, and danced, and patty flitted all over the dance floor. It was great, and not long later we flew off to bed, and got some serious sleep once again.
Wednesday December 15th 2004
On Wednesday we decide to take a walk down the beach. Patty has always wanted to see one of my favorite Jamaican restaurants Kosmos, and I am dying to take her. Our Canadian friends accompany us, and we have a great walk. We take some pictures of our north of the border friends at Sandals which is where they are vacationing (wink, wink), and why their names are not part of this report, but they were a big part of our vacation.
As we move past Sandals, and into unchecked vendor alley it gets slightly uncomfortable, but no big deal. The walk proves to be too much for the weary crew, and we turn to head home. Stopping, patty and I, on the way back to buy a pink sarong style dress [Pattys note: WITH SPARKLES!!! Weeeeeee!!] {Michaels note back: and see through, again something for everyone} which will look fabulous, and we work some Cuban Cigars into the deal, and everyone is happy!
Back to the resort, and more pool time. While we are sitting in the hot tub, the crowd kind of parts, and in the middle is an old friend. His name is
Jonathan Luckett, and he is the author of a novel How ya livin which is set at
We met Jon on our first Hedo trip together, and he has been a good friend ever since. We were expecting to see him for the holidays, here in Boston, but not at Hedo a pleasant surprise indeed. If you have interest in the hedo based novel please check out www.jonathanluckett.com tell him Boston Mike sent you!!
Off to the dining room for more dinner, and this time we end up in the late seating at Munasan (Pastafaris is closed). It is as usual excellent. Because the resort is much less humid this trip than we are used to Munasan is delightful, and much more comfortable than we expected. The food is excellent. We share nice dinner conversation with people we have met before, but not really had an opportunity with whom to chat.
Following dinner we try to make the piano bar work. No dice. Without Dave it is just no use. It is wonderful to see King Arthur, but the new piano player does nothing for me, and we leave fairly quickly. I dont remember too much more about this night, and we head for bed!
Thursday December 16th, 2004 or TOGA, TOGA, TOGA!!
We play all day in and out of the hot tub to protect from the breeze. We laugh, and play all day in the pool complex, and it is a lazy early part of the day.
Our last dinner at Pastafari is tonight as it is closed on Friday, and Evelyn will not even be there. When we arrive Michael and Denva seat us, and Michael is our server. You cant really go wrong at Pastafari. You either get Evelyn, Darrell, Michael, or Khalil. No matter which staff member you get you are lucky to have them.
Michael brings us champagne for the table, and makes everyone at home. We are dining with Jason, Jen, Jon, and Jorge. Very much the J. Crew of dinners I suppose! Michael is wonderful, and the food is, per usual, phenomenal. The champagne flows as does the decent red wine. I am happy, and full. Immediately following dinner we head to the room to toga up, but when we arrive we make the mistake of putting our heads down for one moment...
Friday December 17th 2004, or the gala, and the best day at hedo ever!!
I rise early, and head to breakfast. After which I bring patty some coffee, and croissants. I go teach my class, and wake her when Im done. Today is the only day I dont have a lot of people for my class, and I get back to the room early. Patty rises, and we go to the beach for burgers, and pool fun.
We spend the day with the Jens, and Randy, and Jason as has been our routine. We laugh, and joke, and basically just have a wonderful fun interesting afternoon. Things are going along great, but we have to run to get ready to hit my favorite bar Kosmos. We are taking a cab over there to meet Evelyn (from Pastafaris!), and her husband and son. I am very excited to see them. We meet them for and hour or so, and have a delightful time, and several red stripes. What a beautiful family Evelyn has. It is an honor to sit with them, but we have to get back for our gala dinner, and beach party.
Arriving for dinner we gather our group. The Canadians, the Jens, Randy, and Jason. We relax, and partake in pre dinner cocktails, and conversation. Soon dinner is served. The most amazing dinner I have ever seen at Hedo. Lobster tails, pasta station, ice sculptures, food and service stations as far as the eye can see. I eat the lobster, but take it easy, and patty eats from the pasta bar. A wonderful dinner, and the best dinner I have ever had at Hedo that was not served in Pastafaris! MAGNIFICENT!! [Pattys note: Dude! The VERY BEST part was when Denva (from Pastafaris) sought us out and brought us TWO bottles of champange for our dinner! So SWEET!!] {Michaels note back: Dude, I already said Denva was the best there is} Kudos to the new chef Mr. Thompson I got to talk to him on several occasions, and he is a very pleasant American man from Lousisiana. I think he has his work cut out for him changing things as I have heard a great deal of the kitchen staff is not happy with some of the new methods, but he truly seems to be off to a delicious start.
Following dinner I get everyone up to the disco top hot tub (on the Prude side). We just sit along the rail, and chat in the night air. Looking out over Negril, and basking in our last night of Hedo only about 20 minutes, but it was a wonderful 20 minutes.
We watch the circus show, and patty gets called up to stand on the chest of the nail bed dude. The Jamaican performers are amazing. They are a small cirque do soleil. They twist, and bounce, and twirl, and hang in unison. What a show. (I gotta start spending more time in the main dining room)!
Not long after that we all head down to the beach for the beach party, and it is a lot of fun. We watch the games, and dance a little, and basically have a fit laughing. Patty gets to watch Lawrence the ec dance for the first time. He had been away until that morning, and she is screaming her head off like shes a 14 year old girl, and Lawrence is like her Shawn Cassidy. As the beach party winds down, and the bon fire is lit we head to the disco. Dancing begins in earnest. Jen dances on the pole, and gives Jason a lap dance. It is pretty cool to watch -- she is quite the dancer. She begins dancing with a very nice Jamaican man in the disco who dances like a genius, but doesnt speak very much. He doesnt speak to her until at one point when she is stuck between this man and her husband Jason he asks, So are the two of us going to do you? Horror is her reaction. It is actually quite funny!! We laugh about it when its over. Patty is also a serious dancing machine, and she is wearing me out. My suggestion to alleviate this...WATERSLIDE!!! Off we go. Up the stairs, and down the slide, up the stairs and down the slide, up the stairs and down the slide, up the stairs and down the slide!! Too much fun, it is a bit chilly, and the girls are done. We agree to walk to the hot tub. As we are walking we see our friend Jon escorting someone away from the tub.
The gossip is that this idiot grabbed our friend (the busy girl from another hemisphere) while she was getting a soda. She moved away from him, and went back to her husband. As she sat down the guy PUNCHED the husband. Who promptly stood up and deposited the idiot into the hot tub. At which point it was broken up, and this guy was dragged away from the hot tub. Fun, fun, fun!!
At the tub is Patty, me, Jen and Randy, and Jen and Jason. We are having a grand time, and laughing our tushies off. Just then the romantic spirit grabs one of the 3 couples, and they engage in a little intimacy. As they do a different guy unknown to any in the group sits within inches of the couple. Who quickly retreat to the safety of the group. I have long said you must expect to get watched if you engage in anything public, but this guy sat REALLY close. (note for single guys: It is best to keep your distance from couples when they start to play. You dont have to more further away from them, but do NOT sit on top of them.) The woman wanted to know if the single guy thought she was going to lose her place, and forget who was supposed to be pleasured!! Creepy but not scary.
Soon it was very late, and the suggestion was made that we continue the bull session in private, as no one is really ready to let the last hedonistic night go quietly into the good night. Jen, Jason, and we recongregate in our room, and sit and laugh, and talk and party on for several more hours. What fun. One of the most fun innocent nights I have ever spent at Hedo. It couldnt have been better!
Saturday December 18th, 2004 or the last morning at hedo.
I rise early and pack most of our things. Patty wakes and helps me finish. [Pattys note: Ha. Finish? Stading around going, Dude. I am WAY too hungover to fly. Is NOT helping] {Michaels note back: yah, but you werent taking things OUT of the luggage as I packed, like last trip.} We head to breakfast, and have a wonderful feed. We have the opportunity to sit with our friends from our week at Hedo, and revel in the stories and reminisce about the past week. It is hard to face the prospect of not seeing these people again tomorrow, but it was so great to get to know them.
The bus arrives, and we depart. The flight home is basically uneventful, and full of sleep. We arrive safe and sound (and not just a little crabby) [Pattys note: Crabby is such a very nice way of stating it ] about midnight or so. Our ride is late because of a snafu on gates, and we get to stand in the Midnight Boston air in about 34* Fahrenheit. Fun, fun, fun. Not long after that we are home in our house, and the car starts, and the heat works, and all is well with the world. Hedo soon come, mon! 6 months and change before we go back. But all in all this was our best Hedo trip ever. Certainly mine. [Pattys note: Hey! Mine toooo!]
Some things worth mentioning:
The food at Hedo was wonderful. Lobster is back on Friday nights, and its a great idea to make sure you visit Pastafari, and Denva, and Evelyn. Please tell them I said hi.
Our gratitude for our most wonderful Hedo vacation to date goes out to: Jen and Jason, Jen and Randy, The Canadians, Jonathan, and many others.
Big ups go out to our favorite employees of Hedo: Denva, Evelyn, Louise the maid in H- Block, Delroy, Scumba, Buni in the dining room in the morning, Robert from the grill, Stephanie, and Andre from the bar, and so many others.
We are very fortunate to be able to play on this playground as much as we do, and we hope that this trip report has held some attention for you. We had a wonderful honeymoon, and an even better Hedo vacation, all in one. I doubt we will ever be fully able to express to the people we met how much them meant to us, or that we will ever be able to top this trip. We are eager to try though, and look very much forward to our next Hedo vacation.
Thank you Denny for providing us with the opportunity to relive our experiences there, and here. This site helps me particularly get through the long winter months with promises of a tropical week of Hedonistic pleasure 6 months away.