John and Vickis Hedo II / Grand Lido Trip Report
June 11-19, 2004
As recorded by John, with editorial comment by Vicki in italics.
What if I dont want italics? What if I want a different color or style?
Warning: I get long winded!
Vicki is afraid that if she puts her true feelings into the trip report people will think that she is a prude (Im so square, Im a cube), so she briefly imagines herself as part of the cast of BBCs Coupling (to reiterate: the BBC version, not the abysmal NBC knock-offoh dear, now Im a prude and a snob, eh?will you be shunned for knowing me?):
Vicki: If I put what I really want to put it in the report, everyone will know what a boring prude I am. "We like John. John's lovely. Too bad about the cold fish he's with."
Jane: I know prudes and we tend to like the same films. Im bi-prude. Being a prude is about saying yes, to things. Even nudity.
Patrick: Don't know why Vicki cares so much about being a prude. We just care that she has breasts.
Jeff: Breasts, breasts, breasts.
Steve: Yes, thank you, Jeff. We've established she has breasts.
Thank you, John. Now I feel better.
This was our third trip to HII together and we traveled (again) as part of Deans Beach Rangers. We wanted to do something a little different this year, so we decided to do a HII/HIII split. After discussing our idea with the good folks at GoClassy we agreed that it would take more than a full day to repack, travel to HIII, and unpack again and our time was too precious to spend doing that.
Hmmm. I dont remember agreeing to that. I remember you booking the travel and informing me of it. (I will specify we was John and the TA.)
Hedo III will have to wait. Instead, we decided to add a three days at the end of our trip at Grand Lido, Negril. We both thought that was a good option to try something different, be pampered a bit, and recuperate before traveling home.
Who needed recuperating? I just wanted room service.
We like traveling down on a Friday. This strategy helps us avoid the crazy weekend traffic in the airports and gives us parts of two weeks, so we get to meet lots of different people. Air Jamaica has direct flights to Montego Bay, which is pretty sweet. Since we have to get up about 4:30am to make the flight, we usually try to catch a few winks on the way down. Air Jamaica service was good just good. The seats were a bit cramped and the rows too close for me.
When was the last time you were on a plane that wasnt cramped?
Mimosas offered by the attendants were a nice touch. The food was OK.
I dont think anyone would ever describe airplane food as anything other than OK. I think that the three levels of airplane food are OK, YUCK!, and actual vomit.
They got us off the ground and to our destination on time, going both ways. On both flights we were close to HII couples we knew, which added to the conversation.
We experienced no luggage inspections on either leg of our trip, although a few characters were pulled aside going both ways. It appeared that they were just random checks. The time spent in Customs at both ends was pretty minimal, and very tolerable.
Wow. This is a really exciting trip report. Who cares about Customs? (Some people take gifts for friends and school supplies. They dont want to pay import fees.) And then, this one time, at band camp, we didnt get checked at customs
Sangster airport is undergoing major renovations. The SuperClubs area is completed and very nice. It is enclosed and air-conditioned. There was an upstairs waiting area with seats and tables, but we were not there long enough to check it out. And then this one time, at band camp, we went to the SuperClubs waiting area at the airport
They take your vouchers and staple them to a short form that should be filled out before you get to your resort. It was a pretty efficient process that minimized the paperwork on the check-in end.
We waited (maybe) 15 minutes before being shuttled to our bus, then another 15 minutes for others to come. The initial group of us on the bus was all HII people, but the late arrivals were getting off at Grand Lido. The newcomers were part of a wedding party and surprisingly, they were more boisterous than the Hedo folks. (We were tired!)
We will meet the fun Lido folks again later. As I recall, the head of the household was talking with some folks in the back who had been to Hedo 20+ times and said, See honey, theyve been 20 times why cant we go? And she laughed and shook her head.
About of the way there, the driver asked if we wanted to stop and I wasnt quick enough to shout NO! A few wanted to use the facilities, grab a beer, and have a smoke break. So we stopped at The Global Villa Guest House. Vicki will probably chime in that I am too cheap, but I cant see the logic of buying beer, when 15 minutes down the road you can get all you want for free at the resort. Still, I was glad for the break, if for no other reason than to stretch the legs and take my first pictures. The resort was so close, it was hardly worth the stop.
John, it was more than 15 minutes down the road to the resort. Besides, a drink keeps me calm on the amusement park ride that is the bus to the resort. Im used to aggressive driving, but OHMYGOD OK Ill get you a drink at the airport next trip.
We dropped the Lido folks off and were at Hedo II shortly after. Before I had time to get us drinks, Vicki had checked us in and gotten the usual response Your room will not be ready until 2 p.m. Please come back then. She was more than a little bit weary (read bitchy) and just wanted air conditioning and a nap, but we made do.
I also wanted to shave my legs before inflicting them on the general public. TMI
THAT was too much information?! Dude, I saw people shave more on the edge of the nude pool my first trip!
We had a quick lunch and were in the cool water pool within 25 minutes of arrival, meeting new people and chatting up a storm. Since most of the Beach Rangers had arrived a week before us there were plenty of old friends to meet and greet too.
We usually get a room in H-block, but it was full, so we were banished (pronounced banish-ED) to the rear building. No big deal we only slept there anyhow. The room was renovated. There have been some negative comments about the new color scheme, but I actually liked the white and grey they kind of reminded me of the colors that I would paint a shore home.
I didnt like the color scheme. But I wasnt fond of the old color scheme, either.
The color scheme does not match the print of the bed spread, but what the hellthey will probably be replaced in time anyhow.
The little seating area under the window is now like a second bed. It is very comfortable with more drawer space underneath. It made a nice place to sit and relax if you needed to get off of the beach. We did have the TV on most days. We used it to catch up on Red Sox scores and peek at what was happening on the Playboy Channel.
The Playboy Channel is just plain stupid and takes itself far too seriously. Hours of girls doing lewd things with what look like vacuum cleaner attachments. Im embarrassed for them. Id much rather watch Spike TV. Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, anyone?
You gotta admit that The Naked News was entertaining.
Ah yes, the naked twits laughing at their own cue cards.
Approximately 20 rooms on the AN ocean view side (first and second floor behind the lion) were under construction. Work is slow but steady. They were all gutted when we were there and the tile was being replaced in some when we left. There are several crews working, but the workers spend just as much time gawking as working. They seemed particularly interested in nude volleyball.
Well, yeah! We kept hitting the ball through the open windows into the rooms, so they were part of the game.
There is a new crew of entertainment coordinators. I only recognized Chubby, Ray-Ray, and Coro from my fall visit, but the three of them took almost no part in the activities. The new group seemed very young and enthusiastic, but inexperienced and disorganized. Many times scheduled events did not go off as planned, even though there were people hovering around waiting for them. Other times they did not have the equipment that they needed or Hedobucks for rewards. Ashley Martin was there for a few days as a guest.
The ECs like fashion magazines, so if you have a stack at home that is taking up space, bring them to Jamaica. I will admit some guilt at inflicting American fashion magazines on them (Carbs Are Your Enemy, How to Make Him Love You in 20 Easy Steps, Botox: Is 20 Too Young to Start?), but they hovered until I was done reading them to snatch them up, so I guess its ok.
I think we have been at Hedo for five Friday nights now. On this trip, for the first time, we managed to stay up through the Circus show.
Barely.
From this point on the days start to blur. The basic schedule was:
Correction: This was Johns basic schedule.
-Get up at 8 to stake out a spot on the beach.
-Breakfast.
-Do the 9 a.m. dive.
-Sit under the trees.
-Float in the ocean or snorkel around a bit.
-Move up to the pool and hot tub in the afternoon.
-Volley ball at 4.
-Jerk chicken at 4:30.
-More pool and hot tub till dark.
-Dinner.
-After dinner walk.
-Disco.
-More hot tub.
Vickis basic schedule:
-Get up whenever to find spot John staked out on beach.
-Watch the dive boat depart and wave, as it could be the last glimpse I get of John alive.
-Sit under the trees.
-Read book.
-Watch for return of dive boat.
-Float in the ocean until motion sick (about 10 minutes).
-Read book.
-Feel relief as John comes walking up the beach carrying dive gear.
-Determine if dip in pool will require extra chlorine. If not, get in.
-Volley ball at 4.
-More pool and hot tub till dark.
-Dinner.
-After dinner walk.
-Asleep by 11 p.m.
Augustus was his usual chatty self. He kept the guys away from Vicki when I was diving and he made sure that everyone that stopped to talk to her was legit. It became a fun game that they liked to play.
We started chicken fights in the pool one afternoon, distributed temporary tattoos the next, and our pool toys and coconut mugs went over well. Its all about the toys!
We started chicken fights? We? I think someone put me up on his shoulders and announced chicken fights! And I recall that I promptly asked to stop.
We had excellent company for dinner several nights. The first few nights we made arrangements or reservations and invited others along. Then we got several invites in return. We ate at Munasan twice and Pastafari twice. It did get a bit humid back by the Munasan grills at night. To my surprise they were mixing fish with the shrimp on the grill. I wasnt crazy about the taste, but in general the meal was more about the company than it was about eating.
The resort was probably full. So the sexual tension was moderate at best. There were lots of sexual jokes, innuendo, and puns flying. Most of the activity centered around the pool and hot tub, but there was some action out on the floats.
And people wonder why I choose to swim laps in the Prude Pool. Oh wait, I forgot, the Nude Pool isnt actually designed for swimming, is it?
We both noticed that many people were coming and going on off days. I asked a few people and they said that they were making a long weekend out of it. Must be nice to be close enough to go down for along weekendBecause of this, the turnover on the weekend was not as noticeable as previously observed.
Robert was out several days in the middle of the week and his replacements behind the nude grill were not quite as on the ball as he. I actually think that Robert has improved his service over the years. I remember when he only took one order at a time. Roberts was the main source of mid-day meals. There was little reason to go up to the buffet for lunch.
Overall the food was quite good even in the buffet. One night I had sliced roast of beef that was a bit tough, but tolerable. I ate a lot of salads and fruit because I dont get to keep fresh fruits and veggies at home. The selection of cheeses was excellent. The desserts looked good but I did not partake except for a few cookies and the slushy ice milk.
I think your food standards might need some cultivating. I eat the fruit and veggies in the main dining room because the rest of the food looks scary.
Each year we try to do one excursion off the resort. In the past we have done the catamaran trip and the back country 4x4 trip. This year we went horseback riding at Rhodes Hall. It was a short 10 minute ride from the resort. They offer two ride main options a mountain ride or a beach ride. We did both. It was just the two of us and our tour guides so we got good attention. The scenery from the mountains was beautiful and our tour guides did a great job filling us in on the history of the area and the local flora. At one point in the ride we took a break in a mango grove. Our tour guides stopped and picked fresh fruit from the trees and sliced it up for us. It doesnt get any fresher than that. My favorite part was the ride through the surf. They take you along the beach and then back into a mangrove swamp. Watch out for the crocodiles!!!. Dont worry though - they give you plenty of warning. I highly recommend this trip, especially for anyone that has a dream of riding horseback on the beach. One tip though take insect repellent or wear lightweight long pants and a shirt.
I highly recommend the horseback ride.
To me the Hedo experience revolves around three things getting away with my SO, the sexual atmosphere, and the people.
SO is soooooo personal, dear. The people are fun and interesting, where else am I going to meet a professional dominatrix, but I could do without the PDAs in the pools for public use (yes, I know, get it out of your system: Prude!). It makes me want to pack my own bottle of chlorine. I mean, the whole, its OK, semen sinks discussion is, wellI think Debbies hat says it best: Thats Disgusting!
The sexual atmosphere did not disappoint and like everyone else says, You meet the greatest people at Hedo.
There are also the requisite creeps.
There are many people that I wish I had spent more time with, but you can only pack so much fun into 24 hours. It was great to see our Beach Ranger friends and all of the new folks that we met make me wish I was still there with them or could see them on weekends. All this adds to the quality time that we spend together. I owe a special thinks to the couples that saved me from the very pushy hooker in the hot tub one night. The six of you are the best, and I thought so even before that incident.
As the week went on, we started thinking about our trip across the street to Grand Lido. I initially had reservations about being so close to Hedo and not actually being there.
You will have fun at Lido, dammit. (And I did!)
However, I was sufficiently fried by then to know that a few days keeping reasonable hours and detoxing was a good thing.
Hah. Detox. I got drunker at Lido. (Yes, yes, you did!)
So we packed our things loosely in our suitcases and dropped them at the front desk. We spent a few last minutes on the beach until a storm came. We took the storm as a sign and walked across the street.
We had gotten a personal report on the service at Lido from some friends who were there a month or so before us because they were bumped from Hedo. We were told to expect excellent service, a warm towel on entry, and effortless check in. We were nicely greeted on entry, but kind of had to stumble around to find out how to register.
I think we may have breached protocol a bit, because I think youre supposed to check in with the security guard in front, and he either escorts you or rings the front desk to expect you. We sort of barged right in, and he had to flag us down. (We pretty much just acknowledged him and walked by. I guess I was a bit anxious.)
We wandered past the entry way pools, past the water wheel, and into the art gallery. It was obvious we were not at Hedo any more. Once it was clear that we were checking in and not escaped animals from across the street, we were seated, our info was taken, and they did all of the work.
Im sure they didnt think that. We were dressed nicely. The only reason they knew we had come from across the street is because we told them. (Agreed. I meant my comments here in jest.)
We were not offered fresh towels, but the crew that arrived after us were.
Oh well.
Without asking, we were offered fresh mimosas, given a quick orientation, and escorted to our rooms. My thought was they were trying to get the Hedo animals out of the lobby, but I did appreciate the attention.
Oh stop. Im sure that it is customary procedure. We clean up nicelyor at least, I do. Besides, it would have taken us forever to find our room if she hadnt escorted us. (Again, meant in jest. After 10 trips to Hedo it was very nice to have a tour with a personal touch.)
After that though, we did not find the atmosphere much different from Hedo except that there was absolutely no sexual tension in the air and little social interaction (and for me that is everything). Only once did I hear anyone even make a sex joke playing nude volleyball I overheard someone make a joke about a woman jumping up and down.
There were at least 5 wedding parties there. So people came in their own social groups. They didnt need us to entertain them; they had other things on their mind. (I agree that this was likely a contributing factor.)
You failed to mention the fun family there from Alabama remember the boisterous Lido people on the bus? They were a hoot. We noticed them right away when we got to Lido because they went up to the nude beach bar to request the national anthem. Next thing we know, Sweet Home Alabama is blaring from the bar boom-box, and the men-folk are singing it with their hands over their hearts.
The grounds at Lido are very different. The resorts may be similar in overall size, but where Hedo is compact, Lido is long, thin, and spread out. The nude beach is smaller, but the prude beach is long and spectacularly beautiful.
The prude beach is also completely separate from the nude beach. You have to intend to go to the nude beach.
There are less flowering plants at Lido, but the grass is different and easy to walk on. The most spectacular thing about the Lido grounds is the coral overhangs by the water and the several coral inlets on the clothing optional (CO) side. I suspect many from the textile side never saw these beautiful attractions. Lido also has at least three gazebos on the waterfront. I can recall one for weddings, one massage gazebo, and one general seating area.
And now for the part that you have all been waiting for a comparison of Hedo features versus Lido features.
Before the trip
Hedo:
-Sign up for dennyps visitors list six weeks before leaving. The list of other people going at the same time as us is more than 2 pages long. Exchange messages with about a dozen people/couples.
-Check the message board daily. Find hundreds of strings with countless comments and opinions.
-Read every trip report. When do you work?
-Preconceptions not fairbeen there before. Read our other trip reports.
-Postconceptions what a great place to admire and talk about body art. Give me a blow job and take me now God, because I am in heaven. If I die here, just push me over the side of the dive boat with a cinder block about my feet. I will become one with the reef and be happy as fish food.
One: There is more participation in the H2 message boards because H2 is a cult, as opposed to a vacation spot. Therefore, all the cultees are going to want to know who else is out there to validate their participation in the cult. It isnt a fair comparison.
Two: I dont think there are blow jobs in heaven. Isnt the point that we shed our earthly shells and become ethereal beings unconcerned with our former physical selves? (I want my blow job before he takes me - in that order. What do you mean there are no blow jobs in heaven???) Because women wont need anything fixed around the house in heaven. Nyuck, nyuck.
Three: If you die there, I am not pushing you over the dive boat and leaving you to become fish food.
Lido:
-Sign up for dennyps visitors list six weeks before leaving. Not one other person is signed up anytime in the same 12 month period.
-Check message board weekly. There were never more than 5 strings with 8 total comments.
-Trip reportshahahahaha (can you detect the sarcasm?). So write one, you sarcastic twit.
-Preconceptions beautiful resort, excellent service, lots of 20-somethings and newlyweds, lots of posturing around the hot tub and pool. Whats wrong with 20-somethings?
-Postconceptions Internally (the actual facilities) it IS a beautiful resort, but the grounds and layout of Hedo were more attractive and compact. I like the grounds at Lido better. Service just better than or comparable to Hedo. More stoic, less friendly. Lots of points off for not bringing us towels on check-in (oh come on!)(Its this next part that gets me. Big disappointment.) and for screwing up our room service order. We placed our breakfast order on our door upon retiring. Supposedly you can put an order outside your door before 2 a.m. and it will be there at the time of your choosing the next morning. I waited till 8 our window was 7:30 to 8, then looked outside to see if anyone was coming and the order was still on the outside of the door. Points added for ease of registration, and mimosas. 20‑somethings???hahahaha (more sarcasm they cant afford it). General atmosphere - relaxed.
Facilities
Hedo:
-Four classes of rooms 20 OVAN rooms under construction.
-Loud, inefficient air conditioners. Oh, the room was air conditioned?
-New showers big enough for 4-5. Are you kidding me? 4-5? There was barely room for the 2 of us! Why wouldnevermind.
-Spread out over easily walkable scenic area.
-Prude side/nude side.
-Hidden hot tubs/garden trails.
-Tennis.
-Full dive facility.
-Jezabel Disco stage with dance pole, music was just this side of horrid. (Thump, thump, uh! Thump, thump, yo! Repeat.) I stopped in each night at different times and only saw more than a dozen people there on PJ night. The music SUCKS. What is wrong with playing some ABBA, vintage Madonna, Go-Gos? J-Lo and Britney Spears would be an improvement on what they play in there. John, tell our gentle readers how I feel about J-Lo and Britney Spears. (Agreed any of the previously mentioned would have been an upgrade!)
-Full service spa.
-Circus facilities.
-Rock climbing wall.
-Squash courts.
Lido:
-182 junior suites, 18 1 bedroom suites, 8 1 bedroom luxury suites, 2 presidential suites (we got a peak into one OV suite that had a full bar and 4 person hot tub.) First floor rooms have a patio. Second floor rooms have a small deck. Tip ask for a first floor room the patio is bigger than the deck, you have access right from the beach, and there are fewer steps.
-Silent, extremely efficient, remote controlled air conditioners. Set the exact temperature and forget about it. After I walked in and looked around the most outstanding thing that came to me was, It is so cool in here and oh, so quiet. Im gonna like it here! Ah, air conditioning.
-Spread out over a long, skinny, scenic area.
-Prude side / clothing optional side. There were lots of mixed parties.
-Jacuzzi tubs with standing room for 5 in rooms. Access into and out of tubs somewhat difficult. Again, standing room for 5? What drugs are you on? And oh, by the way, LIDO HAS HOT SHOWERS. Not just tepid, not warm enough to stand it, HOT.
-Refrigerator stocked with beer, soda (Coke, Coke Light, and ginger ale), and bottled water replenished daily. Coke products!! Not that rubbish they call Pepsi! There is a God! Now, now dear. Some people like Pepsi. Yes, and I feel bad for all two of them.
-Garden trails. Timber House and Stone House bar/hot tub, eating areas.
-Tennis.
-Full dive facility.
-Atlantis Disco under water theme, dark, generally lifeless.
-Golf off site.
-Full service spa.
Dining
Hedo:
-Japanese - hibachi (seafood yuck).
-Italian (air conditioned).
-Scotch bonnet.
-Buffet.
Lido:
-Japanese hibachi or sushi bar. (Air conditioned, but could not get reservations to either). We were only there 48 hours and it was closed for the Managers Gran Gala for one of those nights. (Agreed. We were there less than 3 whole days and I suspect that the wedding parties may have monopolized the place. Too bad.)
-Italian (air conditioned).
-French (dressy and air conditioned).
-Buffet self-serve mimosa and Bloody Mary bar. Endless fresh sushi at Managers Gran Gala. This was the epicurean feast of the whole trip. Beforehand I could not understand the build up it was given, but when I walked in and saw the 8 foot wall of bread products, the 8 foot wall of fruit and the endless fresh sushi I started to get it like a rock to the head. There was so much food that the desserts were on a different floor. The deserts were stored on the upper level near the Italian Restaurant.
-Stone House and Timber House outdoor bar, grill, and hot tub area. Timber House open 24 hours.
Beach grills
Hedo:
-Nude Roberts world famous fries, burgers, grilled cheese, jerk chicken. No need to go to the buffet for lunch (or any meal, for that matter, if you are so inclined).
-Prude typical grill fare.
Lido:
-Nude minimal grill fare. Grilled cheese was baked. However, the Jamaican Beef Pockets were much better than the ones at Hedo. (Sadly neither are as good as the ones that we get from Costco.) True.
-Prude cant honestly say.
-Bonus room service menu delivered to you on the beach or by the pool!!! We had nachos and chicken wings delivered to the beach. That was SWEET! We fed the feral cat that was hovering the remains of a few chicken wings. He was cute.
Activities / Entertainment
Hedo:
-ECs were young, inexperienced, often missing, or unprepared.
-Lots of fun games, when they went off as planned.
-Pulsing Caribbean and sex-themed beats from a CD changer. Yeah, that was fun for the first 2 days. Its an improvement on hearing the same 3 songs over and over, but they still need to mix it up a bit more.
-Circus show, PJ party, Toga party, dreaded art auction, wet T-shirt, and bodies in motion contests. PJ party is fun, but the rest doesnt capture my interest.
-In bed between 2 and 3am most nights. Hah. Asleep by 11 p.m. every night. I couldnt keep my eyes open. I forced myself to stay awake for PJ party.
-Piano bar Tony was doing his best but failing.
Lido:
-There were ECs??? We only saw them in the disco for the PJ party. But they LOVED us. I won a bottle of rum for Most Original Costume. That wouldnt have happened at Hedo although we did win the popular vote.
-Activities??? They have activities here??? Hahaha (more sarcasm). Well, in defense of them, they did have scheduled activities, but we did not participate or see any. We did participate in the Wild and Crazy PJ Party insert more sarcasm here. Our costumes from Hedo were undoubtedly the most outlandish things that they had seen in some time we were mobbed when we walked through the door. Outlandish equals Superman and Supergirl under-roos.
-Nude pool volleyball was fun and probably one of the overall highlights of our stay.
-Pulsing Led Zepplin and Doors from a boom box. I preferred that to the Pussy Song.
-In bed by 11:30 every night. I was doing that at Hedo, so not a big change for me.
-Piano bar never saw it.
Socializing
Hedo:
-About 80-90% couples.
-Nude this is the place to be. Everyone is like your favorite next door neighbor. Ive never really had one of those, except for in college. My next door neighbor played a lot of Jimmy Buffett. Lots of sex play, innuendo, puns. Where else will someone offer to hold your balls for you??? Youd better not be asking our next door neighbors to do that. Where else can you rub butts with so many people, see two naked guys hug, or see naked chicken fights??? Well, we do live in Massachusetts, hon, Im sure we can find some guys hugging. And theyre the best girlfriends Ive ever had.
-Prude Lots of friendly socializing, games, etc.
-Number of times snubbed in 7 days (walk right past someone face to face, say Hi and get absolutely no response) - 1. It was probably me.
-We met so many people that it was hard to keep track of names, so I started writing some down.
Lido:
-100% wedding parties or couples.
-Nude starts late and ends early. Pool volleyball was fun. SWEET HOME ALABAMAWHERE THE SKIES ARE SO BLUESWEET HOME ALABAMALORD IM COMIN HOME TO YOU
-Prude cant honestly say.
-Number of times snubbed in 3 days (walk right past someone face to face, say Hi and get absolutely no response) more than a dozen. Oh well, just ignore it. Thats their problem.
-We met two people who introduced themselves and that we could call by name and they were a couple that alternated trips between Lido and Hedo. They had gone over to Hedo on a day pass the day before, so they recognized us.
Prude beach
Hedo:
-Long.
-Topless OK. OK, what? OK its topless, or OK, you like it? (OK, as in acceptable.)
-Good mix of sun and shade.
-Great views.
-Floating platform.
-Lots of sandy bottom.
Lido:
-Topless OK.
-Very long, beautiful, expansive.
-Cloth lounge pads.
-Mostly sun exposed. Very few trees.
-Great views including M/Y Zein. Yacht that was a wedding present from Aristotle Onassis to Princess Grace and Prince Rainier.
-No platforms.
-Breezy.
Nude beach
Hedo:
-Long.
-Great mix of sun and shade.
-Great views including PDAs and PDPs.
-Two floating platforms.
-Very social.
-Rough bottom.
Lido:
-Clothing optional, not nude!
-Cloth lounge pads. Cloth, PADDED lounge pads. Theres about 4 inches of padding. You sink in. It was delightful. (Yes, deeeeeelightful!)
-OK for families or parties that are mixed in their CO desires, but also allows for more gawker types.
-Great views including M/Y Zein and coral caves.
-Distinctly separated from prude beach area.
-Less social. There were plenty of social people, we just werent there long enough.
-Good mix of sand and coral or grass on bottom.
(At this point I have to interject two comments about the CO beach First, it is hard for me to make the call, because I did not know their motivation, or comfort level, but there was a group of four on the CO beach. One of the girls went topless, but none of the others removed their clothing. They made me a bit uncomfortable and the males were obviously gawking, and I couldnt help think that they might have been better off on the other beach. Second, there was a family that was there for one of their daughters weddings. It was a mother and father along with two daughters and their sons-in-law. Mom and dad went nude, but none of the others did. A bit strange for me, but I was glad to see that they felt comfortable with it, and they were actually fun to be around including the textiled kids). OK, I have to say it: after everything that goes on at Hedo, THAT was strange for you?!?! (Strange, yes but I will openly admit that I admired them.)
Prude pool / Hot tub
Hedo:
-Main pool with excellent set-up, nice big pool with volleyball, and huge deck. No shade. Ah, yes. The pool you can actually swim in.
-Right off of main dining area.
-Color changing lower pool that is little used, possibly because it is heavily shaded. Swim up bar, pool table, circular bench area.
-Color changing plunge pools.
-Awesome water slide.
-Two hot tubs, one elevated over disco.
Lido:
-Nice sized pool and hot tub.
-Right off of main dining area.
-Nice sized, elevated, split level deck with nice views. Gorgeous deck.
-Very little shade.
-Posted sign says No food allowed. Huh??? I noticed that they didnt really enforce that when you brought food out.
Nude pool / Hot tub
Hedo:
-Good sized pool with swim up bar and stools. Bar open till 2am. Pool busy pretty much 24/7. Good sized?
-Grotto
-Sprinkling pool.
-Cool tub.
-Pulsing Caribbean and sex-themed beats from a CD changer.
-Huge, clover-shaped, social hot tub with a sexual atmosphere.
-Shade or sun depends on time of day.
Lido:
-Small pool with removable volleyball net. Moderately busy during daylight hours.
-Deeper than Hedo nude pool.
-Narrow, potentially dangerous walkway between bar and pool. Bar closes at dusk.
-Small, shallow hot tub.
-Shade or sun depends on time of day.
-Isolated from prude area.
Diving
Hedo:
-Nice, big, fast boat with some coverage.
-All equipment loaded for you to docked boat.
-Professional, friendly, social staff.
-Well equipped with extra tanks, first aid, and emergency O2.
Lido:
-Old, slow, smaller boat with no coverage.
-You carry all of your equipment from the dive shack out to the boat about 30 ft off shore (which can take up to 2 trips).
-Professional, friendly, but stoic staff.
-No sign of any first aid, O2, or safety equipment.
-The captain left two very limited English speaking trainees and a divemaster at a separate site with no surface support unacceptable in my book.
Celeb sitings
Hedo:
-Faux Superman, Supergirl, Dracula.
Lido:
-Several former NBA players.
Creepy dudes / Weird types
Hedo:
-One creepy dude planted himself in a lounge by the sprinkling pool one night and just gawked.
-The hooker and her pimp that showed up in the hot tub one night.
-One guy bragged of bringing a DVD player and a full selection of movies with him. This is Hedo dude. Get a life! The best show anywhere is the reality that is right in front of you.
Lido:
-None
Overheard
Hedo:
-In the pool - Do you want me to hold your balls for you?
-An EC - Where are all my bitches?
-Hooker in the hot tub - Do you want to try me? Why not? Because my girlfriend will give you a smack down
-On the dive boat The divemasters in Hawaii taught me this hand signal. (Motions with closed index finger and thumb of one hand - like an OK sign, in front of curled index finger of the other hand. It means, Come here, asshole! And, I am sure that it was well deserved. Now thats not very nice, what if that person reads this?
-Also on the dive boat People can get away from me quickly and easily on land, but not under water.
Lido:
-Staff member to an inquiring male guest - Grand Lido is relaxed elegance. Hedo is for the more adventuresome types.
-Holy mother of God!!! Theres hot water at Lido. That was me, testing the shower when we got there. I was so happy. I almost cried.
Cool T-shirts
Hedo:
-All this and a big dick too.
-Good boys need a spanking too.
-IM SHY, but I have a big dick.
Classy.
Lido:
-T-shirts??? Hahaha insert still more sarcasm here. Not that that is a bad thing. I am sure that there are many people that dont like being around people in T-shirts. :-p
Oh, some people just want to dress up a bit more, thats all.
Other things
Hedo:
-No Coke products, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Ting, etc. Ew. Pepsi.
-Lots of acts of generosity from people helping others on the dive boat to dinner invites from near strangers.
-Being nude allows you freedom and allows you to see the true beauty of people.
-Its all about the toys.
-Self serve soft drinks and frozen drink dispensers.
-I got bitten terribly at Hedo. My ankles were a mess. The sand flies in the evening were terrible and we also had some in our room. There were also biting ants around the trees near the pool.
Lido:
-Coke and Coke Light, ice cold bottled water. Free. In your room!
-Bathrobes and slippers in closet. You get to keep the slippers. I love my slippers.
-Complimentary bottle of champagne and a courtesy call the night of check-in.
-I thought that if I wanted to get married on a beach this would be the place that I would want to get married, but watching them march 4-5 weddings through on one day made me think it was terribly impersonal. Hate to break this to you, but most places that do weddings march several parties in and out throughout the day, especially on summer weekends. Destination weddings are the new big thing, so unless you are acquainted with the owner of a private beach in Bora Bora, youre going to go to a resort that can organize the whole thing for you. Id imagine its actually quite convenient. You dont have to hire caterers, florists, DJs/bands, etc.
-If you like to walk, and I do, Lido is very spread out. I found myself using the ramps because I was so tired of steps by the end of the trip. Runners, on the other hand, might prefer Lido because it is so spread out.
-The Lido room was a split level by 2 steps. I thought I was going to kill myself falling down the steps in the Lido suite. Thats true. I was convinced one of us was going to break a leg.
-Everyone checking into Lido is entitled to a free manicure and pedicure at the spa. I thought I would surrender my manhood and give it a try, unfortunately no slots were available. Some good that offer is.and it wasnt even that crowdedI got my mani/pedi! I dont think you should be so critical. We were only there 48 hours, and we didnt book any spa appointments ahead of time. They had at least 5 wedding parties there that weekend, so the girls in the spa were probably busy doing nails/facials/massages for wedding parties who had booked months in advance. Its probably part of the Lido wedding package. (My take on this is that we arrived on a Thursday and even though we tried to get an appointment soon after arriving there was only one single slot available between then and the time we left. I agree that there were several parties there, but the overall resort wasnt that crowded. I dont like the idea of booking in advance, but I guess you live and learn.) Its pretty customary, actually. I had to book about a month ahead to use my spa credit when I went to California this year and I was there for 5 days.
Concerning the differences in the rooms, except for the huge bathrooms at Lido, they were essentially similar in size with the Lido rooms being (maybe) a bit bigger. The Hedo rooms were a bit brighter because of the big windows, but the French doors leading to the deck and patio at Lido were not too hard to take. I could roll over in bed in the morning and see the ocean outside my window. Didnt even have to get out of bed. (Yeah lying in bed, with the peace and quiet, and the air conditioningit was blissful!)
At Lido I got yelled at twice for being bare-chested in the buffet area. At Hedo tits on the table are OK. The Hedo dining room could do with some more enforcement about what is covered while people are eatingEspecially when it is buffet-style dining. And you should have known better than to go to the Lido buffet area bare-chested.
Did I mention that Lido gives you a complimentary bottle of champagne the evening that you check in? (Hedo used to give chamgagne. I am not sure if it was a Hedo gift, or a courtesy of GoClassy, but it has been many trips since we have gotten a bottle) Did I mention that they had cloth lounge pads at Lido? Did I mention that they had hot water at Lido??? Oh, yeah, of course I did! HOT water, not just tepid, HOT!
After leaving for Lido, did I miss Hedo? There were a lot of times I thought: This is a great way to ease out of a busy vacation. or This is a great way to minimize the separation anxiety. But then there were a lot of times I thought Someone is probably getting a poolside blow job right now! Ugh. [Hang head] Oh, the horror of missing out on that. Wheres my bottle of chlorine