We just returned from our seventh trip to H2, May 6 - 14. Previously, we've written only one other trip report, just after our very first visit to the resort. We wrote that report in hopes of helping virgins get a feel for the resort without using some of the confusing terms and codes that repeaters often use. We feel compelled to write this report because our stay at the resort was so completely different than any previous visit.
First, we should say that this was the first time we've been to H2 in May. So, we knew absolutely no one who was going to be there during our stay. Before going, we met a lot of people online, via DennyP's Visitors Schedule. We also met a lot of people at the resort who had never heard of Denny's fabulous site, some were virgins and some were repeaters. We thought that was a bit odd in itself, then we met a couple who booked H2 and were there two days before they found out the resort had a nude side.
General Information About the Resort
The construction on the garden-view rooms nearest main dining was almost complete when we left. H block was about half occupied and the empty rooms were being readied for renovation. We mention this because some folks who stay in Ocean-view like to take the short cut through H block to get to main dining. This will probably not be possible during the renovation, just an FYI.
We didn't eat at any of the restaurants, sand gravity prevents us from making the trip up the hill to get reservations and the lack of a time piece means we would not know when to go eat even if we had reservations. However, everyone who we spoke with enjoyed the food at the restaurants. In fact, no one had any negative comments at all, which was in complete contrast to previous visits. We thought the food in main dining was a bit better than it had been in previous visits. Of course, Robert was serving up his very best at the nude beach grill.
The Entertainment Staff has expanded since our last trip. A large percentage of the EC's were very very new. Junior must be the "old man" of the group now, with four years under his belt. We don't interact with the ECs on a professional level, but prefer to chat with them, one on one, in a personal way during their spare moments. They inferred to us that things were going well at the resort but that change was in the air.
The piano bar was a complete disappointment. Brent was the piano-man and Marvin was lending a hand on vocals, both are talented but neither knew about half of the songs that were requested. Guests wondered in, stretched and yawned before wondering back out again. When Dave was working it, the Piano Bar was an event and Dave put on a show. What we saw were a couple of nice young men struggling to learn tunes that have been popular for years. It looked like it was much more fun for them than anyone else in the place. After five or six visits we gave up on it and found other things to do.
We only saw the Disco on Pajama Party night. There was a pole installed on the stage which the ECs used constantly. It was still just as hard as ever to get a drink in the Disco, but the music more closely fit the age group, at least for the first half of the evening.
Things That Were New, Different or Strange
While we were at H2, there was a "Miss No-Swimsuit" contest going on. This meant there were several naked ladies to be seen wearing beauty pageant type ribbons. They also dominated Thursday night's talent show. There were many other very talented guests who preformed, but not enough to alternate between the No-Swimsuit contestants, who all seemed to want to do a strip tease. So, we got half a dozen or so stripers all in a row. Friday night's activities were canceled so that the No-Swimsuit winner could be announced.
There were more Prudes than we've ever seen before. The main pool usually had 20 to 30 guests enjoying it at mid-day. There were even a few Nudes interspersed with the Prudes, all soaking up some sun.
There was a higher ratio of couples to singles than we have previously seen.
There were more disrespectful people than we have even seen before. Actually, this was the first time we had encountered this situation. Of note: there was a small contingent of Lifestylers, one of whom insisted that those of us in a monogamous relationship could not possibly be having enjoyable sex. After suffering her drunken accusations at length, we informed her that if sex burns up 500 calories per act, we had already sizzled through 1500 that day, and we expected to exhaust another 1000 before calling it a night. She piped down after that exchange. (We should add that we respect Lifestylers choices, we only ask that they respect ours too.) There was a young single guy who was accused, in the hot tub, of stalking a woman back to her room and then repeatedly making unwanted sexual overtures to her. Otherwise, the only other nuisances were the middle aged adolescents who insisted that it's great fun to throw a squishy ball from the pool to the hot tub. We were in the hot tub, trying to relax and enjoy each other and got hit three times in five minutes. Presumably, respect is a one way street for some boys.
There was virtually no sex in the pool - hot tub area. (Possibly due to the squishy ball throwing.) However, there was more sex on the beach, in the chairs, on floats and on the big white Hedo floating platforms than we've ever seen before.
There were power and water failures to the nude side bar and pools on two different days, both lasting a few hours. The rest of the resort was not affected.
One Thursday, at 9 a.m. it was decided that it would be a good idea to closed down the nude pool area until the afternoon in order to pressure wash some of the mats and chairs. The situation was made worse by locating the pressure washer in front of Delroy's. If you think the disco is loud, you should have seen the nude beach.
It rained every day. Not the usual - rains for 15 minutes, blows over, sun comes back out and it's hot again. No, this was 2 to 3 hours everyday starting about 1 p.m. Once we got the hang of it, this was our favorite time of day. Most of the first timers and a lot of repeaters headed for their rooms once the rain started. Not us. We looked for previously unexplored areas, we even discovered that the Shell Shower is mostly sheltered from the rain. There goes another 500 calories. At one point, we had the entire nude hot tub to ourselves for over an hour. There were probably less than a dozen guests in the nude pool - hot tub area during the rains. Jerk chicken time got moved up to 4:30 p.m. So, we had all the JC we could eat and then some.
Augustus seemed a little out of sorts. He wasn't putting out chairs and towels for *anyone*. It took a day or two to get him to lighten up and tell us to "Get the hell off my beach." After which, some one reported him to the front desk as "harassing the guests". Since Mr. Bourke wouldn't make himself available for us, we hope our comment cards helped to smooth things out for Augustus.
The ECs disallowed "curse" words during the fake orgasm contest. Not just the F word, but words like cock and pussy couldn't be used. There may have been a convention of Sunday school teachers on hand and they were trying to clean up the resort's image a bit.
Ryan Welch and her SO were at the resort providing free henna tattoos and professional body painting. She's extremely talented and added some spice to our stay.
The Burlesque Girls from Scotland were also at the resort providing a nightly show piece. The ECs, who we spoke to, were not impressed, but we heard from some guests who said they enjoyed the Girls. We thought that they had potential but were not up to Hedo standards just yet.
In the nine days that we were there, we turned the TV on twice. There was no Playboy channel (31). Other guests who spent the raining hours in their rooms confirmed this fact. It was also mentioned at the repeaters party. Management's response was a smile and a shrug.
Upon proofreading this report, it occurred to us that some may read this and think we are trying to accentuate a few negative aspects we encountered. That's not the case at all. Other than the squishy ball incident, we were completely relaxed and unperturbed by the goings on at the resort. So, here are but a few of the positive things that should be mentioned.
No wait time at Delroy's for a drink. Tons of fresh warm towels. No wait time at Robert's for anything and he never ran out of supplies. No wait time for one of Charlie's omelets. We had any hot tub we wanted, all to ourselves for hours on end, every single day we were there. Soda machine never ran out of ice. Strawberry and Pina slushy machines both worked and were always full. We met far more people than we expected. No queues for the restrooms. The gift shop was very well stocked with logo items, clothes and Cuban cigars. The float/mats and chairs had recently been pressure washed. The beaches were well groomed and free of any litter. The popcorn and nacho chips were fresh.
We could probably go on and on. The fact is, there are so many wonderful things to enjoy at the resort that we take them for granted. With that thought in mind, it's time to start planning our next trip.