Feb.1-8, 2002
a.k.a. How Nell got her Groove Back
WARNING! This trip report is long and windy! Hopefully, my prose is readable and entertaining...otherwise, the following abridged version is available:
HEDO TRIP REPORT: Feb 2002:
Flew to Jamaica; partied Day & Nite; I think we were Naked; Damn, vodka slushies are good!; Why is my d**k tired?; Why am I wearing a bedsheet?; That waterslide gives an unexpected enema if you have your legs apart; Is it morning yet? What is going on in that corner of the hot tub?; How did sand get THERE?; Why are those strange people mooning us as we leave? Why do we have to go home?; Was it all just a dream?
Irie,
Mav & Myr
This was our second annual trip to Hedo, after 12 months of anticipation and DIF. We left home during a blizzard in Nebraska, and drove to Omaha to catch an early flight. The flights down were routine and TimAir was ready and waiting for us as we took the bus last year and had our roadexperience. Got to Hedo at about 3 PM and were checked in right away to our H-Block room. From there the next 7 days consisted of activities and observations that I will try to organize with help from our stardate logbook (which gives us the only documented evidence of what happened... :), the memory itself is rather fuzzy.......
CAPTAINS LOG:
Stardate Friday 01022002: Were nude at the beach 15 min from check in...deja vu, it was like we had never left, in fact we saw many of the same people from last year that we hadnt had a chance to meet, but very nice to see people that we had, like Amos & Teri, and Brian & Anne. Then all of the sudden, Duane & Tammy, Hedo virgins from Tennessee, who we had previously met and talked to often before the trip, walked up and began a friendship that made our trip absolutely fantastic! Happy Hour that nite was a social dynamo, with so much laughter and conversation meeting people that we wondered if we could ever leave... remembered too late about vodka slushies and their diabolical influence on awareness and inhibitions (and conciousness), so after a power recovery nap went to dinner. The food was as last year, good and satisfying, but not 5 star quality. Service was decent as well, only thought was maybe somewhat understaffed because it took longer to get refills on wine, water, etc. The show was awesome, amazing what the contortionists can do with their bodies (didnt know that by the end of the week I could do it too, right, Myr? ; ) ). The beach party afterwards was well participated, our group won with very little cheating. Went to the disco, but was rather quiet that nite...did get my first dance sandwich with Carol, so that made it better. The new waterslide was appealing so Duane and I stripped down so as to get full speed and away we went down the tube! It is VERY fast and VERY fun! Just remember to plug your nose as you will hit the pool quite hard, (ladies may want to keep legs together...lol). Hot Tub that nite was full of men alone so we didnt stay long, too much staring for us...
Stardate Saturday 02022002: Myr went with Duane on a 5 mile run up Negril beach,I explored the new gym (very nice a/c facility now, by the way, with new equipment), met Tammy for breakfast, and during the meal we were joined by EC Roxy, who got us to try a Jamaican apple. I described the taste quite poetically...it tastes like a flower petal smells...impressed the ladies with my sensitivity...lol. After breakfast we set up our chairs on the point ( jetty). We had pretanned so that helped, but that Jamaican sun is powerful, mon! Be careful....Enjoyed our first grilled cheese and Roberts fries, and soaked up rays and slushies til 2pm. The find your matecontest at the nude pool was starting so we joined in, blindfolded ladies had to find mates by cupping gonads while men had to find wives by nipple touch alone...Duane is still in the doghouse because he picked the wrong ones (and they were pierced, too!). Tammy found a shaved Jamaican hardbody to fulfill Myrs fantasy of a bald black man rubbing his smooth head between her boobs....Im still sorting that out....they nicknamed him Winston. Eric the surfer arrived and the volleyball began. Everyday was 4 pm nude volleyball and we usually had good participation ! Winston joined us in volleyball, and everytime he fell in the sand during the game, Myr & Tammy would take turns brushing him off. Those girls.... Happy Hour was fantastic, jerked chicken, slushies, and great fun....even a sightseeing tour of the grotto, complete with a zesty version of Rocky Top, by our Tennessee buddies! After power nap, date at Pastafaris for sit down Italian meal, very nice but 2 hours long...after hot tub and long day, sitting there zaps the energy out of you. We went to the Piano Bar and disco, but the nite was rather quiet so we retired early to recharge.
Stardate Sunday 03022002: After workout, had breakfast with Steve & Tammy from IL. Then we tried to contact the kids via the Internet Cafe, but it was down half the time...still, it is a bargain at $3 for 20 minutes, makes it easy to get home news by email and send messages back. Went to the point again and just mellowed the morning away....had lunch and played Hedo Music Trivia in the dining room. Met up with T & L, friends of Greg & Sue and they joined us for slushies and then things got cookin...we rafted (4 couples) and commandeered one of the concrete floats, telling jokes and laffin, sorry, other floaters...we didnt mean to be so loud! Myr went into her Nell impressions and got us all rolling around, dying from laughter (Hedo is full of evadoes) Toe massages were next, followed by toe sucking...who started that? Greg, I think Duane likes your feet...I even heard rumors about a woodie contest, but it must have been a tall tale...(except for Duane, the human sundial). After Happy Hour, went back to room for bigtime power nap ;) Duane & I went to Oldies Show after dinner as Vinnies, and had a blast dancing with everybody there until the ladies joined us for midnite buffet, then nite-nite.
Stardate Monday 04022002: Another 5 mile run, morning rays, then to the Wet T Shirt contest...Myr, Sue, and L joined the contestants and put on a show...WOW...Myr won and Sue got third place, great job, ladies! Myr then got picked for the chocolate syrup event (she laid down and 4 guys licked the syrup up from her body) for the second year in a row! Mama Sue got picked to have 4 guys fulfill her fantasy in simulation, ( Duane, Eric, and I happily obliged). Last year we took the catamaran cruise to Pickled Parrot so this year we decided to do the sunset cruise to Ricks Cafe. Officially, I think you are supposed to wear something for that, but since we are evadoes, we officially didnt...
Watched the cliff divers (nuts) at Ricks...Duane and I were last two back to the boat, and found Greg and T nude with all the women in the net in front...the catch o the day. Made for quite a Kodak moment...lol. Got back after Happy Hour, tub was closed for service, so Mama Sue says lets go offend someone and we marched to the hot tub on top of the disco, right next to the Scotch Bonnet on the prude side, past the diners and into the tub...did I mention that we were unclothed? Unfortunately, that tub wasnt working either...a little cold...but still had fun. By the way, it is a see-thru tub to the ceiling of the disco...a 2 ft by 4 ft opening that allows dancers to see your FEET if they look REAL HARD lol. Dressed in slutwear and then went to dinner and show, then it was topless nite at the disco. Duane kept repeating over and over, this place is sooo hot as the ladies wiggled and danced in the most sexy ways with each other and with us too :) He proved to us guys that possum gravy and zinc pills really do work, or was that just stuff in your pockets, Buddy? Then went to Hot Tub late and noticed the crowd of wallies watching us :( Zinc pills cant overcome that.....
Stardate Tuesday 05022002: Beach Recovery Day Sand gravity and slushie fever til 3 pm, then off to Steve & Tammys 20th anniversary vow renewal reception. Congratulations! Early nap to prepare for dinner and Battle of the Sexes, staked claim on best table in the house...Ladies and Gents wore finest Slutwear this evening. Lobster was served and was very good!Show began after dinner and all the ladies participated as well as Duane, Greg & T. I was the photographer and chronicleer of the festivities. T started off the guys in Chug-a-Lug and won, then scavenger hunt, then Mama Sue had to exchange clothes with a fella (you look MUCH better in latex than he did, Mama), then simulated positions contest, followed by Daisy Chain (hilarious), and finally the FAKE ORGASM contest....Capn Dan put up a good fight (didnt he, Tammy) but, was vanquished in the end by the sexy screamer. 11PM started the PJ show at the disco! Everyone looked SO fine in their naughtiest....The disco was VERY crowded for awhile, but we danced in trains and just had a wonderful sexy time :) (Duane liked it even more than the nite before...imagine that) Finally went to the hot tub to close the nite, but 3 Jamaican men were actually grabbing ladies...security had to be called...still, it was the only time that we ever felt even a little bit uncomfortable in 2 years.
INTERMISSION: ( insert music here, grab another Red Stripe, and remember to wash hands after the rest room)
Stardate Wednesday 06022002: By now, things are quite routine and the days follow a pattern...except, we are now sufficiently tanned (crispy) that we are under the trees...we planned a 2pm snorkeling trip and are very glad we did. Greg and T were awesome guides as we saw much marine life and colorful undersea scenery out on the reef that we reached by boat trip. Played volleyball, Happy Hour, and took wonderful sunset pics (everyday was beautiful) before meeting Kevin & Karla at Pastafaris with our group. We did not get a chance to dine at the new Japanese Munahana, but others told us it was tasty and fun! Next year.... Since it was Duane & Tammys last nite, we walked along the beach to enjoy the stars and the whispers of the ocean and settled into lounge chairs to reflect on what a wonderful week it had been. Talk faded quickly as the natural beauty of Jamaica overcame us and we drifted off to sleep...
Stardate Thursday 07022002: Myr got up and ran the beach to watch the sunrise, I stayed in the room and inspected my eyelids for cracks....lol. We met Duane & Tammy at the beach and floated on rafts and chatted the morning away. Since they had to be out of their room and sent their luggage to be checked in , we had them store carryons in our room, and that way they could also shower before leaving. At 3 pm we all escorted them to the front desk ( insert funeral dirge here), and said our goodbyes as the taxi came to get them. In between tears, we did find enough composure to give them a proper salute from Moon Hill and then they were gone.... To recover, we all decided that a nude run down the waterslide would make us feel better, but it was shut down for workmen at the time....BUMMER! But, while on the bridge, Duane & Tammys plane buzzed the resort in one of the finest flybys we have ever seen! We went to Happy Hour and our German friends organized everbody into the Car Wash, which was a lot of fun...cant be too clean at Hedo! Left there to get ready for TOGA! TOGA! Nite. Everyone looked quite decadent in their finery, amazing what you can do to a bedsheet with a little creativity! Dinner, followed by dancing and Toga Conga line, then to disco, for our last nite at Hedo....Greg & Sue, T & L, and Myr & I danced and chatted outside til late...then we went to bed since we were wore out from the festivities.
Stardate Friday 08022002: Eviction Day for us :( Had our last Charlie Murray omelet (yum), then last minute goodbyes to our friends... Taxi to TimAir at 9:30 am, but our turn to be saluted from Moon Hill on the way. Flight to US delayed at MoBay, we could barely keep our eyes open at the airport. Where does the energy come from at Hedo? How can we survive on 4 hours of sleep a nite for a whole week? Rest of the flights back were a blur....next morning cracked an eyelid open and verified that we were home...then back to sleep (zzzzzzzzz) We are still missing one suitcase....3 bottles of rum inside, what a waste! Hope it turns up...
Captains Log, Final Observations: Random thoughts and notes:
Hedo Improvements: Mostly to help upgrade prude side; waterslide is FUN; Gym & Spa are excellent; Prude pool on beach...didnt use it, but looked nice; climbing wall (aka. vertical turd), saw total of 0 people use it; Ice skating rink, huhh?, next to disco, slick surface ready, maybe good for aid in sliding intoxicated disco patrons to prude side rooms, (or not);Pathways and sidewalks are better than in past; plunge pools and landscaping quite attractive.
Staff: Kudos to DelRoy, Scumba, Robert, Augustus (sir, sir, get the hell off my beach!), Ashley, Roxy, David (Taz), Patrick (Razor), Chubby, and those wonderful maids who take care of our messy sandy rooms everyday...
Food: We were wondering after reading the message boards following a slow Fall season if it would be a concern, but was very satisfying and tasty for our midwestern palates...even though I sure missed good ole corn fed beef!
Rooms: Getting more and more aged by the year....sounds like future plans for renovation (Soon Come!) Still, hard to notice when sleeping :)
People: Deja Vu! Same faces, same attitudes and acceptance :) This place is about the people you meet, more than anything else...I will name as many names as I can recall here, if not you know who you are...Amos & Teri(disco dancin girl ;), Brian & Anne, Rick(Gunny Orlando) & Dawn, Nevil & Kristen(KittyKat),Greg(Guy Anj) & Sweet Mama Sue, T &(see, it wasnt so bad)L, Steve (Crooner) & Tammy, Eric the Surfer, Capn Dan, Jim & (BillyBob)Carol, Dave(Mr. Vball) & Shona, Kevin & Karla, Hill(cliff diver), Barbara(NYC), Elyse(NYC), Larry(Elvis) and all others that made our vacation such a memorable one!
I had heard that if you thought your first visit to Hedo was fun...wait until the second...and on, and on...
FINALLY! just when you thought you were done...
This verbose trip report is dedicated to our new found best buddies from Tennessee, Duane & Tammy (am & pm ;) ) Where else can you meet people without the pretenses and the trappings of American society and culture, and feel like you have known them forever?
Irie,