SEPTEMBER 21 -- 30, 2001
In keeping with typical Hedobrat fashion, I am writing/sending my last trip report exactly 3 days before my next trip (I just get too darned depressed upon returning home to write about a trip that will be a LONG time before I get to go again . . .)
Before you start reading this trip report, Id like you to go to your kitchen, pour a glass of champagne, and sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Names have been shortened to protect the not so innocent.
I started this trip with GREAT trepidation -- leaving from ATL on the Reggae bird, flight 58 -- just 10 days after the attacks on America. I didnt want to get on a plane or leave my kids or get stranded, so I was quite pissy toward poor Kenneth during the 3 hour drive to ATL and during the 4 hour wait to leave ATL and during the 2 1/2 hour flight. He should have told me to just blow it out my a##. But, he didnt (although, Im sure Mark WOULD have) and as we settled into our TimAir plane, after shooting the breeze with our driver Clovis, who drove us on our other trips to the terminal, I said to Kenneth, Why didnt you just remind me of the beauty of this (pointing to the ocean and land from the sky) and tell me to shut up? SO BEGAN TRIP #4 . . .
Staying as long as we did, there is no feasible way to give you a day by day, blow by blow trip report. So, Ill try to hit the highlights. And, for those of you who were there, if I mix up the days, just piss on it.
We had quite a few jelly fish stingings. Jack told us early on he got stung on the balls, but I didnt believe him. When I was stung, I was accused of faking it (that makes people mad, by the way) in order to get rid of people who were in the water. But, everyone believed me after Kenneth got stung on his leg. Jesse was stung first on a cat cruise I wasnt on -- it wrapped around his chest after a jump (I think he really just hit the water wrong, but I wont tell him that). Also, dear Jodie got a bad sting on the weird night (yes, Chad and Rita, had another one of those, but not quite so shocking as the one with yall). And, Megan got a bad sting as well. I cant say we werent warned -- the guards followed Jodie and Megan and I down to the ocean late one night and told us watch for jelly fish, mon. We were more concerned about the sting of the Vinnie lurking in the trees. But, island rumor has it that the best cure for jelly fish stings (and for Vinnies) is just to piss on it. The ULTIMATE sting was saved for Kenneth -- right on the tip of his penis. Of course, it paid off for me -- we had sex 6 times in the 24 hours following that. I tried to bring a jelly fish back, but couldnt get it through customs.
Kenneth and I became somewhat famous for making dinner plans with friends and sleeping through them. UNTIL Jesse and Chris found out the thing to do is just come beat the mess out of our door, yell at us, and drag us out. Jesse and Chris had a REALLY great engagement -- I dont know this from observing it, I know this from helping plan it. I actually slept through it. I think we were supposed to be the guests of honor. Hope this doesnt mean that offer to be the best man and matron of honor is rescinded. . .
But, that engagement was followed by one we did NOT miss and will never forget. Emily and Scott. He proposed on the cliff at Pickled Parrot. We (including the newly-weds who took about 3 or 4 days to come out of hiding -- Cheryl and Charlie) all cried; it was the sweetest thing we ever saw. But, I can guarantee you, HE would have been crying if he had lost the ring (which the DUMMY left in his bathing suit pocket while he jumped off the cliff several times!!!!!!). Anyway, the six of us had a heck of an engagement party upon our return from the cat cruise.
Chris and Jesse were our big parasailing buddies. Jesse was AMAZING in the saddle of the parasail! Chris and I took pictures of our body parts on some poor guys camera who was staying at the Pointe and was probably a virgin. Hope he enjoys them when they get developed.
Jack and Sonja (our old friends from last trip) and Rick and Tina entertained us for dinner one night. But, we missed out on dessert. Sonja is an absolutely GORGEOUS brunette with a slightly detectable accent that drives the men wild. She is a regular at Hedo and you may see her there sometime. If you do, please pick her up and start sucking on her feet. She is really into feet and loves for men to rub all over them and lick them. Dont ask before you do it, JUST DO IT. Trust me, shell really thank you later.
Around this point, the dates get REALLY screwed up, so Ill just summarize stories here and there.
Two fairly nice looking and overdressed young lads had the misfortune of strolling up to the nude grill for a burger at chicken time. My girls Megan and Jodie and I de-pantsed Matt, who was a great sport about it. His friend, Dave, took off in a sprint that would have won an olympic medal. We asked Matt what Dave had to hide under those shorts. So, not knowing Daves name at the time, he was quickly dubbed Teeny Weeny, a name that stuck for the remainder of the trip. Dave actually turned out to be a well-endowed young buck with a sexy math teacher butt. Quite a few guests hounded him for autographs, confusing him with some star from the American Pie movies. He was a really smooth dancer as we girls discovered in the disco one night. And, he wore some INCREDIBLE cologne that Jodie especially loved. ANYWAY, before Teeny Weeny got back and let us strip him the FIRST time, we all grabbed the burger he had ordered and rubbed our breasts on it. He later let us know that boob burger was the best meal he had there. Actually, the taste of that boob sweat on the burger ruined him for other women. He stayed devoted to the burger and forsook all others the rest of the trip.
Jodie introduced me to the cradle position in the cool tub and later we had a chick party trying out the fountain. Many body shots were had by all, including a cascade one which involved about 10 people (Kristi with a K and Devin with a P will have to send the photograph). Megan and Rodney introduced everyone to the joy of card playing.
A few more tales from the naked city -- Megan, Rodney, Kenneth and I shut down Pastafaris almost every night we were there. Be sure to go in, sit in Michaels section, and ask for the Pastaconda special. Lastly, if you happen to run into a guy named Mark, please be forewarned that he and his friends from the deep south really like chickens and have been known to not only get caught by the staff chasing chickens around naked in the coop, but have also been known to bring a live chicken back to the hottub for the enterainment of some of the single males. Also, if you are a vinnie and a somewhat large drunken group of partiers appears to be having a fun truth or dare game, I would not suggest jumping in over their heads multiple times and splashing them or sprawling out like you are dead on the center of the floor of the hot tub and ESPECIALLY dont take a dare that involves 5 women giving you a golden shower. BECAUSE, in the middle of that ahh champagne bath, you may look up to see a guy from Arkansas pis#ing in your ear.
I know I have left out some great stories and some great people (like the newbie mayor and his lovely wife Kathy and the friendly chicks on the shelf
After we left and arrived back home, I read on Denny Ps board that H II was under construction while we were there. That was pretty funny to me -- I was there 10 days and didnt even notice -- or, to borrow a phrase from my friend Jeff from trip 3 (or was it 2), maybe it was the alcohol.
Respectfully submitted, Beth and Kenneth (hedobrat@yahoo.com ).