Trip Report
February 26-March 5
This was our second trip to Oz. The easiest way to do this is to break it down into three sections, airline security, Jerry Springer and the vacation itself.
Airports & Security
We left from LaGuardia on USAir and chose no carry ons this time to make things easier so we checked all luggage complete with toys, nail polish remover and a can of Lysol. I had only a purse, which went through the scanner with no problem. We arrived two hours before boarding time and went through several check points with no problem and found by the time we were done with security, the plane was boarding. At the Philly airport where we had a connecting flight, just before boarding the plane, hubby was pulled aside for a check and pat down. I guess his thin cotton sweater & flip flops looked suspicious. He thought it nice of the airlines to pat him down so that he could ease into the Hedo spirit. Arriving in Jamaica we found the main lock to our luggage was gone and surprisingly, our cameras were still there. Departing from Jamaica, on the other hand, each bag was personally searched. We had to place the bags on the table, open them and Jamaican security physically rifled through them. It was pretty funny when hubby opened the main suitcase to find some forgotten Pecker Mints completely strewn all over the top of our clothes (inch long breath mints in the shape of well..just think about it!) Jamaican security asked what it was and was not amused at hubbys explanation. I on the other hand was laughing hysterically.
We did speak to someone on the beach who told us her story of being pulled away just as they were boarding their plane at the Atlanta airport, ushering only one of the party of two into a private room and closing the door behind, leaving the husband to wonder helplessly outside just what the problem was. On the table she found her suitcase wrapped in duct tape (which wasnt there before) making quite a bit of noise surrounded by security. Turning red she knew it must be the rabbit that had activated on its own and was asked by security (who had a pretty good idea what the source was but needed confirmation) to reach in without breaking the tape seal to retrieve it and show that this was indeed the source of the noise. Fumbling in the suitcase and going strictly by feel she pulled it out only to find it was not the culprit and the suitcase was still humming away. Again fumbling, she pulls out a dildo not the one making the noise, as it was not battery operated. With the noise persisting and now laughing herself, she pulls yet another vibrator unfortunately in the off position as well and explains that one is waterproof and for use in the hot tub where she is going. Finally pulling out the last vibrator, still roaring away, security is now satisfied, and thanked her for the education. She recommends everyone remove at least one battery when you pack!
The First Day. . . .
When we first arrived at Hedo at around 3 pm, we immediately noticed the lack of guests at the resort. Too many beach chairs without towels no line for jerk chicken (now you KNOW its bad!) At dinner only 1/3 of the dining room was filled. Incredibly quiet. We attributed the lack of guests to perhaps a combination of economy, fear of travel, rate increase and the Springer Show as we knew many had rescheduled their trip. We based our decision to go on last years trip reports, which showed they were there to tape two shows and pretty much stayed to themselves on the prude side. Unfortunately, that was not the case this year. Since we had exchanged e-mail with several people before arriving, we were sure that although the resort was not crowded, we were sure to have a great time with our newly acquired friends and were happy to see people we met last year were there as well. After all, it is the people that make Hedo, right?
It was PJ night and there was way too much room at the disco compared to when we were there last March. The disco was actually cold due to the lack of people which made us get right to dancing to warm up in the sheer sets we were wearing. We left early as an overzealous guest which hubby deemed Night at the Roxbury was growing out of my backside. (We heard later we had won third place.)
The hot tub was pretty uneventful, not crowded at all and the clearest we had ever seen it. Several textiled people kept coming by and Security was non-existent. So we headed back to our room for an early night at 1:30 am knowing it was good to get some sleep on that first night in (compared to staying up 24 hrs the year before). I think we got to sleep around 3 <eg>. Perhaps the magic was starting.
Jerry Springer Show
Let the F%*&#?@^ nightmare begin. They began to arrive over the next three days and everything had changed. It was awful. We had three days of stress and no fun. They were invasive. They had cameras everywhere. We were constantly looking over our shoulder and around corners. They were in the bushes, they were at the beach, they were at the hot tub, they were in line for Jerk Chicken completely clothed. Security was either non-existent or when they were around, virtually useless. Hubby ended up in several discussions regarding videotaping, being clothed, etc. since there was no security anywhere we were left to defend ourselves. Earlier that evening, they got their Jerk Chicken and walked up to the wall at the hot tub and sat down and ate while looking at everyone. DelRoys was playing Kenny G (what is this?????) at happy hour. We received daily schedules of their taping so we knew where not to go. It was sickening. Other guests confronted them as well and were told, they can do anything they want. No Security. There was no Respect. There was no magic.
At Toga night regular guests left early to change many of us didnt compete because of the video cameras they thought we couldnt see running under the tables. (Someone counted at least 5 running at one time) Multiple guests complained to the night manager. Hubby got into another verbal discussion with one of Springers comedians who did nothing except insult the paying guests during his talent night routine and refused to stop video taping the Toga Dancing, etc. When hubby gave him the choice to stop or find his camera at the bottom of the prude pool he finally stopped. We never should have been put in that position. Subsequent complaints to management that evening were met with just blank stares. It was surreal. We had found out the JS Show was shooting 10-15 shows (not the 2 like last year). They had not only brought in their producers, camera crew and staff, they also brought in their own audience. Were sure this is where the bulk of the problem was. There easily must have been 50 of his staff/crew/employees there. We know the videotaping cannot be aired without a signed release; however, these were individual private cameras, which of course are totally unregulated. It was out of control and the Springer group exercised no control whatsoever over their own people.
There was a constant parade of fully clothed Springer people down to the nude beach.. While a handful of us tried to enjoy the incredibly crystal clear hot tub, the Springer people continued to walk through the nude side. Some stayed behind the stone wall and watched those in the hot tub sheltered by the shadows;, others actually sat on the wall and just stared at us. We had had enough. We left the hot tub around 1:30 am quite fed up with being the focus of their entertainment. We were on the pathway on the nude side going back to our room and met another couple we knew and started sharing our mutual discontent. At that moment, a fully clothed female midget comes walking out of the Aviary. Then a few feet away out of the bushes emerges a fully clothed male. It was infuriating. We no longer felt comfortable walking around nekkid on the nude side at ANY time and this is what we paid for! The catamaran cruise was virtually empty as the rumors had circulated the Springer group had planned to secretly video tape it. The disco was empty. The piano bar emptied when the Springer group came in. Dave tried in vain to stop the exodus. The hot tub had only TWO people in it! The guests all retired early in lieu of confronting yet another negative circumstance. The silence was deafening and sad. Were we at Grand Lido???? Surely this could not have been H 2!!!
The Springer people were carrying tape recorders and deliberately trying to incite paying guests into confrontations for their own amusement. We were having breakfast with friends and Springers people were at an adjacent table. The transvestite turned completely around to face one of the people we were at breakfast with and began taunting and antagonizing him using confrontational body language and a leather whip to strike pointedly towards him in an aggressive fashion. So much of that went on were surprise there wasnt a fistfight. Which of course, we knew was exactly their intent.
To those of you who changed your plans because of this good call! We would NEVER book during this week again.
In retrospect, I do believe there was an attempted set up via Dennys visitors list by a couple of Springer people. I had noticed pics they sent werent like what is usually exchanged and one was trying extract stories to which we replied, What happens in Jamaica stays in Jamaica and terminated further correspondence. . Out of all of our e-mail friends we met they were the only ones that never did show up.
Friday at 10 pm we had a meeting with Zenga, the daughter of the owner of H 2. 20-30 paying guests arrived at the Piano Bar to express concerns, disappointment, etc. with the resort, as everyone felt so violated by now. The meeting lasted an hour Ill spare you all the details of the complaints. Super Clubs judgment was questioned at allowing such a negatively perceived program to represent them. Zenga stated after last year they felt it increased their business. We found that hard to believe and all tried to explain the negative image it conveys. Whatever Zenga said to the Springer Producers must have been effective. The reigned their people in. Security was triple that what you usually see and the dress code was now enforced. Security was present and active at the nude/prude beach line. Security was walking the nude side constantly even during the middle of the night taking care of any errant textiles. The security person normally sitting in the corner at Roberts Grill was now on her feet meeting the patrolling security and comparing notes. They were doing their jobs. There were no more confrontations in the main dining room. They were staying away from the paying guests. Within less than an hour the change in the atmosphere could be felt. You could hear laughing again. People were playing, the tension was gone, it was Hedo again and the magic was returning.
The Vacation. . .and then there were Lifestylers. . . .
Hubby called it the gonadal equinox. Thank god! Although were not in the Lifestyle we had a blast once they arrived. They began to arrive Friday afternoon and by Saturday two Lifestyle tour groups filled the nude side. Also arriving were the contestants for the Ms. No Swimsuit Contest sponsored by one of the Swinger Magazines. We met the owners. What a riot! I do think we saw the infamous energizer bunnies written about in many of the trip reports. Everyone was in awe. Hubby is convinced they do it so much their DNA has merged into one. Shows on the rafts, at Delroys (which was now back to playing Reggae), on the beach chairsat the hot tub during happy hour. Nothing was spared. The tour boats wouldnt even stop. They brought a welcomed energy that was sorely lacking the past few days. You could no longer see your hand below the surface of the hot tub (which could be a good thing) and hot tub was packed. We went back to the room to change after dinner one night to meet our friends at the piano bar and got lost in H-Block. The gonadal equinox was peaking. It was relatively early and sounds were everywhere. We were confused, befuddled, disoriented and kept walking into the dead end areas. We began walking in circles and trying not to laugh at the fact we were trapped in audio voyeurism. It was definitely Hedonism again! We finally did find the Piano Bar.
We met so many great people. Not only the ones we e-mailed but a bunch of new people as well. Were really sorry about scaring the chap from the UK by yelling Boooo we swore was coming to watch late one night while we were in beach chair on the jetty trying to hide from the JS group which had us all on edge. Turns out he never really did see us and jumped about 3 feet straight up muttering something about arriving on his first day and going home in a bloody box. We laughed all night about that and every time we saw him. He was a good sport. The laughing really started with the couple we shared Tim Air with that had us going a bit by disapproving of our choice of resorts and later admitting their destination, in fact, was the same. Had a great time laughing with them all week. We never did get everyones picture or e-mail addresses so if any of you are reading this, dont hesitate to write. All of a sudden the days began to fly by. Hey Rudy dont forget to get Chris book if you had read it before you would have known about the toilet paper comet. We saw that one from way down by the jetties as you walked back to your chair in the shade. We laughed till we cried. Dr. Coochie. did you laugh yet? Inquiring minds want to know. Mark & Cheryl had another full week after us so were looking forward to their trip report as well! We met a great bunch of people at laughed so much at times it hurt. We never did get a chance to say goodbye to another Toronto couple. Where did the time go? Between Iowa, Georgia, North & South Carolina, Wisconsin, Indiana and Illinois it was a non-stop comedy routine. Were sure we missed some states! Pennsylvania with his dry sense of humor kept you on your toes Iowa if youre reading this stay in touch we never did get your e-mail! Made three attempts to get to the Japanese restaurant and the third time was a charm with our friends from Peru. Great meal way too much food! We missed one attempt where we were the ones who made the group reservations for the group of 8 they said they waited 20 minutes and even called the room looking for us then went on. Sorry again guys for holding you all up. Guess we fell into Hedo time. We know we missed a great time with the group. Charlies omelets are the best. There were plenty of grilled lobster tails at dinner for everyone to go back for seconds, thirds & fourths. The magic was definitely back.
So, we asked ourselves Was it better than the first time?. I dont think you can compare first to second or even third and subsequent trips. Each one is special in its own way. Each one brings new friends, new stories and has a feeling to it that is uniquely its own. Its still the people that make it. Its still having the right attitude. Its still about Respect. The magic is still there and DIF still sets in.
Respect,
PS On an nude invasion of the prude waterslide, I somehow broke the bottom half of my wedding ring (it was a diamond ring guard 12 small diamonds set in gold) . About 8 purple motherf*****s later and a lost afternoon I realized it had broken off. We did file a report with the desk, it could really be anywhere on the resort, if you happen to find it, drop us a note!