Terry & Greg The Slugs
AKA Lv2BeNaked
May 2 11, 2002
For our fifth trip to Hedonism II, we planned the trip around the schedules of our fellow Slugs. We priced the trip and found that we could get a better price by going for nine nights as opposed to seven, so we decided to go ahead and book 9 nights/10 days. During the three weeks prior to the trip, Greg worked over 100 hours of overtime. He decided that we should fly first class, so the week before the trip, we exchanged our coach tickets for first class. It was very nice to board the plane first, be served fruit punch while the plane was still boarding and have tons of leg room, but on the trip down, we could only see a benefit if we were flying with our five year old.much, much, much more leg room.
On the way home, however, the benefit of First Class became much clearer. We got to wait in the First Class Lounge, drink free drinks and board the plane last. We got fruit punch prior to take off, a cocktail as soon as we took off with a little bowl of peanuts and a bigger dinner. We were offered magazines and newspapers to readand almost had our own personal stewardess. It was well worth the extra cash!
The first wave of Slugs Brett & Christie and Greg & I were scheduled to arrive on Thursday around 10 AM. They flew in from Newark while we were flying from Philadelphia. Their flight arrived 45 minutes early, while ours arrived about 20 minutes early. By the time we grabbed luggage, got through customs and immigration and caught our Timair flight, we were walking through the Hedo dining room at 11:30 AMa new record for us.
Of course our rooms werent ready, so we took a stroll through the new sections of the complex. The improvements are incredible! The plunging pools, water slide and prude swim up bar were absolutely beautiful, although we never saw anyone IN the prude swim up pool. It is very shaded and every time we got in the water temperature was so cold you couldnt stand it, which may be why so few use it and prefer the pool on the upper level by the dining room.
The rest of the crew, Ken and Stif, Patty and Rupe, Joe and Kris arrived over the weekend and our newest members, Pete and Dianne, arrived on Tuesday.
The days blend together and I wont give you a day by day description of what we did like I normally do. Ill try to cover the highlights.
CONSTRUCTION As I mentioned, the new additions are awesome. We did the waterslide naked the first day there (or maybe the second). We figured wed be told to get dressed but we werent. We were informed that the new sections of the complex are Clothing Optional, pools included, but were asked to please not scare the poor prudes in the pools. The first time I tried the water slide, however, I gouged my back along my spine. The next day I tried doing it with a shirtsame resultend of sliding for me. The others continued to slide everyday as soon as the slide opened at 2 PM. This became a sort of gripe for everyonewhy isnt the slide open all day? Ken, our resident swimmer, had terrific form coming off the slide, and was very proud of the fact he was able to touch the glass on the disco window.
The see through Jacuzzi on the top of the disco never had water in it. Well, except for the day it rained monsoonsbut its kind of stupid anyway. The glass is in the foot part of the tubwho wants to look up and see feet? And when the bubbles are going you probably cant see anything. It would be a great place to sit and watch the sunset though..since its up high and overlooks the prude beach.
The window overlooking the splash pool at the bottom of the slide did add more room to the disco and for the first time ever the PJ party wasnt so unbearably hot we couldnt stay in the room.
The disco caves are just little rooms just off the splash pool from the water slide. They have a little bench and you can look into the disco. Not seeing a whole lot of point in them.
The spa is beautiful but Greg & I didnt use it for anything. Patty did get a massage one day and she said the price list we were given is a little higher than what they actually charge for massages. You can still arrange for a massage at the beach shack if you want. We did invade the spa jacuzzi one night, but the water was so hot you couldnt stay in it for long.
The outdoor pool tables are up but there are no pool balls. The ping pong tables near the spa are nice, but they have no nets. The basketball is about a 1/4 courtwouldnt even call it a half court and we never saw anyone playing basketball, unlike years past when there seemed to always be someone on the courts.
We found the ice rinklots of leaves on it. The funny thing was they had entertainment coordinators walking around a couple days asking for the positives and negatives about the resort. I told one that the ice rink was stupid. The next day they were removing it. We thought that was hystericalafter all the bitching on the board, one face to face comment and they yank it out. Actually, they were repairing it. But there are still no skates and it is so small, very few could use it anyway. I never saw anyone on the rock wall.
The gym appears to have top of the line equipment. Brett used it every morning and was the wake up call for the rest of us.
INTERNET CAF: We left home on May 1st and realized on the way to the airport that we had forgotten to mail our mortgage payment. I attempted to make the payment over the phone, but when we checked to be sure it had processed, it hadnt been done as of the 2nd, so we decided to make the payment from Hedo. You have to put a deposit at the front desk (like for using the phone more on that in a second). When you want to use the computer, go to the front desk. Theyll come over and enter a password to connect you to the internet. It is a dial-up modem and the connection didnt seem much slower than ours at home. We signed onto the website, made the payment and signed off. The charge for using the computer for about five minutes was $12. And the room is unbearably hot. There are two computers but only one was working when we were there.
PHONING HOME: Heres the easiest method for calling home. Forget prepaid calling cards. One couple with us purchased a prepaid card and they didnt accept it in Jamaica. The 45 minute one they got from the travel agent was only good for three minutes. We used a credit card deposit of $200 (you can also put a $50 cash depositthey did accept less from some people we were told) at the front desk when we checked in. When we called home, we dialed the hotel operator asked for an AT&T operator, used our AT&T calling card and called home. Very simple. We dont have the bill yet, but will post the phone costs on the board when we get it.
POOLS Only on a few days did we notice that the pool water in the nude complex was a bit cloudy. There was one plunging pool that had no waterfalls or fountains and it looked kind of grungy until the last day we were there. Once the waterfall started, it was as clean as the others. The hot tub funk didnt seem as bad this year either.
SHOWERS The shower water temperature was a little less consistent than last May, but nothing unbearable. Only one day was it really hard to get the temp right, but we managed.
ENTERTAINMENT COORDINATORS The only ones there that were there last May are Paul Chubby who is now the EC Supervisor and Lucky Tunderties (sorrythe Jamaican pronunciation cracked me up its actually Thunderthighs of course). However, the new group is MUCH livelier than the group from last May we did miss Diva (the female one). Junior is now called Diva (I think it was Junior). Rose, Roxi, Buffythey were GREAT! I did miss Paul the singing bartender though.
PIANO BAR We spent most evenings after dinner in the Piano Bar. Daves energy level is much lower than we remember and it seemed that we heard the same songs over and over. One night, he ended playing around midnight after playing a VERY long version of Big Bamboo. Of course, watching Chuck sing Lucille every night was always funhe is the master of that song! And Rupes assistance to a girl doing Piece by Piece in his trademark Rupay was hysterical.
One night, they pulled a young girl up on the piano. When Dave started playing Piece by Piece she tried desperately to get off the piano, but they wouldnt let her. She begged one of the girls sitting at the piano for a drink and she was handed a glass of white wine which she chugged. She leaned over to Dave and said Oh no, I cant do thisIm supposed to be at Sandals! Bravely, she began dancing and removing clothing. When she raised her skirt, someone called out Oh my, shes wearing tidy whities! It was a thong, but they were very white. After she got off the piano, several of us went up to talk to her and congratulate her for her bravery. I told her I sit all day on the nude beach and I wont get on that piano! She laughed and said the Sandals comment was because thats where they told their parents they were going. We jokingly called her Sandals for the rest of our stay. When her husband of six months walked up, I asked if this was her other. Tracy and Derek became Sandals and Other from the on.
DINING ROOM ENTERTAINMENT We watched the circus show in the dining room two nights. We sat close to the stage the first night and it seemed to me that Boombastic (the guy in the box) is VERY bored with his job. Slinky seemed to be rather routine in his act as well. The show is EXACTLY the same every Friday night. It seems that it might be good to vary it on some nights. New people wont know the difference and it will keep the returnees from being so bored with the show.
Okay, if Hedo II management is reading this I hope they get this point loud and clear: THE DINNER BAND IS TOOO LOUD! You can only talk to the people on either side of you, there is no way anyone across the table can hear what youre saying. We prayed for breaks so we could talk to each other. That really needs to change. And the cushions on the dining room chairs are worse than ever. As someone who is very short, I was having to use cushions from spare chairs to raise my chin up above the dining room table.
FOOD: The food wasnt bad and it wasnt good. I, the Queen of the Picky Eaters, managed to fill up every night at dinner and for lunch. The only problem I had was that on the second night, I ate whatever the beef was for dinner. That night, everyone noticed I was very red, but I blamed it on sunburn, even though they insisted it didnt look like sunburn. The next night, I again ate the beef for dinner. The reaction that night was much worse. I broke out in a rash all over, felt like my skin was on fire (like sunburn). At one point, when walking to the bathroom, I had to stop for a second and catch my breath. I had a reaction similar (the breathing issue) while undergoing food allergy testing a few years ago when I had to eat a large quantity of soy. I avoided the beef until they had tacos for lunch and added a little bit of the beef to my taco shell. I had a slight reaction that afternoon. Whatever the spices they use on the beef are, I obviously had a reaction to. If you are allergic to soy, I suggest you avoid the spiced beef. Interestingly, I ate two of Roberts burgers with no reaction at all.
MUNAHANA: On Sunday, we all ate at Munihanas (or Minitatas as I labeled it later). I am not known for trying new foods. They brought us sushi, and told me it was mostly rice, so I popped one in my mouth. YUCK! I guess it was smoked salmon in the middle and it was AWFUL. Everyone else said it was good, but it sure wasnt to me! The soup was good and everyone said the vegetables were good too (I dont eat them). The shrimp and chicken were also very good and we were all stuffed when we left. However, both Greg and I had queasy stomachs, almost to the point of nausea the rest of the night. The entire next day, my stomach was upset to the point we went to the gift shop and bought two bottled Cokesthat straightened it up (and that became our morning ritual.the bottled sodas in the gift shop are .87 plus tax which makes them an even $1cheaper than home in some placeswe started buying four of them every morning and carrying them to the beach to pour over iceno worry of the fountains having too much or too little syrupworth the couple bucks a day). On Thursday, some of the Slugs returned to the Japanese restaurant, but we didnt want to risk it so we stuck with the dining room.
We didnt eat at Pastafaris this trip, so cant tell you how it was.
BAR SERVICE: It would be helpful if Superclubs would let a few bartenders know that strong drinks are not good drinks. Many times I took a sip of my Tom Collins to learn that there was a whole lotta Tom and very little Collins. Some of the shots we ordered tasted like turpentine they were so strongconsistency would be nice.
PJ PART: A few weeks before the trip, I was talking with Christie and told her my husband wanted me to wear a pair of chaps and a cowboy hat to the PJ party. Out of that conversation came the idea that all of the Slugs could dress in western wear and wed go to the party as the Slug Posse. I went online and found cheap cowboy hats. I ordered white bandannas and ironed our Slug logo on them. I found cheap toy guns and holsters at Walmart. Stef and her mother put together little bandanna skirts and tops for us. A couple of the guys wore bikini bottoms and a couple wore boxers with the Slug logo ironed on. As it turned out, we won the 2nd place prize for Funkiest PJs, even though the announcer called us the Slug Pussy. We had a ball. We handed out little plastic deputy stars and threatened to Hold up the stage in the disco.
The next day we left all the hats, guns, and stars on the bed in our room with a note for the maid to pass them out to the staff for their children. Brett walked back to the room right after ours had been cleaned and came back laughing. He said the maids and maintenance guys were having a shoot out in H-Block with our guns. Ken walked down to the nude pool and came back to say everyone who messed up in the ring toss game got shot by one of the Entertainment Coordinators. All week we saw staff walking around with cowboy hats on. Were glad we could give them a little fun during their work day!
NEW FRIENDS: We settled down in Slugdom on our second day. Next to us was a little floating palm tree table. The owners had written their names on the bottom of the table and we laughed when we saw it. Apparently, the wifes name was written through big letters on the base. They had written Joe and LISA. From that point on, everytime we saw them, we would say Joes name and yell Lisas. Joe and Lisa were there with Stuart and Lynn from England. Lynn had the most enjoyable accentwe all loved to just listen to her talk. Joe and Lisa were kind enough to leave behind the palm tree table when they left on Sunday, but rest assured that Lynn deflated it and took it with her.
We were talking to them about things you miss from home when youre at Hedo. Of course, my Silver Bullet friends came updamn I wish I could get a Coors Light while Im thereLynn said that last year all she wanted was biscuits so she brought about three boxes of them and hadnt eaten one. We told her wed help her eat them, but we should have them with afternoon tea. On Friday afternoon at 4 PM, she came to the beach with two teapots and coffee cups on a tray from the dining room with tea brewing, along with plates for the biscuits. A whole crowd of us gathered at the picnic table on the nude beach for afternoon tea. Ken walked down to the bar and got a pitcher of brandy and we shared some of that as well. It was such a blasthad to be another Hedo first!
WATER BALLOONS: We had several direct hits with the water balloon launcher, however we left it on Joe & LISAs palm tree table one night after dinner and either someone took it or security confiscated it. Luckily, NYPD Mike (Happy Naked Guy) brought backups and lent us one of his. Stuart and Lynn had one, but it tore the first day we saw them use it. Lynn threatened to tear the sheets apart to sew it up until we told them they were welcome to use ours.
NEGATIVES: On that positive note, Ill slide into a few downpoints of the trip
BATHROOMS: YUCK! Is about the only way to describe the bathrooms after about 8 PM. The floors were wet and they smelled awfulyou just werent sure what you were stepping in. One night, apparently someone who was not feeling well kind of ruined the bathroom by the nude pool. Brett said there was no cleaning itjust light a torch and burn the whole damned thing down. The dining room bathrooms were the only ones that seemed to stay relatively clean. In fact, one night, I walked all the way to that one rather than use the one by Veronicas because it was so grossand the mens roomI kept asking What -- do you guys AIM for the floor??? The floor was ALWAYS wet in the mens room.
PDA: There was not a lot of PDAexcept for one afternoon in the nude pool. Now, public sex is one thingthere was some action on one side of the pool, but it seemed sort of low key. However, I glanced over at the bar and there was a couple going at it on a bar stool. That sort of turned me off. The side of the pool is one thing, but I sure dont want to stand over someone in the throes of passion and order a drink! Can we at least move it away from the bar?
One night in the dining room, there was a girl literally up on a chair rubbing her crotch/ass in someones face. Security had to go make her stop. Again, can we show a little restraint?
One of the things I realized while watching these incidents was that this is the reason I am reluctant to tell people at home I go to Hedonot because of the nudity. One couple we met told us they were afraid to say anything to anyone because they were afraid theyd be considered swingers. She said she started every conversation with Hi, were not swingers. Thats not the way it should be. The main reason we go to Hedo is to sit naked on a beach, get bruises on our heels from sitting in the beach chairs all day and not have to put on a jacket and evening gown for dinner. Not everyone who goes to Hedo is in the lifestyle, but for some reason that is the reputation Hedo hasone big orgy made up of swingers. Our group actually laughed about the old key in a hat story. I said with my luck, Id draw my own room key anyway!
CLOTHING ON NUDE BEACH: This didnt seem to be a big problem this year. A few incidents, but nothing unreasonable. Once I saw a table full of people in clothing eating Jerk Chicken. I mentioned it to a few of our group who pointed out that a few of them had been on the nude beach all week, so we just ignored them. Now it seems there was an incident involving a couple of these peoplesorry, guysthe beach is nude, not clothing optional. The reason for the rule is that you are vulnerable when naked and those who show up at the nude beach clothed, refusing to disrobe, are perceived to have more power than you. It is a respect issue. I have long been against invading the prude beach nude because I dont feel it is fair to give the prudes a hard time about being clothed on our side if were going to be naked on their side. This is no longer the case. The resort is now clothing optional/nude. If you want to hang out with nude people and keep your clothes on, you must remain on the clothing optional side. The prude grill has Jerk Chicken every day tooif you insist on getting something from the Nude grill, ask security to escort you to the grill, get your food then LEAVE. Do not sit at a picnic table on the nude side and eat it with your clothes on.
There was a group of prudes that spent most of their vacation either sitting by the prude pool near the dining room or sitting IN the dining room playing cards. They were even playing cards at dinner one night. Apparently, when a bunch of the nudes used the water slide (as we were told we could do) naked, they made very nasty remarks about fat, old naked people needing to keep their clothes on. These are the types of people who need to go to another resort. You do not have to get naked at Hedo (unless you go to the nude side), but you WILL see naked people. If you cant handle that, dont go to Hedo.
THE GAME: Any of you who read the message board know that this trip was going to be our first real attempt at what we call the game. I had given my husband very limited permission to play. We discussed the rules, what we expected out of the game, how wed play, etc. etc. etc. prior to the trip. I remained in what has affectionately been called my box and was not interested in playing. Let this be the official notice that the game is not for us. As I told people, we put our foot in the water, it burnt, and we yanked it back out. Of course, we learned this after several trips back to the room for some heated discussion (as mentioned, we dont air our dirty laundry in publicbut you probably didnt want to be outside the bathroom window a couple times). We respect those who are willing and able to play the game.it just isnt for us, so in the box we stay.
The trip was wonderful as usual. After a few bumps in the road, we accomplished our goal. We relaxed, we forgot about the stress at home and we connected as a couple the way that you can only do at Hedo. I got The Look from my husband all the way home on the plane -- .the look he gives me like he could eat me alive. We get that by sitting naked on a beachI read, he naps or checks out the scenery. Sometimes we head back to the room for a nap. Around 4 PM, we usually get a visit from the other Slugs who are looking for Treg, Gary & Leonard. We head to the nude pool, have jerk chicken then go get ready for dinner (wink, wink).
I want to take a minute to thank our fellow SlugsBrett & Christie, Kris & Joe, Pat & Rupe, Ken & Stef thanks for putting up with our warts and we hope we do the same for you. Welcome our new members Pete & Dianne, Stuart & Lynn, Mike & Jenn, Tracy & Derekthanks for helping make our week specialespecially that massive photo session on the beachby the waywe still need copies of those picturesour film didnt advance in the camera so we have none!
Some private reminiscesunless you were there or with us, you probably wont get themand thats okayHappy Floating Naked Guy, The Weekly Schedule (Arrival Day, Ken Day, Stef Passes Out Day, Issues Day, Floating Day), Stuarts Giant Nappie Yank & Spank, Kens boat Not now, Im snorkeling for Gods sake, The Box with the padlocks, deadbolts, and shark infested moat, We all wear shoes, Raft Hickies, Crop Circles, Wake Up Calls and Snooze Alarms (They hit me on the head), dental hygiene (gotta brush those teeth), Bullets, No!, Power Tools the new name for the drink Sunset it should be called You Wont See The Sunset, Leaving On A Jet Plane, cold water jet douches and enemas, My brain is clean from the bottom now after the waterslide, Happy Naked Russian Sliding Guy, Yes Dear, Whatever You Say Dear, You probably paid $100 for that!, Sucker Fish and Sucker Rafts, Rupe, the Mayor of Hedo and his Vice-Mayor, Ken and much more I just cant think of right now. Theres no place like Hedo. Its a huge naked frat party and well definitely be back. Well go back to reconnect with each other and spend time with some very good friends. We definitely hope to hit some Hedo reunion parties this summerespecially the one at Sandy Hook and look forward to some Slug Reunions over the next year too!