May 22 June
1, 2001
This
may be long, so bare with me! I
am writing this trip report from my many fond memories, but about 3 months
after the fact and two weeks before our next trip.
So, instead of a blow by blow report which you may or may not
prefer, Ill just give you some anecdotes and highlights.
The
trip started out like most on Scair Jamaica airlines.
I dont know about you, but something about the way those planes
creak and shake upon start up makes me very nervous (and Im a veteran
flier). The funniest part was when a couple behind us (who was
heading to Sandals) started talking about their last visit and all the freaks
who hang out at Hedonism II. We
had just told our single female neighbor in the seat beside us we were going
to Hedo (she was going to the family one in Negril for a wedding). She had never heard anything about Hedo UNTIL the people
behind us started talking about all the swingers and wild orgies and out of
control freaks that go there. I
just got the giggles as my neighbor shrunk in her seat and tried to move as
far as possible from me (not really far in those seats)!
I wanted to turn around and harass the woman a bit, but I was laughing
too hard to do it. Kenneth and I
planned to have a large group of people yell out her name from the ocean after
she told us the family had a glass bottom boat trip planned for after the
wedding to go around the other resorts. But,
by the time that would have happened, we had already forgotten when she said
it would be. It WOULD have been
hysterical, though.
Upon
arrival, we looked around for our TimAir guy.
We stopped by some Superclubs workers and talked to them when our guy
found us. We couldnt really figure out how everyone we saw just
smiled at us and kept saying the zoo, right?
On our first trip, the Superclubs workers mistook us for Lido guests.
I finally asked the driver (on the way to the TimAir plane) how he and
everyone seemed to know. He smiled, laughed and said, Its your luggage, mon.
I quickly realized he meant that for a 9 day trip my husband and I only
had two carry-ons for luggage.
ANOTHER
Sandals couple was on our TimAir flight.
I joked with the pilot that we should get another 10% discount for
having to share a plane with a Sandals couple (they were also loud, whiny and
rude to the pilot and others). After
we told them where we were headed, they were pretty quiet the rest of the
short flight.
Upon
arrival, we were given a great homecoming and saw many familiar faces.
Our room was not ready, so we headed to the hot tub/pool.
I proceeded to get smashed while Kenneth was left in charge of checking
the front desk and getting us a room. The
front desk ended up taking him in the back to give him a key because a very
large, belligerent tour group who were being bumped to the cabins were
freaking out in the lobby. Several
of our friends who arrived later were also taken in the back to get their
keys. Im told that Go Classy
guests end up getting bumped less because they are such good customers.
This could be a Hedo rumor.
I got to meet the legendary Jamaica Jim and his lovely wife Nina on this trip. But, Jim left us early to give up his room for 3 complimentary nights because they were overbooked. Only Jim can get 3 complimentary nights for giving up one complimentary night. Hes the only man I know who gets more free nights than the employees. I keep hoping that since I am his protege from his home state hell hook me onto some of these deals . . . But, Im still waiting.
O.K.
first funny story you know Kenneth is off somewhere trying to get us a
room and Im in the hot tub getting smashed and seeing everyone we
corresponded with from this board. Well,
there was this one newbie couple who kept on to me about how the guy would SO
love it if his girl would just get some attention from another woman.
Im a woman; Im drunk; so I stumble over beside them (while they
are kissing) and touch her leg (NOT near private areas though). She jumped and screamed and ran to another of our friends and
said in a whisper (just loud enough for the whole tub to hear) Brat is SO
aggressive! Well, this
information was met with peals of laughter then and for the rest of the trip,
because Brat is really so NOT aggressive.
So, didnt do much for her and her man, but Kenneth sure liked the
idea of me being aggressive and it paid off for me later!
I will admit ashamedly that in the Hedo tradition of pranks and jokes,
lots of the rest of the group and I played up my new found aggressive
nature whenever the couple was around the rest of the week and talked loudly
for their aural pleasure about midnight orgies and other things that never
took place. At least they went
home with some great stories to tell (and are planning to go back, so who
knows maybe I created a monster!).
We
lost Paige and Steve and Mike and Amy early on in the week, but not before
lots of fun. If youre ever at Hedo in May, get Amy to show you how to do
the Tequila body shot only make sure she remembers to drink the liquor
this time! Mike had a HAPPY
BIRTHDAY MIKE -- all over various buttcheeks word to the wise, some of the
paints dye people colors more permanently than others.
Crystal showed all the women of the group the joy of laying in the surf
on your stomach. . . We played the grab the girl off the prude beach prank Chris
talks about in her book. We
planted Rita and Mary over on the prude beach and our whole pack went running
screaming We want women; we grabbed them screaming and kicking and
ripped their clothes off and carried them over our heads back to the nude
side. Among the prudes (and a large contingent of Vinnies), none
offered our hapless women any help. They
either ran in terror (literally) or ran for their cameras.
More on the Vinnie reaction later.
Then, there was the weird night that we mostly experienced in the company of Rita and Chad. We cant give you all the details in order to protect the not so innocent, but the highlights included an argument over dinner at the Bonnet that Rita and I missed because we were whispering about other things. The discussion started over whether people should go to completion in the hot tub. The majority of the table said absolutely not, but there was a very vocal minority. Later, Chad, Rita, Kenneth and I were walking out on the pier and saw some Vinnies. We pretended we had just arrived and asked them to tell us about the place. They talked about the nude side (we pretended like that was so disgusting and we could NEVER do that) and how it is just a bunch of old people over there. Rita and I tricked the guy into telling us how he walks over there sometimes just to look at whats going on Chad asked the guy what was he doing looking at other guys penises. The guy claimed he went over to pick up horny women and he ALWAYS got laid when he went over there (Remember at this point we had been hanging out exclusively around the nude beach pool for at least three days and we had never seen these guys.) Then, we said wed heard about the nudes stealing girls off the beach and they said, Oh yeah, they did that today, they just grabbed people and ran. We asked why these guys didnt help no response. To end the discussion, we said goodnight and turned to walk away as Rita and I stripped and headed back over to the nude side. We ran into some other interesting sights, but, we made a vow to never reveal them. Then, I got struck with Bob Marleys curse and that ended my night. Earlier in the night, darling Jesus of Jesus and Yvette commandeered us the truck as we were walking up to dinner and we managed to load 30 people in the back of that little pickup and saved a bit of walking.
Kenneth
got the curse for the next three days. NOT
fun but gave us and excuse to go back soon.
Ray and Jenny and Sean and Mary went on the Cat cruise with us, along
with Bill Webb. Despite his
continuing illness Kenneth jumped from the cliffs at the Pickled Parrot three
times. Jeff and Lynne stayed
back, because Lynne is terrified of the water since watching Jaws (or
something like that, right Jeff?). Plus,
Jeff really decided he needed to stay behind so that he could interview and do
additional research for his thesis on homeschooling.
We
all decided one night at Veronicas to strip in the game room and parade
through the piano bar nude to mess with Veronica.
By the time we finally got ready to go, Jeff stood up and was the only
one stripping when Veronica made her appearance in the game room (she must
have had it bugged) and told Jeff to put that away in her bar.
Actually, Jeff, this was a well-planned Hedo prank to see if we could
make you strip in Veronicas . . . or maybe it wasnt, maybe it was the
alcohol . . . :)
No
story about this trip would be complete without mentioning two of my favorite
people, Joe and Diane and their sybian. I
was the chief recruiter (with Lynne, Heidi of Brent and Heidi, Carolee, and
Jenny as my assistants) and have learned to never go to the bathroom after
bringing someone in to ride. I
left the room and sat in there for a while trying to get up enough nerve to
pee because I was worried about the room full of people listening to me.
But, when I finally came back out, I realized no one had really
concerned themselves with what I was doing.
So, I sat in a corner alone for the next 15 minutes.
On the afternoon we departed I brought the fabled #50 in to ride and
was rewarded with a bottle of Appleton Estate Special Rum for my efforts.
We
organized lots of body shots and butt chugs one was 3 girls long using the
steps to the cool tub. Good tip
for those of you planning this, though -- dont give into to people like
Kenneth who say use liquor, not beer, because he doesnt like the Red Stripe
-- Dear Scumba must have poured a glass full of grain alcohol.
The girls started screaming and we jumped immediately into the shallow
area by the grotto to cool things off -- needless to say, none of us had
to shave THAT area again for the rest of the week, it was BURNED off. Thanks to Keith and Carolee for helping me lure Kenneth into
the grotto . . .
On the TimAir trip home, we joined the mile high club. Thanks to the NC couple who said they didnt mind. We met up with a large contingent of people who had been at Hedo with us. We lost Mark somewhere at the airport bar. We told our friends Candace and Bill who had left us earlier in the week for H III about the mile high club and they decided to go in the bathroom on the Air Jamaica flight to join. Everyone from other passengers to the flight attendants asked them how they enjoyed their flight as they deplaned. Not sure how this happened, but we met up with two single girls who had been at H II and we hadnt met them there and we took turns demonstrating favorite positions to each other in the plane aisles. Good thing they cant kick you off at 10,000 feet. Needless to say, it was an entertaining flight for all. To anyone not mentioned -- we really enjoyed meeting all of you and are looking forward to having another great trip with you next May. Love and respect to all HedoBrat and Kenneth