June 6-13
We just came back from our 6th
and best trip ever to Hedo. The magic of that place just keeps getting better
and better. Each year we ask each other how is it possible for a trip to get
any better than this, knowing full well that we won't be disappointed next
time. Each trip is something new.
We found the place unchanged
physically, grounds still beautiful, rooms clean, staff friendly and helpful,
entertainment staff wild and fun. We have never had any serious complaints
about maintenance, upkeep, service, and things seem efficient enough for
Jamaica - we're never in a hurry. Anyway we don't go there for the beauty,
efficiency or service. We go there to get naked and go wild, and hang out with
the greatest people on earth, and it hasn't disappointed yet! We'll try to
just hit a few of the highlights of our trip that might make good reading . .
Strangely enough, arriving at
Hedo after waiting a full year to get there again was a little anticlimactic.
It all felt so familiar, neither of us felt that surge of excitement at
"coming home" to Hedo, we both kind of felt like it might be, well,
boringly the same. But that feeling didn't last more than a few seconds, when
we ran into old friends in the dining room and the fun began.
We had an underwater hot tub
muff-diving competition rematch between the reigning champion and the
challenger. Jesse held the title this year at 1' 52", but during this
trip the challenger Ron broke the record with 1' 59''. (This is an activity in
which ladies sit in the hot tub and the men have to hold their breath
underwater while they perform.) The ladies reported that even as duration
improved, so did underwater technique. You guys are asking yourselves why
isn't there a reciprocal competition for the ladies, right? When do the guys
get a turn? Well they get plenty of turns - the MC of the competition
insisted! We just don't bother hiding underwater, that's all. There are
definitely issues of quality when performing underwater, and I haven't heard
them complain.
We still love toga night after
6 trips, haven't gotten jaded yet, still wear sheets proudly. But one of our
favorite parts of the night is the midnight pool volleyball game. First of
all, we love getting naked on the prude side, just because you're not supposed
to. But after the heat of the crazed toga ritual, the pool feels so good. And
we always seem to be able to talk a few prudes into getting naked and joining
us. Sometimes we convert them and see them the next day on the nude side.
Friday was my birthday, and
some special activities sprung up around that event. At noon some friends
gathered (Ron and Sue, DJ and Khalid, Mark and Louanne, and Mark and Rose) for
a birthday party. There were some wonderful Hedo gifts (penis-shaped drink
holder, body butter, viagra(!), and the infamous ring toss game. The game
comes complete with rings and a plastic penis-shaped target to throw at, but
someone (and Jesse still claims it wasn't him) said we should throw the rings
at a live target. Somehow, says Jesse, he ended up lying on the picnic table,
with an earnest effort being made by more than one lady to get him hard enough
to throw rings at. It didn't take Jesse (hereafter known as Viagra - although
he has yet to try taking the stuff!) long to "achieve targethood,"
and the ring toss game began. As you can imagine, throwing the rings is a bit
of an anticlimax . . .
Birthday dinner that night
with friends at Pastafari was followed by a visit to the piano bar. We had
never really spent any time there, but discovered it can get pretty wild and
funny there, so we'll be back. They sang Happy Birthday to me but I declined
to wear my birthday suit for the occasion. Perhaps it was just that I loved
the fabulous dress I was wearing (if I do say so myself), or maybe I just
needed a little more persuasion. Try me again next year Chris and Liz, I'm
really quite an exhibitionist.
Saturday - the bachelor/bachelorette
party! Hedo friends Sue and Ron (this was our 3rd trip to Hedo
together) announced just before we left for Hedo that they were getting
married next month and they asked us to organize bachelor and bachelorette
parties for the occasion. We put some planning into these events and decided
in the end that it had to be one big party, because what's the fun if your
spouse-to-be doesn't get to watch? So when it got to be jerk chicken time (who
needs a clock?) we convened in the hot tub. Sue let on that all this was Ron's
idea and she wasn't sure she wanted to go through with it. Hah! That didn't
last long. We brought out our champagne that the travel agent had so kindly
sent to the room, and DJ and Khalid brought some GOOD champagne that they had
had the foresight to bring along, and the party began. Sue and Ron each got a
turn at the dice game - all they had to do was lie on a pad on the hot tub
deck and let us take our turns. I admit the girls had more fun because we got
to play the game with both of them. But I didnt hear any guys complaining.
Then they each took turns getting a massage from many willing participants all
at once. Massage oil was supplied and creative techniques were used, in which
hands were replaced by more interesting body parts as the instruments of
massage.
Now somehow at this point
Viagra - I mean Jesse - takes center stage again. Was it HIS birthday party?
Was it HIS bachelor party? I don't think so. But there he is again, ready for
another round of ring toss. Okay, I said, but this time no physical contact.
You have to get it up just by looking. Looking at his wife dancing over him
was interesting, maybe provoked a little twitch, but clearly we needed help,
so Sue joined in and the two of us enjoyed ourselves (I seem to remember
someone applying some oil) while he watched and once again readied himself to
be tossed at. Our only regret about the party was that Marc (the Sizzler, the
Anaconda), who now of course has a respectable job and wears pants all the
time, offered to make a guest appearance at the hot tub just for Sue
(promising to lose the pants for the occasion). But it turned out he was tied
up with preparations for the all-important Ultimate Men of Hedo Contest which
took place later that night and wasn't able to make it after all.
(Incidentally, don't go out of your way to catch the Utimate Men, it's a
pretty lame show.)
Perhaps we should take a
moment to discuss our favorite entertainment staff from this trip. Jesse would
have trouble picking favorites - he loves all the women. Angel, the sweetheart
with glasses, the wild and crazy Diva whose favorite activity this week was
trying to get men to jerk off for her (Jesse would leave me for her in a
second), the exquisitely lovely Exotica, who we would probably both leave each
other for . . . And then there's Teddy Bear, who I regret I never met until
our last night there at the PJ party, but more on that later. . .
I guess that takes us up to
the wet T-shirt contest. Jesse loves this event, gets down on the judges'
bench every year, and always manages to get himself picked to participate.
This year I decided to take part too - not as a contestant (too much like
work) but just as one of the judges. I got a little resistance from the (male)
entertainment staff guy who was running the event, but I stood (sat) my ground
and they let me stay, with some encouragement from Diva and the female staff.
We brought down some Hedo bucks to wave at the ladies and tuck into their
g-strings. When it was time for audience participation, the same guy who tried
to keep me out of the audience told all the contestants to choose GUYS from
the audience to do stuff with them. After I'd been excluded from the first 3
events, I protested more loudly and got Diva to persuade them to let me play
too. The next contestant gave me a lap dance - my not-very-reluctant
concession to the MC was to lose my top and get squirt-gunned. (I believe I
ended up sitting on the lap of the staff guy running it - he got a lap dance
too!) Then I got in on the next two edible events - licking syrup, eating
cookies and milk. Thanks ladies, what a delicious treat.
Pajama night - always one of
the highlights of our trip, we like to schedule our visit to Hedo so that PJ
night is our last night there. Once again, it did not disappoint. I spent the
interminable month leading up to our trip working on my arts and crafts
project of creating candy clothing to wear to PJ night. It was well worth all
the time and creative energy it burned up because I got plenty of licks that
night. The ensemble was made entirely of lifesavers - you get the idea. Jesse
wore a gummy cock ring, so we were well coordinated. Unfortunately they have a
new rule that cameras are not allowed in the disco on PJ night. We were
disappointed, never found anyone before who didn't want to pose for pictures,
but that's the new rule. We left the camera outside in the bushes and were
lucky to find it still there when we came outside to take pictures. (We did
have another camera stolen while we were at Hedo this time - left it on a
table in the courtyard for 5 minutes and it was gone!) The PJ party was wild
and fun as always, too loud to spend much time in the disco, but lots of fun
out in the disco bar, getting closely acquainted with some of the staff
members. In fact, I had about as much fun with a certain staff member as you
can have in a public place with your pajamas still (mostly) on.
We're big volleyball players -
at Hedo that is - we only like to play naked, and only with people who don't
take the game seriously. There's always a game when we're there - we browbeat
people until we have enough players. I know what you're thinking - you're glad
we're not there when you are, but seriously, if you haven't played yet, check
it out. If nothing else, it gives you an instant group of friends to hang with
afterwards in the pool, and it makes you feel you deserve that cold beer and
plate of jerk chicken afterwards. We had a great group of regular players this
year, a good hour or two every day of hot, sweaty fun, complete with frequent
beer breaks and creative attempts to distract the other team.
There was one activity we'd read about in the Hedo book, but never actually seen - butt chugging. This is where two women stand butt to butt on the stairs leading to the jacuzzi and a man lies down underneath them, then beer gets poured down the women's backs, travels down, and eventually theoretically lands in the guy's mouth. There was someone there organizing it every day and we finally decided to try it. And let me (Jesse) just say that it was great until the beer started flowing. There I was, enjoying a fabulous view, and the next thing I knew there was beer going up my nose, which isn't too pleasant. I guess my placement wasnt right or something. Can't anyone think of anything better to do with two naked women and beer?
Hot tub at night - everyone
always wants to know about this. In years past it's actually been pretty
boring in the hot tub after midnight when we were there - sort of like a
cocktail party, which is to say lots of talking and not much sex. This time
that seemed to be the case most nights, with one or two exceptions. One very
quiet night we met a couple in the tub who were there from another resort on a
night pass. We talked for a while, but soon realized they were getting the
wrong impression of Hedo and didn't want them to go away disappointed -
although it was 1AM there was no one having sex. We figured we have the
reputation of Hedo to uphold, so went a discreet distance away and put on a
show. It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it.
Those were some of the
highlights of the trip. Of course, there are the day to day activities that
keep us happy all the time: waking up early (usually too early) and sitting on
the almost deserted and very peaceful beach before breakfast; snorkeling;
Debbie's favorite jet in the jacuzzi; quality time in the cave; late night
romantic quality time in the hammock on the jetty under the stars; just
sitting around during the day and letting the whole Hedo feeling fill us up.
And of course the best part of all, getting to spend a week with some of the
nicest and most fun people we've ever met - like everyone we've mentioned
above, and Mike & Lori, Mark the UPS man, John from Boston, and everyone
else we forgot to mention who made our trip so great.
So now that we're home, how
can we maintain that feeling? We're very lucky in that we started a local Hedo
group last year, and meet with some really wonderful Hedo-minded people around
the Boston area at least once a month. It makes coming home just a little
easier - we recommend that if you don't have a group of Hedonists in your area
you should try to get a local group going. At least you know there'll be some
people you can tell stories and show pictures to who won't look at you like
you're nuts or think you're a pervert. Not that there's anything wrong with
that.
Sex gets better every time we go there, inhibitions melt away more completely, friendships deepen with each trip, and maybe we get a little better each time at keeping Hedo with us when we leave. Only 49 and a half more weeks to go . . .