Our trip was 16 days long and included visits to Hedonism
III, Grand Lido Braco, and Hedonism II with 4, 3, and 8 nights at each
respectively. Ive included
them all within the same report because it works better that way.
When we arrived in Jamaica and attempted to claim our
luggage, we learned that American Airlines could not manage to get all of our
bags onto the flight from Miami to MBJ; even with the six hours that they had
to do it during our layover. If
you were travelling within the US, that would not be a big deal since the
airline would make sure that your bags were delivered to your hotel for you
once they arrived. In Jamiaca,
things are different. Our
late-to-arrive baggage, we learned, was considered as abandoned luggage. This earns you the special privilege of having it whisked off
to the authorities who then pop the locks, dump everything out, and toss each
article back into the bags with one exception. Any questionable articles have the potential of getting
your bags quarantined. I happened
to have some rabbit pelts in one bag which were intended to be part of my
costume for the masquerade night at Hedonism III (my ill fated attempt at
going as a satyr), and they considered these to be from an endangered species.
I tried to explain that the rabbits were no longer endangered since
they were now quite dead, but that did me no good.
I finally told them to keep the pelts and just send the bags to our
hotel. They did this
one-and-a-half days after we arrived! Since
we had packed each bag separately for each resort, and since our H3 items were
in the bags that did not arrive, this caused a temporary inconvenience, but we
were able to cope with it.
We enjoyed Hedo III, but it is not Hedo II.
Kevin Levy told a friend of ours that it is not meant to be the same as
Hedo. They should have called it
something different (Decadence perhaps).
If youve been to H2 and go to H3 expecting a duplicate, you will be
disappointed. H2 has a groove
to it and a certain type of energy surrounding it that does not yet exist at
H3, but I believe that H3 will develop a similar character once it begins to
get repeaters that help it to develop and maintain a similar type of energy.
The best way that I can find to describe the two resorts
in terms that someone who had not yet been to H3 can understand is to compare
H2 to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and H3 to The Little Shop of
Horrors. Both plays/movies
were unique in their own way and cannot really be categorized or compared to
other plays/movies just like you cannot compare either Hedo to another resort
on this planet, and if you went to Little Shop looking for something
like Rocky Horror you were deeply disappointed.
You need to see and appreciate each of them on their own merits.
SuperClubs, like the promoters of Little Shop, have done H3 a
disservice by setting up the comparison by billing H3 as Hedonism.
We were told that the original plan for H3 was to develop
the resort on St Lucia, but that the natives got restless and did not want it
in their back yard due to the reputation of the original resort and the
fact that nudity is permitted. The
Jamaicans are much more tolerant of us crazy folks, so the resort was instead
built on the windward side of Jamaica. They
were tolerant until it was decided that H3 would host the worlds largest
nude wedding, and that sort of stepped over the line we saw evidence of
the problems it created while at H3 (food and beverage inspectors cranky about
us doing body shots on the nude bar, etc.), and were told first hand by an old
friend who used to be a coordinator at H2 and now works at GL Braco.
The worlds largest nude wedding ended up being pretty small
from what we saw in the Gleaner (only 6 couples).
We stayed in Building 6 (overlooking the nude pool area).
This is a really convenient building, and I highly recommend it.
Its a quick walk to the pool during the day and the hot tub at
night, and a short walk to everything else as well.
The hot tub is not as big as the one at Hedo II, but it
was a lot cleaner. The water was
clear, and there was none of the dreaded pond scum that you see at Hedo
II in the hot tub. The bar stays
open late as well, and they never seemed to close the pool or hot tub for
water treatment since they appeared to handle all of the chemicals at the
filter (new equipment compared to whats at Hedo II).
There was a little bit of action at the hot tub on a
couple of nights, but not what you might see at Hedo II. One night, we were in the tub and heard a guest complain that
they expected to see more sex than what they were seeing.
I guess that they werent told that this show required audience
participation!
The nude pool/tub area also has real food available with
a decent menu. We had lunch there
once and it was good. The daytime
bar staff was great (Anne Marie and Nola in particular), and we didnt find
the fact that the bar opened mainly to the pool to be a problem. The staff was able to pass food and drinks to both sides of
the deck with no problem.
The disco was nice, but never as packed as the one at H2
gets possibly because the occupancy level is not as high as they would
like, and because the super surprised guests who ended up at H3 on the
SuperClubs Super Surprise were all either in bed or hanging out at the piano
bar at night. The bar is located
within the main dance area which makes it a little hard to order drinks, but
the bartenders seemed to be able to cope.
Theres a pole on the bar, and dancing on the bar is encouraged
that was kind of fun. Theres
also a cage in the dance area that was fun to see people dance in.
Back to the super surprised people We buddied up
with another couple (our no-more-evil-than-we-are twins from Canada that
we had met via the Internet via info on the DennyP site before arriving at
H3). With mutual encouragement,
we all really decided to pour it on for the PJ party and other events.
With four provocatively dressed people, including two great looking
ladies with little covering them, strolling through the ping pong tables on
our way to the PJ party, people forgot that they were supposed to hit the ping
pong ball and let it go by as their jaws dropped open.
We also managed to get the piano player to stop playing and everyone to
stop singing and just stare when we walked into the piano bar on another
evening in a similar state of dress. At
H2, nobody would have skipped a beat.
One thing that really disappointed us was toga night.
We had reservations at Pastafari, and showed up in our togas (yes- all
body parts covered). We were
asked to go put on clothing, and we did, but that seemed a little odd and made
us grumble at the time. My own
toga didnt get put on as well the second time and ended up falling off
completely while in the conga line during the after-dinner entertainment.
Im not modest, but the poorly retied toga looked terrible in photos.
The costume party was okay, only because around 20 of us
showed up dressed for it. There
were no competitions as there were for PJ or toga night which was sort of odd.
In fact, the coordinators werent very enthusiastic the entire time
we were there, or they might have made events like these much more fun.
It really was the group of 20 or so of us that were out to have a good
time that kept things going for the most part while we were at the resort. We met a lot of really fun people, and without them we may
not have enjoyed it as much.
We had dinner with friends one night at Munahana.
The food was really good, and the sushi appetizer was great.
They did have sake (many trip reports indicated that they didnt). The Scotch Bonnet looked good as well, but we never ate there
other than on the roof deck for the managers reception.
Another interesting thing about H3, especially
considering that it is a new resort, is that they forgot to build a
gift/sundry shop. Instead, they
have two guest rooms that have been converted.
It looks terrible.
We used the water slide for two trips each one day. It was fun, but not the centerpiece of the resort as some have indicated. It actually seemed to get very little usage during the time we were there. Water sports are also non-existent during the winter since the water does get rough on the windward side of the island.
The only activities at the nude area while we were there (other than what we
instigated) were body painting, oil wrestling (2 ladies only, including Alice)
and a quick round of body shots on our last day (once again including Alice).
We were more prepared for body painting than the coordinators were
they tried to tell us that the days theme was nature and that we
would be painting with sticks, leaves, or our fingers.
In other words, they had no brushes.
I quickly whipped out some brushes that we had brought and we got on
with the fun. Only two couples
participated.
One thing that we noticed was that there were no true vinnies
at H3. There were single guys,
but they were polite, participated, and were clearly there to have a good
time. One guy pushed his luck a
little when doing body shots off of a lady at the hot tub one night, but she
handled it politely and he stopped when the hint was given.
After 4 days, it was time for us to move on.
We hung out in the nude pool and tub in the morning and faced a common
problem when it was time to go there were no towels available!
This was a problem every day. I
get into my protest mode about things like this, and we decided that we
would air dry all of the way to the lobby and bus.
We got stopped by an employee on our way that insisted that we put
clothes on as we were leaving the nude area.
The lack of available towels did not seem to concern him at all.
Our trip included three days at GLB because we wanted to
renew our wedding vows. My wife
and I have a deal that if she fits in her gown and I fit in my tux, well go
back to Jamaica and renew our vows every 5 years (we got married at Couples in
Ocho Rios in 96). GLB is very
nice, but when youve gotten used to dancing until 3am and being hedonists,
it seems a bit slow. We enjoyed
ourselves very much, but Im afraid that this trip report will be from the
viewpoint of hedonists and therefore not very usable for your typical GLB
guest.
We looked around and listened to the ambient music, and
realized that this place was going to be just a bit more relaxed than we were
prepared for on this trip. Our
horns were protruding fully after our H3 visit, and we werent quite ready
to retract them. We were
determined to keep things humming, even if at a low level, and we did.
For us, the real fun began shortly after we were told
that our room wasnt ready and that we should have some lunch while we
waited. Before we went, a very
familiar face walked up to us and said, Hello.
Im Melanie. Welcome to
Grand Lido Braco. I looked at
her and said in a very calm but deviant voice, We know you.
She took another look at us and said, Oh my God!
Its you guys! We knew Melanie from Hedo II where she was a coordinator for
two years. It turned out that her
first day at GLB was our first day there!
It was lunch time, and she decided to join us for lunch where I
promised her that if we got into any trouble while there, we would not let on
to the fact that we knew her. She
caught us up on where all of the coordinators that we had become friendly with
are now, and let us know about all of the trouble that the nude wedding was
causing both H3 and H2.
To top things off, while we were dancing that night after
dinner, I saw another familiar person (Carl) dancing with Melanie and asked
him what he was doing there. He
was puzzled and replied, Working. He
did not remember us until the next day when I apologized and told him that I
thought that I remembered him from Hedo II as well then it clicked for him.
He had worked at Hedo five years ago when we went or our bachelor/bachelorette
party before getting married at couples.
He and Melanie became our babysitters from that point onward.
We had other couples interested in doing body shots (with champagne, of
course this was Grand Lido Braco after all), and Melanie coaxed us over to
the pool bar to play drinking games until it was clear that we would have no
prayer of getting the event off the ground.
I think that she was determined to keep us (and herself) out of
trouble.
We went to Munahana for dinner the second night and ate
at the sushi bar. It was
excellent, and I would go as far as to say that it ranked up there with the
best sushi bars that we have in the Bay Area as well as Nobu in Las Vegas. The sushi chefs name was ONeil Thompson, and he had
been trained in Tokyo. All of the
fish was fresh and excellent, and had been flown in from the Pacific for the
most part. All of the cooked Cod
stories that I had heard were bogus, and we were extremely happy about that.
They also had really good sake which we were very happy about since we
had read in other trip reports that there was none.
We were dressed fairly provocatively (especially for GLB), and I had a
fishnet shirt on that one of the members of the wait staff wanted badly.
When we left the restaurant, the evening entertainment was in full
swing and we started dancing. Melanie
about lost it when she saw what we were wearing, and then decided that she
should just play along. She came
over and tweaked my nipples, and then another coordinator came over and said,
You must be the couple from Hedonism.
Apparently, the entire staff had been alerted!
The third day was our vow renewal day.
It was windy and rainy, as it was five years earlier when we got
married in Jamaica. A word of
advice that we hope to remember next time dont get married on the
windward side of the island in the winter! We had fun with it anyway, and just like our marriage the
weather and sea were more passionate than five years prior. Melanie and Carl were supposed to show up and forgot, but
Rupert (wait staff from the main restaurant) kept his promise and showed up on
his day off! Our wedding pictures
include one of Carl at Alices feet begging forgiveness while I spanked
Melanie at the fountain in the Braco town center.
As a side note A vow renewal was fine at Braco, but a
new bride would have been heartbroken. The
weather played havoc with everything including hair, clothing, audio for the
video, and photos. The
photo/video service that Braco uses is not nearly as good as Color Negril
(which Couples used 5 years ago), and they did not spend as much time with us
although they charged a lot more (the video had a lot of stills and very
little video). Also, even though
I told the minister that we wanted a completely non-denominational ceremony
and that my wife was Jewish, he insisted on referring to the Lord in
multiple places during the ceremony after telling me that if I felt the need
to tip him I should do it discretely. Braco
has only one area for weddings a gazebo that is literally out in the
middle of the beach. On windy
days, a garden setting would be better.
We ate in the French restaurant that night in our then
dry wedding clothes, and it was very good, but we wished that we could have
gotten back into the sushi bar. The
concierge informed us that people make their reservations for the restaurants
10 days in advance which I found quite amazing!
Apparently there are a lot of repeaters and they know to do that.
We also went to the main dining area to dance after
dinner, and the coordinators sort of turned the evening into a mini-reception
with the bouquet toss and the whole bit.
That was a nice touch. My
horns were still out, however When Melanie came over to apologize to us
again for not making it to the ceremony, I opened my tux jacket and showed her
a pair of purple suede/fur handcuffs and a matching flogger.
Her eyes got wide and she about lost it again, then turned to Alice and
said, Did you see what he has? Alice
just smiled and said, Yeah, and theyre for you!
That night, there was supposed to be a bonfire on the au
natural beach after the entertainment was finished. We went back to the room to change and go, but when we got to
the AN pool/beach area, there was nobody to be seen. That was typical at GLB at about 11pm. The disco was empty, and the place quieted down in general.
This forced us to get some sleep before we continued our trip at Hedo.
The next day was hectic.
Our eviction notice said that the bus was to take us to the
airport at 11:00. At least they
had their story straight and listed Hedonism II as home for us. We had to rush to look at our video and then select photos,
and we had bought a wooden sculpture the day before that I needed to arrange
to ship back home. While I was
dealing with the sculpture, Alice was dealing with other details including
checkout. On the bus, on the way
to the airport, she was telling me how she was busy checking us out and it
dawned on me how did she do
that when I still had our room keys and safe lock in my pocket!
Oops! No problem for them
since we just had to drop them off at the SuperClubs desk at the airport, but
GLB takes your immigration card when they check you in. We didnt figure that out until we were ready to fly home!
In summary, GLB is very nice. Everything is top notch in quality even if while walking
around the grounds you might feel like youre at Disneyland! Our room was really a suite with a back door that opened up
to the au natural beach awesome!
My only gripe was that one of the bartenders repeatedly
told me that Jamaica was hell. Apparently,
he travels to the States for part of the year to work.
These people dont make a lot of money, I know, but they should take
it up with their management and not the guests.
Anyway, if Jamaica is hell, then Im going to have to start being
really bad so that I can go there when I die!
If thats hell, then Ill be wicked for a lifetime!
From MBJ, we took Air Link to GNAT.
In our opinion, this is the only way to go and weve done it on our
last two trips to Hedo. This is the first time that our room wasnt ready when we
got to the resort, however. We
went to get lunch, and it started to rain.
It was about three hours before our room was ready, and we figured that
we must have done something to anger the gods since they first tried to put us
on the prude side (they were booked solid for the VD week) and then put us
into a room that was way up by the main dining area (2152).
At first, we grumbled, then we realized that the room was actually
quite convenient because it was so close to the dining areas and the disco.
The walk to the nude pool and beach gave us some exercise in the
morning and forced us to have a change of scenery each day.
The rain stopped and we made our way over to Delroys for a drink and
to hang out at the pool and then the hot tub, and it started to feel like we
were at Hedo. Finally!
Our first night was lobster night, and it was
exceptionally good this time. We
consumed a total of five tails between the two of us!
It was PJ party night as well, and it was in full swing! The outfits were outrageous, and included your standards.
Our name was taken at the door, so we knew we had won something
ended up being second place couples S&M, and we were pretty tame (I was on
a leash in a leather thong and mesh shirt, and my wife had a crop to go with
an elegant bustier) the first place couple was in full S&M regalia
including her in a strap-on with a sharp pointed, pink colored phallus.
Youll find that the new people get somewhat favorable treatment for
these things. The most outrageous
was Hedo Bill who showed up naked except for a long purple wig (with his
signature horns protruding through it) and with their drip coffee maker from
the room strapped around his waste and a packet of coffee hanging from
something below that! We had a
great time, and then went to the hot tub.
We only went to the tub for two of the evenings.
We heard some nasty stories from one long-time repeater who had
contracted Hepatitis B and from another who ended up with some condition where
he was sexually non-functional for about five months and on sulpher drugs with
a curled up pecker. Both of their
doctors felt that the tub at Hedo was the most likely place for them to have
contracted their ailments. Those stories (they had no reason to kid us about this),
coupled with this bizarre organic matter floating toward us the second time we
used it, sort of made us shy away from the tub from that point onward.
I had never before considered sitting in a hot tub as high-risk sexual
behavior!
Toga night was not as spectacular as it had been on our previous visits. Toga Joe (www.togajoe.com) was there, and the resort incorporated he and people he was with in the awards portion. They didnt do much with it though. My toga stayed on this time (thanks to well placed safety pins), and we ended up winning the couples competition. It wrapped up entirely too soon, however, and only a few people ventured to the disco in their togas afterward.
We spent the rest of the evenings literally dancing our butts off in the
disco. This is the first time I
can remember going on vacation and actually losing weight, and we did eat
everything. At Hedo II, we
switched to pineapple juice with coconut rum for drinks, and this may have
helped as well. Regardless, my
butt was sore on a daily basis from the dancing, but it was well worth it.
This years most repeated song was Shaggys It Wasnt Me
(it seems that theres one highly played song each year), but they played
multiple songs from the album. We
normally dont listen to that kind of music (were more of the classic
rock type), but ended up buying the CD in Negril and were still playing it
at home! Its a really good
album.
One evening, Toga Joe put together an excursion to a
private residence on the island that was about to be opened up as a
restaurant. This place was
literally a castle that had been built over the past 26 years with hand cut
stones. We had dinner there, and
I have to admit that Ive never gone anywhere for dinner where a tray was
brought out afterward with the host asking, Splif, anyone?
The only bad thing was that even though we were guinea pigs for their
menu, they didnt have everything that they listed, but didnt bother to
let us know. When a bunch of us
asked for the lobster dish, they indicated that they only had five portions
available. When those five
arrived, there was no lobster in them!!!
The ackee lasagna was fantastic, however.
We went on the CO cruise (formerly called the nude cruise) on Saturday morning. It was fun, and Ive never gone snorkeling in the buff before. A glass bottom boat from one resort almost mowed over us in the water because the people wanted to get a better look at the naked people. When I mooned them, some German woman yelled out, Shizer! I guess that she got more than she bargained for. Rasta Ralphie (musical entertainment on the boat) said that hed give a free, signed T-shirt to anyone who could bring him back an octopus, but the area that they took us to wouldnt be remotely attractive to one. In fact, I think that we only saw around four types of fish. They also took us to the Pickled Parrot where we donned our swim suits and went down the water slide. A word of warning for the experienced water sliders dont arch your body to pick up speed on your way down. The slide drops you off between 6-8 feet off of the water, and theres no time to correct before your wind is knocked out of you when you hit the surface. Not a good sitch to be in when youre in deep water. I survived, but did not repeat the activity.
We also took an excursion to Mayfield Falls one day.
This is a relatively new attraction, and youll spend about an hour
and fifteen minutes on the bus to get there (regardless of what the tour desk
tells you!). We hiked one mile up
a river that was completely comprised of small waterfalls in the area that we
were in. It was not strenuous,
and it was not nearly as crowded as Dunns River Falls (went there 5 years
ago). It was fun, but it would
have been nice if it did not take the better part of a day to do it.
It was exercise, however, and when coupled with a night in the disco it
ensured a night of very sound sleep!
At Hedo, some of the coordinators really worked their
butts off. Theres a fairly
fresh crew, and the new ones are full of energy.
They did a great job, and one in particular was so sexy and exotic
(Diva) that both of us were talking about dragging her back to our room with
us. She got a little concerned
when I would pick her up and let people know that I was heading back to the
room for a while. The
coordinators on the nude side didnt seem to keep to the activity schedule
very well, but people had a good time anyway.
We had to push for them to start body painting, and in fact started our
own session one day (we brought our own paints and brushes).
There were multiple repeater groups at Hedo while we were
there, and we had fun spending time with all of them. One group (the J-Birds) had brought two different chocolate
sauces for people to taste off of each other and then rate.
That was fun, but not too many people got the joke when I was licking
chocolate off of my wifes thighs while singing, Theres nothing like
the face of a kid eating a Hershey bar.
The coordinators seemed to shut it down for some reason by suggesting
that they break the survey up into multiple days.
We never saw it again. The
same group was the most participatory in the pubic hair shaving event which
was also hysterical to watch (we were both trimmed already).
Such trust must have never heard of Lorraina Bobbitt!
The other hilarious thing to watch was one guy handcuffed
to the rail on the nude hot tub as the person he had lost at ping pong to (it
was a bad bet on his part) smacked him ten times, and quite hard, with a ping
pong paddle. She was dressed in
full S&M regalia, including a crop that we had loaned to her, and had a
big strap-on as well. He was fine
with the swats (we saw him sitting on a pillow later, however), but got a real
concerned look when she acted like she was going to insert the strap-on! It was priceless!
Pastafari was okay, but they were being picky about
quantities. In the past, weve
both started with a pasta and shared an entre, but the waiters didnt go
for that this time. It was either
pasta or entre. Scotch Bonnet
was excellent the first night (essentially a make-shift kitchen built by the
main pool with seating around the pool in the evening), but the curried conch
was heavily salted the next time we ate there.
We had a great time, but we did have a few gripes:
1. There are about 8 guys working at Water Sports, but
theyd prefer to sit around talking than to help the guests.
They close at 5:00, but told us that we couldnt take equipment out
(even for a few minutes) at 4:30 because it was too close to quitting time.
2. Our last full day there was Alices birthday, and
one of the coordinators said that they would do something for a celebration at
the nude beach at 4pm. That
coordinator was not working that beach that day, and nothing at all was done.
Better to have not said anything.
They then said (without any prompting) that theyd do something that
night in the disco, but there was nothing.
Once again, better not to say anything at all.
Instead, I passed out blown-up phallic shaped balloons to women as
party favors in the disco, and we had noise makers and a giant penis candle at
our table in Pastafari that night (there was no lobster on that Tuesday a
real bummer).
3. For the 4pm birthday celebration, Alice decided
she wanted her favorite drink champagne.
Delroy didnt have any, so I trekked to the main bar.
The bartender told me that I would need to talk to a manager, and when
I did, she told me that they would sell me a bottle for $50 US!
So much for all-inclusive! Somewhere,
I remember reading that if it was pleasurable, it was included, and all I was
asking for was the same stuff they were serving in the restaurants anyway!
Their web site even says that all drinks are included!
I ended up stealing a glass for her from the table in the lobby, but it
was warm and worthless by the time I got back to the beach.
4. Our eviction notice indicated that we were to have our
bags by our door at 10am, which we did. We
still got multiple phone calls and questions from the staff before that point
wondering when wed be out of the room. Checkout is not until noon.
The first question was from the housekeeper while we were on our way to
breakfast, and we told her wed be gone at 11.
We forgot something, and when I went back to the room she was walking
out of our door, even though we had a do not disturb sign hanging on the
door. I had all of the suitcases
packed and locked at that point, and I still dont know what she was doing
in there. Our bags sat outside of
the room from 10:00 to 11:10 when we were officially late to leave for GNAT.
After asking five different people to bring the bags up, someone
finally decided to do it. Normally,
Id relax and say no problem, but these were the same people that were
shooing us out of the resort earlier in the morning.
It almost seems that they develop an attitude and that they treat you a
little differently when they realize that you are going to be leaving soon.
Hedo is a special place, and they shouldnt allow that attitude to
kill it for people.
5. Regardless of how polite you are to some of the staff,
they are either indifferent to you or outright rude. I guess that they have been jaded by the losers that treat
people like crap when they go on vacation to these places, but whatever
happened to do unto others? Do
me a favor and say please and thank you to everyone.
Maybe these people will warm up if smothered in politeness!
Hedonism is a one-of-a-kind place. On many occasions during our stay, I just sat there and
marveled at what was going on at the time, and said, Only at Hedo.
Theres a special kind of energy there, and it is heavily sexually
charged. Regardless of your
choice in lifestyle, whether youre exclusive or you like to play, you will
have some of the best sex youve ever had in your life while you are there
(except for the poor vinnies) if you allow yourself to be open minded about
the things you see and hear while youre there.
Get into the groove and go with it, and you will have a completely
relaxing yet fun packed vacation. Just
remember that There aint no party like a Hedo party, and the Hedo party
dont stop! You can always sleep on the airplane or when you get home!
One other thing that youll notice about Hedo (once again excepting the vinnies) is that it is one of the most accepting places on the planet. As long as youre not being rude, you can do just about anything and nobody is going to condemn you for it. One couple was there celebrating their 30th anniversary, and for the talent show the gentleman did a strip tease for his wife. Everyone clapped and cheered him on, and nobody laughed. She entered the best breast competition and won, and nobody laughed (okay it was tilted slightly in her favor). I just smiled and said, once again, Only at Hedo. Anywhere else, some mooyuk would have screamed something idiotic or someone would have laughed, but everyone was just happy for them and felt good for them for having the guts to do what they wanted to do. I hope that I still have the balls to do that when its our 30th!