Hedonism II Trip Report
Gary & Latoya (aka Andrew & Leah)
October 30 - November 4
Let me start by saying that my wife Latoya and I are Jamaicans, living in Jamaica, and for years we have been hearing stories about Hedonism II. We finally got the courage to go and were able to see exactly what Hedo is about. It may seem strange for me to say "courage to go" but it should be understood that locally, Hedo is taboo. When we told friends and family that we were going to Hedo we got many strange looks. As a matter of fact, we used our middle names (Andrew & Leah) when we registered on Denny P's site because we were afraid that any of our friends or business acquaintances may be reading posts on the board.
Local advertising of Hedo II by Superclubs is nonexistent. A lot of overseas guests were surprised when I told them this, but the Church carries a lot of power here in Jamaica. If Hedo II was to be advertised locally, as it is abroad, most likely there would be massive protests. Still, most Jamaicans have heard of Hedo and many stories abound - most fiction rather than fact as we found out.
We arrived Tuesday October 30 and checked out (sigh) Sunday November 4. We had originally booked for only 3 nights, just in case we were not happy with the place, but by the first night we were enjoying ourselves and booked an additional 2 nights. If we did not have to get back to work we would have stayed longer.
We live about 90 miles away from Hedo which translated to nearly 3 hours of driving due to (a) The numerous potholes along the way and (b) the heavy rainfall that had filled said potholes with water, making driving a true test of faith. Needless to say that by the time we drove through the main gate( around 4:30p.m.), I was a nervous wreck, my newly washed car was splattered all over with mud and was a sight to behold. The guard at the gate was not impressed by the appearance of the vehicle and wanted to know what we might want. After I explained that we were checking in, she rather doubtfully directed me to leave our luggage at the reception area and park in the nearby parking lot. This I did, not enjoying the stares of the porters and guests in the reception area - the car was a spectacle. With the car safely hidden in the parking lot I felt more comfortable and waited patiently with my wife to be checked in. The young lady at the front desk automatically assumed that (us being Jamaicans) we would want to stay on the prude side. I asked about the nude side (her eyebrows nearly reached her hairline) and was told that the only nude rooms available were near the construction site, plus they cost more. Soon we were following a porter along the path to our rooom on the prude side :) It wasn't that bad because many "nudies" were given rooms on the prude side, so it was really hard to differentiate prude from nude.
Now the usual trip report would be broken down into a day by day account. But for me the days seemed to blend and flow into each other and I'll be damned if I can remember what happened when :) So it will be a lot easier if I simply say what I found good and bad about my visit.
First the BAD :(
THE WEATHER - it was overcast and rainy during most of our stay. This really killed the beach time - we love to lie and bask in the sun but that was not to be. Hopefully on our next visit ......
THE MUD - On the very first day of our visit, after checking in, Latoya and I headed for the beach. At one point we had to walk on some plywood sheets and then make a little jump onto an embankment to get to the beach (prude side). Now that little jump was crucial because there was a lot of mud in that area. I went first and made the jump easily. Typical husband that I am, I was busy staring down the beach and not paying attention to the wife. I heard "oops" followed by "oh sh*t" and turned to see Latoya standing firmly planted in the mud. Typical husband that I am, I remembered not to let a grin escape and kept a very straight and concerned face. Even when I gave her my hand and pulled her out, and her sandals were left still firmly planted in the mud, I did not break into even the slightest smile. With the help of a stick, five minutes later we were by the shore washing the mud off her feet and shoes. At that point I laughed, and ended up with a faceful of sea water. Oh well.
THE WALKING - Usually to get from points A to B required a lot of walking. Partly because of the ongoing construction, partly because of how spread out the place is. Even without the construction I think there would be a fair amount of walking. Going from the room to the dining area, to the disco, to the hot tub would elicit comments like "are we still in Negril?" or "Negril?? Heck are we still in Jamaica?" or "should we have packed a lunch?" or "my feet, my aching feet." Still it was all good fun (especially if in a group) and I am now a lot fitter than before.
THE ANNIVERSARY NIGHT CELEBRATIONS - This wasn't the big blast I expected. Sure, the entertainment was OK, but for Hedo's big anniversary celebrations, I was expecting the greatest party on earth. The Miss Hedo competition was OK but I was just expecting more.....
THE DISCO - Having heard beforehand how wild and crazy the disco gets I was very disappointed at the temporary disco housed at the squash courts. There was rarely more than a handful of people there at any one time and the vibe just was not there. The dance floor in the dining area saw more action than the disco.
THE ACCENTS - The accents the locals develop when talking to overseas guests never fail to amuse me. The porter who carried our bags to the room started off with some hybrid drawl that made him sound like a cross between a Texan and a Mexican. When I told him that we were Jamaicans he promptly dropped the accent.
THE LOCALS - Let me restate that I am a Jamaican and I LOVE my country and my people. But I think Hedo should do something to limit access to locals on day or night passes. I saw locals (mainly men) on some nights just standing and staring at the guests. In 1 case I saw a local male approaching white female guests, no doubt trying to get them interested in the "big bamboo." He seemed to be annoying them more than anything. Besides, it's no fun trying to be free and uninhibited and someone is standing there just staring at you as if you are putting on a freak show. The last night of our stay, this local guy ended up at the hot tub. We were walking to the hot tub and he was ahead of us on the path. Latoya said "he's just going to stare." When we got there he stripped down and went into the tub. He found himself a quiet spot and did proceed to stare. Perhaps he was hoping that some female would make an approach, but he was out of luck. The hot tub was too hot that night, and even if any woman was interested, the heat would have killed the urge. After about an hour he left to our relief. Shortly after he left things started to get VERY interesting, even in the too-hot water :) Some veteran guests also told me, that when the disco is swinging, they have been bothered by some locals on passes who think it is okay to initiate body contact.
THE GUY JERKING OFF ON THE PATH NEAR TO THE HOT TUB - He may have been drunk, but he was standing up OK and he had a steady rhythm going. He was there for at least 30 minutes. It's a wonder he didn't pull his dick off. You'd think with that stamina he wouldn't have any trouble finding female company. He created a big uproar because nobody wanted to walk past him, just in case he came to a conclusion as they passed. When we left the hot tub he had been there for more than half an hour and was still going at it. Anyone knows how long he lasted??
Now the GOOD :)
THE FOOD - the items on the daily menus (main dining area) seemed to range from "delicious" to "what is this crap?" I soon learned what to look for. Special mention goes to the ham, beef, turkey (slurp & drool) and fried chicken - all good. The grills on the beach were for the most part good - we frequented these for lunch & snacks, and went to the main dining area for breakfast (if we were awake early enough - "respect due" to all those who got up before 10:00am) and dinner. In comparison to some of the other hotels we have been to, the food may not have been the best, but it was for the most part enjoyable.
THE WEATHER - Yes it was rainy, but I think this forced the guests closer together. If it wasn't raining we probably wouldn't have made it to the Hot Tub: Latoya & I were testing out Paulette's drink making skills at the bar on the prude beach. Paulette had already served up some of her better concoctions before she mixed up a drink called a "Mind Eraser" - nasty looking thing that has to be swallowed in a long slurp. After downing 2 each in quick succession, I was left blinking on the bar stool wondering about the economy in Greece and Latoya (never athletically inclined) decided that she was going to join the volleyball game of nudes vs. prudes. She joined the prude side and played her heart out. She made a lot of mistakes - the first ball that came to her she ducked - but nobody seemed to mind and her teamates coached her along as the game progressed. Things came to a halt when very heavy rainfall hit. Even under the bar, we were getting wet. Someone suggested the hot tub, Latoya asked me if I wanted to go and I said yes. By the time I put my drink down she was already running along the nude beach, and by the time I got to Delroy's bar, my formerly prude wife was butt naked and shivering in the rain. At least she waited for me, so that we could go into the hot tub together.
THE SHOWER - Cold water and I don't get along in a shower. I was afraid of experiencing the hot/cold effect so many guests have complained about. But I am happy to say that the water temp. remained constant for all our showers.
THE STAFF - The front desk staff, the porters, the entertainment reps, the bartenders, watersports and Dave at the piano bar were all great. Special mention has to be made of Paulette who runs the bar on the prude side beach. A lot of nudes were at this bar along with the prudes each day. The guests treated Paulette like family, and she made us feel right at home immediately. She gave me the recipe for her special "Mind Eraser" but, well, I forgot it :) She had a great feel for her customers, knowing when to keep the cups filled, knowing when to wait to see if the guest wanted more. And she knew when to tell us to get something to eat before drinking any more. Under her expert guidance I drank more alcohol than ever before in my life and yet I did not suffer the usual ill effects, aside from a thought control loss after downing 2 Mind Erasers. But that soon wore off :)
THE HOT TUB - Fabulous place for a social gathering :) Better than the pool, better than the beach. I hope the staff can get the chemical mix and temperature settings right. Being in the hot tub in the pouring rain is an experience like no other, and at nights, a crowded hot tub is the place to be :)
THE PIANO BAR - The first time I went, I thought WTF? Things were pretty boring at first but then Dave started working the crowd as only he can and soon I was into the flow of things. Latoya politely refused a request from Dave to strip atop the piano, and he politely accepted her refusal, much to the disappointment of the men present. I was surprised at the good singing voices that were present that night. Captain Bob gave a stunning Louis Armstrong rendition that sounded just like the original, and everyone else that gave a song sounded like professionals. I, with my fit-only-for-the-bathroom-shower voice and Latoya, who could work part time as an air-raid siren (she's going to kill me if she reads this), decided to keep quiet, and no amount of alcohol could loosen our lips.
THE GUESTS - You people. You are the BEST! In no other hotel have I experienced guests like you. You are wild, crazy and, above all, very, very friendly. Standouts from our visit are: Billy and Dana who "broke us in" - we met them our first night (PJ night). Fantastic, fun loving couple. They left 2 days later and Latoya actually cried (what a wimp) - the moisture in my eyes was due to dust from the construction. Captain Bob (Robert Vorlick) - who checked out the same day we did, gave us the complete Hedo II history and had many entertaining stories. Once Billy, the Captain and I were at Paulette's bar, having a few drinks, feeling no pain, when all of a sudden the Captain said "I can't get more than 4 channels on the TV in my room." Billy then chimes in "You're lucky - I can only get 2 channels." All of a sudden the guests within earshot are talking about how their rooms didn't have televisions and they were going to ask to be changed to a room with TV. I nearly choked on my Dirty Banana.
Susie (Suzie??) who we met on the prude beach and had a nice long discussion with - sorry we couldn't have spent more time with you and gotten to know you better.
The many people we met along the beach and in the hot tub - forgive me, but because I was under the afluence of incohol (or is that influence of alcohol?) at the time, your names now elude me, but your faces are stuck in my mind. You all were great.
Then there was Charlie - nice old guy - in his 80's or 90's - with his body covered with piercings. Including his pecker. Many, many rings through his pecker. The first time I saw his pecker, my balls climbed so high I choked. We sat beside Charlie for dinner one night. I saw him coming towards our table and, I'll be honest, I said a silent prayer that he would move on, but he sat down. And now I am glad he did. I watched him quietly eat his meal (vegetables and fruits) with a tear in my eye (damn construction dust) and I hope that if I get to his age, I'll have the same spirit that he has. On the last night of our stay, at the piano bar, Charlie stopped by. When it was strip time there were several lovely and willing ladies present, but someone started chanting "Charlie, Charlie" and so Charlie was asked to strip and close the bar. Charlie stripped - a slow strip tease that had the audience clapping and crying with laughter. Not laughing AT Charlie but laughing WITH him. Charlie finished to thunderous applause and I think Dave put it best when he described Charlie as "all heart" and "a true spirit of Hedonism." Way to go Charlie. Hope to see you again for many years to come. Damn construction dust is still in my eyes.
The swingers we met on their last night were very fun people. They threw us a bit with the announcement that they were swingers, plus their antics (he's kissing and touching the other guy's wife and vice versa) had Latoya and I a bit confused. It was this confusion why we didn't join them at the bar when they invited us to. We decided to meet up with them at the hot tub, but they never showed. We waited as long as we could but left looking like prunes from being in the water so long (stewed prunes - the water was so hot). Hopefully we'll meet up with them again.
One regret that I have is that I didn't try and meet more people. The next time I go, I am going to get to know as many people as possible.
HALLOWEEN NIGHT - We do not celebrate halloween here in Jamaica and although Halloween Night at Hedo was not a "true Halloween experience" according to the more informed guests, it was still fascinating for me to see all the different costumes. Captain Bob was a red M&M. Charlie dressed as "Hedo Baby" - baby bonnet, diapers and all. Billy came as a Nun, Dana came as a french maid - without the uniform (the pictures still get my blood pressure soaring). Latoya went dressed as a more modest french maid and I went as a rasta. I had originally planned to buy a costume at the Jungle (a nightclub 2 minutes away from Hedo) but when I got there at 6:00p.m. the shop where they had the costumes was still closed. I asked a guard what time would it be open. He said "10 O'Clock." I said 10 o'clock tonight? He said "10 o'clock dis morning." I said "but that was hours ago!!" He said "yes, but di boss nuh reach yet." Don't you just love Jamaican time? Good thing Billy had a rasta cap so I tossed on a T-shirt, jeans and sandals and went as a dread. The competition for best costume was interesting. Some of the skits were long and drawn out and some were too short. Billy and Dana had a very funny skit but no one could hear what they were saying because they had no microphone, nevertheless Latoya & I cheered our loudest at their performance. The high point of the night came when the eventual overall winners presented their skit. It dealt with the different peoples of the USA, the tragedy of Sept. 11, and the rallying of the citizens of the USA as one in the face of adversity. They received a standing ovation for their performance. It was a very patriotic and heart warming skit. And although I am Jamaican, I found myself standing and applauding just as loudly as the American guests. And again I was bothered by the construction dust in my eyes, as was most of the audience :)
There is so much more to tell - It seems as if every little aspect of my first time at Hedo II is worth mentioning, but I've probably typed too much already. After my first visit I am a Hedo convert. I can't explain it, but it feels as if Hedo is now a very important part of my life. It's not a matter of I would LIKE to go back, it's I HAVE to go back. I returned from Hedo more stress free than I have been in a long time. Apparently a lot of guests feel the same way because, according to the staff, Hedo enjoyed a 96% occupancy for Halloween/Anniversary. And judging from the crowded dining area each night this would appear to be true. This is in stark contrast to the other hotels in the Negril area (and Jamaica as a whole), many of which were seeing occupancy lows.
So, tentatively, Latoya and I are thinking of December (hope we can meet the WWW group), Easter (April), Summer (July/August), Halloween (October/November) for future visits. The December visit is a bit in doubt (that stupid thing called work is getting in the way), but we'll definitely try to make the other dates. This time I'll check the visitor schedule and email a few persons before we go.
I would like to mention the phenomenon of "sameness" that exists at Hedo. Regardless of body type, shape, size or color - we all seemed to exist on the same level and I personally gained a better appreciation for the beauty of the human body. The "heebie jeebies" I thought I would experience around naked men wasn't there, and the "raw lust" that I thought would be evoked by naked women never happened. So my "wood on the beach" fears were unfounded (there was "wood in the hot tub" but that's another story).
As for the nude vs prude - it was very hard to differentiate between the two. Perhaps it was because of the construction and the many "nudes" given rooms on the prude side. Everyone was just mingling and having a good time. We spent most of the days on the prude side, going to the nude side in the late afternoons and nights (hot tub time!!).
So that's it. I Hope to meet more of you during future visits to Hedo. Take care and continue having fun the Hedo way.
Me in heaven on Halloween night
Latoya pigging out on watermelon
Latoya & I - Halloween Night.